by Terah Edun
When people like Donna Marie or even her Great-Aunt dropped their loving, caring acts she saw avarice, greed, even fear. But when Rivan dropped the passive emotions like boredom and reclusiveness that he shielded his true feelings with, she saw and felt something more within him. The problem was that whatever that more came with was also tied to a very dangerous entity. His aura, what she’d felt of it when his emotions got the best of him, exploded from his core like a wild dangerous beast. Untamable and wholly ravenous, ready to devour anything in its path if he made the mistake of losing his control.
So she could be forgiven for not letting him touch her.
Because it was her understanding that despite her gratefulness that he had reigned it in this time, there was no guarantee he’d be able to do so again. And that was what scared her. Because pride or no pride, Mae did have a self-preservation instinct and it was kicking in with a fullness. It was telling her to run. To run as far and as fast as she could, because when he dropped his act it wouldn’t be to show an underlying later of malice.
It would be because he became something else.
Something beastly that sent her quailing in fear. At least she thought it was fear.
Seeing her reaction to whatever he was however seemed to change Rivan back into the boy she’d first met, withdrawn and reserved.
He had pulled back not just physically but emotionally. His eyes grew distant. He didn’t change his physical deportment but his entire body language changed. He became standoffish and as cold as ice. It distressed her just to look at him, because as much as power blasting over her like a tidal storm of lightning and energy had been foreign, looking at him now, looking at the person, was like looking into the eyes of a stranger and wondering where she had gone wrong.
But she didn’t know how to respond either.
Biting her lip as she eyed him askance, Mae thought to herself. How else am I to respond to that? I’m only human and only did what anyone else would have done. He’s not being open about who he is.
But even that didn’t fully describe her unease about what Rivan represented. The word was on the tip of her tongue but as she fell into his gaze that promised pain and gave out even pain, she realized he wasn’t just shut down and repressed.
He was an enigma.
A mystery that she couldn’t solve. She always felt like he was an unknown to her.
Unknown personality.
Unknown background.
Unknown powers.
Something she had never encountered before. Obviously, her family had secrets.
More and more are coming to light every day, Mae thought to herself wryly.
But she had never doubted, until the foreigners showed up, that her family had her best interests at heart. They meant well. But she was starting to see now, as she tried to unravel feelings of wariness mixed with interest on so many subjects while also understanding what it meant to betray and suppress your own inherent natures, that perhaps you weren’t just born into a family.
Maybe he made his.
She couldn’t accept that fully. She wasn’t going to throw out her entire bloodline like the proverbial trash she’d almost been discarded as when his power overwhelmed her, but Mae did realize that she was at a turning point.
A turning point where she could recognize someone who was reaching out to her as a friend and who wanted to help her weather this storm. If she let him. But friendship wasn’t just a one-way street. She had to be his support too. Or at the very least she had to be capable of unflinchingly accepting him as he was.
Or they would get nowhere.
Because interacting with the closed off and withdrawn Rivan was vastly different from the young man she had caught glimpses of today. The young man who kept her from doing something stupid when the mercenaries unveiled themselves in the forest. The one who warned her that her family was up to no good. The one who stood firm when her life ran chaotic and insisted that her magic was not just some fairytale but rooted within her.
Mae swallowed hard.
He represented a truth in her life that she could not deny.
Although she very much wanted to!
But realizing that was also a part of growing up, she thought to herself firmly.
Sighing heavily Mae said, “I’m sorry, okay?”
Rivan eyed her warily.
“For?” he asked
She raised an eyebrow. He was going to make her say it? When she hesitated and he still he didn’t back down, she knew that he very much was.
Grimacing and drumming her fingers on her legs in unease, she admitted, “I’ve never met anyone like you before. At times you’re unflinchingly honest. At others you’re so cold I could freeze next to you. On top of that you have power that I’m pretty sure would make the mages in the capital of the kingdom shiver. Yet you insist that I’m like you and that makes me afraid.”
He opened his mouth to protest as his eyes changed.
Mae hurriedly held up a hand warding off his objection.
“Hear me out,” she hurriedly said.
“I don’t want to be like you,” she quickly added as some bit of hurt grew in his carefully watching gaze. “But I am like you in some ways and I can’t deny the truth of it. Truths that are and will continue to come to light if I don’t fight them.”
He made no comment but his expression changed a bit. From hurt and stoic to more accepting. Or at least cautiously open.
Seeing that her words were reaching him when her previous expressions had turned him away, she continued on.
Bravely Mae said, “I know I was wrong. Just give me a chance.”
“Why should I?” Rivan asked half-heartedly.
It was a bit rude but she had to smile.
This was foreign boy she had met who had made such an impression on her. Unflappable and arrogant even while wearing what were clearly secondhand clothes and bound somehow to a woman whom he called mistress in the same way someone else would say ‘viper’.
Mae had to hand it to him. Rivan seemed troubled and dealing with as many issues as she was, even though he was desperate to keep secret exactly what his problems were, but he didn’t let anything stand in his way for very long. Or for anyone to walk all over him. She could use that sort of confidence.
Offering an olive branch, Mae took a deep breath and said, “Because despite everything I’ve learned growing up, I feel like I can trust you, an outsider, a foreigner. In some cases more than my own family.”
He snorted. “You certainly don’t act like it.”
“Maybe not always,” she admitted. “But if I’m to see my task through, I need someone like you not just as a mage who can help me with a darned casting, but also who will tell me the truth when nothing but lies permeates everything around me.”
He looked contemplative at that.
Desperately Mae said, “You get it don’t you?”
Her voice broke a little at the end.
“I get it,” he said in an expressionless voice.
Mae sighed in somewhat relief.
Operation fall on my knees and beg forgiveness step one, complete, she thought to herself.
As she licked her lips nervously Mae thought carefully of what came next. As she did so, a flicker of something flashed in Rivan’s eyes too fast for her to comprehend but it told her that at least she had his attention and maybe if she did even soon enough…a person who could stand being near her again.
19
Mae proceeded to step two with the determination to be sincere in every word that fell from her mouth.
Trying to force the words out that she knew he needed to hear, she continued, “I don’t want a know-it-all magical sage to bash me over the head with my deficits.”
He stiffened. “I wasn’t“
“You were,” she said interrupting him before they could get into another fight that left the room saturated with so much magic that one of them would be walking away with more than a small burn this time. “But that isn’t ou
r shared concern at the moment.”
“What is?” he asked warily.
“Something we’re both too stubborn to ask for openly,” Mae said wryly. “What I need is a friend and I believe you do too.”
Mae waited then. Hopeful but also afraid. She waited to see if he would freeze again or if he finally would let her in.
Hopefully this time without the prickling energy that left me mute and hurting this time, she thought hurriedly while making a ward against evil in her mind.
It wasn’t that she thought he was evil but power like that couldn’t be good either. In that way maybe it was good that he kept a tight leash on it. And she also hoped that with time she could grow less afraid of that power or at least bury that fear so deep that he didn’t see it whenever Rivan looked into her eyes.
Mae wasn’t sure if that was possible.
But if he was willing to try, so was she.
Expecting a tirade about how she had overstepped her boundaries and she didn’t know what he needed, Mae waited with bated breath for Rivan to make a snide comment and move away. But to her surprise he just held out his hand. His face not reading one way or another what he intended for his gesture to mean.
Stiffly she let her own hand fall into his.
Half-filled with fear, half with exhilaration she watched as something beautiful happened.
Their skin touched and a sort of shiver went between the two palms. For a moment she felt her fear overwhelming her as the distinct feel of his shock-filled magic washed over her fingers.
Mae didn’t move her hand from his light touch but she looked up quickly in his eyes, wondering if he meant to hurt her again.
Rivan gave her a reassuring smile and a wink. The nervousness building in her shoulders eased a bit but she was most relieved when he followed up his wink with a tempering of his magic. The shocking tingle she felt rising along her palm, as near to a bite as she’d ever felt from something invisible, pulled back.
But it didn’t leave empty space behind.
Instead waves became visible.
Beautiful waves with colors on every spectrum.
“Pull your hand back slowly,” Rivan whispered.
Mae was so focused on looking down at what was happening between their palms that she didn’t hear him the first time he asked.
He repeated himself and with a start she did as he instructed.
Then Mae let out a happy gasp as the waves of colors spread out between their hands until they were as wide as their wrists. The waves only grew bigger as she pulled her hand back and followed in the opposite direction until the rainbow of colors, rippling and shimmering in waves, was happily floating between the two in a visual spectacle that was unmatched.
Mae felt tears in her eyes as she stared at it.
“What is it? She asked Rivan in a voice overcome with emotion.
Rivan paused then he said, “My people call it the lights of the stars. It’s a natural occurrence in our sky but sometimes mages with the right skills can recreate it themselves.”
She looked at with admiration. “That’s beautiful, thank you. I wish we had that here.”
He shrugged, “We reside further north where I come from, which makes it a common occurrence.”
North huh? Mae mused in her head.
To her that meant the areas closest to the ocean, but she wasn’t aware of any coastal towns in either of their lands, Nardes or Algardis, that had such beautiful lights in the sky. Of course Mae knew that parts of the Kingdom of Nardes bordered the Teardrop of the East and her own area wasn’t more than eight hours ride from some coastal towns. But despite interacting with people from those towns on the occasion, she’d never heard of something as mesmerizing as this being seen.
Of course, she’d never been there. So maybe it only happened at special times of the year.
Eyes drifting back to the waves Mae said, “It’s just stunning.”
“Right,” Rivan said in agreement before seeming to snap out of it as he finally lowered his hand.
As he did the shimmering kaleidoscope effect seemed to grow dimmer and dimmer until with a last wave of colors, it all disappeared.
Lowering her hand as well Mae couldn’t help but blurt out in excitement, “Is that going to happen every time I meet a real mage? Tell me it will!”
For a moment disapproval flashed over Rivan’s face and he frowned.
“I didn’t mean that you weren’t real or others weren’t real!” she quickly assured.
“I know you didn’t,” Rivan said while waving away her explanation. “The frown was because you’re a little too trusting of random mages.”
“How so?” she asked.
He raised his eyebrows and ticked off some points, “Well, first never walk up to a mage and offer to let them experiment on you…ever. Second, don’t agree to said experiment without confirming whether it’s a blood magic ritual or not. Third…"
“Alright, alright I got it,” Mae hastily said as she cut him off. She didn’t want him listing any more of her crimes.
He narrowed his eyes at her.
“I promise, I know that its true anyway, I was naïve,” Mae admitted as she thought back on her first encounter with him and Donna Marie.
Ever since she’d met him and his strange mistress, she’d been silently redefining what real magic was to her and this point, no one in her family had it.
Not like these strangers from foreign lands did anyway, she thought miserably.
She was beginning to feel like she had grown up with a bunch of frauds. Their powers so small that they could only affect the barest of metaphysical changes, most of them invisible to the naked eye, and had no ‘glow’ to speak of.
Auras not glow, she reminded herself firmly.
Shaking her head to ward off the thoughts in her head she said, “So the real mage thing, I think there’s something wrong with my family. Something that only a few know about. I’m not just talking about the illness either.”
She swallowed after she said. It felt like admitting her biggest secret to a stranger. One that she hadn’t even known she was keeping until it was forced out of her.
“I’ve felt a darkness in the air of the greater holding since the moment I got here,” he said agreement.
Rivan seemed to know exactly what she meant without clarification needed. She knew with his response then he was the right one to admit it to.
“Is it…is it something that can be pinpointed?” she asked hoping against hope the answer was yes.
“With the right guidance and if I know what I’m looking for,” he confirmed. “Easily enough.”
Mae nodded and said quietly, “You know that’s the first time you’ve explained something to me without being condescending and me asking first?”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “Maybe that means I’m getting used to you…and your incessant questions.”
Mae smiled because he said that with almost fondness in his voice.
She cleared her throat, “So about my other question then. You know the one about reconjuring the prettiness. Because I want it back. Again and again.”
He chuckled. “The answer is ‘only if we wanted it to’. It takes effort and to be honest it’s the kind of a silly thing one only does on a lark.”
She grinned and replied, “Silly is good…with friends.”
“Yes, with friends,” he admitted bashfully, acknowledging for the first time out loud that was what they were.
Mae hummed in her throat as she thought their next steps through. She knew that above all she had to be forthright and honest, but she was wondering more than that how they fit together. She knew how each member of her family fit into the puzzle of her life.
Who was the worrier?
Who was the planner?
Who would comfort her?
Who would give her the kick in the pants she needed to move forward?
But looking at Rivan out of the corner of her eye, she didn’t think he was any of those things
.
But maybe he was all of those things in his own way? she wondered in her thoughts.
Then she almost had to giggle.
Continuing to talk to herself in internal amusement, Mae thought Rivan a comforter? Not a chance Maeryn Darnes.
But he could be other things. Her rock. Her counsel. For the short time they were together and before he left her kingdom for good anyway. He would get her through this family crisis. She knew he would because if staying with him day-after-day had taught her one thing about him, he was dependable. And of course that didn’t mean he wouldn’t prod her in the direction that he wanted if he thought it benefit him, or more worrying, Donna Marie, but so far, he was steadfast.
Swallowing harshly as she thought all these things through Mae cleared her throat and said, “You know some people say frivolities like what we just did should be punishable.”
“That’s your people’s problem,” Rivan said bluntly.
“What?” Mae asked him confused.
“Magic is always in service to something for you,” Rivan explained with a roll of his eyes. “If it doesn’t do something immediate and impactful it doesn’t exist.”
“Well…of course,” Mae replied confused. “Magic’s like a wheelbarrow or a horse. You need to put it into the fields to get something out of it.”
“That’s not all it is,” Rivan said with a shake of his head. “You know it can be fun if you want to. Not everything is serious.”
Mae looked at him uncomprehending.
“The magic,” he said with a flash of mirth in his eyes. “The power is more than just danger. It’s fun, it’s unique for the most powerful, and when you’re comfortable with it, it’s invigorating.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable with it,” Mae muttered.
“Well you’re a newbie,” he said with confidence. “It’ll take time.”
“Time is something I don’t have,” Mae said while thinking of all the dark harbingers hovering over her family and bloodline at that very moment.