After a sleepless night he went back to Four Winds in the morning. Lynde would not expect him at that time and he would have more chance of finding her. The result justified his idea, for he met her by the spring.
Alan felt shocked at the change in her appearance. She looked as if years of suffering had passed over her. Her lips were pallid, and hollow circles under her eyes made them appear unnaturally large. He had last left the girl in the bloom of her youth; he found her again a woman on whom life had laid its heavy hand.
A burning flood of colour swept over her face as they met, then receded as quickly, leaving her whiter than before. Without any waste of words, Alan plunged abruptly into the subject.
“Miss Oliver, why have you avoided me so of late? Have I done anything to offend you?”
“No.” She spoke as if the word hurt her, her eyes persistently cast down.
“Then what is the trouble?”
There was no answer. She gave an unvoluntary glance around as if seeking some way of escape. There was none, for the spring was set about with thick young firs and Alan blocked the only path.
He leaned forward and took her hands in his.
“Miss Oliver, you must tell me what the trouble is,” he said firmly.
She pulled her hands away and flung them up to her face, her form shaken by stormy sobs. In distress he put his arm about her and drew her closer.
“Tell me, Lynde,” he whispered tenderly.
She broke away from him, saying passionately, “You must not come to Four Winds any more. You must not have anything more to do with us — any of us. We have done you enough harm already. But I never thought it could hurt you — oh, I am sorry, sorry!”
“Miss Oliver, I want to see that letter you received the other evening. Oh” — as she started with surprise—”I know about it — Emily told me. Who wrote it?”
“There was no name signed to it,” she faltered.
“Just as I thought. Well, you must let me see it.”
“I cannot — I burned it.”
“Then tell me what was in it. You must. This matter must be cleared up — I am not going to have our beautiful friendship spoiled by the malice of some coward. What did that letter say?”
“It said that everybody in your congregation was talking about your frequent visits here — that it had made a great scandal — that it was doing you a great deal of injury and would probably end in your having to leave Rexton.”
“That would be a catastrophe indeed,” said Alan drily. “Well, what else?”
“Nothing more — at least, nothing about you. The rest was about myself — I did not mind it — much. But I was so sorry to think that I had done you harm. It is not too late to undo it. You must not come here any more. Then they will forget.”
“Perhaps — but I should not forget. It’s a little too late for me. Lynde, you must not let this venomous letter come between us. I love you, dear — I’ve loved you ever since I met you and I want you for my wife.”
Alan had not intended to say that just then, but the words came to his lips in spite of himself. She looked so sad and appealing and weary that he wanted to have the right to comfort and protect her.
She turned her eyes full upon him with no hint of maidenly shyness or shrinking in them. Instead, they were full of a blank, incredulous horror that swallowed up every other feeling. There was no mistaking their expression and it struck an icy chill to Alan’s heart. He had certainly not expected a too ready response on her part — he knew that even if she cared for him he might find it a matter of time to win her avowal of it — but he certainly had not expected to see such evident abject dismay as her blanched face betrayed. She put up her hand as if warding a blow.
“Don’t — don’t,” she gasped. “You must not say that — you must never say it. Oh, I never dreamed of this. If I had thought it possible you could — love me, I would never have been friends with you. Oh, I’ve made a terrible mistake.”
She wrung her hands piteously together, looking like a soul in torment. Alan could not bear to see her pain.
“Don’t feel such distress,” he implored. “I suppose I’ve spoken too abruptly — but I’ll be so patient, dear, if you’ll only try to care for me a little. Can’t you, dear?”
“I can’t marry you,” said Lynde desperately. She leaned against a slim white bole of a young birch behind her and looked at him wretchedly. “Won’t you please go away and forget me?”
“I can’t forget you,” Alan said, smiling a little in spite of his suffering. “You are the only woman I can ever love — and I can’t give you up unless I have to. Won’t you be frank with me, dear? Do you honestly think you can never learn to love me?”
“It is not that,” said Lynde in a hard, unnatural voice. “I am married already.”
Alan stared at her, not in the least comprehending the meaning of her words. Everything — pain, hope, fear, passion — had slipped away from him for a moment, as if he had been stunned by a physical blow. He could not have heard aright.
“Married?” he said dully. “Lynde, you cannot mean it?”
“Yes, I do. I was married three years ago.”
“Why was I not told this?” Alan’s voice was stern, although he did not mean it to be so, and she shrank and shivered. Then she began in a low monotonous tone from which all feeling of any sort seemed to have utterly faded.
“Three years ago Mother was very ill — so ill that any shock would kill her, so the doctor Father brought from the lake told us. A man — a young sea captain — came here to see Father. His name was Frank Harmon and he had known Father well in the past. They had sailed together. Father seemed to be afraid of him — I had never seen him afraid of anybody before. I could not think much about anybody except Mother then, but I knew I did not quite like Captain Harmon, although he was very polite to me and I suppose might have been called handsome. One day Father came to me and told me I must marry Captain Harmon. I laughed at the idea at first but when I looked at Father’s face I did not laugh. It was all white and drawn. He implored me to marry Captain Harmon. He said if I did not it would mean shame and disgrace for us all — that Captain Harmon had some hold on him and would tell what he knew if I did not marry him. I don’t know what it was but it must have been something dreadful. And he said it would kill Mother. I knew it would, and that was what drove me to consent at last. Oh, I can’t tell you what I suffered. I was only seventeen and there was nobody to advise me. One day Father and Captain Harmon and I went down the lake to Crosse Harbour and we were married there. As soon as the ceremony was over, Captain Harmon had to sail in his vessel. He was going to China. Father and I came back home. Nobody knew — not even Emily. He said we must not tell Mother until she was better. But she was never better. She only lived three months more — she lived them happily and at rest. When I think of that, I am not sorry for what I did. Captain Harmon said he would be back in the fall to claim me. I waited, sick at heart. But he did not come — he has never come. We have never heard a word of or about him since. Sometimes I feel sure he cannot be still living. But never a day dawns that I don’t say to myself, ‘Perhaps he will come today’ — and, oh—”
She broke down again, sobbing bitterly. Amid all the daze of his own pain Alan realized that, at any cost, he must not make it harder for her by showing his suffering. He tried to speak calmly, wisely, as a disinterested friend.
“Could it not be discovered whether your — this man — is or is not living? Surely your father could find out.”
Lynde shook her head.
“No, he says he has no way of doing so. We do not know if Captain Harmon had any relatives or even where his home was, and it was his own ship in which he sailed. Father would be glad to think that Frank Harmon was dead, but he does not think he is. He says he was always a fickle-minded fellow, one fancy driving another out of his mind. Oh, I can bear my own misery — but to think what I have brought on you! I never dreamed that you could care for me. I was so lone
ly and your friendship was so pleasant — can you ever forgive me?”
“There is nothing to forgive, as far as you are concerned, Lynde,” said Alan steadily. “You have done me no wrong. I have loved you sincerely and such love can be nothing but a blessing to me. I only wish that I could help you. It wrings my heart to think of your position. But I can do nothing — nothing. I must not even come here any more. You understand that?”
“Yes.”
There was an unconscious revelation in the girl’s mournful eyes as she turned them on Alan. It thrilled him to the core of his being. She loved him. If it were not for that empty marriage form, he could win her, but the knowledge was only an added mocking torment. Alan had not known a man could endure such misery and live. A score of wild questions rushed to his lips but he crushed them back for Lynde’s sake and held out his hand.
“Good-bye, dear,” he said almost steadily, daring to say no more lest he should say too much.
“Good-bye,” Lynde answered faintly.
When he had gone she flung herself down on the moss by the spring and lay there in an utter abandonment of misery and desolation.
Pain and indignation struggled for mastery in Alan’s stormy soul as he walked homeward. So this was Captain Anthony’s doings! He had sacrificed his daughter to some crime of his dubious past. Alan never dreamed of blaming Lynde for having kept her marriage a secret; he put the blame where it belonged — on the Captain’s shoulders. Captain Anthony had never warned him by so much as a hint that Lynde was not free to be won. It had all probably seemed a good joke to him. Alan thought the furtive amusement he had so often detected in the Captain’s eyes was explained now.
He found Elder Trewin in his study when he got home. The good Elder’s face was stern and anxious; he had called on a distasteful errand — to tell the young minister of the scandal his intimacy with the Four Winds people was making in the congregation and remonstrate with him concerning it. Alan listened absently, with none of the resentment he would have felt at the interference a day previously. A man does not mind a pin-prick when a limb is being wrenched away.
“I can promise you that my objectionable calls at Four Winds will cease,” he said sarcastically, when the Elder had finished. Elder Trewin got himself away, feeling snubbed but relieved.
“Took it purty quiet,” he reflected. “Don’t believe there was much in the yarns after all. Isabel King started them and probably she exaggerated a lot. I suppose he’s had some notion like as not of bringing the Captain over to the church. But that’s foolish, for he’d never manage it, and meanwhile was giving occasion for gossip. It’s just as well to stop it. He’s a good pastor and he works hard — too hard, mebbe. He looked real careworn and worried today.”
The Rexton gossip soon ceased with the cessation of the young minister’s visits to Four Winds. A month later it suffered a brief revival when a tall grim-faced old woman, whom a few recognized as Captain Anthony’s housekeeper, was seen to walk down the Rexton road and enter the manse. She did not stay there long — watchers from a dozen different windows were agreed upon that — and nobody, not even Mrs. Danby, who did her best to find out, ever knew why she had called.
Emily looked at Alan with grim reproach when she was shown into his study, and as soon as they were alone she began with her usual abruptness, “Mr. Douglas, why have you given up coming to Four Winds?”
Alan flinched.
“You must ask Lynde that, Miss Oliver,” he said quietly.
“I have asked her — and she says nothing.”
“Then I cannot tell you.”
Anger glowed in Emily’s eyes.
“I thought you were a gentleman,” she said bitterly. “You are not. You are breaking Lynde’s heart. She’s gone to a shadow of herself and she’s fretting night and day. You went there and made her like you — oh, I’ve eyes — and then you left her.”
Alan bent over his desk and looked the old woman in the face unflinchingly.
“You are mistaken, Miss Oliver,” he said earnestly. “I love Lynde and would be only too happy if it were possible that I could marry her. I am not to blame for what has come about — she will tell you that herself if you ask her.”
His look and tone convinced Emily.
“Who is to blame then? Lynde herself?”
“No, no.”
“The Captain then?”
“Not in the sense you mean. I can tell you nothing more.”
A baffled expression crossed the old woman’s face. “There’s a mystery here — there always has been — and I’m shut out of it. Lynde won’t confide in me — in me who’d give my life’s blood to help her. Perhaps I can help her — I could tell you something. Have you stopped coming to Four Winds — has she made you stop coming — because she’s got such a wicked old scamp for a father? Is that the reason?”
Alan shook his head.
“No, that has nothing to do with it.”
“And you won’t come back?”
“It is not a question of will. I cannot — must not go.”
“Lynde will break her heart then,” said Emily in a tone of despair.
“I think not. She is too strong and fine for that. Help her all you can with sympathy but don’t torment her with any questions. You may tell her if you like that I advise her to confide the whole story to you, but if she cannot don’t tease her to. Be very gentle with her.”
“You don’t need to tell me that. I’d rather die than hurt her. I came here full of anger against you — but I see now you are not to blame. You are suffering too — your face tells that. All the same, I wish you’d never set foot in Four Winds. She wasn’t happy before but she wasn’t so miserable as she is now. Oh, I know Anthony is at the bottom of it all in some way but I won’t ask you any more questions since you don’t feel free to answer them. But are you sure that nothing can be done to clear up the trouble?”
“Too sure,” said Alan’s white lips.
The autumn dragged away. Alan found out how much a man may suffer and yet go on living and working. As for that, his work was all that made life possible for him now and he flung himself into it with feverish energy, growing so thin and hollow-eyed over it that even Elder Trewin remonstrated and suggested a vacation — a suggestion at which Alan merely smiled. A vacation which would take him away from Lynde’s neighbourhood — the thought was not to be entertained.
He never saw Lynde, for he never went to any part of the shore now; yet he hungered constantly for the sight of her, the sound of her voice, the glance of her luminous eyes. When he pictured her eating her heart out in the solitude of Four Winds, he clenched his hands in despair. As for the possibility of Harmon’s return, Alan could never face it for a moment. When it thrust its ugly presence into his thoughts, he put it away desperately. The man was dead — or his fickle fancy had veered elsewhere. Nothing else could explain his absence. But they could never know, and the uncertainty would forever stand between him and Lynde like a spectre. But he thought more of Lynde’s pain than his own. He would have elected to bear any suffering if by so doing he could have freed her from the nightmare dread of Harmon’s returning to claim her. That dread had always hung over her and now it must be intensified to agony by her love for another man. And he could do nothing — nothing. He groaned aloud in his helplessness.
One evening in late November Alan flung aside his pen and yielded to the impulse that urged him to the lake shore. He did not mean to seek Lynde — he would go to a part of the shore where there would be no likelihood of meeting her. But get away by himself he must. A November storm was raging and there would be a certain satisfaction in breasting its buffets and fighting his way through it. Besides, he knew that Isabel King was in the house and he dreaded meeting her. Since his conviction that she had written that letter to Lynde, he could not tolerate the girl and it tasked his self-control to keep from showing his contempt openly. Perhaps Isabel felt it beneath all his outward courtesy. At least she did not seek his society as she
had formerly done.
It was the second day of the storm; a wild northeast gale was blowing and cold rain and freezing sleet fell in frequent showers. Alan shivered as he came out into its full fury on the lake shore. At first he could not see the water through the driving mist. Then it cleared away for a moment and he stopped short, aghast at the sight which met his eyes.
Opposite him was a long low island known as Philip’s Point, dwindling down at its northeastern side to two long narrow bars of quicksand. Alan’s horrified eyes saw a small schooner sunk between the bars; her hull was entirely under water and in the rigging clung one solitary figure. So much he saw before the Point was blotted out in a renewed downpour of sleet.
The Complete Works of L M Montgomery Page 695