On the last day of August Lynne woke with a heavy heart, having dreamed of various unpleasant scenarios involving her husband, Seth, Sam, and Laurie. In those dreams, Eric was a hawk attempting to minister to aching soldiers, one of which was now Laurie Abrams. Lynne knew the reason for her dreams; Laurie’s most recent letter had left no doubt as to what had happened to Seth in Korea. Lynne had received that note a few days ago, sharing it with both Sam and Renee. She would seek Marek’s counsel tomorrow after church, but on that Saturday, Lynne wasn’t certain when her husband might return. It had been almost two months since Eric had left, but Laurie’s news was far more disturbing than what it conveyed about Seth. Now Lynne had to face the distinct possibility that unless the worst occurred, her husband wouldn’t return until after their baby was born.
The worst had been made plain in Laurie’s correspondence; Seth may never recover, although Lynne knew Eric wouldn’t stay in Florida forever. But he would remain until he felt all hope had been extinguished, which to Lynne would certainly last beyond the remainder of her pregnancy. Eric knew he could last in the wild for five months, and to save a very ill man, he would push that boundary. It would be similar to how Lynne hadn’t admitted him to the hospital two years ago, letting Christ heal her husband. As she got out of bed, then used the toilet, Lynne wondered about the actual purpose of that long weekend; perhaps its meaning hadn’t merely been to usher in faith to the Snyders. Maybe more reaching ramifications had been set into place.
Jane was still asleep, which gave her mother time to dress, then start a pot of decaf. Lynne didn’t expect either Ahern to knock on her door that early, but it couldn’t be discounted, for both Sam and Renee had been deeply affected by Laurie’s revelations. After Seth had enlisted, a knack for sharpshooting had been discovered. He’d spent several weeks honing that skill, which Sam quietly wondered was due to his sculpting abilities. Some men had better hand/eye coordination than others, Josh for instance, which Sam had chalked up to that man’s youth spent shooting small game. Lynne had been surprised at how readily Sam had spoken about his time in the army, but Renee had been sitting at Sam’s side, her hand on his arm, sometimes leaning against his shoulder. Jane had been napping during that conversation, and when she woke, Sam had taken a few minutes to recover. The rest of their visit, on Thursday, had been spent doting on their godchild. Renee had taken the afternoon off from work, as Lynne had requested their presence, wishing to reveal Laurie’s update as soon as possible, but not too late in the evening. That information was somewhat balanced by the Aherns’ news; they had been put in touch with a different orphanage, and were waiting to meet with the nuns in charge. Lynne had watched Sam intently, finding his usual tenderness with Jane unaffected by all he had shared about his past. Lynne was relieved for that, and could tell Renee was too. Yet Lynne expected their hearts were similar to hers in wondering how long Eric would be gone. And maybe this time, while Sam tended to Eric, Lynne and Renee would mind children, which made Lynne smile. Perhaps a little Ahern would be added to the flock.
Maybe Marek could assist with Eric or Jane and whoever came along. Lynne had been thinking about names for the baby; Caroline Emma if it was a girl, but a boy’s moniker eluded Lynne. She wouldn’t name a son for his father, or for his maternal grandfather, not especially fond of her dad’s name Lloyd. She had found herself referring to the coming baby as a girl, unsure of why, other than she didn’t want a son to be raised solely by his mother. Not that Eric had fared poorly with only Emma to care for him, but…. Lynne made herself some toast, then listened for Jane. Two daughters would be lovely, she considered, finally hearing soft mumbles from overhead. Lynne took the stairs, entered the nursery, finding her child standing in the crib, gripping the rails, a beaming smile on Jane’s face.
“Good morning you,” Lynne said softly, hoisting Jane aloft. Jane giggled, lengthy curls dangling along her shoulders. Lynne changed her, then toted her downstairs, where they ate breakfast together as Lynne remarked upon a speech given by Reverend Martin Luther King just days ago. Since Eric left, Lynne had gotten into the habit of watching the nightly news, and since Tuesday much of the broadcasts had focused on the March on Washington and King’s “I Have a Dream” speech. Lynne had watched the proceedings live on television, alternating that alongside Laurie’s news. She needed to write to him, and would mention that week’s events, wondering if he noticed anything different in Miami. Lynne would also inquire with Agatha, but more delicately. Then Lynne smiled at her daughter. Perhaps Jane’s generation would inherit a more inclusive world.
Yet, the notion of rights for all had little bearing on Seth, and Lynne said nothing to her child about that man, nor when she thought Eric might return. Jane seemed unbothered, eating and gabbing, but to Lynne she appeared differently, older maybe? How much time would Eric miss, a mother wondered as she caressed that other child. Lynne blinked away tears, then sipped her coffee. She desperately wanted Eric home, but Seth needed him more.
That morning Lynne spent time in the studio, seated on the sofa, cuddling Jane while staring at Sam’s unfinished portrait. She could still see Sam’s hands in his pockets, even if Eric had painted over that, returning that man’s arms to shielding his chest. Sam’s eyes were bright blue, then Lynne gazed into Jane’s face, that same color staring back at her. Eric had matched it perfectly, which made Lynne shake her head; how differently was his vision as a…. She bit her lip, then set several kisses along Jane’s face, making her squeal in delight. Then Jane pulled back, laughing loudly. Lynne stroked her daughter’s face, then grazed her hand over the baby. “I miss your daddy so much,” she whispered. “But we’re not the only ones. The whole world’s full of people and problems and we have all this.” Lynne motioned to the canvas. “You can be anything you want sweetie, no one can hold you back.” Lynne blinked away tears, thinking about how she might phrase the march to Agatha, and if she might say anything to that woman about Seth. Lynne didn’t know Laurie’s mother or aunt well enough to send them a note, but she prayed for Rose and Wilma and their daughters. Then Lynne stood, toting Jane on her hip. They approached the canvas, and Jane pointed at it. “Yeah, Daddy will finish it when he gets home.” But Lynne’s voice trembled and her legs grew shaky. How long would it take Eric to return to painting, and what about the Queens sketches? What about…. Lynne laid her palm along her firm belly. Then she shook her head. “He’ll do whatever’s necessary, in all things.” She had to believe that, maybe in the same way Reverend King had alluded to Negroes attaining their dreams.
Returning to the house, Lynne put Jane in the playpen, then started a peach pie. The phone rang; Renee asked if Lynne wanted company, but it wouldn’t only be the Aherns. Frannie had arrived with Helene and Johnny. Lynne smiled, said all were welcome, and that pie would be done in an hour. Renee laughed, noting that Sam had felt Lynne was baking, and that they would come over after lunch.
Jane was asleep when guests arrived, but she woke soon afterwards, and the children played in the garden while the adults sat at the patio table. Fran didn’t ask where Eric was and Lynne didn’t consider what Sam and Renee might have told her to explain Eric’s absence. The foursome did speak about Sam and Renee’s plans; Frannie was excited about a new member of the family, which then led to conversation about the baby. Sam excused himself, which made Lynne smile. While he watched the children, the women spoke about Lynne’s condition, then Renee sighed. Fran had mentioned Lynne having her baby at home again, but Lynne wasn’t certain that would be the case. Then Fran stood, joining Sam and the kids. Renee leaned toward Lynne. “Sam told her Eric went to Florida to see Laurie’s cousin.”
“Well, it’s the truth.” Lynne gazed at how Frannie knelt by Jane and Helene while Sam chased Johnny. “I wonder for how long we can use that.”
“Maybe as long as it takes.” Renee leaned back, then sipped her iced tea. “She really likes the idea of you having babies at home.” Renee put her cup back on the table. “Funny how that used to be th
e norm, now it’s something novel.”
“Or for us it is.” Lynne placed her hands on her belly. “But I’m not sure this one will be born here. I just….” She took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. “I don’t wanna assume anything.” Then she sighed. “I’m gonna have to think up something to tell her.” She glanced at Frannie, now sitting on the grass holding Jane while Helene raced around with her brother and uncle. “I don’t wanna lie and….”
“I don’t think you’ll need to say anything more. Fran knows Eric’s, that he’s, um, different. She said so when Sam said he’d gone to Florida.” Then Renee giggled. “She also knows about Laurie and Stanford.”
Lynne gaped at Renee. “Are you serious, how?”
Renee picked up her glass, then set it down again. “She asked if Stanford had gone to see Seth, she specifically said Seth. Then she raised her eyebrows. Sam missed it at first. But she nodded at me, then Sam saw he’d missed something. He asked what, and well, let’s just say Fran likes to tease her little brother. Johnny and Helene were oblivious, but Fran said she and Louie had noticed something between the New Yorkers last year at Jane’s baptism. Sam blushed, then started to cough. Then Fran basically said that Eric should stay as long as Seth needs him.” Renee looked into the sky, then met Lynne’s still astonished gaze. “She has no idea about, well, you know. But she accepts that Eric’s special.” Renee lowered her voice. “And while she didn’t come out and say it, I bet if you really wanna have the baby here, and if he’s not back yet….”
Renee motioned toward where Fran still sat, speaking with Jane. Lynne turned around, finding her daughter in loving arms, but not as if Jane was a substitute. Tears welled in Lynne’s eyes; might Frannie fill in if Eric was still away, or just not able to attend their baby’s birth? If Sam was caring for Eric, maybe Lynne would deliver in the hospital. But if Eric was gone, perhaps Sam and Sally could look after Jane while Dr. Salters, Renee, and Fran assisted Lynne. “I’ll think about it,” Lynne said. Then she smiled. “Sally could watch Jane while Sam paces. Unless he’s….”
Renee nodded. “Sam and I’ve talked about it. Maybe he and Sally can watch the kids at our house.” Renee rolled her eyes. “Kids, humph. We’ll see about that.”
Lynne grasped Renee’s hand. “By then, I won’t be the only mother.”
“Maybe,” Renee said. Then she shrugged. “If nothing else, don’t worry about asking Frannie. I know she’d be thrilled.”
Both women paid attention to those now seated together on the grass. Sam had picked some dandelions, and was blowing the seeds, delighting all three children. Fran complained they were landing in her hair, but her tone was jovial. Lynne noticed the resemblance between the Ahern siblings, as well as Johnny and Helene. The child adopted by the Aherns wouldn’t look similar, but physical appearances would be forgotten as that little boy or girl was assimilated into such a loving clan. Jane didn’t share any characteristics with Helene, but they got along as if Jane was another cousin. As Frannie gently kissed the top of Jane’s head, perhaps Lynne’s daughter, and subsequent offspring, would become another niece and maybe a nephew to Sam’s sister. Then Frannie gazed at Lynne, a wide smile on her face. Lynne stood and Renee did too, joining their loved ones in the middle of the garden.
Lynne didn’t say more to Fran other than how good it was to see her. But before the Aherns and Canfields left, Fran gave Lynne a strong hug. In that embrace, Lynne accepted another sister of sorts had been added to her family, although Fran didn’t require an intimate knowledge of Lynne’s life. Perhaps that would come to pass in mid-January, or maybe it would only be shared the next time the New Yorkers visited. Lynne and Jane walked their guests to the front gate, waving goodbye as two cars drove away. The rest of the day was quiet, and mother and daughter went to bed early.
They rose for church, sitting in the rear of the building, as had become Lynne’s custom since Eric’s departure. There was no communion that day, and attendance was sparse, perhaps due to the Labor Day weekend. Lynne loitered in her seat as Marek said goodbye to his flock. She wanted to share the latest about Seth, although her words would be measured. Jane wouldn’t understand, but even thinking about it made Lynne teary.
While this pregnancy had started with copious emotional outbursts, they had lessened, although Lynne did break down occasionally. But no longer did she think that was due to carrying a son. It was simply the result of living with only Jane and knowing the burden Eric was trying to alleviate. Then Lynne stared at her pastor. Something rested in his brown eyes, and she wondered if he had received a reply from Mrs. Henrichsen. Perhaps not yet, he had only written back to her a few weeks ago. Lynne didn’t know how long international mail took, although it seemed letters sent to the East Coast arrived within a week. She sighed; she needed to write to Laurie, not wanting him to worry. She would tell him prayers were sent from the west, but not that his and Stanford’s secret was known to the Canfields. That made Lynne smile as Marek came her way.
“Hello. I was hoping you wouldn’t rush off.” Marek sat in front of them, then reached out for Jane. She laughed, leaning his way, then was in her pastor’s arms. Marek spoke to her in Polish and she stared at him, wide-eyed.
“What’d you tell her?” Lynne asked.
“Well, to be honest, I asked if there was any pie at her house.” He chuckled. “Pretty forward of me, I realize.” Then he gazed at Lynne. “I said if not that I had made some caramel slices, just in case.”
Lynne smiled. “Actually, I made a peach pie yesterday, but Renee and Sam and his sister Fran came over. Between us and Fran’s two youngest, there’s one thin slice left.”
“Well then, caramel slices it is. Do you have lunch plans?” He tickled Jane’s chin. “Not that I have more to offer than baloney sandwiches.”
“That sounds fine,” Lynne said.
Marek stood, then set Jane on his hip. “All right then, follow me.”
The trio went into the kitchen, where Jane was set upon a tall seat, then pushed up to the table. Lynne sat beside her as Marek prepared lunch. The conversation centered on yesterday’s visit by the Aherns and Sam’s sister, although Lynne left out much of what she and Renee had discussed. Instead she mentioned how well Fran seemed, and that the Aherns were waiting to hear back from the orphanage. Marek remarked at how time was a great healer, then he sighed. “Have you heard from Laurie recently?”
Lynne nodded. “The news isn’t good.”
“I see.” Marek wiped his mouth with a napkin, then said something in Polish, but Lynne didn’t feel it was directed at her daughter. Then Marek stood, taking his and Lynne’s plates to the sink. “Do you think Eric will be away for an extended period?”
Lynne gazed at Jane, who was still eating. “Perhaps. I guess it’s better to hope for that than for his immediate return.”
Marek stared at her, then nodded. “I suppose it is. But that’s not easy for you.”
“No, but it’s better for Seth and Laurie.”
Marek retook his seat, placing his clasped hands on the table. “But Lynne, that might not be God’s plan.”
“I know. I just don’t want to be selfish.”
Marek smiled, then sighed. “That’s very magnanimous of you.”
Lynne shrugged. “I have so much, how can I ask for….” Now she wept, but didn’t try to hide her tears. “All week I’ve been watching the news; did you see Reverend King’s speech?”
Marek nodded. “It was the most stirring oration I have ever heard.”
“It was, oh yes. I kept thinking how for years and years Negroes have suffered, and how much equality remains to be won. We’re lucky here, I mean….” She sighed. “But in The South, not much’s altered.”
“No, I suppose not. I wonder if Laurie notices anything.”
“I’m gonna ask him.” Then Lynne sighed. “Have you heard anything back from….”
Marek shook his head. “I probably won’t. Or maybe it’s easier to think that way.”
�
��Like me not pining for Eric.”
“Something like that.” Now Marek smiled. “It takes a great deal of inner strength to turn the other cheek, or to set aside one’s desires for the greater good.” He took a deep breath, then exhaled. “I miss the friendship Eric and I have developed. But then I come in here and look at that painting.” Marek pointed to the wall near the sink. “God has placed a wondrous gift within your husband’s hands, and while the cost of that treasure is at times very high, the resulting peace is….” Marek looked at Lynne, then at Jane. “We just have to be patient. Maybe that’s what Mrs. Harmon has been about.”
Lynne smiled. “Maybe.” She caressed Jane’s face. “I hope you hear back from her. I’ll admit I’m very curious.”
“If I do, you’ll be the first to know.” Marek chuckled. “And I am too, curious that is.” His tone lowered, then he again glanced toward the painting. “For years I purposely didn’t think about her, it was the same with my family. Then sometimes I permitted it, the good memories. No harm in recalling those. They’re mine and no one can take them from me.”
Lynne’s heart lurched from Marek’s plaintive tone. “No, nobody can.”
“But then I’d stop myself, at least when it came to her. I didn’t know what happened to her, I still don’t. Maybe she married, perhaps she’s a mother.” Marek glanced at Lynne, then to Jane. “I never felt parenthood was my calling. Parishioners keep me busy enough, and those not members of St. Matthew’s,” he smiled.
Lynne nodded, but heard something different in his voice. “Anyway, my guess is that once she received my note, either she was satisfied with the answer, or so stunned by my reply that she decided to end our brief correspondence. Europeans aren’t like Americans, not so brash. Well, the British aren’t. Perhaps we Poles are more animated, but I don’t know any Norwegians, maybe they’re more like the English. If nothing else, she has my response, and in the meantime there are others in need of consideration. Do you think Laurie would mind a letter from me?”
“Oh I’m sure he’d appreciate it. When I get home, shall I call you with his aunt and uncle’s address?”
“Yes, that would be lovely. I’ve been thinking about crafting him a note, keeps my mind occupied when Mrs. Harmon isn’t pestering me.”
Lynne sighed. “Has she been bugging you again?”
“Every few days I get a visit from her whether I want it or not. Lately it’s been about the chrysanthemums; she’s worried the plants are too small, but it’s only the first of September.” Then Marek crossed his arms over his chest. “Autumn will be here before we know it. Why she’s so worried about speeding it up….”
Lynne felt a chill as Marek stopped speaking. Their eyes met, then the pastor nodded. “Do give me Laurie’s address. Do you feel he’ll be there a while?”
“I do, or I hope so.” Lynne’s lip trembled. “Actually Marek, I don’t know what to wish for other than God’s will.”
“That, Lynne, is all we can request. And sometimes it’s the easiest thing, for it takes all the burden off of us. Much better to allow Christ to continue the mystery, even if at times it feels like walking in the dark.”
She nodded as tears fell down her face. Marek handed her a napkin, then he took Jane from her seat, speaking Polish as he did so. Lynne was comforted by his gentle tone set alongside Jane’s earnest babbles, which didn’t sound at all like English. Then a mother laughed as her daughter’s chuckles rang alongside those of their pastor, their joy sent up like prayers for those far away.
Chapter 129
The Hawk: Part Seven Page 9