Aunt Becky produced a folded paper from under her pillow.
“‘No gloom was cast over the communities of Indian Spring, Three Hills, Rose River or Bay Silver when it became known that Mrs Theodore Dark — Aunt Becky as she was generally called, less from affection than habit — had died on’ — whatever the date will be—’at the age of eighty-five.’
“You notice,” said Aunt Becky, interrupting herself, “that I say died. I shall not pass away or pass out or pay my debt to nature or depart this life or join the great majority or be summoned to my long home. I intend simply and solely to die.
“‘Everybody concerned felt that it was high time the old lady did die. She had lived a long life, respectably if not brilliantly, had experienced almost everything a decent female could experience, had outlived husband and children and anybody who had ever really cared anything for her. There was therefore neither sense, reason nor profit in pretending gloom or grief. The funeral took place on’ — whatever date it does take place on—’from the home of Miss Camilla Jackson at Indian Spring. It was a cheerful funeral, in accordance with Aunt Becky’s strongly expressed wish, the arrangements being made by Mr Henry Trent, undertaker, Rose River.’
“Henry will never forgive me for not calling him a mortician,” said Aunt Becky. “Mortician — Humph! But Henry has a genius for arranging funerals and I’ve picked on him to plan mine.
“‘Flowers were omitted by request’ — no horrors of funeral wreaths for me, mind. No bought harps and pillows and crosses. But if anybody cares to bring a bouquet from their own garden, they may—’and the services were conducted by the Rev. Mr Trackley of Rose River. The pall-bearers were Hugh Dark, Robert Dark’ — mind you don’t stumble, Dandy, as you did at Selina Dark’s funeral. What a jolt you must have given the poor old girl—’Palmer Dark, Homer Penhallow’ — put them on opposite sides of the casket so they can’t fight—’Murray Dark, Roger Penhallow, David Dark, and John Penhallow’ — Drowned John, mind you, not that simpering nincompoop at Bay Silver—’who contrived to get through the performance without swearing as he did at his father’s funeral.’”
“I didn’t,” shouted Drowned John furiously, springing to his feet. “And don’t you dare publish such a thing about me in your damned obituary. You — you—”
“Sit down, John, sit down. That really isn’t in the obituary. I just stuck it in this minute to get a rise out of you. Sit down.”
“I didn’t swear at my father’s funeral,” muttered Drowned John sullenly as he obeyed.
“Well, maybe it was your mother’s. Don’t interrupt me again please. Courtesy costs nothing as the Scotchman said. ‘Aunt Becky was born a Presbyterian, lived a Presbyterian, and died a Presbyterian. She had a hard man to please in Theodore Dark, but she made him quite as good a wife as he deserved. She was a good neighbour as neighbours go and did not quarrel more than anybody else in the clan. She had a knack of taking the wind out of people’s sails that did not make for popularity. She seldom suffered in silence. Her temper was about the average, neither worse nor better and did not sweeten as she grew older. She always behaved herself decently, although many a time it would have been a relief to be indecent. She told the truth almost always, thereby doing a great deal of good and some harm, but she could tell a lie without straining her conscience when people asked questions they had no business to ask. She occasionally used a naughty word under great stress and she could listen to a risky story without turning white around the gills, but obscenity never took the place of wit with her. She paid her debts, went to church regularly, thought gossip was very interesting, liked to be the first to hear a piece of news, and was always especially interested in things that were none of her business. She could see a baby without wanting to eat it, but she was always a very good mother to her own. She longed for freedom, as all women do, but had sense enough to understand that real freedom is impossible in this kind of a world, the lucky people being those who can choose their masters, so she never made the mistake of kicking uselessly over the traces. Sometimes she was mean, treacherous and greedy. Sometimes she was generous, faithful and unselfish. In short, she was an average person who had lived as long as anybody should live.’
“There,” said Aunt Becky, tucking her obituary under the pillow, quite happy in the assurance that she had made a sensation. “You will observe that I have not called myself ‘the late Mrs Dark’ or ‘the deceased lady’ or ‘relict.’ And that’s that.”
“God bless me, did you ever hear the equal of that?” muttered Uncle Pippin blankly.
Every one else was silent in a chill of outraged horror. Surely — surely — that appalling document would never be published. It must not be published, if anything short of the assassination of Camilla Jackson could prevent it. Why, strangers would suppose it had been written by some surviving member of the clan.
But Aunt Becky was bringing out another document, and all the Darks and Penhallows bottled up their indignation for the time being and uncorked their ears. Who was to get the jug? Until that was settled the matter of the obituary would be left in abeyance.
Aunt Becky unfolded her will, and settled her owlish shell-ringed glasses on her beaky nose.
“I’ve left my little bit of money to Camilla for her life,” she said. “After her death it’s to go to the hospital in Charlottetown.”
Aunt Becky looked sharply over the throng. But she did not see any particular disappointment. To do the Darks and Penhallows justice, they were not money-grabbers. No one grudged Camilla Jackson her legacy. Money was a thing one could and should earn for oneself; but old family heirlooms, crusted with the sentiment of dead and gone hopes and fears for generations, were different matters. Suppose Aunt Becky left the jug to some rank outsider? Or a museum? She was quite capable of it. If she did, William Y. Penhallow mentally registered a vow that he would see his lawyer about it.
“Any debts are to be paid,” continued Aunt Becky, “and my grave is to be heaped up — not left flat. I insist on that. Make a note of it, Artemas.”
Artemas Dark nodded uncomfortably. He was caretaker of the Rose River graveyard, and he knew he would have trouble with the cemetery committee about that. Besides, it made it so confoundedly difficult to mow. Aunt Becky probably read his thoughts, for she said:
“I won’t have a lawn-mower running over me. You can clip my grave nicely with the shears. I’ve left directions for my tombstone, too. I want one as big as anybody else’s. And I want my lace shawl draped around me in my coffin. It’s the only thing I mean to take with me. Theodore gave it to me when Ronald was born. There were times when Theodore could do as graceful a thing as anybody. It’s as good as new. I’ve always kept it wrapped in silver paper at the bottom of my third bureau drawer. Remember, Camilla.”
Camilla nodded. The first sign of disappointment appeared on Mrs Clifford Penhallow’s face. She had set her heart on getting the lace shawl, for she feared she had very little chance of getting the jug. The shawl was said to have cost Theodore Dark two hundred dollars. To think of burying two hundred dollars!
Mrs Toynbee Dark, who had been waiting all the afternoon for an opportunity to cry, thought she saw it at the mention of Aunt Becky’s baby son who had been dead for sixty years, and got out her handkerchief. But Aunt Becky headed her off.
“Don’t start crying yet, Alicia. By the way, while I think of it, will you tell me something? I’ve always wanted to know and I’ll never have another chance. Which of your three husbands did you like best — Morton Dark, Edgar Penhallow, or Toynbee Dark? Come now, make a clean breast of it.”
Mrs Toynbee put her handkerchief back in her bag and shut the latter with a vicious snap.
“I had a deep affection for all my partners,” she said.
Aunt Becky wagged her head.
“Why didn’t you say ‘deceased’ partners? You were thinking it, you know. You have that type of mind. Alicia, tell me honestly, don’t you think you ought to have been more economical with husba
nds? Three! And poor Mercy and Margaret there haven’t been able even to get one.”
Mercy reflected bitterly that if she had employed the methods Alicia Dark had, she might have had husbands and to spare, too. Margaret coloured softly and looked piteous. Why, oh, why, must cruel old Aunt Becky hold her up to public ridicule like this?
“I’ve divided all my belongings among you,” said Aunt Becky. “I hate the thought of dying and leaving all my nice things. But since it must be, I’m not going to have any quarrelling over them before I’m cold in my grave. Everything’s down here in black and white. I’ve just left the things according to my own whims. I’ll read the list. And let me say that the fact that any one of you gets something doesn’t mean that you’ve no chance for the jug as well. I’m coming to that later.”
Aunt Becky took off her spectacles, polished them, put them on again, and took a drink of water. Drowned John nearly groaned with impatience. Heaven only knew how long it would be before she would get to the jug. He had no interest in her other paltry knick-knacks.
“Mrs Denzil Penhallow is to have my pink china candlesticks,” announced Aunt Becky. “I know you’ll be delighted at this, Martha dear. You’ve given me so many hints about candlesticks.”
Mrs Denzil had wanted Aunt Becky’s beautiful silver Georgian candlesticks. And now she was saddled with a pair of unspeakable china horrors, in colour a deep magenta-pink with what looked like black worms wriggling all over them. But she tried to look pleased, because if she didn’t, it might spoil her chances for the jug. Denzil scowled, jug or no jug, and Aunt Becky saw it. Pompous old Denzil! She would get even with him.
“I remember when Denzil was about five years old he came down to my place with his mother, one day, and our old turkey gobbler took after him. I suppose the poor bird thought no one else had a right to be strutting around there. ‘Member, Denzil? Lord, how you ran and blubbered! You certainly thought Old Nick was after you. Do you know, Denzil, I’ve never seen you parading up the church aisle since but I’ve thought of that.”
Well, it had to be endured. Denzil cleared his throat and endured it.
“I haven’t much jewellery,” Aunt Becky was saying. “Two rings. One is an opal. I’m giving that to Virginia Powell. They say it brings bad luck, but you’re too modern to believe that old superstition, Virginia. Though I never had any luck after I got it.”
Virginia tried to look happy, though she had wanted the Chinese screen. As for luck or no luck, how could that matter? Life was over for her. Nobody grudged her the opal, but when Aunt Becky mentioned rings many ears were pricked up. Who would get her diamond ring? It was a fine one and worth several hundreds of dollars.
“Ambrosine Winkworth is to have my diamond ring,” said Aunt Becky.
Half those present could not repress a gasp of disapproval and the collective effect was quite pronounced. This, thought the gaspers, was absurd. Ambrosine Winkworth had no right whatever to that ring. And what good would it do her — an old broken-down servant? Really, Aunt Becky’s brain must be softening.
“Here it is, Ambrosine,” said Aunt Becky, taking it from her bony finger and handing it to the trembling Ambrosine. “I’ll give it to you now, so there’ll be no mistake. Put it on.”
Ambrosine obeyed. Her old wrinkled face was aglow with the joy of a long-cherished dream suddenly and unexpectedly realized. Ambrosine Winkworth, through a drab life spent in other people’s kitchens, had hankered all through that life for a diamond ring. She had never hoped to have it; and now here it was on her hand, a great starry wonderful thing, glittering in the June sunshine that fell through the window. Everything came true for Ambrosine in that moment. She asked no more of fate.
Perhaps Aunt Becky had divined that wistful dream of the old woman. Or perhaps she had just given Ambrosine the ring to annoy the clan. If the latter, she had certainly succeeded. Nan Penhallow was especially furious. She should have the diamond ring. Thekla Penhallow felt the same way. Joscelyn, who once had had a diamond ring, Donna, who still had one, and Gay, who expected she soon would have one, looked amused and indifferent. Chuckling to herself Aunt Becky picked up her will and gave Mrs Clifford Penhallow her Chinese screen.
“As if I wanted her old Chinese screen,” thought Mrs Clifford, almost on the point of tears.
Margaret Penhallow was the only one whom nobody envied. She got Aunt Becky’s Pilgrim’s Progress, a very old, battered book. The covers had been sewed on; the leaves were yellow with age. One was afraid to touch it lest it might fall to pieces. It was a most disreputable old volume which Theodore Dark, for some unknown reason, had prized when alive. Since his death, Aunt Becky had kept it in an old box in the garret where it had got musty and dusty. But Margaret was not disappointed. She had expected nothing.
“My green pickle leaf is to go to Rachel Penhallow,” said Aunt Becky.
Rachel’s long face grew longer. She had wanted the Apostle spoons. But Gay Penhallow got the Apostle spoons — to her surprise and delight. They were quaint and lovely, and would accord charmingly with a certain little house of dreams that was faintly taking shape in her imagination. Aunt Becky looked at Gay’s sparkling face with less grimness than she usually showed and proceeded to give her dinner-set to Mrs Howard Penhallow, who wanted the Chippendale sideboard.
“It was my wedding-set,” said Aunt Becky. “There’s only one piece broken. Theodore brought his fist down on the cover of one of the tureens one day when he got excited in an argument at dinner. I won out in the argument, though — at least I got my own way, tureen or no tureen. Emily, you’re to have the bed.”
Mrs Emily Frost, née Dark, a gentle, faded little person, who also had yearned for the Apostle spoons, tried to look grateful for a bed which was too big for any of her tiny rooms. And Mrs Alpheus Penhallow, who wanted the bed, had to put up with the Chippendale sideboard. Donna Dark got an old egg-dish in the guise of a gaily coloured china hen sitting on a yellow china nest, and was glad because she had liked the old thing when she was a child. Joscelyn Dark got the claw-footed mahogany table Mrs Palmer Dark had hoped for, and Roger Dark got the Georgian candlesticks and Mrs Denzil’s eternal hatred. The beautiful old Queen Anne bookcase went to Murray Dark, who never read books, and Hugh Dark got the old hour-glass — early eighteenth century — and wondered bitterly what use it would be to a man for whom time had stopped ten years ago. He knew, none better, how long an hour can be and what devastating things can happen in it.
“Crosby, you’re to have my old cut-glass whisky decanter,” Aunt Becky was saying. “There hasn’t been any whisky in it for many a year, more’s the pity. It’ll hold the water you’re always drinking in the night. I heard you admire it once.”
Old Crosby Penhallow, who had been nodding, wakened up and looked pleased. He really hadn’t expected anything. It was kind of Becky to remember him. They had been young together.
Aunt Becky looked at him — at his smooth, shining bald head, his sunken blue eyes, his toothless mouth. Old Crosby would never have false teeth. Yet in spite of the bald head and faded eyes and shrunken mouth, Crosby Dark was not an ill-looking old man — quite the reverse.
“I have a mind to tell you something, Crosby,” said Aunt Becky. “You never knew it — nobody ever knew it — but you were the only man I ever loved.”
The announcement made a sensation. Everybody — so ridiculous is outworn passion — wanted to laugh but dared not. Crosby blushed painfully all over his wrinkled face. Hang it all, was old Becky making fun of him? And whether or no, how dared she make a show of him like this before everybody?
“I was quite mad about you,” said Aunt Becky musingly. “Why? I don’t know. You were handsomer sixty years ago than any man has a right to be, but you had no brains. Yet you were the man for me. And you never looked at me. You married Annette Dark — and I married Theodore. Nobody knows how much I hated him when I married him. But I got quite fond of him after awhile. That’s life, you know — though those three romantic young geese
here, Gay and Donna and Virginia, think I’m talking rank heresy. I got over caring for you in time, even though for years after I did, my heart used to beat like mad every time I saw you walk up the church aisle with your meek little Annette trotting behind you. I got a lot of thrills out of loving you, Crosby — many more I don’t doubt than if I’d married you. And Theodore was really a much better husband for me than you’d have been — he had a sense of humour. And it doesn’t matter now whether he was or wasn’t. I don’t even wish now that you had loved me, though I wished it for so many years. Lord, the nights I couldn’t sleep for thinking of you — and Theodore snoring beside me. But there it is. Somehow, I’ve always wanted you to know it and at last I’ve had the courage to tell you.”
Old Crosby wiped his brow with his handkerchief. Erasmus would never let him hear the last of this — never. And suppose it got into the papers! If he had dreamed anything like this was going to happen, he would never have come to the levee. He glowered at the jug. It was to blame, durn it.
“I wonder how many of us will get out of this alive,” whispered Stanton Grundy to Uncle Pippin.
But Aunt Becky had switched over to Penny Dark and was giving him her bottle of Jordan water.
“What the deuce do I care for Jordan water,” thought Penny. Perhaps his face was too expressive, for Aunt Becky suddenly grinned dangerously.
“Mind the time, Penny, you moved a vote of thanks to Rob Dufferin on the death of his wife?”
There was a chorus of laughs of varying timbre, among which Drowned John’s boomed like an earthquake. Penny’s thoughts were as profane as the others’ had been. That a little mistake between thanks and condolence, made in the nervousness of public speaking, should be everlastingly coming up against a man like this. From old Aunt Becky, too, who had just confessed that most of her life she had loved a man who wasn’t her husband, the scandalous old body.
The Complete Works of L M Montgomery Page 486