by Nana Malone
"Go on then. Tell me why."
I shook my head. "If she wanted you to know, she would have told you. In the meantime, I'm going to need you to back off. No more flirting with her."
He laughed. "If she flirts with me, what am I supposed to do?"
I ground my teeth. "She won't. I'm not going to fight you over a woman, Xan. Especially not this one. She's mine."
"What, you think you can just declare that and make it true?"
I sighed and forced the tension to leave my shoulders as I rolled them back. "I love you. You're my brother. The shit we've been through together, the plans we've made together… You’re the most important person in the world to me. Nothing is getting in the way of that, but I can't let her go."
I watched the muscle in Xander's jaw tick. "Can’t or won’t, Lex?"
"Right now, it feels an awful lot like can’t."
He nodded slowly as he warily watched me. "You're serious about this girl?"
I swallowed hard. "Yeah, I am."
And then he poked at the one soft spot that he knew I wouldn't refute. "Fair enough. I’ll back off. I'm not the kind of guy who deserves that kind of love, anyway."
I winced. "Fuck, Xan, that's not what I meant."
He waved me off. "Look, I get it. You saw her first. But you need to tell her about Gemma, and you need to do it quickly. Because if you hurt her, as much as I love you, I will hurt you."
My gaze met his eyes, and they were a mirror of my own, the same silvery slate gray framed by thick, dark lashes. And he was deadly serious. I nodded my agreement. "I will tell her. I have to. I'm not used to feeling this way about anyone."
His eyes softened then. "It couldn't have happened to a better bloke."
I could see that he meant it. "Xan, you deserve love too, you know."
He shrugged. "Yeah, yeah. None of that is important now. You're not the only one who's been bitten by the bug. I see how she looks at you."
I wanted to say something. Anything to make him feel better. Except I couldn't give her up. She was mine. That word sounded awful, even to me. Fuck, maybe she was right. Maybe I was too much like her ex. But fuck, the idea of letting her go made me sick to my stomach.
"I'm telling her."
"You better. How do you think Gemma is going to take it?"
I shrugged. "Well, Gemma's more of a habit than anything else. She's one of my best friends, so I want to protect her. But I need to finally think about myself, and I hope Gemma will understand that."
"Abbie's going to ask questions, you know that. And not just about Gemma. It's the kind of person she is."
I nodded slowly. "If she asks about the past, I'll tell her."
Xander's brows lifted. "You really do care about her."
I rubbed at my chest. "She was gone for fucking twenty-four hours, and this part right here in my chest… It felt like I’d been pierced by something that didn’t tickle. Not knowing where she was, or what was wrong with her, or who might have her… I fucking lost it, Xan."
He whistled low. "Jesus fucking Christ, you really are in love with her."
I frowned at that. "All I know is that I’ve never felt like this before. I’ll take some suggestions on how to make it stop."
He laughed then. "I'm not sure you can, little brother. Love. It couldn't have happened to a nicer bloke.” He raised his glass of wine. "I'm not thrilled, mind you. This version of you scares me. Be careful, because she triggered something in you that you might not be ready for."
I nodded slowly. "I feel protective of her."
Xander watched me, his eyes narrowing. "I know. It's the same way you feel about me. And you and I both know how dangerous that is."
When we left the restaurant, Xander inclined his head across the street. "You got a ride? I brought the Bugatti today."
I rolled my eyes. "How do you have any money left in your trust fund if you're spending it all on supercars?"
Xander laughed. "You know full well I don't touch that thing. It pays to be a famous artist. People will put any price on art. It's ridiculous. All because it makes them feel something."
"And you're willing to cash in on that, aren't you?"
He grinned. "Hey, it's an honest way to earn a living. It also means that I don't have to touch Dad's money."
"That, I completely understand. No worries though. I brought my car."
He shook his head. "Still driving that BMW?"
"What do you mean ‘still’? That car is brand new."
"God, when are you going to learn? We're Chases. We need a bit of flash."
"You need a bit of flash. I'm resigned to be the second son. I don't need to be flashy. I can be understated and still be the sexier brother."
Xander's laugh was full of mirth. "Yeah. I see you're still the delusional brother too. We both know I'm sexier."
"You wish.”
Suddenly, Xander whipped around over his shoulder, and his body tensed.
His awareness put me on alert. And then I could feel it too. A prickle. Like a sixth sense that something was off. I whipped around too. Xander asked, "Do you feel that, Lex?"
"Yeah, like someone's watching?"
He nodded. "You think it's Jean Claude?"
I shrugged. "Fuck if I know. I gave him an earful when I thought he'd taken Abbie."
Xander frowned. "You thought he took Abbie?"
"With him anything is possible."
"Jesus you really do have it bad.” He laughed then. “Better you than me. After all, what would all the single ladies in London do with me off the market?”
He was joking, but I could tell he was still tense. “Just in case Jean Claude is holding a grudge, why don’t you give me a ride to my car.”
“Good plan. We always do better when we stick together, little brother.”
Wasn’t that the truth. I just hoped Abbie wouldn’t come between us.
Chapter Four
Abbie
Anywhere but here.
I would have paid cash money to be anywhere else but class. A Russian Gulag, running the New York City Marathon in the dead of winter. Anywhere else.
But no.
My stomach was already churning over the fight with Alexi. And then Faith and Sophie had given me the third degree about him wanting to know what the hell was going on. I’m pretty sure they didn’t believe my ‘we’ve become friends’ lie by omission. And then, well, I’d seen the photos I’d taken with the Daylighters.
They were, in a word… bad. Since we’d skipped critique last week due to Xander having a show, I’d had to pick the best of the lot between the garden party and what I’d taken with the Daylighters. And there wasn’t an inspiring image amongst them. Not one.
So I knew what was coming. I’d lost sleep over what was coming. I was poised and ready to pack my bags over what was coming.
I hadn’t had the good sense to get my pain over with early this time, so instead, I was last for critique. When Xander pulled up my images, I slunk down into my seat. I knew they weren’t great. I knew they were only pretty pictures with no depth. I'd managed to find one or two from the previous assignment that I'd dropped in there, but as a whole, the images were from that god-awful garden party. There was one of Lex thrown in that I’d taken in St. Albans. He’d been reaching out his hand to me before entering a church.
That photo was cheating though. That wasn’t love in his eyes, but it was a great photo, the only great one in the bunch. I knew the rest were abysmal. I didn’t need anyone else to tell me they were.
Ilani, bless her, leaned over in her chair. “They're not so bad. Really.”
But I knew she was just saying it to be nice.
When Xander spoke, I wished I could just run and hide. He met my gaze directly, and I couldn’t read anything in his stare.
“I'm going to open up the floor for your thoughts on Abbie's photos this week.”
Shit. My friends were going to rip me a new one. No matter that I took care with their feelings for each
of their critiques. They had no loyalty to me. They only cared about scoring points with Xander.
One person said, “Flat.”
Another called out, “Boring.”
One even asked, “Did Abbie do these? Last week’s were so good. These are just...” His voice trailed off.
Ilani tried to come to my defense. “C'mon guys. They're not that bad. Maybe a little trite. They just need a little oomph. I mean there are those with the kid krumpers and the one with the hot guy at the end. That one captured the essence of the assignment.”
Xander glared at Ilani, and she immediately shut up, sliding me an apologetic glance. And so it went for the next ten minutes. For my part, I took it like a woman. Chin up, back straight. Well, as much as I could straighten my back while trying to crawl under my desk and hide.
At the end of class, I’d never been so relieved in my life. Ilani handed me my scarf. “C’mon. Let's go get you a drink. I think you could use it.”
“Not so fast, Miss Bruce. I need to speak to Miss Nartey for a moment.”
Xander's voice was neutral, but still my heart hammered against my ribs. This couldn't be good. Would he kick me out of the program? Hell, it wasn’t like I'd had the worst review in the class. Roger's critique had been far more scathing.
I slunk up to the table at the center of the small auditorium. “Yes, Xander?”
He folded his arms across his chest. “Do you want to tell me what's going on?”
I swallowed. “I—I'm not sure–”
He interrupted. “Abbie, your work is better than this. Even your portfolio you sent for admission was better than most of these. I know you’re capable of more, so why are you aiming for mediocrity?”
I rubbed my forehead. What the hell was I supposed to say? I certainly wasn’t going to make excuses for myself. “They're not my best. I know I can do better.”
“Whatever's distracting you, get rid of it. Even if it’s my brother. It's compromising your work. I would hate to waste my time with you all term and have you not turn out how I expect. No more distractions.”
Damn. How the hell could this be my life? I wasn’t the one who got scolded by the teacher. I’d always prided myself on doing better than expected. Exceeding expectations was my special talent. And I'd failed. All because I'd been too caught up in Lex to do my assignment properly.
“I won't let you down again.”
“You have a promising career. I’d hate to see that thwarted.”
I nodded stiffly. “I understand.”
“You're a better artist than this, Little Bird. I want to see your best from now on.”
I shifted on my feet. “You will. Just, don’t send me home. I can do better.”
His brow furrowed. “Is that what you think?”
“Well it did cross my mind.”
He watched me more closely but said nothing to dispel my concern. Finally, he said, “You’re all right though? After your… ordeal?”
I flushed. “You heard about that?” I rushed to add. “Please tell the guys I’m sorry for roughing them up. I just thought I was being snatched off the street, so I fought back.”
His brows lifted. “They pulled you off the street?”
I blinked. The surprise on his face was genuine. Which meant he hadn’t heard about it from the other Daylighters. So that left one person who could have told him. Alexi. “Uhm, it’s not as bad as it sounds.” I tried again because that did sound pretty bad. “It worked out in the end.”
“Rest assured, I’ll be having a word with them.” His voice was icy and set a terrified shiver through me.
“I—I don’t want anyone to get in trouble, and it turned out fine. I swear. I was probably—”
He cut me off. “Miss Nartey, did you consent to being dragged off the street?”
“No. Not exactly but—”
His gaze narrowed. “Did you consent to being frightened?”
“No. But I didn’t open the invit—”
“If you’re about to give me some bollocks about how you eventually consented to join them, save it. The way they went about it was all wrong. Are we in agreement?”
Well, he did have a point. “Yes. It’s just that they didn’t mean—”
His slate eyes went glacial. “I think it’s probably best you don’t make excuses for people who hurt you or put you in harm’s way.”
Direct. Fucking. Hit.
Shame slammed into me. It didn't matter that he had no idea just how close to home he’d hit. I still felt the emotional blow. “Understood. May I go?”
He gave me a terse nod, and I forced my feet to move. I trudged out of the auditorium to find Ilani waiting for me.
“Well, how did it go?”
I shook my head. “I'm far too sober to be able to talk about it yet.” I would have to make some changes if I wanted to survive another critique.
Abbie
I hadn’t really had the time to call home, but after the last few days, I needed something familiar. Something to steady me.
Faith called for me from down the hall. “Abbie, get a move on. Max will be here to pick us up any minute.”
“I’ll be right there, Faith. I just need to make a quick call.” Calling home shouldn’t make me feel slightly nauseated, but it did. Though it wasn’t like I was calling my mother, who would in all likelihood tell me to call Easton.
“Hello?” The moment, I heard my father’s lilting accent, a sense of calm washed over me. He’d always had that effect on me. He had a way of keeping me focused.
“Hi, Daddy.” It was hard to keep my voice from wavering, but I put in a good effort.
“Abena, is something wrong?”
“No. I uhm, haven’t talked to you in a while, and I just wanted to hear your voice.”
There was a beat of silence. Maybe I’d made a mistake? Maybe I should have called my sister Ama instead for the boost of reassurance.
“Well, now you hear it. Is everything well?”
I wanted to laugh at our stilted conversation as I remembered why I usually spoke to my mother. “Yes, fine. Just, uhm, fine.”
He cleared his throat. “You never were good at masking your emotions. You might as well just tell me.”
“I’m afraid you’ll just tell me to come home.”
Another beat of silence. “Abena, you’re an adult. I can’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. You made the decision to go, so you must want this enough to be there. What’s troubling you?”
Exhausted, I exhaled and slumped my shoulders as I sank onto my bed. “I just, I had a bad critique, and it’s messing with me a little. I’m starting to wonder if you were right, if I should have gone to law school instead. My professor is pissed. And I feel, I don’t know… lost, I guess.”
One of the things I always appreciated most about my father was that he took his time to choose his words.
“Are you giving your all?”
“Of course I am, Dad.” Except I could have worked harder on the last assignment if I hadn’t been distracted by Lex drama.
“Are you sure?”
I already regretted this call. “I get it, Dad. I should be working harder. I understand.” Next time you’re wishing for a slice of home, Abbie, just don’t. I shouldn’t have called.
He sighed. “No. You misunderstand. Abena, you’ve always been the one who worried most about what your mother and I think. You’ve always been the most cautious. But when you see something you want you go after it. I have always admired your tenacity, but I don’t hear it in your voice now.”
He admired something about me? “I’ve never had a professor tell me they’re disappointed before. I’m used to being confident, at least about this. I might be a mess everywhere else, but this… I’m supposed to know how to do this. And now I feel like I’m on loose footing. It scares me.”
“It should scare you.” He dropped his voice for emphasis. “But it should also invigorate you. You’re a Nartey. You fight. Do what challenges you. Do
n’t settle on doing what will get you the easy remarks from your professor. Do the things that are difficult for you.”
Tears pricked my eyes, and I rapidly blinked them away. He was right. Xander was right. I’d played it safe with the pictures from the party. I’d taken the easy way out. My focus had been somewhere else. On Alexi. Maybe I’d been too focused on him. I’d sworn I wasn’t going to lose myself in another guy, and already that was happening, like it had with Easton. The party had been a prime place to work on portraits like Xander said, and I’d blown it.
“I—I really don’t want to disappoint anyone. Least of all myself.”
His voice gentled. “The only way you can do that is to not push yourself. In all areas of your life.”
All areas. Was he talking about Easton? “Dad, I’m sorry to put you in the middle, but could you tell mom not to tell Easton what I’m up to anymore? It doesn’t help.”
“I can do that.” His voice went deeper, gruffer. “I’m glad you’re out there on your own. It’s a chance to get a different perspective and maybe meet some new people. People who will nourish you.” He was silent for a moment before he added, “I will make sure Easton and your mother do a better job of respecting your space.”
My heart caught in my throat. Did he know about Easton? No. He couldn’t. But maybe he’d known I was unhappy all that time. “I— Thanks, Daddy. I needed to hear that.”
“Good. Now send me a picture. One of your good ones. I have some empty wall space in my office.”
I laughed. “Could you be more specific? I have lots of good ones.”
“See, Abena? You sound better already.”
After hanging up with my father, I picked up the book Xander had given me and thumbed through it. The portraits were exquisite. Haunting, even. They were unlike anything I’d ever done before. But maybe it was time to try. I’d taken several of Alexi last weekend. Some of them might even work.
Warmth spread through me, just thinking about him. But I had to watch myself. Already my split focus had put me on shaky ground. If I wanted that position, it would mean spending more time with my camera and less in Alexi’s arms. The only problem was that I didn’t think I could stay away from him.