by Ford, Mia
As we hug, I find my eyes drawing towards the window, towards Darcy’s house, and I can’t help but wonder if she is around. I don’t know where else she would be, where else she would run away to. It makes sense that she’s here, within my reach all over again. I could contact her, see where we stand, speak to her, try and reconnect… but I’m not here for that, I don’t know where her head is at, I’m here for my father. His issues need to come first, any mess that I have made for my own life can come later on.
* * *
“This is nice,” Dad declares while tapping his fork against the plate of food I cooked for him earlier. He doesn’t look like he has eaten for days so it’s good to see something going down. “Thanks, Seth.”
“You’re welcome. I bet you’re impressed with how well I can cook these days.”
“I am.” He nods and smiles. “But I’m not surprised. You have always been good at picking things up.” He puts his fork down and gives me a curious look. “You keep staring towards the house next door. You have been doing it ever since you got here. Is Darcy there? I haven’t seen any sign of her, but she might be…”
“You haven’t seen her?” Now that disappoints me. “Not at all? Not even a glimpse?”
“No, but I haven’t exactly been out much so that doesn’t mean anything. She could be there I suppose.”
“Right, yes, well…” I don’t know where to go from there. I don’t know what to do. “I don’t know…”
“Look, I haven’t exactly been for love, have I? I have always been against it, but that’s because of my own experiences, nothing to do with you or anyone else. I don’t have the right to project my feelings on you. It seems like you had a good thing with Darcy, and it got all fucked up because of some bad photos. Believe me, I know how damaging a bad photo can be, I have been on the receiving end of things. But that doesn’t have to be the end of you and her. If you want to make it work, then you can’t both run away from problems like this. One of you can run away, but the other one needs to chase after that person. You both go and you lose it. Your situation isn’t like mine; I think that you can make it right if you get back together. If you try…”
I glance back towards the house again, yearning for her. I think I owe it to her to try. A conversation will at least give me closure anyway. I want to know what happened.
“Yeah, maybe you are right.” I nod a few times. “Maybe I should go and talk to her.”
“You should. I mean, if that’s what you want. You should. Only you know how good the pair of you were together, whether it’s something worth fighting for. Only you can give it a try…”
“Did you chase after Mom?” I ask him curiously, just needing to know. “Did you try?”
“Your mom went to a place where no one could find her, so I wasn’t given a choice.”
I don’t know if he means physically or metaphorically but I suppose it’s all the same. He couldn’t get my mother back where I still have a chance if I want to take it. And I do. I really do want to take it.
“I think that I might pop over there now.” I rise to my feet. “Just to see if she is there.”
“Okay.” My father smiles, surprisingly happy for me considering what he’s going through himself. “Good luck.”
I feel nervous as all hell as I walk towards the house, to the front door to do this properly. I could knock on her bedroom window, I suppose, but I really do feel too grown for that now. We need to face this head on, even if it means dealing with Darcy’s mother and her hatred for me.
“You can do this,” I whisper to myself. “It’s going to be fine.”
But I don’t believe it as I raise my hand to knock, I know that I am going to face hell, but I do it anyway. I hop from foot to foot as I wait for someone, anyone to come to the door. I pray that it’s Darcy, or even her father, anyone but her mother, but it seems like the Gods aren’t smiling down on me right now.
“What are you doing here?” her mother snaps at me, giving me that look of disgust.
“I er, want to see if Darcy is here, because I haven’t seen her for a few days…”
“I know.” She nods and smirks. “I have seen that your stupid little runaway mission didn’t work out. Just as I assumed that it wouldn’t.” She rolls her eyes. “But no, she isn’t here. You’re barking up the wrong tree.”
“But you have seen her?” I refuse to let this disappointment crush me. “She has been here?”
“Sure, she came, but not for long. I imagine she went to that friend’s house. Erm, Amy? I don’t know her name. Anyway, she’s dealing with her pregnancy somewhere else. I don’t care where, as long as it isn’t here.”
Huh? What? Am I going mad? I feel myself shaking and trembling all over.
“P… pregnancy?” Did I hear that right? “What do you mean pregnancy?”
“Ah, so you don’t even know about it.” She chuckles mirthlessly. “Right, well that makes sense, I suppose. Not that it makes it any better. But yes, looks like you are having a baby. I assume that it’s yours anyway… but yes, congratulations, daddy. Look forward to your baby conceived out of wed lock.”
What the hell? The door slams in my face but I barely acknowledge that. Is that true?
I don’t know what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t that. I did think that there was more to her running away though, more to make her race off at the speed of light with no note. And, to not even speak to me since… but I wasn’t expecting a baby. A baby who it seems belongs to me. A baby that I didn’t even know existed.
What the hell am I going to do now? I assume my next port of call will be with this Amy. Whoever she may be.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Darcy
February 2nd
“Don’t you just love it?” I clap my hands together happily. “It’s perfect, right?”
“I do love it,” Ivy admits a little begrudgingly. “It’s a nice apartment and I think that it will be incredible for you and the baby. I just… well, I didn’t come to New York to leave you behind. I thought that it was going to be a fun trip for us, I didn’t know that it was going to end up with you wanting to live here.”
“I know, I know.” I pull her in for a hug. “I know you didn’t want that, and I am sorry, but this is where I need to be, I can just feel it. New York gives me a real buzz and I need to stay here.”
“You do look happier here, I will admit that. It does bring out a good side to you, but I will miss you.”
“I know.” I nod but I still can’t stop myself from smiling. “But this isn’t like LA, at least you know that you can leave me, and I will be happy here. This is going to be a good move for me. This is what I need to do.”
Ivy nods and brings a smile to her face as well. “I know, and you know that I want you to be happy, which is the only reason that I am allowing it… but you better keep in touch all the time. And honestly as well. You tried to act like everything was okay in Hollywood and it never really was. I don’t want to be worried.”
“I swear to you that I won’t lie again. I will tell you the truth. If I hate it, I will come home… and I will try to find my own place to live. I’m sure that you and Adam will be happy to be alone again.”
Ivy looks horrified, which isn’t what I wanted at all. “I hope that’s not why you are moving because we love having you around. You haven’t been a burden at all, Darcy. I don’t want you to feel that way.”
“No way,” I scoff. “I’m not that selfless. I wouldn’t give up your delicious morning bacon sandwiches for nothing. This is definitely what I need to do. I want to be here more than anywhere else in the world. Especially when you look out the window. Look, you can almost see Central Park from here. Well, sort of. I mean, I know that it’s over there somewhere. In that direction.” I wave my hand. “I can walk there anyway.”
Ivy laughs and I can’t help but join in. We giggle together in a strangely carefree manner that shows me that this is the right thing for me to do. I haven’t been t
his happy for a very long time. I haven’t felt this free, excited or this motivated. There is so much buzzing around inside of me that I can’t wait to get started.
“Well, I suppose I better go then. Are you coming to the airport with me?” I nod because of course I am. “Well, let’s get going then. Before I cry and refuse to let you go.”
We head outside and hail a cab to take us to the airport. As we drive through the city, I’m so glad that I’m not going back home with my friend. I am going to miss Ivy, but at the same time, I wouldn’t want to leave this city for anything in the world. It’s my home now, I can just feel it’s where I belong. It has this warmth that nowhere else has ever had for me. It’s a shame that I have had to give up so much to make this happen, but it’s clearly the right thing to do. I tried everything else anyway, and none of it worked out. This will, I just know it.
“I can’t believe that I came on the flight with you, but I’m going back alone.” Ivy pouts up her bottom lip as we get out of the car to go inside the airport. “It’s so sad, but good for you of course.”
“You did this for me.” I nod and smile. “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here right now, I wouldn’t be happy. So, I have to thank you for that. Plus, everything else that you have done for me. And know that you are always welcome. I am always up for you coming to visit.”
Ivy grins and we hug for a while, before I take her inside, and she checks her bag. I won’t be able to go through security with Ivy because I don’t have a boarding pass, so it means that I will have to say goodbye to her here.
“Sorry I made you come all the way with me, just to come here,” Ivy laughs but I can hear the sadness in her voice. I know how much she will miss me, the same as I will her, but this doesn’t end our friendship. This is just the pair of us, happy in our own lives. “I wish that you could come with me to wait for the plane.”
“Me too. But don’t worry, I wouldn’t have let you come alone. I need to say a proper goodbye.”
We hug again and cry a little, but I’m not sobbing with sadness. I’m crying with relief that I have finally found my place in the world. This is where I have been destined to come. My childhood instincts were right. New York has always been the place for me, I just had to find it.
Eventually, Ivy needs to go. She has to get through security to get to her flight, which is the moment that I am truly by myself for the very first time. Alone in New York and ready to get on with my new life…
* * *
I can’t believe how quickly I have got my website up and running. It shows what a bit of inspiration can do for me. I struggled with this in LA, I couldn’t imagine getting it working at all, but that just shows how New York is right for me. It’s bringing up so much excitement. I have even worked on my social media accounts, got them a lot more relevant to my venture, and incorporated a real New York theme to them.
Now, I need to do some research about the events that I can get involved in nearby, of which I can assume there will be hundreds. New York is wonderful for this sort of thing; it has one of the biggest fashion weeks in the world. Not right now, but it is the fashion capital of the United States, so it’s where I need to be.
I thought that I would be scared when Ivy left me, I thought that it might hit home hard and I wouldn’t be able to handle it, but that hasn’t happened at all. I feel better than ever.
I wander over to the window to take a little break and I smile as I take in the view. The bustling city surrounding me, reminding me that I am definitely not in my small hometown anymore. I’m not going to be known by the rest of the world here, I won’t be Darcy McNeill who got knocked up by the boy next door and got left behind in the process. Nor will I be the idiot fan girl who thinks that she can win Seth Bishop the movie star, from the beautiful Winter Basel. I will just be another anonymous face in the crowd that no one pays any attention to.
I cup my belly, flooding with love as I think about my child inside. I didn’t know what to do when I first saw that blue cross on the pregnancy test, I wasn’t sure what decision that I was going to make, but it didn’t take long for me to feel that intense, unconditional love for my child. No matter what else was going on around us, my baby was conceived with love and should be brought into the world. He or she deserves to live and be cared for by me. Somehow, I will do whatever I can to make sure that my child has the best life. I will make a success of my business, I will make plenty of money to ensure that we can have a comfortable life.
“We are going to do this,” I tell my child with a smile playing on my lips. “We are. It’s going to be amazing. I can’t tell you how I am going to make it happen yet, but I will. I’ll make sure of it. For you, I will do anything.”
A warm happiness flows through me as I walk around my new apartment, taking in every room. This place is tiny, nothing like the house in LA, nothing like my parent’s home, nothing like what I have been used to, but I love it. I love all of it. Because it’s mine, all mine. There isn’t anyone telling me what to do. I couldn’t be happier if I tried.
I almost want to call my father, to reassure him that I have finally found my place in the world, but I don’t yet have a cell phone. My old one is back at Ivy’s house. I didn’t even bother to pack it because I have enjoyed the peace and quiet so much. I don’t want it back either. I want a new one, with a new number to help me with my fresh start. I only want certain people, people who care about me and love me, to be able to contact me. I suppose other people can use my social media accounts if they want to, but I’m not exactly checking for personal messages or comments at the moment, I don’t want to hear what people have to say about me. I have had enough of that for a damn lifetime. The Internet hasn’t exactly been my friend, has it?
Still, that’s changing just as much as everything else. Everything is changing for the better.
Eventually, I force myself to go to bed. I’m not worried about climbing under my new sheets because it’s strange and I’m worried that I won’t sleep because of that, it’s more because I don’t know if I will be able to sleep at all because I have too much going on inside of my head, too much excitement for words.
It isn’t until I lay my head down that something unexpected comes into my head. Someone who I don’t really want to think about because I’m scared to go back to that dark place, but he explodes in my mind anyway. Seth, the man who I still love despite everything, the father of my child, the man who has moved on far too quickly for my liking.
I wish you were here; I think a little sadly, but definitely not as sad as I was back at home. It would be amazing if we were all together in this little family… but you have your own life and now I need to have mine as well.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Seth
February 5th
Listening to Sierra explain exactly why I am needed back in LA right now is driving me insane. She can give me all the reasons that she wants, she can try and guilt trip me or whatever, but it isn’t going to make any difference. I am here now, helping my father out, and this is where I need to be. He might keep telling me that he’s okay, but I can see that he’s still struggling underneath the surface… or perhaps it’s me that needs to be back here for a little while longer. Perhaps I’m the one who isn’t ready to go back there.
“I don’t think I am needed for the promo stuff,” I tell Sierra seriously. “I’m pretty sure that Winter can handle it alone. I know you think that it will look like we have fallen out, but we haven’t.”
“You kinda have though, don’t you think?” Sierra demands. “After the photographs leaked…”
“I don’t like the term ‘leaked’ because it wasn’t that. There wasn’t anything between us. It just looked like that.” I shake my head angrily. “Look, Sierra, I need a time out. I need to be with my father. I explained to you what happened with my mother and we need some time to heal as a family.”
“You just had some time off though, didn’t you? At Christmas time…”
“
That was a couple of days. Honestly, Sierra, you need to understand that this is more important right now. My father needs me around, I can’t just leave him.”
She huffs with irritation, but I know that I am slowly working her around to my way of thinking. I have to be, don’t I? Because I am not going to back down.
“I don’t know what to do with all of these offers, though, Seth. I thought this was what you wanted.”
“It is. It was. I don’t know what I want at the moment. My head is all over the place.”
“Okay, well I guess I don’t have any choice then,” Sierra finally accepts. “I don’t have any option but to sit back and wait for you to be ready, again. You know, you are making my job hard. I can’t manage you when you won’t let me. I don’t know what to do with you…”
I tune out, refusing to listen to the rest of the conversation, I don’t need this guilt trip. I don’t need Sierra to try and pull me back in when I have so much going on. Things that I haven’t even told her yet. I am not going to mention anything to do with Darcy and this possible pregnancy until I know what’s going on myself.
“Right,” I eventually take the step to interrupt her. “Well, I need to go now, so I will speak to you later.”
I hang up before she can rant at me anymore. I just don’t need the pressure, I don’t even want to think about Hollywood and new projects. There is no chance in hell that I can start on anything else until I have seen Darcy again. This isn’t about closure anymore; this is about discovering the truth.
“What’s going on?” Dad asks me as he wanders into the kitchen after a day out with one of his friends. Something that I am very pleased about since it’s a great sign that he’s dragging himself out of bed and his pit of depression.