by Vera Hollins
“What’s going on?” Sar asked me.
“There’s something I want to tell you.”
My nerves danced wildly in my stomach, but instead of putting my brave mask on as always, I let the nervousness show on my face. They looked between each other, and Sarah frowned.
“Is everything okay?” she asked.
My first urge was to grin and say yes, but I’d told myself I would learn to open up. I had to start somewhere. I wanted them to know why I was the way I was.
“Yeah, everything is fine now. But it hasn’t been that way for a while. For years, actually. So . . . I just wanted to share that with you.” I shrugged my shoulders.
Understanding settled on their faces. Jess nodded with a patient smile. “We’re listening.”
I recollected that night, watching their faces change like a kaleidoscope—from disbelief to anger and finally to sadness. The moment I was done talking, Jess pulled me into a hug, her arms tightening around me.
“I suspected it was something bad, but to think you actually went through that . . . I’m so sorry, Mel,” she said, emotions flooding her voice. “So sorry.”
Sarah joined the hug, wrapping her arms around both of us in a way that probably made us look silly to outsiders, but it was nice and comforting, and what more could I have asked for?
“So many things make sense now,” Sarah said as we pulled apart. “Are you sure you’re okay now?”
I thought about the feeling of freedom I’d felt with Masen and the absence of fear.
“I’m definitely better. Almost indestructible. SuperMel.” I flexed my arm and patted my bicep, breaking up the sadness on their faces and making way for laughs.
“That’s good to hear,” Sarah said.
Jess yanked me into another hug, and before I could tell her she could cut back on the suffocating hugs, her relieved sigh reached my ear.
“What was that for?”
“I’m just glad.”
I frowned, returning her hug. “Why?”
“First, that you are doing better after such a traumatic experience. Secondly, that you opened up to us. I always wished I could help you, but I didn’t want to push you. This had to be on your terms.”
Sarah smiled warmly as Jess and I separated. “Thank you for letting us in. Know that you can always rely on us. We’re here for you no matter what.”
I wiped away imaginary tears. “Gee, thanks, Sarah. Don’t make me drown the whole school with my tears.”
They giggled and pulled me into another group hug, and I smiled, like really, really smiled, feeling much happier than before.
Steven had been right, but I’d never cared to listen. I never wanted to change, ready to be stuck behind my walls all alone. But that wasn’t living. And I was done with not living.
Life was too short for me to miss out on happiness.
I parked behind the Browns’ minivan and got out. Masen was sitting on the porch with his phone in his hand. His lips curved into a sexy smile when he saw me, and my body reacted instantly. I almost growled. This guy affected me too much, and it wasn’t fair at all. At freaking all.
“I can already see dirty thoughts forming in your head,” I said as I approached him.
“Just like in yours.” He stood up. Even though we were almost the same height, he held himself in a way that made him seem much taller, oozing confidence and sexiness that was almost palpable. He lowered his lips onto mine before I could respond, and his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me hard against him. I leaned into him and grasped his hair as his tongue slid against mine.
“I missed you,” he whispered against my lips.
“We saw each other just an hour ago at school.”
He slapped my ass with a chuckle and stepped back. “So? Do I need your permission to miss you? And I bet you missed me too.”
I shook my head. “Nope. Not even one percent. Hell, not even one-tenth of a percent.”
“Liar, liar, pants on fire.”
I grimaced at him. “What are you now? Three?”
“He definitely acts like he’s three when he’s with you.” Eli joined us on the porch.
“General Fabulous!” I spread my arms and rushed to pull him into a hug. He erupted into contagious chuckles as my arms wound around him, and I let out a hearty laugh. I was glad to see him this happy. “We haven’t seen each other since the Persian War!”
“Ah, yes.” Eli nodded solemnly when I pulled back to look at him. “The Persian War. I’ll never forget our battle at the fridge where a dozen apples and oranges died in the name of our smoothies.”
We burst into laughter, and red colored Eli’s cheeks. He was smiling a lot these days, getting more and more talkative, which was a far cry from the Eli he was when I came here the first time. Did that really happen almost two months ago? It felt as though it happened a lifetime ago.
I thought about all the changes we’d gone through since then, some good, some bad. It would be a lie if I said I was completely over everything that had happened, but just like Eli and Masen, I was getting there. And for the first time, I wasn’t afraid. For the first time, I embraced the change, excited to see what the future had in store for me.
“I want to talk to you about something,” I said to Eli, and he grew serious. “Don’t worry. I’m not taking your organs to sell them on the black market. Not this week.”
He chuckled. “Good to know I’m off the hook for now.”
“Is your dad inside?” I asked Masen.
“He came home from work just a bit ago.” Masen looked uncomfortable. We’d talked about this yesterday, and I’d finally managed to convince him to let me help them. He’d assured me he would pay me all the money back, and I’d had to accept this because he’d have refused me if I hadn’t.
“Great. Then let’s go in.”
Eli tilted his head to the side, confused as to why his dad needed to be present, but he didn’t say anything. He turned his wheelchair around and headed inside.
Doug was watching the news in the living room. His big smile welcomed me. “Hi, Melissa. It’s nice to see you.”
“Hey, Doug. It’s good to see this is still your address! I keep expecting you to move to the TV station any day now.”
He chuckled and scratched his stubble. “It’s true. Work can get awfully busy sometimes. But I still remember where home is. Please take a seat.” He motioned to the couch, and I sat down. “Would you like something to drink?”
“Do you have vodka maybe?”
Masen snorted, while Doug laughed. “Not today.”
“Then I’m afraid I have to refuse. I couldn’t settle for anything less.”
His reply was another laugh. Masen sat down on the armrest next to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. Doug smiled when he noticed this.
“It’s good to see my son has finally decided to get himself a girlfriend. Though, I must say I’m a little surprised. I was under the impression that you weren’t quite a fan of his.”
Masen smirked. “She couldn’t resist my charms.”
I swatted his hand away from my shoulder. “Yeah, right. Is that before or after you begged me to be with you?”
He looked at me as if I’d gone nuts. “Begged you? Sweetheart, you were salivating whenever you saw me. You were just playing hard to get.”
Was he seriously saying this right in front of his dad and brother? Could someone hand me a gun so I could shoot this fool?
“You delusional—” I started, but then Doug burst into laughter, smacking his knee.
“Ah, young love. So passionate,” he said with a grin, and I squirmed uncomfortably on the couch. Talk about awkward. “So, what did you want to talk about? Masen told me you had something you wanted to discuss with all of us.”
I glanced at Eli. He was currently wearing his Ferrari F1 T-shirt and cap. I could easily imagine him ruling the track and leaving all his rivals far behind. Just like Masen. I was glad I could help him get closer to making his dreams come
true.
I told them about Steven’s trust fund and how I wanted to put that money to good use to help Eli. Eli’s eyes widened, and red smeared his cheeks as he thought about what I was offering.
Doug shook his head. “No. There’s no way we can accept something like this.”
“Think about it, Doug. That money . . . it was meant for my brother, not for me, and all it would ever do is remind me he’s not here with me anymore. For me, it represents what I’ve lost, but for Eli, it could represent what he could gain.”
Doug looked away, and his features twisted with shame. “I can’t accept it. I already feel bad enough because I’m not able to provide for this family on my own.” Regret darkened his eyes when he returned Masen’s gaze.
“We’ve already talked about this many times, Dad,” Masen told him. “You’re doing all you can. It’s not your fault.”
“Isn’t it?” he asked. Those words carried the weight of his regrets and doubts.
“It’s not,” Masen said. “So don’t beat yourself about it. Eli and I never blamed you. Not even once.”
Eli nodded. “It’s true. You’re doing all you can, Dad. It’s because of me that—”
“Don’t even say that, Elijah,” Doug said, frowning at him. “It’s not your fault. It never was, so I don’t want to hear you say something like that ever again, got it? What happened was an accident that could have happened to anyone. There’s no reason for you to blame yourself.”
“Dad is right,” Masen said. “So cut it out, okay?”
Eli nodded once more, biting his lip. He looked like he might cry, but this wasn’t the moment for tears. I’d come here to bring good news, not lead them a step closer to depression.
I stood up and went over to Eli, who looked too vulnerable and precious for this world. I placed my hand on his as I crouched beside him. “They’re right, General Fabulous. We can’t predict or control what happens. Moreover, the more you try to control it, the less control you have. That’s something I’ve just learned, and it sucks, but it is what it is.”
I would probably blame myself for Steven’s death for quite a while, but I was starting to accept that there wasn’t just one factor that played roles in our lives. All factors were intertwined, showing up in the most mysterious ways, enforcing the butterfly effect. But the blame game wouldn’t do me any good.
“So, instead of blaming yourself, enjoy your life to the fullest and use all your chances.” I looked at Doug. “Eli is my friend,” I continued. “And if anyone deserves that money, it’s him. It will cover all his expenses and help him go to college. It will help him make his dreams come true, and Masen will be able to focus on his own college and career, so one day he could help support Eli. That is, until Eli becomes the world’s fastest race car driver and becomes richer than the Rockefellers.” I winked at him.
Eli grinned. “You think?”
“Of course I do, buddy! And I’m going to be your number one fan! You’re going to sign me your autographs every day!”
Eli laughed, all previous distress gone from his face.
“Will you come with me for a moment?” Masen suddenly said. His expression didn’t reveal anything. He stood up and took my hand, pulling me out of the room without even waiting for my answer.
“Uh-oh. Here comes trouble,” I said jokingly to Eli and Doug on our way out.
Masen stopped only when we’d reached Pigi’s house, his back turned to me.
I grinned. “What’s this about? Are you so mad at me for meddling that you’re going to feed me to Pigi?”
He spun on his heel and grabbed my head with his hands, crashing his lips on mine. Instantly, heat spread through me, mixed with longing and raw need. I pressed myself closer to him and responded to him with equal urgency, forgetting about the rest of the world.
“If I ever need to take my anger out on you, I’ll do it by making you scream my name again,” he said into my mouth and pressed a kiss to my jaw. “And again.” He lowered his lips to my neck. “And again.” He left a line of butterfly kisses along my neck. His hands slid down my back until they settled on my hips.
A moan slipped over my lips, and my eyes fluttered shut. I gripped his T-shirt with my hands, stretching the fabric. “Yes, I’ll scream your name, but in pure anger as I punch your face. Repeatedly.”
He chuckled and pressed me closer to him. “Always so violent.” He ran his knuckles over my cheek. “Gotta like a girl who’s like a rabid dog.”
“That’s what you called me eight months ago.”
“I did. Fuck, I hated you so much back then.”
“The feeling was mutual.”
“And now here we are.”
“Here we are,” I whispered.
His lips grazed mine. “Thank you for what you did back there.”
“Don’t thank me yet. Doug still hasn’t accepted the offer.”
“He will eventually.” Masen laced his fingers through my hair, leaning his forehead against mine. “I don’t think you realize how much this means to Eli. Not the money, but you being there for him. He needs as many friends as he can get.”
“He will always have me. We’re like Siamese twins now. We won’t get separated.”
He let out a raspy chuckle. “Is that so? Then I’m worried for him. He’ll need to pop a lot of pills in order to handle you. You can be a lot.”
I bit his lip. “Gee, thanks. It’s good to know my boyfriend has such a high opinion of me.”
“Your boyfriend is just honest with you.”
“My boyfriend should just shut up and let me run the show.”
I placed my lips on his before he could respond, and we ended up in a firm embrace. In my periphery, I saw Pigi watching us. The quiet humming of the wind added to the bright, peaceful atmosphere, and I felt completely happy. I smiled at Pigi.
I was so looking forward to many, many more days of bickering with Barbie.
“Satan, if this is what you think prom is, you’re crazier than I thought,” Masen said as we stopped beside Steven’s grave.
He was dressed in a black tuxedo with a black bow tie, and his hair was slicked back. He looked devilishly handsome and a lot more wholesome than me. I wore a red-and-black punk corset with a matching tutu and knee-high combat boots, along with my dark, heavy makeup and the red streaks in my hair, which I’d gotten just yesterday. This was definitely not in accordance with the grand ball theme, but did I care about that? Not a bit.
Masen was definitely dressed like his shit was made of gold. We couldn’t look more mismatched (Masen had almost had a heart attack when he came to pick me up and saw me), but we fit together so well.
“Shut up. You know why we’re here.”
He placed his finger over his mouth. “Hmm, do I really? You do realize he won’t be climbing out of that grave to come with us to prom?”
I rolled my eyes. “I wouldn’t even want him to. Zombies are the last thing we need on our precious, precious planet.”
Masen’s expression turned serious as his gaze settled on Steven’s headstone. “It sucks big time that he never got to go to prom. He always said he’d pull a prank that night. Make the power go out. Or spit into our teachers’ drinks when they weren’t looking.”
I chuckled, my chest aching with longing. “Of course he would pull something like that. Idiot.”
Steven would never get to do that or anything else. He would never get to experience so many things. My throat felt clogged as I read the date of his birth and death on his headstone. His birthday was in two weeks.
I took a deep breath to douse the stabbing pain in my heart. This night was bittersweet. I was going to prom because of Steven, to experience it for the both of us, but it wouldn’t be the same without him. But I could try to have fun. He would want this. I could already see him looking at me with a deadpan expression on his face. He would say, “Are you nuts? What is this? A funeral? You’re going to prom, so enough frowning. You look like a crow.”
I smiled.
I crouched and ran my fingers over his headstone.
“We never truly value what we have until we lose it, and I kept pushing him and taking him for granted.” I cleared my throat. “Only after I lost him, I tried to listen, like really listen, allowing myself to be fully honest with myself. I wasn’t that perfect, righteous person who could do no wrong. I didn’t know everything.” I met Masen’s gaze. “And I was a bully, too.”
His brows knitted together, as if he hadn’t expected me to say this. “Why are you saying this?”
“I’m saying this because I want to apologize. Like really, really, really apologize.” I grinned at him. “Who would’ve thought, right? Behold, behold! The ground will open and swallow us, or the aliens will abduct us and use us for cloning experiments on a planet of cats, and—”
“Satan?”
I peered at him. “Yes?”
He smirked. “You’re babbling.”
“Right.” I stood up, scratching my neck. “Excuse me, but I’m a little bit nervous, if you haven’t noticed. Apologizing is not my forte.”
His smirk deepened. “I’ve noticed.”
I huffed and crossed my arms over my chest. “Anyway, as I was saying, I’ve done some wrong things, too, so I’m not that innocent myself. As much as I hated you for what you’ve done to others, it wasn’t the right thing to do. It was stupid. I’m always saying how bullying leads to more bullying and how hate leads to more hate, advocating dialogue, yet I never followed my own advice. Sooo, the medal of the biggest hypocrite of the century goes to . . . Melissa Brooks!”
I bowed, but Masen didn’t laugh. He observed me with a pensive expression on his face, and I shifted on my feet.
I rocked on my heels. “This is the moment you say something.”
“You’re not proposing to me, Satan. You don’t have to be so nervous.”
“Eww, no. You could only wish that!”
“Actually, I don’t, because you’d most likely put a collar around my neck instead of giving me an engagement ring. It would be a nightmare.”