“Why?”
She blushed, her lips twisting into a shy smirk. “Because I think it would be especially romantic to meet the love of my life on Valentine’s Day. I fantasize about telling the story about how I met my Mr. Right and everyone who hears the story sighs because it’s so romantic.” Her smile faded. “I’ve been doing this since college, and you’re the first guy who’s ever actually bought me a drink.”
“That can’t be true.”
“But it is. I know what men want. They want long legged bombshells. They like confidence and class. I’m awkward and mousey.”
“You’re smart and dependable, Lucy. I’d call you a tiger before I’d ever call you a mouse. The office would be lost without you. I know I would be.”
“Thank you. But it would be nice to get a guy’s attention for a change without the help of my resume.”
“I think most men go after the wrong women anyway. Don’t take it personally. And as far as confidence goes, you just have to put yourself out there, which you seem to be doing.”
Her shoulders shifted with a deep breath, and she twisted to better face me. “Noah, can I tell you something else?”
“Sure.”
“If you asked to take me home right now, I’d say yes.”
Every sound silenced as the thoughts skipping around in my head skidded to a stop. Was this a joke? Was someone playing some sort of prank on me? I swallowed, trying to find my voice and laughed nervously. “Pardon?”
“I’m sorry if this is inappropriate, but…” She drew in a deep breath. “I like you—a lot. I have for a while. I know you’re my boss, and I hope my job’s not in any danger by me telling you this, but I thought you should know.”
Ohhh, it was awkward… “Lucy, I’m flattered…”
“But?”
“But you work for me.”
If she was disappointed, she hid it well. “Okay.” She lifted her drink and took a long sip.
It wasn’t okay. I felt terrible. “I think you’re amazing. I wouldn’t want to lose you because things got complicated.”
She put down her empty glass with a shaky hand. “Please don’t make excuses. I’m fine. As a matter of fact, I should be going.” She scooted off her stool and took her purse. “Thanks for the drink.”
“You don’t have to leave.”
“I do. I have an appointment I forgot about. Have… Have a good night, Noah. Happy Valentine’s Day.”
Fuck. I threw some money on the bar and went after her.
The place was packed, and she was so damn short. I lost sight of her. Exiting the bar, I rushed onto the pavement and searched the people walking by. When had it started snowing? A small figure turned at the corner.
“Lucy, wait.” I raced after her, my leather soled shoes slipping on the dusting of snow. “Shit. Lucy, slow down.” When she didn’t stop, I sped up. “How the hell does she move so fast on such short legs?”
I turned the corner and came to an abrupt stop as she stood on the other side of the building. I winced at the sight of tears. Fuck me.
She pulled a red shawl tight over her shoulders. Her bare arms and legs must have been freezing.
“I’m sorry,” I said, unsure how to make this better.
“I told you I’m fine, Noah.”
“But you’re not. I… I didn’t know.”
Her head tipped to the side as she looked at me. Stepping close, she closed a hand over my sleeve. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay! Nothing is okay!” I forked my fingers through my hair, leaving it standing on end. Work was my escape, the one thing that took my mind off Avery. I couldn’t have stress there as well. And I couldn’t risk Lucy quitting. “Why does everything have to be so fucked up?”
“I…” She shook her head, genuine concern reflecting in her eyes. “I don’t know.”
“You like me. She likes him. I like her. Can’t anyone get it right?”
Her eyes turned startled and wide. “I don’t know who you’re talking about.”
“Why does everything have to be so damn complicated?”
Her teeth were chattering, and her breath formed a cloud of vapor between us. I’d been so out of it when I left my apartment, I didn’t even have a coat to offer her.
Cupping my hands over her arms, I tried to warm her skin. “I think you’re great, Lucy. The reason my company works so well has as much to do with you as it does with me. And I think you're pretty. Some guy is going to—”
My eyes widened as she lifted to her toes and pressed her lips to mine. I broke the kiss and stepped back.
My hand covered my mouth as I stared down at her with a startled gaze. “Uh…”
“It doesn’t always have to be complicated, Noah.”
Oh, yes, it did. “Okay, let's not do that again.”
“Sorry.”
I held up my hands. “It’s cool.” My voice took on a higher pitch. The wind cut through my clothes, and I shivered. “How about we walk for a little bit?”
She nodded, and we strolled through Rittenhouse. Her little heels ticked along the cobblestone as I tried to think of something to say. I couldn’t say goodnight until I was certain things wouldn’t be awkward in the office between us.
“How long have you felt this way?” I asked.
“Since the first time you called me at home on a Saturday and said you needed me. I think that was about two weeks after I started working for you.”
Shit. That was over three years ago. “I do need you.”
“I know. And I love feeling needed like that, so I might misread it from time to time. Maybe I tend to romanticize things, and I’m sorry. But … please don’t fire me. When you called me at my nephew’s party, I would have come to you. It didn’t matter what you wanted. You’re the only person who makes me feel … important. You’re the only person who actually needs me to be there on a regular basis. And so long as I remain necessary, I matter. I know it sounds stupid, but—”
“It’s not stupid.”
I wondered if she realized how many men in the office deferred to her. She was my second in command, my right hand. At four foot eleven, she managed to hold authority over the entire staff and keep them in line. And tonight, she took control of her situation by putting herself out there.
“I’d never fire you. But I think you were wrong at the bar.”
“About which part?”
“You said men want women with confidence, but you said it like you see yourself as insecure. You’re confident, Lucy. And the whole office needs you, not just me. You run the show when I’m not there. An unconfident woman wouldn’t be able to do that. I think you know how much you matter, regardless of whether I tell you I need you or not.”
She stopped walking, and I realized we’d made it to my apartment building. “But we all like the reassurance of seeing how necessary we are, Noah. Even the most confident person has doubts. Every time you need me for something, it validates my importance. I’m human enough to depend on that validation.”
No one needed to tell her that she often ran the show more than me. It might be my ideas and my name on the door, but I’d be nothing without her there to keep me organized.
“You know your job’s safe, right?”
She blushed. “I guess.” She smirked. “You’d be a disaster without me.”
I smiled because she was right. I needed her to make the tricky decisions, and that equaled security in her mind. It made her indispensable to my life. She was indispensable because she was the one in control—of my schedule, the payroll, the staff. I’d be lost without her.
She was the boss. I was just … the owner. And it worked.
“That’s it.”
She frowned. “That’s what?”
“You know how important you are to me, Lucy, but you still like when I come to you to solve a problem.”
“Of course I do. That’s my job.”
Actually, it wasn’t. But she’d made it her job, creating a position for herself in
my world that no one else could fill. It was why I’d never fire her and why I’d never risk our relationship by getting romantically involved with her. She was priceless.
“Noah, what’s going on with you?”
My hands fisted in my pockets as my muscles bunched against the cold. “Nothing. I just realized something.”
“What?”
“That women need to feel needed.”
She pursed her lips. “So do men.”
“Yeah, but with us, it’s more about our egos. With women, it’s more about security.”
“You lost me.”
“Keep putting yourself out there, Lucy. There’s a good man looking for you, and sooner or later you’ll find him. Just promise me you’ll still keep my life in order when he shows up because I’ll always need you.”
Her smile showed how deeply the compliment resonated. “Thank you—”
The door to the building opened, and we turned. Winston stepped out, and I froze at the sight of Micah, my stomach dropping to my knees.
He’d been here all this time?
My knuckles cracked as my fist clenched at my side. He glared at me then glanced down at Lucy, his expression softening. I fucking hated him.
Lucy’s head tipped up, her lips parting slightly as she stared up at the other man. “Hello.”
“Good evening.”
I scowled, wanting nothing more than to tell him not to talk to her. I could invite her in, but that would send the wrong message. Luckily, he stepped past us and crossed the street, his headlights flashing as his car unlocked.
I glared at him, wishing a bus would come barreling down Delancey right as he crossed. As he glanced back, my eyes narrowed. What the fuck are you looking at?
Then I realized he wasn’t looking back at me. He was looking at Lucy. And she was watching him.
“Do you want me to have the doorman call you a cab?” I asked, stepping in her view.
“That’s okay. I think I’ll walk.”
“You’ll freeze.”
“I’m not that cold anymore. Goodnight, Noah.”
I frowned as she turned and lowered her shawl, exposing the sharp curve of her shoulder as she walked away.
“Mr. Wolfe?” Winston stood holding the door open, his chest flecked with freshly fallen flurries.
I quickly crossed the threshold, and when I looked back, the road was empty. All signs of Micah and Lucy gone.
I took the elevator to my floor and dug out my keys. As I unlocked my apartment, I hesitated and glanced back at Avery’s door. Before I realized what I was doing, my fist pounded on her door.
The wood jerked open, and she glared at me. “What do you want?”
“Did you sleep with him?”
“Oh, my God. Go away, Noah.”
She tried to slam the door, and I caught the wood. “Did you? I have a right to know.”
“What right? News flash, you have no right to me. You’re just my neighbor. We aren’t even friends.”
“Answer the fucking question, Avery!”
She flinched, and all arrogance left her face. “No.”
“No, you won’t answer it, or no, you didn’t sleep with him?”
Her long lashes fluttered, and her eyes shimmered. Voice small, she said, “No, I didn’t have sex with him. But I’m glad you think I’m such a whore you had to ask.”
My head tipped back in relief and regret. “I don’t think you’re a whore.”
“No? You sure it’s not in my scorpion-like nature.”
Massaging the bridge of my nose, I growled. “Why do we always have to fight? Nothing is easy with you!”
“Look, I don’t know why you’re suddenly at my door when you haven’t spoken to me in weeks, but…”
Her lips pursed, and the bridge of her nose flushed, the whites of her eyes a glassy shade of pink.
Her voice broke. “I … I can’t do this right now. I can’t keep disappointing you by being exactly who I am. I’m sorry we broke up. It was my fault—all of it. I never meant to hurt you, Noah. If there was another way for things to have worked out, I would have tried it, but there’s not. I’m always going to be this toxic person. You’re better off not trusting me and keeping to your side of the hall until I move out. Lucky for you that won’t be that long from now.”
A tear tripped past her lashes, and she either didn’t realize she was crying or refused to acknowledge her tears.
“Goodnight. I have to go.”
She pushed the door shut, and the soft click seemed to send a fissure carving into my heart. I stared at the door, unsure what to make of everything she just said. She was crying. Women like Avery weren’t supposed to cry. She was strong. Tough.
So why did she look so broken? Staring down at the knob, I reached forward and turned, my eyes shutting in relief when the door opened.
38
Avery
Hand on my quaking chest, I staggered into the living room and gasped for breath. I’d told Micah I’d stay, but after seeing Noah wearing a smudge of some other woman’s red lipstick on his lips, I knew I couldn’t stay here.
“Oh, God.” I gripped the arm of the couch, letting my tears fall. I couldn’t bear the pain escaping me in horrific sobs.
I gasped as strong arms closed around me. Noah.
“Shh. Don’t cry.” He twisted me away from the sofa and pulled me into his arms.
“How did you get in here?”
“You forgot to lock the door.”
“Get out.” I didn’t want him to see me like this. “You’re breaking and entering again.”
“I’ll let you use my phone to call the cops.” He brushed the hair away from my face and pressed his lips to my temple. “Try to breathe, Avery. You’re going to hyperventilate if you don’t calm down.”
I sucked in a jagged breath. Defeated, I let him hold me. “I can’t fight anymore, Noah. You win.”
“I didn’t win.” He lowered to the couch, pulling me onto his lap. “We both lost.”
The agony I’d kept bottled up for the past few weeks erupted out of me like boiling lava. “I wish I could be normal for you.”
“You are normal. You just have a terrible job.”
“My job pays for college.”
“I know, but what does it cost you in the end? I’m falling in love with you, Avery. Hell, I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you get on that elevator. I want to be with you, and I don’t want to share. If you’d just open up to me a little, I could help you.”
My face pressed to his shoulder, his familiar scent seeping into my lungs and calming me. “I don’t want you to know any of that.”
“Any of what?”
“Anything about the girl I used to be. I just want you to see the good stuff.”
“Why can’t I see both? I’m not an asshole, Avery. But you make this part of you a deception. You hide it until your secrecy is all I can see. If you just were upfront with me about the bad stuff, it wouldn’t matter so much. And I’d never lose sight of all the good.”
Fear twisted in my chest, wringing a sharp whimper from my throat. “My real name’s Avery Dean Mudd. I grew up in a dirt poor trailer park with an abusive, alcoholic mother, and I don’t know who my father is.”
His hand brushed over my hair, holding me close. “None of that’s your fault, and I’d never judge you for where you came from.”
“But you don’t understand what it was like. You came from this picture perfect home with a mom and a dad. Your family had money, and you’ve grown up with so many opportunities.”
“I can’t help that. I’m sorry it wasn’t as easy for you.”
My words tangled in my throat. “Everything I am is fake. And when I let my guard down and show people the real me, they see nothing but problems.”
“No, sweetie. You’re wrong.”
“I tried to let you in, and you called me a scorpion.”
“I was angry. I saw another man kissing you, and I lost it. I wanted to hurt you.
”
“You succeeded.”
He pulled me so I straddled him and cupped my cheeks so I’d look him in the eyes. “You are not a scorpion. It was an asshole thing to say, and I didn’t mean it.”
Leaning forward, he tried to kiss me, and I turned away, my face scrunching tight. “You have someone else’s lipstick on your lips.”
He hissed out a curse. “That was a mistake.”
“Did she like her flower?” Maybe if I made light of him dating other women, it wouldn’t feel like a dull, rusty blade was gutting me.
“What?”
“The rose you had when you left tonight.”
“Ah.” He let out a deep breath. “I didn’t have the guts to give it to her, so I left it by her mailbox.”
Yeah, I couldn’t discuss this with him. “Oh.” I pushed off of his lap.
“Where are you going?”
“I need a glass of water.”
He let me up, and I went to the kitchen. As I turned to ask if he wanted anything, he lifted Micah’s half full glass of wine.
“What does he want from you, Avery? Why does he have such a hold on you?”
He didn’t have to clarify who he was. Carrying my glass of water back to the den, I lowered myself to the empty seat. “He wants a relationship with me, but I can’t give him what he wants.”
His expression was unreadable. “Because of a control thing?”
“No, because of a love thing. I don’t love Micah that way, and I doubt I ever could.”
Noah’s Nordic eyes lifted, and he stared across the table at me. “You have no fucking idea how glad I am to hear that.”
“I’m indebted to him, Noah. This apartment, these clothes, my books… The others pay my bills, but Micah supports me. I’d never have made it this far without him.”
“Bullshit. Did he ever offer to set you up with a financial advisor, Avery? Someone who could help you figure out an ordinary student loan and maybe educate you about student housing? He wanted you to believe he was not only your best option but your only option. With your background, you might not have known better, but he did, and he took advantage of you anyway.”
“He’s been more than generous—”
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