So she pulled out in a hurry and I got onto Cap’n Kidd. I rode him around to the front of the Silver Boot, tied him to the hitch-rack and dismounted. The Silver Boot was crowded. I could see Ace strutting around chawing a big black cigar, and joking and slapping folks on the back.
Everybody was having sech a hilarious time nobody noticed me as I stood in the doorway, so I pulled the buffalo-hunters’ .45’s, and let bam at the mirror behind the bar. The barman yelped and ducked the flying glass, and everybody whirled and gaped, and Ace jerked his cigar out of his mouth and bawled:
“It’s that dern cowpuncher again! Get him!”
But them bouncers had seen my guns, and they was shying away, all except the scar-faced thug which had hit me with the bat, and he whipped a gun from under his vest. So I shot him through the right shoulder, and he fell over behind the monte table.
I begun to spray the crowd with hot lead free and generous and they stampeded every which-a-way. Some went through the winder, glass and all, and some went out the side doors, and some busted down the back door in their flight.
I likewise riddled the mirror behind the bar and shot down some of the hanging lamps and busted most of the bottles on the shelves.
Ace ducked behind a stack of beer kaigs and opened fire on me, but he showed pore judgement in not noticing he was right under a hanging lamp. I shot if off the ceiling and it fell down on his head, and you ought to of heard him holler when the burning ile run down his wuthless neck.
He come prancing into the open, wiping his neck with one hand and trying to shoot me with the other’n, and I drilled him through the hind laig. He fell down and bellered like a bull with its tail cotched in a fence gate.
“You dern murderer!” says he passionately. “I’ll have yore life for this!”
“Shet up!” I snarled. “I’m jest payin’ yuh back for all the pain and humiliation I suffered in this den of iniquity—”
At this moment a bartender riz up from behind a billiard table with a sawed-off shotgun, but I shot it out of his hands before he could cock it, and he fell over backwards hollering: “Spare my life!” Jest then somebody yelled: “Halt, in the name of the law!” and I looked around and it was that tinhorn marshal named Santry with a gun in his hand.
“I arrests you again!” he bawled. “Lay down yore weppins!”
“I’ll lay yore carcase down,” I responded. “Yuh ain’t fitten for to be no law-officer. Yuh gambled away the five dollars I give yuh for grub, and yuh took the fine-money Miss La Venner give yuh, and didn’t turn me out, and yuh give the key to them mobsters which wanted to hang me. You ain’t no law. Yuh’re a dern outlaw yoreself. Now yuh got a gun in yore hand same as me. Either start shootin’ or throw it down!”
Well, he hollered, “Don’t shoot!” and throwed it down and h’isted his hands. I seen he had my knife and pistol stuck in his belt, so I took them off of him, and tossed the .45’s I’d been using onto the billiard table and said, “Give these back to the buffalo-hunters.”
But jest then he whipped out a .38 he was wearing under his arm, and shot at me and knocked my hat off, and then he turnt and run around the end of the bar, all bent over to git his head below it. So I grabbed the bartender’s shotgun and let bam with both barrels jest as his rear end was going out of sight.
He shrieked blue ruin and started having a fit behind the bar, so I throwed the shotgun through the roulette wheel and stalked forth, leaving Ace and the bouncer and the marshal wailing and wallering on the floor. It was plumb disgustful the way they wept and cussed over their trifling injuries.
I come out on the street so sudden that them cusses which was hiding behind the hoss trough to shoot me as I come out, was took by surprise and only grazed me in a few places, so I throwed a few slugs amongst ’em and they took to their heels.
I got on Cap’n Kidd and headed east down the street, ignoring the shots fired at me from the alleys and winders. That is, I ignored ’em except to shoot back at ’em as I run, and I reckon that’s how the mayor got the lobe of his ear shot off. I thought I heard somebody holler when I answered a shot fired at me from behind the mayor’s board fence.
Well, when I got to the clump of cottonwoods there warn’t no sign of Gloria, the hoss, or the buckboard, but there was a note stuck up on a tree which I grabbed and read by the light of the moon.
It said:
Dear Tejano:
Your friend must have been kidding you. I never even knew anybody named Bizz Ridgeway. But I’m taking this chance of getting away from Ace. I’m heading for Trevano Springs, and I’ll send back the buckboard from there. Thank you for everything.
Gloria La Venner.
I got to Goshen about sunup, having loped all the way. Bizz Ridgeway was at the bar of the Spanish Mustang, and when he seen me he turned pale and dived for the winder, but I grabbed him.
“What you mean by tellin’ me that lie about you and Gloria La Venner?” I demanded wrathfully. “Was you tryin’ to git me kilt?”
“Well,” says he, “to tell the truth, Breck, I was. All’s fair in love or war, yuh know. I wanted to git yuh out of the way so I’d have a clear field with Betty Wilkinson, and I knowed about Ace Middleton and Gloria, and figgered he’d do the job if I sent yuh over there. But yuh needn’t git mad. It didn’t do me no good. Betty’s already married.”
“What?” I yelled.
He ducked instinctively.
“Yeah!” he says. “He took advantage of yore absence to pop the question, and she accepted him, and they’re on their way to Kansas City for their honeymoon. He never had the nerve to ast her when you was in town, for fear yuh’d shoot him. They’re goin’ to live in the East because he’s too scairt of you to come back.”
“Who?” I screamed, foaming slightly at the mouth.
“Rudwell Shapley Jr.,” says he. “It’s all yore fault—”
It was at this moment that I dislocated Bizz Ridgeway’s hind laig. I likewise defies the criticism which has been directed at this perfectly natural action. A Elkins with a busted heart is no man to trifle with.
THE END
PIKE BEARFIELD
CONTENTS
WHILE SMOKE ROLLED
WHILE SMOKE ROLLED
Written as a Pike Bearfield story in 1928
“The War of 1812 might have had a very different ending if Sir Wilmot Pembroke had succeeded in his efforts to organize the Western Indians into one vast confederacy to hurl against the American frontier; just why he did fail is as great a mystery as is the nature of the accident which forced his companions to carry him back to Canada on a stretcher.”
— Wilkinson’s History of the Northwest
WOLF MOUNTAIN, TEXAS.
March 10, 1879
Mister WN. Wilkinson. Chicago, Illinoy.
Dear Sir:
The schoolmarm down to Coon Creek was reading the above passage to me out of yore history book which you writ. It ain’t no mystery. It’s all explained in this here letter which I’m sending you which has been sticking in the family Bible along with the birth records for years. It was writ by my grandpap. Please send it back when you’ve read it, and oblige.
Yores respeckfully.
Pike Bearfield, Esquire.
* * * * *
ABOARD THE KEELBOAT “PIRUT QUEEN.”
On the Missoury.
September, 1814.
Mister Peter Bearfield. Nashville, Tennessee.
Dear Sir:
Well, pap, I hope you air satisfied, perswading me to stay out here on the Missoury and skin bufflers and fight musketeers, whilst everybody else in the family is having big doings and enjoying theirselves. When I think about Bill and John and Joel marching around with Gen’ral Hickory Jackson, and wearing them gorgeous unerforms, and fighting in all them fine battles yore having back there I could dang near bawl. I ain’t going to be put on no more jest because I’m the youngest. Soon’s I git back to Saint Louis I’m going to throw up my job and head for Tennessee, and the Missou
ry Fur Company can go to hell. I ain’t going to spend all my life working for a living whilst my wuthless brothers has all the fun, by golly, I ain’t. And if you tries to oppress me any more, I’ll go and enlist up North and git to be a Yankee; you can see from this how desprut I be, so you better consider.
Anyway, I jest been through a experience up beyond Owl River which has soured me on the whole dern fur trade. I reckon you’ll say what the hell has he been doing up the river this time of year, there ain’t no furs up there in the summer. Well, it was all on account of Big Nose, the Minnetaree chief, and I git sick at my stummick right now every time I see a Minnetaree.
You know the way the guvment takes Injun chiefs East and shows ’em the cities and forts and armies and things. The idea being that the chief will git so scairt when he sees how strong the white man is, that when he gits home he won’t never go on the war-path no more. So he comes home and tells the tribe about what he seen, and they accuse him of being a liar and say he’s been bought off by the white folks; so he gits mad and goes out and sculps the first white man he meets jest to demonstrate his independence. But it’s a good theery, anyway.
So they taken Big Nose to Memphis and would of took him all the way to Washington, only they was scairt they’d run into a battle somewheres on the way and the cannon would scare Big Nose into a decline. So they brung him back to Saint Charles and left him for the company to git him back to his village on Knife River. So Joshua Humphrey, one of the clerks, he put a crew of twenty men and four hunters onto the Pirut Queen, and loaded Big Nose on, and we started. The other three hunters was all American too, and the boatmen was Frenchies from down the Mississippi.
I wisht you could of saw Big Nose. He had on a plug hat they give him, and a blue swaller-tailed coat with brass buttons, and a big red sash and broadcloth britches — only he’d cut the seat out of ’em like a Injun always does; and the boots they give him hurt his flat feet, so he wore ’em tied around his neck. He was the most pecooliar-looking critter I ever laid eyes onto, and I shuddered to think what’d happen when the Sioux first ketched sight of him. Big Nose shuddered too, and more’n I did, because the Sioux hated him anyhow, and the Tetons had swore to kiver a drum with his hide.
But all the way up the Lower River he was like a hawg in clover, because the Omahas and Osages and Iowas would come down to the bank and look at him, clap their hands over their open mouths to show how astonished and admireful they was. He strutted and swelled all over the boat. But the further away from the Platte we got the more his feathers drooped; and one day a Injun rode up on the bluffs and looked at us as we went past, and he was a Sioux. Big Nose had a chill and we had to revive him with about a quart of company rum, and it plumb broke my heart to see all that good licker going to waste down a Injun’s gullet. When Big Nose come to, he shed his white man’s duds and got into his regular outfit — which was mostly a big red blanket that looked like a prairie fire by sunset. I told Joshua he better throw the blanket overboard, because it was knowed all up and down the river, and any Sioux would recognize it at a glance. But Joshua said if we threw it overboard we’d have to throw Big Nose overboard too, because he thought it was big medicine. Anyway, he said, they warn’t no use trying to keep the Sioux from knowing we was taking Big Nose home. They knowed it already and would take him away from us if they could. Joshua said he aimed to use diplomacy to save Big Nose’s sculp. I didn’t like the sound of that, because I notice when somebody I’m working for uses diplomacy it generally means I got to risk my neck and he gits the credit. Jest like you, pap, when you git to working and figgering, like you say, the way it always comes around you do the figgering and I do the working.
The further north we got, the closter Big Nose stayed in the cabin which ain’t big enough to swing a cat in; but Big Nose didn’t want to swing no cat, and every time he come on deck he seen swarms of Sioux all over the bluffs jest fixing for to descent on him. Joshua said it was hallucernations, but I said it would be delirium trimmings purty soon if that jug warn’t took away from him.
We made purty good time, ten to twenty miles a day, except when we had winds agen us, or had to haul the boat along on the cordelle — which is a big line that the Frenchies gits out and pulls on, in case you don’t know. Towing a twenty-ton keelboat in water up to yore neck ain’t no joke.
Every day we expected trouble with the Sioux, but we got past the mouth of the Owl River all right, and Joshua said he guessed the Sioux knowed better’n to try any monkey business with him. And that very day a Yankton on a piebald hoss hailed us from the bluffs, and told us they was a hundred Tetons laying in ambush for us amongst the willers along the next p’int of land. We’d have to go around it on the cordelle; and whilst the boatmen was tugging and hauling in water up to their waists, the Sioux aimed to jump us. The Yankton said the Tetons didn’t have nothing personal agen us white men, and warn’t aiming to do us no harm — outside of maybe cutting our throats for a joke — but you oughta herd what he said they was going to do to Big Nose. It war plumb scandalous.
Big Nose ducked down into the cabin and started having another chill; and the Frenchies got scairt and would of turnt the boat around and headed for Saint Charles if we’d let ‘em. Us hunters wanted Joshua to put us ashore and let us circle the p’int from inland and come onto the Sioux from behind. We could do a sight of damage to ’em before they knowed we was onto ‘em. But Joshua said not even four American hunters could lick a hundred Sioux, and he furthermore said shet up and let him think. So he sot down on a kag and thunk for a spell, and then he says to me: “Ain’t Fat Bear’s village out acrost yonder about five mile?”
I said yes, and he said: “Well, look, you put on Big Nose’s blanket and git on the Yankton’s hoss and head for the village. The Sioux’ll think we’ve throwed Big Nose out to root for hisself; and whilst they’re chasin’ you the boat can git away up the river with Big Nose.”
“I don’t suppose it matters what happens to me!” I says bitterly.
“Oh,” says he, “Fat Bear is yore friend and wunst you git in his village he won’t let the Sioux git you. You’ll have a good start before they can see you, on account of the bluffs there, and you ought to be able to beat ’em into the village.”
“I suppose it ain’t occurred to you at all that they’ll shott arrers at me all the way,” I says.
“You know a Sioux cain’t shoot as good from a runnin’ hoss as a Comanche can,” he reassured me. “You jest keep three or four hundred yards ahead of ‘em, and I bet they won’t hit you hardly any at all.”
“Well, why don’t you do it, then?” I demanded.
At this Joshua bust into tears. “To think that you should turn agen me after all I’ve did for you!” he wept — though what he ever done for me outside of trying to skin me out of my wages I dunno. “After I taken you off’n a Natchez raft and persuaded the company to give you a job at a princely salary, you does this to me! A body’d think you didn’t give a dern about my personal safety! My pore old grandpap used to say: ‘Bewar’ of a Southerner like you would a hawk! He’ll eat yore vittles and drink yore licker and then stick you with a butcher knife jest to see you kick!’ When I thinks—”
“Aw, hesh up,” I says in disgust. “I’ll play Injun for you. I’ll put on the blanket and stick feathers in my hair, but I’ll be derned if I’ll cut the seat out a my britches.”
“It’d make it look realer,” he argued, wiping his eyes on the fringe of my hunting shirt.
“Shet up!” I yelled with passion. “They is a limit to everything!”
“Oh, well, all right,” says he, “if you got to be temperamental. You’ll have the blanket on over yore pants, anyway.”
So we went into the cabin to git the blanket, and would you believe me, that derned Injun didn’t want to lemme have it, even when his fool life was at stake. He thought it was a medicine blanket, and the average Injun would ruther lose his life than his medicine. In fack, he give us a tussle for it, and they is no tellin
g how long it would of went on if he hadn’t accidentally banged his head agen a empty rum bottle I happened to have in my hand at the time. It war plumb disgusting. He also bit me severely in the hind laig, whilst I was setting on him and pulling the feathers out of his hair — which jest goes to show how much gratitude a Injun has got. But Joshua said the company had contracted to deliver him to Hidatsa, and we was going to do it if we had to kill him.
Joshua give the Yankton a hatchet and a blanket, and three shoots of powder for his hoss — which was a awful price — but the Yankton knowed we had to have it and gouged us for all it was wuth. So I put on the red blanket, and stuck the feathers in my hair, and got on the hoss, and started up a gully for the top of the bluffs. Joshua yelled: “If you git to the village, stay there till we come back down the river. We’ll pick you up then. I’d be doin’ this myself, but it wouldn’t be right for me to leave the boat. T’wouldn’t be fair to the company money to replace it, and—”
“Aw, go to hell!” I begged, and kicked the piebald in the ribs and headed for Fat Bear’s village.
When I got up on the bluffs, I could see the p’int; and the Sioux seen me and was fooled jest like Joshua said, because they come b’iling out of the willers and piled onto their ponies and lit out after me. Their hosses was better’n mine, jest as I suspected, but I had a good start; and I was still ahead of ’em when we topped a low ridge and got within sight of Fat Bear’s village — which was, so far as I know, the only Arikara village south of Grand River. I kept expectin’ a arrer in my back because they was within range now, and their howls was enough to freeze a mortal’s blood; but purty soon I realized that they aimed to take me alive. They thought I was Big Nose, and they detested him so thorough a arrer through the back was too good for him. So I believed I had a good chance of making it after all, because I seen the piebald was going to last longer’n the Tetons thought he would.
Delphi Works of Robert E. Howard (Illustrated) (Series Four) Page 242