“Let go, Avery. Just for one night. If we’re really friends, trust me and let me take the reins.”
“I can’t.”
“You can.”
“No, Noah, I can’t. I have a system and—”
“Fine. But in my mind, friends go places and hang out together. And sometimes, friendships evolve.” He stood. “I’m sorry I crashed here last night.”
Something tightened in my chest. “You’re mad.”
“I’m annoyed.”
“Noah, I said we could be friends—”
“I’m not your buddy, Avery. I’m a guy who’s painfully attracted to you, and no matter what I do or say, it changes nothing. Every time I hear your door open it’s another man taking out the woman I want. I can’t do this anymore. You won’t even give me a chance.”
“The reason I won’t go anywhere with you is because to you it would be a date, when to me it would be nothing more than friendship.”
“I told you I don’t date, Avery. Why can’t we just have fun and leave the labels out of it.”
“I don’t know you, but I know that’s a lie. You wouldn’t care this much if you were just after sex. You want something more than that and I can’t give it to you. It wouldn’t work between us.”
“How do you know?”
I drew in a deep breath, hiding my emotions far below the surface. I didn’t know, but I also didn’t want to be so forgettable that a man could fuck me and forget me. “I just know.”
His eyes narrowed. “If life’s so damn predictable, then why do you need so much control?” He shook his head. “You won’t even admit you’re attracted to me and I know you are. We have chemistry, and I’m not buying that it’s one-sided. We might work as a couple, and that’s what scares you. At least I’m open-minded enough to consider the possibility.”
“Open minded? You just went from claiming you don’t date to talking about us as a possible couple. Which is it?”
“I don’t know! But the unknown excites the fuck out of me, especially when it has to do with you.” He ran a hand through his hair and shifted his glare away as if regretting his words. “You’re under my skin, and I can’t get you out. Maybe if we just tried…”
“Noah, please. I’m not going to date you, and I’m not going to fuck you. We’re friends, and that’s it.”
His jaw locked hard enough that the muscles bulged under the stubble. His nostrils flared. “This…” He waved a finger between us. “This can’t go on. I hate it.”
I never meant to cause him this much stress. “If you got to know me better, you’d see I’m not right for you. If we could just try being friends—”
His glare returned to me, penetrating and cutting off my words. “You have plenty of empty relationships with—” air quotes “—friends.”
“What are you saying?” I’d assumed this was a game to him, but the stress showed in his eyes. Maybe he still didn’t feel well enough for this conversation.
“I… I don’t know.” He forked his fingers through his hair again. “I don’t want to be one more meaningless relationship in your life, Avery. I want to be the one who gets all your attention, at least until we figure out what this is between us.”
My head shook. Keeping up with his Jekyll and Hyde desires gave me whiplash. In a small voice, I said, “Two minutes ago you said it was just—”
His hand cut through the air. “That was then. This is now.” His gaze locked with mine, sharp and challenging. “I’m laying it all on the table. I want you—as more than a friend and possibly for more than one night. I don’t know how to shut it off, and I’m tired of acting like it’s some passing phase.” His arms spread, exposing his palms. “I’m putting it all out there, Avery. No more games. Just say yes, and we can figure out what this is once and for all.”
My heart raced, and I felt myself shrinking inside. He was too forward, too attractive, and too self-assured. I’d never have control of him and the thought of giving up my neatly controlled life terrified me. He lived twenty feet from my fragile world, and too much tampering could leave everything in pieces.
Folding my arms around my waist, I dropped my gaze to the floor. “We’re just neighbors, Noah. I’m just a temporary piece of furniture in your world, and in a minute I’ll be gone.”
He shook his head. “No, Avery, you’re this accidental shift I didn’t expect, and no matter how much I try to ignore your presence in the fray of my day to day life, you’ve totally consumed my thoughts. There’s a reason for that. There’s a reason I find myself zoning out in business meetings trying to picture the exact shade of your eyes.”
His words surprised and delighted me, but they also scared me. “I thought I was just some conquest to you.”
“I guess I was lying to myself. I like you, Avery. I want to know you better. I want to be everything that makes you nervous and unsure, everything that scares and excites you, everything that makes you sigh and moan. But you have to let me.”
He was all of that. He was the nervous energy that made my heart race for no apparent reason. He was the thrill of a narrow hall shrinking around us. He was unpredictable and intense, and occasionally sweet. He could also be a total dick, which I strangely enjoyed as well. He was … Noah.
My chin lowered, as did my voice. “It’s not you. It’s me. I literally can’t date anyone. I just … don’t. I’m sorry. If we could just—”
My breath hitched as he walked toward the door.
“Noah, wait.”
He paused at the door but didn’t turn around to face me.
“You’re right. You scare me. I don’t know what you’re going to say or do, and I like that, but I also hate it, because I like the order in my life and I don’t want anyone or anything to interfere with my goals.”
Scowling over his shoulder, his gaze narrowed on me. “News flash, a good guy doesn’t fuck with his girl’s goals. He supports them and encourages her.”
“In a perfect world. Think about my job, Noah. Think about how you’d feel if we were involved.”
“There’s other work—”
“Nothing that pays like that. I’m not some genius. I struggle to make B’s, and I wish I had twice as many hours in the week to study, but I don’t. I work less than part-time and can clear enough to live comfortably—if I play my cards right.”
And if my mother stopped draining me dry. But that was none of his business.
“It’s a good job. There’s no other work like that. Not for my skill set.”
Come next September I would hopefully be teaching in a classroom with a respectable career, a new legal name, and a modest paycheck. But most of all, I’d have no college debt tying me to my unsavory past.
Everything from this part of my life and the stuff that came before would be nothing more than a memory. I’d be free to be whomever I wanted, and I wanted that freedom more than anything else.
I didn’t have a wealthy spouse or established parents to give me a leg up. I needed to build my own foundation, and I was running out of time. The next eight months were my last shot at earning enough money for a down payment on my own home, somewhere that matched my future income.
No. I couldn’t let him interfere with my plan. I couldn’t let my heart do my head’s thinking when things were so close to the dream I’d been chasing for years. Survival first, before everything else. Always.
“I’m sorry. I need the money. I’m good at what I do. And it’s worth every penny.”
He turned and scowled. “You’re more than a tight ass and pretty face, Avery. Those things shouldn’t be your skill set.”
“You’re angry because I’m putting work before you.”
“No, I’m angry because you call it work. What exactly are you selling?”
I stiffened. “You know it’s not like that.”
“All I know is I’m done negotiating. I’m out. I can’t do this with you anymore.”
“Do what?”
“This nit-picking. I’m a good g
uy, Avery—a hell of a lot better than any of those guys picking you up.”
“You don’t know them.”
“I know there’s gotta be something wrong with a guy if he has to pay for a woman’s company.”
My fingers twitched with the urge to slap him when he spat out the word company like it dirtied his mouth.
“Don’t blame me for your feelings. I didn’t put them there. And if you’re so disgusted by what I do, then stop knocking on my door!”
His laughter filled the tense conversation with awkwardness. “You’re right. It’s all me. This is totally one-sided, and you’ll lose nothing when I walk away,”
His sarcasm stung, but I couldn’t bend, not on this. Calling his bluff, I whispered. “We’re just neighbors, Noah. I’m sorry.”
He nodded and blanked his expression. “My mistake.”
He opened the door, and my heart jackhammered against my ribs. It wasn’t fair that the sight of him walking away had the emotional finality of a lowering coffin. This was nuts. I didn’t need his friendship, and I certainly didn’t react to ultimatums, but…
Damn him!
He admitted to feeling the chemistry, too. What if this was a once in a lifetime connection and I was blowing it? I didn’t want that sort of connection with anyone now, but I might want it later. Wait. No. My occupation was only part of the problem. Noah would never bend the way I needed a man to bend. He wasn’t the right guy for me.
Or was he? Fuck!
Our words from the other night echoed in my mind.
I’m in charge. Always. And I don’t think you’d like that very much.
Maybe I would.
Damn him for making me second-guess my first instincts. Torn, and none too happy that my feet were now moving after him, I rushed into the hallway.
“One date.”
He paused, and I caught my breath. He didn’t jump with joy or gloat or anything that I expected. More unpredictability from the curious Noah Wolfe.
I kept my distance and tried to remain firm, even though I was conceding in a big way. “I’ll give you one date. I can’t… You’re my friend, Noah.”
I laughed at how pathetic I sounded, but I had to see if there was something special here, seeing as he was being so damn persistent.
“You have plenty of friends, Avery. Let me be something more.”
“Don’t you get it? You’re my only friend. The others... They don’t know me at all.”
“Well, you don’t make it easy.”
“They don’t know me because I don’t want them to. None of them see inside my apartment, and they don’t know where I go to school or what I do in my free time. You think I don’t open up with you, but you’ve seen more of my personal business than anyone else has in years. I’ll go out with you on one date, but if it doesn’t work out, you have to promise we can still be friends.”
A slow smile curled his lips. “Deal.”
That seemed too easy. “Really?”
“Really. But Avery, this isn’t business. It’s pleasure. There are no ground rules, so prepare for anything.”
I swallowed, fearful he’d do something terrifying like take me skydiving or bungee jumping or convince me to sleep with him. “Okay, but—”
“No buts and no rules, Avery. That’s the only rule. No rules.” He grinned as he shut the door behind him.
What did I just agree to?
15
Avery
“Come on…” I fussed with my uncooperative hair. Up, down, half-up, sloppy bun, nothing looked right.
I growled and threw my comb at the mirror. “Damn it, Avery. Focus!”
It was just a date. A stupid date. I went on four to five dates a week. This was no different.
“I have too much makeup on.” Returning to the bathroom, I scrubbed my face clean and started over.
Halfway through lining my eyes, my phone pinged with a text from Noah.
* * *
You ready?
* * *
Shit. It was almost seven.
* * *
Not yet. fifteen minutes.
* * *
I stared at my phone as text bubbles bounced, disappeared, bounced, and disappeared again. Then I waited another minute, but nothing came.
I didn’t have time to sit there and wait for his response, so I went back to my makeup. The text came through a few minutes later, when I was just finishing up my eyes.
* * *
Time’s up. I’m coming over.
* * *
My gaze shot to the mirror. My hair wasn’t done. If it was staying down, I had to curl the ends or at least add a braid. A knock sounded at the door.
I rushed into the hall. “I’m not ready. Come back in twenty minutes!”
“We agreed on seven.” His voice was muffled through the door.
I took several slow steps to the door but didn’t touch it. “I’m not dressed.”
“Perfect. Let me in.”
I rolled my eyes. “Five minutes.”
“Avery.”
“Please…”
He sighed. “Fine, but your ass better be ready in five. Hurry up.”
I shook my head, not used to that sort of talk from a date. Rushing back into the bedroom, I flipped over my head and roughly brushed out my hair, spritzing it with some product meant to give it a beach look.
I applied a light layer of gloss to my lips and jerked on a pair of boyfriend jeans with an intentional tear at the knee. My cropped, off the shoulder, cream sweater paired with cream stilettos took the look from casual to sassy. I just needed to find earrings.
He knocked again. “Time’s up.”
“I’m coming!” Distractedly, I yanked open the door.
“You’re not supposed to come until the end of the date,” he greeted with a cocky grin. And damn, he looked good.
I rolled my eyes. “I just need to find my earrings.”
“Wait.” He caught my hand and pulled me back to face him. “You look great. I love your hair like that.”
“Th—thanks.” I disentangled my hand and searched the living room for my little gold hoops.
“Are these them?”
Turning, I came up short as he held up the earrings, not ten inches away from me. Why the hell was I so out of breath? I needed to calm the fuck down. “Yes, thank you.”
“You look great. Let’s go.”
As his hand slipped into mine, my brain blanked, and I nearly forgot my purse and coat. “Where are we going?”
“To a tap house.”
“A brewery?”
“Yeah.” His arm curled around my hips as soon as we were inside the elevator, and my breathing suddenly seemed unnatural and out of sync. I had to chill.
My sweater was cropped, and my coat was still in my arms. As his thumb brushed the bare skin of my back, I shivered.
He glanced down at me and smiled. “Ticklish?”
“Not usually.” Nothing about this was usual.
We stepped into the lobby, and he helped me with my coat. “Button up.” He carefully slid each button into its hole. “It’s chilly out there.”
I wasn’t used to him touching me so much or with such casual entitlement, as if we had done this a thousand times before. The instinct to pull away remained out of habit, but as if he sensed my tension, he held tighter each time I thought to put a little space between us.
Winston greeted us at the front door. “I have your car, Mr. Wolfe.”
“Thank you.”
“We’re driving?”
“Yup.”
He drove a beautiful, black BMW 328i hardtop convertible. He held my door, and I was pleased to find the seats already warmed. “This is a nice car.”
“Thanks. Buckle up. We’ve got a thirty-minute drive.”
“We’re leaving the city?”
“Heading to the suburbs. I want you all to myself tonight, so I figured I’d take you somewhere we wouldn’t run into anyone from the city.”
He foc
used on the congested roads as he navigated his way to the interstate, but once we were cruising down 95 North, he appeared totally at ease. “Are you warm? We can turn down the heat.”
“I’m always cold. How did you hear about the place we’re going?”
“It’s near where I grew up.”
“And where’s that?”
“Bucks County. How about you?”
Not a good topic. I adjusted the dial for the heat. “It is a little warm. How long have you had this car?”
“Wow.” He laughed. “You’re really going to completely ignore my question?”
“What did you ask?”
He turned and gave me a look that said he was positive I knew. “Where did you grow up?”
“A little nowhere town out west.”
“What’s it called?”
“Um, Blackwater.”
“How far is it from Philly?”
“What, are you writing a book?”
He laughed again. “No, just trying to get to know my date. The fact that you’re getting defensive only intrigues me more. Why don’t you like talking about where you’re from?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
I fidgeted, getting cold again. Adjusting the dial, I turned up the heat. “My life three years ago was nothing like it is now. Trust me, there’s nothing intriguing about where I’m from.”
“I highly doubt that. Do you have a big family?”
“Four brothers and one sister.”
He frowned. “Did you visit them for Thanksgiving?”
“No. We don’t do holidays. They all have … other obligations.”
He glanced at me and back to the road. “You guys don’t get along?”
Growing up as we had, it was survival of the fittest. Aside from Drew, I didn’t get along with any of them. And Drew was still active military, so the most I saw from him was his handwriting on a postcard since Gavin died.
“We’re not really close. We’re only half-siblings.”
“Oh. Did you grow up in the same house?”
House… Trailer… “Yes, but I’m the baby, so they were mostly gone by the time I graduated high school. We don’t really keep in touch.”
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