Just as I’m spinning around, checking out my ass, the door bursts open.
“Oh, shit!” Ryder calls out, the stack of boxes he’s carrying crashing to the ground. I jump back and let out a little yelp.
“I’m sorry,” he says, bending down slowly to pick up the boxes. “We got an email that a big shipment was being dropped off today, so I just wanted to get it inside before I picked her up.”
“I just, um, I forgot about the suit, so I came up to try one out,” I say. He stands back up, and as he does, his eyes scour my body on their way up back to mine.
He takes a few steps closer to me, reaching behind my head to put one of the boxes on the shelf behind me.
“That one is a good choice,” he whispers mere inches from my ear. “See you soon.” Then he ducks back out of the room.
I smile and bite my lip as I give myself one more glance in the mirror.
I change back into my clothes, put the suit in my bag, and grab a towel out of a box next to me. I stop at the market and grab some carrots and hummus, a bottle of wine––obviously, for the adults––and about six different kinds of candy bars. I also grab a big bag of popcorn in case she’s the savory type. In the checkout line, I see a sparkly butterfly balloon, and I grab that, too.
I pull onto Big Moon Drive and drive down to the end of it where I see a few cars have already made their way up. I hop out of my car and reach over the console to grab the goods from my passenger seat. As my ass is sticking out of the side of my car, I hear someone whistle in my direction. I scoot out quickly and turn around.
Luna Peake.
It’s been over a decade, and yet, she hasn’t aged. The same long, straight, black hair. The same fierceness about her. But still the biggest smile.
“Luna?” I ask. She runs to me and wraps her arms around me.
“So the rumors are true,” she says, giving me an extra squeeze.
“What rumors?” I ask.
“That you’re back in Meade Lake,” she says. “And back with…” She nods her head toward the house. I clear my throat and tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. I should correct her. Shouldn’t I? We’re not...together. Are we?
“How have you been?” I ask, evading the subject completely. She smirks.
“Ah, you know. Still fighting the good fight. Trying to keep these bastards off my mountain,” she says with a shrug. I nod. Luna’s family were some of the first inhabitants of the Meade Lake area. Her mother is Native American, descendant of the original tribes that lived here. Her family still owns part of Meade Mountain, but it appears, judging by the development at the top of it, they’re losing it piece by piece.
“I’m sorry, Luna,” I say. “Keep it up.”
She nods.
“Are you still with…” I start to ask, but she bursts out laughing.
“Daniel?” she blurts out. “Girl, no. We broke up shortly after you...after you stopped coming around. Turns out, he was the giant asshole everyone told me he was. Young love can be dumb love, though.”
I smile, then I turn to the house in front of us.
“But young love can also be real,” she says, elbowing me gently. I smile back. I’m starting to see now, more every day that I’m here, just how true that is. It’s terrifying.
We head inside, but most people are out back. There are a few people in the kitchen, and I immediately recognize Derrick’s mom, Alma, at the stove. She’s using tongs to pull cobs of corn out, and Miss May is standing next to her, holding a big tray, catching the cobs as she tosses them in.
They look up at us as we walk further into the house.
“Well, now, look who the cat dragged in!” Alma calls out to Luna, who puts a bag of dinner rolls that she brought on the counter and then leans down to kiss Alma’s cheek. She scoots to the side and does the same to May.
“You all remember––”
“Mila Walton,” Alma says, putting a hand on her hip. “It’s been, what, thirteen, fourteen years?” she asks with a smile. I smile back as I walk to her with open eyes.
“Don’t age me, Miss Alma,” I say. “It’s only been twelve. Miss May, it’s so good to see you, too.”
“It’s so nice to see you after all these years, honey,” May says with her familiar, warm smile.
“How are your parents?” Alma asks. I swallow and nod.
Still miserable. Still pretending not to be.
“Just as good as always,” I say with a fake smile. Lie. “Happily retired now.” Nothing happy about it.
“That’s wonderful,” she says with a warm smile. “I think about them every now and then. You, too.”
You mean you think about my dead brother.
“Well, head on out back, girls; that’s where all the fun is,” Alma says, pointing us toward the back doors.
I follow Luna out the back door, and the deck and yard are scattered with a few people, some of whom I recognize. Teddy is down on the lawn with a little boy, swinging him around and putting him back down. There are a few more kids running up and down the yard in their bathing suits, screaming and laughing as they jump into the water.
Derrick is at the grill, flipping burgers and laughing with a few others.
I hear a loud shriek, and I look back out to the water where I see Ryder. He’s standing at the edge of the dock, hoisting one of the kids above his head while the others laugh with joy in the water below. They join him in counting to three, and then Ryder launches the kid into the lake. His brown locks are slicked back to his head, wet with lake water. The sun sticks to the droplets on his bare chest, and I can’t help but stare at him.
He doesn’t look sick. In fact, in this beautiful moment, he looks very, very healthy.
He smiles when he sees me then jogs off the edge of the dock and up the back hill to the house.
“You made it,” he says. The closer he gets, the more I want to reach out and touch his skin, feel that familiar shock of flesh on flesh that I only ever have with him.
“I did,” I say with a smile. “Oh, and I brought a suit.”
His eyes widen with delight, and one corner of his mouth tugs up.
“Excellent,” he says, devilish half-grin still lingering. “So, you ready?”
“For what?” I ask. Then, like clockwork, off in the distance, a high-pitched, sing-song voice calls his name.
“Daddy!”
Our heads whip in unison.
And then I see her for the first time.
Annabelle Elizabeth Casey. The most beautiful little creature I’ve ever laid my eyes on.
She has these brown curls with golden streaks—something she got from her mom, I’m assuming. She has tan skin and green eyes, and I know those are from her dad. Her sparkling eyes meet mine, and I feel my heart skip a beat.
I’ve been a kid person my whole life. I love them. I’m drawn to them. I’m the woman at the grocery store ooh-ing and ahh-ing at every infant and toddler I see.
But there’s something more about this little girl. I think it’s that half of her comes from the person who has had the longest-lasting imprint on my life. I think it’s because the moment I see her, I see him.
She’s wearing a hot-pink bathing suit. Her little toes are painted pink, and when she reaches for Ryder’s hand, I see that her fingernails match.
“When are you coming in the water with me?” she asks him. She’s tugging on his hand, looking up at him then slowly bringing her eyes to me. When I smile at her, she quickly diverts them back to him and tucks herself behind his leg.
I kneel down in front of her so we’re eye to eye.
Ryder does the same.
“This is her, Annabelle,” he whispers to her. I have butterflies in my stomach. “This is who I told you about this morning. Remember? Mila.”
She brings a finger to her mouth and chews on it thoughtfully as she nods.
“Hi, Annabelle,” I say softly. “I’m so excited to meet you.” She stares at me, still chewing on her finger. “Listen, I brought you a
few things. I’m not sure what you like, but I brought a few treats. If your dad is okay with it, that is.”
He gives me a devilish smile and nods.
“Do you want to come check them out?” I ask her. She nods, and before I realize it, she lets go of his hand and takes mine, leading me to the house. I turn back for a moment, just long enough to see him narrow his eyes at us, the most light I’ve seen in them since he got the news.
She chooses the popcorn, and I make a note that she’s a savory snack kind of kid. She’s obsessed with the balloon and has started to show it to every person at the house. He comes up behind me, and he’s so close I can feel the heat from his body.
“Been here for five minutes, and you’re already a hit,” he whispers in my ear. It sends chills down my neck and arms.
“She’s incredible, Ryder,” I tell him, watching her as she shows Alma her balloon for the third time. Every soul in the room lights up when she approaches them. Every person in the yard stops what they are doing to listen to her.
“That’s all her mom,” he says, and I follow his gaze back to her. I smile and nudge him with my shoulder.
“Maybe not all of it,” I say. The corner of his mouth tugs up, and he looks at me. He scoots a little closer to me on the deck.
“Care to test out that new suit?” he whispers, and a zap goes through my body. I feel heat in places that have long since been heatless. I look at him, and he looks like he’s waiting—scared, almost—for my reaction. But I just smile.
“Where can I change?”
A few minutes later, I’m walking down the backyard toward the water where the rest of the party has gathered. May and Alma are on the shore, drinking lemonade and chatting in two Adirondack chairs. Almost everyone else is in the water. I hear a shriek, and I see Ryder tossing Annabelle into the air and catching her. As I get closer, they turn to me.
“Come in, Mila, come in!” she says, pushing her soaked curls out of her angelic little face.
“Yeah, come in, Mila,” he says with a grin. He lifts her up onto the dock, and she takes off toward shore, toward me. But she doesn’t see the plank that’s sticking up. Her toe clips it, and it sends her flat to her face.
Before I realize, I’m on my knees in front of her, scooping her up and carrying her off the dock. She’s skinned and scared.
“Hey, hey,” I whisper as Alma and Ryder are rushing to us. “Can I take a look?”
She nods reluctantly, the crocodile tears sailing down her cheeks, hitting me like a punch to the gut.
I sit her on my lap and take a look at her hands and knees.
“We should get some peroxide on those, baby,” Alma says.
“Let’s get you inside, kiddo,” Ryder says, kneeling down to grab her. But she shakes her head, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“I want Mila to carry me,” she says. I look to Ryder, and a slow smile spreads on his lips.
“Let’s go, honey,” I say, scooping her back up and carrying her inside.
After some dramatics in the kitchen while Alma cleaned her cuts and bandaged them up, we’re back on the deck. She’s on my lap with a popsicle, and Ryder is just looking at us from across the big wooden table.
The crowd is slowly dwindling, but Luna and a few others are still down by the water. When Annabelle is finally ready to make her reappearance, we venture back down to the shore.
“There she is!” Derrick calls out. “My big tough girl.”
Annabelle smiles as she runs to him. He pops her up on his knee.
“Welcome back, kiddo,” Teddy says. “You’re almost as crazy as your dad. Someday, when you’re big, we will tell you all the stories about your dad. He used to be a maniac on the water.”
Everything goes quiet.
All eyes are on me, then on Ryder, then on me.
Teddy audibly swallows.
“Shit,” he mutters quietly as Derrick shoots him a death glare.
My stomach flips when I make eye contact with Ryder. It feels cold and distant, like everything that’s happened over the last two months is quickly evaporating into thin air. Conversation picks up again, and I feel like I am comfortably disappearing to the rest of the guests.
But not to him. He doesn’t take his eyes off of me until Alma asks him to help her load up her car.
More people start to leave, and I take advantage of the commotion. I say a quick goodbye to everyone on the lawn, including Annabelle.
“Why are you leaving, Mila?” she asks me, and I melt where I stand.
“I have to go home to my house,” I tell her.
“Can I see you tomorrow?” she asks me. I melt again.
“I’ll have to check with your daddy, honey,” I tell her. “But I’ll make sure I see you soon, okay?”
She thinks for a moment and bites her little lip. Then, she takes a step back and leaps into my arms, wrapping her little ones around my neck. She buries her face into me, and I feel nothing but euphoria. I hold her tight for a moment longer then let her go to play with Teddy’s kids.
I look around once more then slink off the side of the house.
“I’m sorry my brother’s an idiot,” Derrick says, scaring the shit out of me as I reach for my handle.
“Oh!” I say. “Jesus. You scared me. It’s...it’s fine.”
He smiles.
“It’s fine? That why you’re sneaking off without saying goodbye to him?”
I chew the inside of my cheek.
“I just...I need a little space,” I tell him. He thinks for a moment then nods. He comes to me and wraps me in a quick hug.
“Get home safe,” he says. I nod, get in my car, and speed back to my house.
He was a maniac on the water.
20
Then, Summer Before Senior Year
We’ve been here for four weeks already, and I have seen Ryder all but one day when we had to go home for a mayoral event, and he had to work a night shift at the diner.
I thought last summer was the best of my life so far, but I was wrong.
Waking up knowing I’ll see him, lying on the dock with him, dipping our toes in the water, hanging with our friends in the evenings.
I cannot think of a time where everything felt so perfectly still. Like time is frozen just how it should be. We made it through our first year of being apart like it was cake. We visited, video called, texted, and actually sent letters. My mother was shocked that kids still did that.
And perhaps the sweetest part of our relationship is the friendship that’s grown between Ryder and Chase. A few of the weekends Ryder visited us during the school year, he and Chase played basketball and saw movies. I was only allowed to come to Meade Lake when they knew Aunt Winnie would be home—little did they know that even when she was “home,” she was hardly ever at the house—and a few times, Chase came with me. He and Ryder would fish early in the mornings, and the three of us would go out on the boat in the evenings.
It feels like all is well with the world now that we’re back here. I can get back to avoiding the issues of my parents; I can stop fake smiling at Dad’s mayoral events and start actually smiling again. At least, for the summer.
And I know I’m only seventeen, but I know that I love this boy. I know that, one day, I might look back and realize it wasn’t the same kind of love that can stand the test of time. I don’t know what our future holds, but I know that, in this moment, this summer, at this lake, he is mine. He has my heart, and I don’t want it back.
“Whatcha readin’?” he asks me, poking his head around my shoulder and landing a kiss on my cheek. I smile and nuzzle into him as he grabs the chair next to me on the back deck. He and Chase just got back from their morning fishing session.
“This book that Jules let me borrow,” I tell him. He grabs it and flips to the front cover.
“And Then There Was You?” he asks with a judgmental smile. I snatch it back and make a face. “What’s it about?”
“It’s about this girl,” I tell him
, “who moves to this lake town. She meets this dangerously handsome local boy.” Suddenly, with his green eyes on me, I feel this zap of energy. I feel this desire, this heat that’s been boiling below the surface for a year now.
He smirks and reaches out to grab the arms of my chair. He slowly whips my chair around and pulls it into him so that we’re facing each other.
“Mhmm,” he says. “Dangerously handsome, huh?”
I nod.
“Go on,” he says.
“And the girl tries to hold herself back,” I say, my voice dropping to a low whisper, “but all she really wants is to touch his body. Feel every single—”
He clears his throat and resituates himself in his chair.
I go on.
“Inch of him,” I say. I watch his Adam’s apple bob as he swallows. His eyes move slowly from my eyes, to my lips, down to my chest. His tongue juts out to wet his lips, and then he slowly looks back up to me.
We haven’t explicitly talked about it yet, but I think the possibility of sleeping together is hanging over both of us. I never had much of an interest in it before now. Before him.
But my body aches––in a good way––for him, different than I’ve ever felt before. He’s so gentle, so delicate, like he’s afraid I’m going to crumble into dust and blow away from him. It’s still endearing, how he is with me, but in some ways, like having his whole body to myself, I’m ready for more. I’m ready to not be so delicate.
I push myself up from my chair and stand between his legs, looking down at him. He parts them slightly so that I can get even closer. I take his face in my hands and look into his big green eyes. He swallows audibly again, and I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen him nervous.
“I want this with you,” I tell him flat out.
He swallows again and puts his hands on my hips, pulling me in even closer. He looks around, making sure none of my family is within earshot.
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