I glanced back down at my phone, smiling at Aiden’s last text.
He’s pretty great. Take care of yourself.
Aiden responded instantly with a single purple heart, and I knew it was just shorthand for thanks, talk later or something to that effect with a little added affection, but that didn’t stop my whole body tingling with warmth for a moment.
“That your boyfriend?” Mandi teased.
“Shut up,” I said, sending a generic red heart back with a lurch of my stomach and then pocketing my phone in a hurry before I could think about what I’d done.
Scary as it was, it was also exciting. Exciting to feel like this, even if I wasn’t quite sure how I felt.
“Come on.” She waved her folder at me. “The sooner we finish this, the sooner we can go inside where all the warmth and booze is.”
I laughed, traipsing after her in the snow, smiling as I thought of what was waiting for me when we finished this.
12
Aiden
My stomach hurt from laughing with Carter’s dad by the time we came to the last item on the list. He was fun. More fun than I even remembered him being as a kid.
“Our last item is something surprising,” he said, reading from the list. “Kinda open to interpretation.”
“Little bit, yeah,” I said, looking around to see if anything caught my eye.
As mad as Carter’s mom was about me, his dad was basically the opposite. He’d been nothing but warm and charming, asked me about my job, about the awards Carter had mentioned last night, and about my hopes and dreams.
I hadn’t talked this freely and openly with another person in a while. These were the kind of talks I associated with late nights in the hostel nearest the convention center I was going to for a tattoo expo, when half the people attending all crowded into the one dorm room passing around beers and… other things, depending on the location.
Mr. K was all right.
“You remind me of an ex-boyfriend, you know,” he said just as I was thinking that.
I paused, turning to look at him. Had I heard that right?
The look on his face told me I had. He was nervous.
“I do?” I asked, casual as possible.
No big deal. I knew my generation hadn’t invented being bisexual.
“Yeah. From college, when dinosaurs still roamed the Earth,” he said.
I chuckled, initial shock over now. Mr. K was… bi? Probably bi. And that was fine, he was allowed.
His son was probably bi, too.
“So you had a charming, handsome boyfriend with an incredible eye for color in college?” I teased.
“And a rebel streak, yeah,” Mr. K agreed, smiling at me. “It was the late seventies, the eyeliner didn’t really surprise anyone.”
“He sounds cool,” I said.
Wow. Carter’s dad wasn’t straight.
How had I never known that? Did Kieran know that? Maybe it was a secret and I was just now being let in on it because I was apparently dating his son.
“He was,” Mr. K said. “Still miss him sometimes. He was… he was what I needed, even if I would never have picked him out for myself.”
Right. Family of bankers and lawyers, and Mr. K was the odd one out as a builder. Carter had followed in his mother’s mortgage-broker footsteps, a corporate job in a big company where his only function was to give advice about where they should push money around to next. Glorified accounting, he’d said when he’d been explaining it to me.
The only virtue his job seemed to have was that it paid well, and he didn’t even have enough off time to enjoy it.
“You’re what Carter needs,” Mr. K continued. “Even though he’s not sure about it yet.”
Crap. Were we that transparent?
I didn’t think I was, but Carter… Carter was still uncomfortable. Which made sense, considering he’d never allowed himself to do any of this before and the sum total of his experience before this week was kissing my brother.
I still hadn’t texted Kieran about that. Maybe it was better not to. Carter had told me in confidence, trying to make sense of his own experiences whether he understood that was what he was doing or not.
I’d had a crush on him all through high school and I still hadn’t actually figured out I was bi until later. I hadn’t thought of it that way.
“He likes you,” Mr. K said. “Haven’t seen him with someone he actually likes since he had a girlfriend for a month in eighth grade.”
My stomach clenched at the thought. I had no reason to doubt Mr. K. I’d come to basically the same conclusion.
“He’s been dating girls his mother likes since he was nineteen, and I’ve been telling her that if she likes them so much, she oughta date them,” Mr. K said with a grin. “Think that might’ve been the final straw before she demanded a divorce.”
“Not to speak ill of your ex-wife,” I said, fully intending to do exactly that. “But I think you probably got the good end of the deal, there.”
I remembered a miserable, downtrodden man who still had time to be the occasional ray of sunshine for a lost kid who missed his dad. Even when I’d been little, I knew Mr. K wasn’t okay.
He seemed a whole lot better now.
“I’d agree,” Mr. K said. “You know, I was going to bring my boyfriend up to the wedding, but I didn’t want to cause a fuss.”
My entire heart lit up with hope. “You have a boyfriend?” I asked.
Mr. K nodded. “Five years next month. Probably oughta think about marrying him one of these days.”
“Holy shit,” I said. “Mr. K! I didn’t realize you were such a dark horse.”
Why hadn’t Carter told me about his dad’s boyfriend? That was huge.
“It’s just a boyfriend,” Mr. K said, with the exact tone of an eye-rolling teenager explaining something obvious to their parents. “Completely normal thing to have.”
“But Mrs. K would’ve made a fuss?” I asked, putting two and two together.
“Yeah, a fuss is one way to put it.” Mr. K chewed on his lip. “She was convinced it was a phase. That she’d, y’know, straightened me out. I learned not to talk about men I was attracted to in front of her.”
As high as my heart had soared to hear that Mr. K was like me, it sank twice as low hearing that.
“I’m sorry,” I said, unsure what else I could say.
“I’m… less sorry than maybe I should be,” Mr. K said. “I have two great kids to show for my marriage and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. But I don’t want Carter to feel like I did.”
Neither did I. If I accomplished nothing else, getting Carter to see that it was fine to be who he was seemed like the most important thing I’d ever do in my life.
“I don’t want him to either,” I said. “I’m… working on him.”
“He’d be lucky to have you if he could pull his head out of his ass,” Mr. K said. “You’re a lot more fun than anyone else he’s been with.”
“I try.” I grinned, then froze as something rustled in the bushes.
“Tell me that’s not an angry bear we’ve woken up from hibernation?” I swallowed as the rustling moved closer.
Mr. K was silent for a few moments, but then his face broke into a childlike smile.
“Get your phone out before you turn around,” he said. “Found our something unexpected.”
I pulled my phone out of my pocket, a tingle of warmth running through me at the heart Carter had sent, and turned slowly so I wouldn’t startle whatever Mr. K was smiling so warmly at.
“Oh wow,” I breathed as I saw what was making the noise. A doe stared back at me from maybe twenty paces away, dark eyes curious but not frightened, jaw working as she chewed on something edible she’d found.
“She’s beautiful,” I said, raising my phone with trembling hands so I could get a picture. She’d be tiny in the shot, but at least we’d have our something unexpected.
“She is,” Mr. K agreed. “Almost makes this bullshit scav
enger hunt worth it.”
“I’ve had a good time,” I said, putting my phone away once I had a clear shot and tucking my hands in my pockets, taking the time to enjoy this tiny blessing.
I wished Carter was here to see this. Not that I minded sharing a magical moment with his dad, but it would’ve been nice to share it with him.
He deserved moments like this. Happy moments where he could be himself, where he didn’t need to feel self-conscious.
Free.
That was what he wanted. To feel free.
I was starting to realize he’d never feel that way until he stood up to his mother. Told her the truth, at least, that he didn’t especially like the girls she picked out for him, that he was his own man, and that he was maybe starting to feel the faintest stirrings of something for the neighborhood bad boy.
Did she care more about my tattoos or the fact that I was a man? I would’ve put even money on either option. Mrs. K was the human embodiment of disapproval.
The doe wandered off after a little while, unfazed by the two humans staring at her like she was the most incredible thing on the planet.
If reincarnation was a thing, I could’ve gone for being a deer in the next life. It seemed peaceful.
“That was the last thing on the list?” I asked once I was sure I wouldn’t disturb our new forest friend.
“Yep,” Mr. K grinned at me. “Time to head back and claim that prize.”
“I can’t believe you actually won,” Carter said, still in shock as we climbed into the car. It was his turn to drive, so I tossed him the keys and tucked myself into the passenger side, thankful for being out of the cold.
As much fun as I’d had, I needed the time to defrost now.
“Extremely excited for my date with your dad,” I grinned, wriggling to make myself comfortable as Carter turned the engine over. “He said I reminded him of an ex-boyfriend while we were out there.”
Silence.
Uh oh.
“You reminded him of what?” Carter asked, voice catching on the last syllable.
Crap. Crap.
“Uh.” I turned to look at him, eyes wide, stomach cramping up at the thought that I’d just outed Carter’s father to him.
This was why Carter hadn’t told me about his father’s boyfriend. He didn’t know.
I was normally so careful about that kind of thing, but I’d just assumed…
How did Mr. K have a boyfriend he hadn’t mentioned to anyone? Was Carter’s mom that terrifying?
Or was he just afraid that maybe his kids wouldn’t understand? If that was it, seeing Carter turn up with a man must’ve been…
Wow. I couldn’t imagine what that would have felt like. Even though it’d taken me a while to figure out what was going on with my confusing feelings, I’d never felt like I couldn’t be out. Like I couldn’t just tell people how I felt.
I’d never been worried that any of my family wouldn’t love me, or understand. We’d never talked about it, but I knew we were all okay.
Devin had come out to me when he was seventeen because he knew I wouldn’t care. Or rather, that I’d only care if he was happy.
And because I’d get him a box of condoms and a tube of lubricant and not tell mom about it. Not that she would have been mad. She would have done exactly the same thing.
“You should talk to your dad,” I said, reigning in my panic over outing him.
“Getting that impression, yeah,” Carter said. “Guess I don’t need to ask if you two got along.”
“We did,” I said, glad he was dropping the subject. Carter needed to hear about his father’s romantic life from him. “He’s cool, y’know? Always was.”
“Yeah,” Carter said. “Between you and me, I’m glad he got away from my mom. She’s… I sincerely believe she does everything she’s ever done with good intentions in her heart, but…”
“But she thinks her way is the only way,” I said.
“Couldn’t have said it better myself.” Carter sighed.
“How was hanging out with Mandi again? Sorry I couldn’t like… rescue you from that.”
“Honestly? It was fine,” Carter said. “We talked. She was… surprisingly cool. Wants to go camping with my sister. Seems to have come to a point in her life where she’s realized that success isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
“Depends on the success,” I said. I felt successful every day of my life, even if other people maybe wouldn’t have agreed.
Carter laughed. “Sometimes I hate how figured out your life is,” he said. “You’re happy, aren’t you? Genuinely happy.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “I’m doing what I love, I’m surrounded by great people, and I get to live my truth, as much as that sounds like some Instagram fitspo model quote. That’s how happiness works.”
“Well, good,” he said. “You deserve it.”
We lapsed into silence for a few moments, Carter focused on the road, me watching the scenery whip past as we headed back to the hotel. The schedule said free afternoon, but neither of us had thought to plan anything.
In my defense, I’d only had a handful of hours’ notice before leaving on this trip and I’d spent most of it agonizing over which parts of my wardrobe were wedding-appropriate.
Carter seemed to appreciate what I’d come up with, so I was fine as far as dress-casual dinners went, although I wasn’t exactly looking forward to more of them.
“You should go to dinner with your dad,” I said. “He wanted you and me to go, but I think… I think you oughta take some time to talk to him. I think he has things to say that you might wanna hear.”
“You sure?” Carter asked. “You’re the one who won a date with him.”
“Believe me, I’d love to go on a date with your dad,” I teased. “I could use a hot older man in my life.”
“You think my dad’s hot?” Carter asked, eyes wide as he glanced at me.
I laughed. “You don’t?”
“He’s my dad, of course I don’t.” Carter chewed on his lip. “Really?”
Carter was adorable and I wanted him to have all the happiness in the world. He deserved it, too.
“Why is this such a surprise to you? You’ve got the same eyes and the same smile and I think you’re hot, why wouldn’t I think the same about your dad?”
“You think I’m hot?” Carter asked, voice softer this time.
Oops.
I hadn’t actually answered the question about having a crush on him last night, had I? I’d avoided it.
I’d just also thought it was obvious that I was too embarrassed to say yes, that I’d never gotten over it, and that Carter only had to say the word if he wanted great orgasm after great orgasm for the rest of this trip.
“Yes?” I said, higher-pitched than I meant to.
Carter stared at me, mouth hanging open. “Really?” he repeated, more incredulous this time than before.
“Watch the road,” I said, gesturing vaguely in front of us, trying to pretend I wasn’t blushing to the tips of my ears.
“Why do you sound so surprised?” I asked after a moment, once Carter seemed to be over the shock. “This isn’t me having weirdly specific tastes. You turn heads anywhere you go. You’re tall and you’ve got the soft hair and the pretty eyes and you smile like you give really good oral.”
“I what?” Carter asked.
“Like you know you do, I mean. Like, hi there, come home with me and I’ll eat you out for hours.”
“Hours?” Carter asked, voice pitching up like he was starting to panic over the idea that he was attractive.
I laughed at how easy he was to tease, how much fun it was to pay him a compliment.
“Doesn’t have to be non-stop,” I said. “I’m just saying. People look at you and think about sex. Trust me.”
Carter opened his mouth, drew a breath, and then obviously thought better of whatever he’d been about to say in response.
Probably do you look at me and think about sex?
> The answer was definitely yes.
“You’re so full of shit,” Carter mumbled as we pulled into the hotel, driving down the familiar internal streets to our cabin.
It was a shame he had so little confidence in himself. Without it, getting him to see that he could be honest—with himself and everyone else—was going to be a challenge.
Luckily, I was always up for a challenge.
13
Carter
I hummed happily as Aiden kissed me, warm body pressing down on top of me, strong thighs framing my hips. Warmth trickled south, a slow build of arousal that made me squirm under him, chest tight with joy at having him like this.
This felt so good. Why had I waited so long to ask?
Had I asked for it, or had Aiden just pounced on me? I couldn’t remember now. Didn’t matter. As long as he was kissing me, slow, thorough, and deliberate, I didn’t care who started it as long as it continued.
He laughed as he nuzzled and mouthed his way along my jawline, sucking on my earlobe and sending a jolt of pleasure down my spine as he nudged a sensitive spot with his tongue, making me squirm again. Aiden was good.
Of course he was. He was experienced and worldly and comfortable in his own skin, he’d been with women and men, he knew it all. Aiden probably could’ve made people come in their pants with a smirk.
I gasped as he nipped my neck, tilting his head back up to kiss him again, not done with his mouth, not sure I ever would be.
Aiden burst into a swarm of butterflies.
Someone pulled the ground out from under me, and I woke with a thump, blinking up at the swirling clouds outside the glass ceiling of the cabin.
Beside the couch.
Where I’d fallen asleep.
“Carter?” Aiden asked, pulling headphones out of his ears and walking over to me as I sat up, dazed and slightly sore from the fall. He looked me over, stunning jewel-colored eyes dark and worried. “You okay?”
It’d been a dream.
A knot of guilt made me feel like I was going to throw up for a moment, but it eased back as Aiden helped me up, a burst of tingles running down my arm instead.
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