“This here is Deep Water Point,” he says, pointing to a spot at the top of the map. “This end of the lake is where most of the restaurants and the resort are.”
“Great, thanks,” the man says, folding it up and heading out the door. Derrick grabs a few hangers from behind the counter and walks them around the front, sticking them on one of the clothing racks.
“Hey,” I say, startling him.
“Hey,” he says with his classic smile, “what are you doing here?”
I shrug.
“Not much to do on my day off,” I say, catching a glimpse of Ryder out the window, making his way up from the docks with a water tube under each of his perfectly sculpted arms.
“Mhmm,” Derrick says. “Sure it’s not ‘cause you’ve had a, uh, change of heart?” He elbows me playfully, and I realize that I’ve been made. I’m totally drooling over Ryder, and I’m not even hiding it. I shove him back with a smile, but there’s really no use in denying it.
Derrick chuckles to himself.
“What?” I ask.
“Nothin’,” he says. “Just that, when we were kids, how you two are now is sort of how I always pictured it. Just weird when that stuff comes true.”
I smile at him and tilt my head.
Me too, Derrick. Me too.
“I’m glad you’re here, ya know, for his treatments,” he says. I swallow and whip my head to him. I forgot about that. Chemo starts this week. I’m about to ask about it when I hear the jingle of the bell above the door.
“Well, aren’t you a sight for sore eyes,” he says, laying the tubes down on a pile next to the register and making his way toward me. Without hesitation, he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me into him, kissing my lips softly but urgently at the same time. Like he wants to be gentle, but he also wants me to know how badly he needs this kiss.
I recognize the feeling because I have the same one.
“Right back to where ya started, aren’t ya?” Derrick chuckles as he walks back to the register.
“What are you doing here?” he asks.
“I have some free time, being that you guys are my only friends around here,” I say. He laughs and shakes his head. “So I thought I’d come see if you guys need any help.”
He smiles.
“I’m about to put some air in these babies and then head back down to the water and wait for the afternoon return. Wanna join?”
I smile. I think we both already know the answer to that.
We help a group of young people get on their jet skis and head out.
We give a family the rundown on how to drive a pontoon and size everyone for their life vests.
I smile to myself as a group of women in their twenties makes eyes in Ryder’s direction. One asks him to tighten her life vest and looks less than pleased when I offer instead. Her friend leans over the side of her kayak, letting her breasts press together into a perfect crease.
“You wanna join us?” she asks Ryder over the rims of her sunglasses. He smiles and shakes his head.
“Nah, you ladies don’t need an old man like me holdin’ ya back,” he says, helping the last one in her kayak.
“You could hold me, alright,” one of them mutters, sending the rest of them into a fit of shameless, flirtatious laughter.
“Aww, come on. It’s our girl’s last outing as a single woman!” another chimes in.
I have to hand it to them, they’re ballsy.
He smiles and shakes his head again.
“Thanks, ladies, but I got me a girl I wanna spend the rest of my days on the water with.”
He turns to me with a smile, and I feel my insides melt. I don’t even notice the girls paddling away, or the wake from the boats, or the traffic above. I only see him.
The rest of my days.
A little while later, we help a middle-aged couple get into their double kayaks. I hold the boat steady while Ryder helps the woman get into hers.
“Thanks, honey,” she says to him. Then she nods to her husband in his kayak. “We’re here for our thirtieth anniversary.”
“Thirty? Wow!” Ryder says with his classic smile.
“That’s right. That lady has been crazy enough to put up with my ass for three decades,” the man says with a hearty laugh.
“Thirty years is impressive,” I say. “What a milestone.”
The couple turns to each other, and their faces light up simultaneously.
“When you’re with the right one, honey, it doesn’t feel impressive. It just feels like it’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.” We smile and give them a shove then wave until they make it out into the open water.
Ryder turns to me, walking toward me and cupping my face in his hands.
“Like it’s exactly how it’s supposed to be,” he whispers before kissing me.
We finish up a few hours later, collecting the last of the jackets and tying up the boats for the night. We say goodnight to Derrick and walk out to the lot.
“You’re still coming tonight, right?” he asks.
“Of course. I was just gonna go shower first, get the lake off me,” I tell him. He smiles, and his eyes drop to the ground.
“What?” I ask him with a smile.
“Nothin’.”
“No, tell me,” I urge. He smiles again.
“I just, uh, I guess I’m just picturing you in the shower,” he says with a shrug. Then he leans forward, kisses my cheek, and turns and gets in his car. “See you soon.”
As he drives off, I shake off his words.
But I don’t do a good enough job. Because I get home, get in the shower, and picture him.
I choose a halter dress and some sandals and make my way back over to Big Moon Drive. While my heart and my libido have been waiting for Ryder, I’m more anxious to see Annabelle again.
I pull into the gravel driveway and turn off my engine, and before I’m out of the car, the front door opens. Annabelle shoots off the front porch and into my arms.
“Hey, you!” I say, swinging her around. She giggles ecstatically, and when I stop, she wraps her arms and legs around me and squeezes me tight.
I grab my bag and walk up the front steps, her on my hip. Ryder’s leaning against the door jamb with a smile on his face. He takes my bag from my shoulder and holds his hand out to usher us in.
“How are you, honey?” I ask her as I set her down on the floor. She smiles.
“I’m good! Wanna see my new makeup kit? Miss Alma got it for me!” she says, scurrying down the hall to her room before I can answer.
I look to Ryder.
“Makeup already, huh? You’re in trouble,” I tell him. He smiles.
“I know, I know. Wait till you see the sky-blue eyeshadow. She’s a pro at it. I know because I’ve been trying to wash the remnants of it off my own eyelids for the last two hours,” he says. I laugh.
“Well, that’s okay,” I tell him as I walk toward him, “I think blue is your color.”
“Oh, is it?” he asks, reaching a hand out and tugging me toward him. Just as our lips are about to meet, we hear the scurrying of little feet down the hardwood, and I quickly take a step back. He gives me a puzzled look, like he’s not sure why I pulled away, then kneels down to catch her in her tracks.
“Daddy! I need to show Mila my makeup!” she says, kicking from over his shoulder. He flips her over his shoulder and tickles her sides, and a shriek of laughter escapes from her.
“After dinner, little one,” he says, flipping her back over and walking her out to the deck. He sits her in a chair at the table then pulls out the one across from her for me.
“No, Daddy. Mila sits next to me,” she says. Ryder’s eyes widen as he looks up at me.
“Ouch,” he says, feigning heartbreak. “Fine.” He pulls out the chair next to her, and I gladly take it.
“Mila, do you like makeup?” she asks me, helping herself to the hot dog that Ryder had all ready for her on her plate. I smile as he hands me the salad bowl and pours some
wine in my glass.
“I do on special occasions,” I tell her.
“But not all the time?” she asks between bites.
“No, not all the time,” I tell her.
“Because she’s beautiful without it,” Ryder says, smiling at me. I feel the flutters in my stomach that only Ryder Casey has given me in my lifetime.
“She is very beautiful, like Princess Cassidy!” Annabelle says. I give him a puzzled look.
“Princess Cassidy is the character from our current favorite bedtime story,” he explains. I nod.
“Wow, I am honored,” I tell her. She giggles.
We finish up dinner, and I help wash Annabelle up while he brings all the dishes inside. After everything is cleaned up, he tells her it’s time for bed.
“Come on, little one. It’s late,” he says. “Off to your room.”
Like an automatic reaction, her bottom lip juts out in the most epic pout I’ve ever seen.
“I wanna stay up with you and Mila, Daddy,” she says. He sticks his lip out to match hers then scoops her up.
“Sorry, kiddo. You’re still little. You need your beauty sleep,” he says, kissing the tip of her nose.
“I want Mila to put me to bed,” she says. My heart rate kicks up in my chest.
Ryder turns to me with big eyes.
“Aww, I don’t think Miss Mila wants to–”
“I’d love to,” I say, cutting him off. She leans out of his arms and into mine, and I raise my eyebrows at him as we walk down the hall to her room.
I help her pull on her bright-purple flower nightgown and plug in her nightlight. She instructs me on how to turn on her music box, and then we brush her teeth. She tells me which stuffed animal goes on which side of her and which blanket goes on top of which. Then I snuggle in next to her as I pick up Princess Cassidy.
We get through the first two pages before I feel the weight of her head on my shoulder. I stealthily sneak out from under her and click off her lamp. I put the book on her nightstand and slink over to the door.
“Mila,” she says, and I freeze just as I’m about to shut the door.
“Yes, sweetie?”
“I love you,” she says sleepily then rolls over to the other side.
It catches me by surprise, and I smile.
“I love you too, sweetie girl,” I say then close the door.
I pause for a moment, resting my head against the oak of her door. I know she’s only a child, and I know a child can’t fathom what it means to really love someone.
Can they?
I mean, kids only know to say exactly what they’re feeling. How beautifully honest they are.
I walk back down the hallway and see Ryder lying on the couch. He mutes the television and sits up.
“Hey,” he says, “how did it go?”
“Mission accomplished,” I tell him, plopping down on the couch beside him and tucking my legs up underneath me.
“I have to admit,” he says, reaching his hand across and rubbing my thigh. “I’m a little jealous. In her whole life, I have never been second to anyone.”
I smile and take his hand.
“But I guess if I have to take second place, I’m glad it’s to you,” he says. I scoot in next to him.
“She told me she loves me,” I say, looking down at our intertwined hands. I chuckle. “I guess I shouldn’t let it go to my head, though, huh?”
He reaches a hand up and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. He leans forward and kisses me so softly that it makes me desperate for more.
“She did, huh?” he asks. I nod. “She’s not the only one.”
He pulls me on top of him so that I’m straddling him on the couch. I let my tongue slide into his mouth and massage his, and then I can feel what I’m doing to him through his jeans. I let myself grind against him lightly at first, but as his kisses get more fiery, more intense, I can’t help but move faster. When his hand slides up my leg and under my dress, I grab it.
“What if she wakes up?” I ask him. He sighs and presses his forehead to mine.
“I guess we could take this to my bedroom—where there’s a door that locks,” he says with a mischievous smile.
He pushes up and scoots to the edge of the couch, me still on his lap.
“Stay the night,” he whispers, kissing my neck softly.
“No,” I whisper back.
“Mila, stay with me,” he says again. I shake my head as he nibbles at my ear and shoulder.
“No.”
“Why?”
“What will she think when she wakes up and I’m still here?” I ask him. But what I’m really asking is, how can I let her get attached? What if this doesn’t work again? What if treatment doesn’t...what if everything will be different in a year?
This makes him pause.
“Is that what you’re worried about?”
No.
I nod.
“Yes,” I say.
He pulls me in closer.
“Mila, I have absolutely no idea what the rest of my life looks like at this point,” he says, “but I know that I want you to be a part of it.”
My stomach flips. He intertwines our fingers again and looks down at them.
“If my time really is...limited,” he says, pausing, I think, to gather himself, “I want to show my daughter how she should be loved. I want her to see how important it is to spend her time with the people she loves. And that she shouldn’t take any of it for granted.”
I don’t even realize I’m crying until the tears fall from my eyes when I blink.
He leans forward and kisses me again, grinding himself back against me. I tighten my thighs around his body, pulling him into me as close as possible. He pushes to his feet and grips my ass, carrying me down the hallway to his room. He closes the door quietly and brings me to his bed. He slides his hands up underneath my dress, and I buck my hips toward him.
He hooks his thumbs around my panties and pulls them down my legs. He pushes my knees apart and slowly slides his hand back up until he finds my spot. He circles it as he reaches his other hand up and unties the halter. He lets it fall and reaches up to run his hands over my breasts, hardening them with just his touch. Suddenly, my entire body aches for him. I press his hand into my chest, and my other hand is on top of his between my legs.
“Easy, baby,” he says, “we’re getting there.”
But I hardly hear him. I buck my hips at him again.
“Ryder, we’re twelve years overdue for this,” I tell him. “Don’t make me wait anymore.”
He smiles then reaches up to pull his t-shirt over his head.
I reach up to unbuckle his belt and tug his jeans and boxers down then fall back on the bed and spread my legs wider than before. He crawls up the bed so that he’s hovering over me, and I pull him down for a long kiss.
“I need you,” I tell him when we finally come up for air. He presses his forehead to mine.
“For as long as I’m alive,” he tells me. I pull myself up and flip him over onto the bed. I crawl up him, leaving kisses from his hips up to his chest then to his lips.
Our eyes lock, and I lower myself onto him slowly. He presses his head back into his pillow and squeezes my hips.
“Oh, God, Mila,” he groans as I begin to move. He reaches his hands up and grabs onto my breasts, squeezing them, making me lose my mind with every tantalizing pinch. I can feel my wetness on him now, and I’m losing control of my body. He pushes himself up, pulling me in for a long, hard kiss, then flips me over onto my back. He pulls my leg up over his shoulder and kisses it then pushes into me harder, deeper, until I’m biting down on my lip to keep from making too much noise. He moves once more, in sync with his hand on my outside, and I explode.
Aftershocks roll through my body as he kisses me, hard then soft. He collapses next to me, draping his arms over me and pulling me into him.
We lie like that for a while, staring out at the lake through the sliding glass door in his room.
“Ryder?” I whisper.
“Hmm?”
“Tell me about Maura,” I whisper, biting my lip. I want to know more. I want to know about the woman who brought this beautiful man to life. Who gave life to Annabelle. He swallows.
“What do you want to know?” he asks.
“Everything,” I say.
“Mmm,” he says, propping his head up. “She was like the sun. Everything pointed to her, revolved around her, but she gave it no mind. She just lit everyone and everything else up. She wanted everyone to shine.”
I smile.
“She was so level-headed and forgiving,” he goes on. “She reminded me that living isn’t just waiting to die.”
I swallow.
“Was she...was she your soulmate?”
He rolls me over so we’re nose to nose and tucks an arm under my pillow.
“If I’m being honest, I don’t know if I really believe in all that,” he tells me. “But if I did, as much as I loved her, I think I’d have to say no.”
My eyes widen.
“In all my life, there has been one love that’s completely rocked me. And that was you. Our love was good, bad, and the absolute ugliest, and I’d do every second of it over again—every single moment—if it meant that I’d end up back here, with you, in this bed.”
23
It’s been a few days since I spent the night at Ryder’s. The next morning was as normal as ever. We were up before Annabelle, and I had pancakes and bacon waiting for her when she woke up. She didn’t think anything of it, didn’t even blink. And when Ryder kissed my cheek in front of her, she smiled and kissed my other cheek.
But I still need boundaries. If not for her, than for me. Because what if Ryder...what if things are different in a year? Or less? What if I can’t be around or see her as much? If I get too attached, it’ll destroy me all over again.
I’m back at the shop, and I have knots in my stomach. Ryder went in for his first round of treatment this morning, but I stayed back to help Derrick close up the summer stuff and get ready for the winter shipments. Alma has Annabelle, and I’m trying to make things as smooth and easy for everyone else as possible.
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