Troublemaker (Goode Boys Book 1)

by Sean Ashcroft

  “Holy shit.”

  Fuck. I couldn’t even have a simple conversation without screwing something up, could I?

  “If he told you this is all fake, then that’s what he wants you to believe,” I said. “And I think he was just… unsure of himself and taking advantage of having someone really bi and really easy on hand.”

  Why was I still talking? These were Carter’s secrets.

  I was such a screwup. I’d always known I didn’t deserve him, but this confirmed it. He’d told Hallie this was fake, that was what he wanted her to believe.

  Which was proof-positive that this was a limited time arrangement and Carter was going back to his old life right after. What else would he do? Move back to Slow Falls and come pick me up from the shop every afternoon with a cup of coffee and the promise of a great blowjob when we got home to my tiny, crappy apartment?

  No, obviously not.

  He’d head back to New York and I’d maybe see him for Kieran’s birthday. Maybe I’d even drag him down to my level and make out with him in Kieran’s bathroom until he came in his pants and we both left the party separately, drenched in different kinds of shame.

  Unless he’d already found someone else by then. Kieran was a June baby. No reason a man like Carter couldn’t find a hundred people to love him in four and a half months.

  He didn’t need one of them to be me. Whatever Morgan said.

  “Doesn’t sound like Carter at all,” Hallie said. “I don’t think he’s had a hookup in his entire life.”

  “He probably wouldn’t tell you,” I pointed out. “Please, please act like you believe this is fake. It’s what he wants.”

  “I’ll take what he said as gospel.” She turned to glance at him again. “Where’d he go?”

  I looked over to where I’d seen him last and found the spot empty.

  Weird.

  Wherever he’d gone, it wasn’t as though he could just disappear. He’d be back.

  25

  Carter

  The air outside nipped at my nose and the tips of my ears, but I was glad to have a break from the noise and the heat inside, and I got the feeling Mandi wanted to talk to me.

  “Thanks for asking me to dance,” she said. “Especially since I didn’t know you could.”

  I watched in horror as she extracted a vape pen from her bra and offered it to me. Not because of where it’d been, but…

  “Since when do you smoke?” I asked, wrinkling my nose.

  “It’s not smoking,” Mandi said. “Gives me something to do with my hands. Calms my nerves.”

  “Nicotine is a stimulant,” I pointed out, almost automatically.

  I’d had a whole speech prepared for Aiden at one point. I hadn’t told him that, but I had cared more than I let on that he’d taken up smoking.

  I cared a lot now that he’d quit for me.

  Mandi wouldn’t have. Not because she was a bad person, but because making me like her had never been one of her priorities.

  She was the prize, and I was the lucky winner and should have been grateful. And one day, someone would feel exactly like that and they’d be fantastically happy with her.

  But it wasn’t me.

  For once in my life I knew what it was like for someone to want me, and I couldn’t stop thinking about how good it felt.

  “I don’t need a lecture,” Mandi said, blowing a cloud of brilliant white water vapor into the sky like a tiny dragon.

  It did look kind of cool, but on balance…

  Well, it wasn’t up to me to tell her what she could and couldn’t, or should and shouldn’t do.

  But Aiden had quit for me. Even before I’d showed any interest in him.

  “I won’t give you one,” I promised. “Just don’t blow it in my face.”

  The last thing I wanted was to smell of vape juice for Aiden later.

  “Never planned on it. Sure you don’t wanna try? It’s chocolate flavored.”

  Of course it was. I’d learned early that the quickest route to forgiveness with Mandi was chocolate.

  “I’m good,” I said, shoving my hands deep in my pockets. “Aiden taught me. To dance, I mean.”

  She’d probably forgotten the question by now, but I hadn’t forgotten the answer. I’d never forget anything Aiden had done for me this week.

  Mandi chuckled. “Cute. He’s not what I pictured for you.”

  “He’s not what I pictured for me, either,” I said. “But…”

  “But he’s right. Yeah, I know. Watched you dance with him for ten seconds before I realized I definitely wasn’t getting another chance.”

  Shit, was I that obvious?

  Maybe. I liked Aiden. I liked Aiden… more than I ever remembered liking anyone.

  I’d told Mandi I loved her all the time, because that was what you were supposed to do.

  I couldn’t say it to Aiden, because meaning it was terrifying. Really meaning it, meaning it as in you’re important to me and I want you in my life always.

  Which was how I would’ve meant it if I had the courage to actually do that.

  Mandi laughed, a pretty, tinkling sound that reminded me again that it wasn’t her. Not really.

  It was me. I was no more right for her than she was for me. And now that we both understood that, it was okay.

  “God, I wanna be gay,” Mandi said. “Boys are too much work. Girls are so pretty.”

  “If I’ve learned anything this week, it’s that you can be. If you want. Not actually as scary as I thought it’d be.”

  “Because you’ve got an adorable tattoo artist with the most gorgeous crooked smile to practice on,” she said. “Besides, to my constant dismay, men are actually what do it for me.”

  “Me too,” I said. “I mean, and girls, but…”

  “You like Aiden better than me,” she said. “It’s okay. I’m cool with it. I’m objectively hotter than he is, you just have terrible taste,” she joked.

  “Yep,” I agreed. “Think I’m in love with him.”

  Mandi nodded, tucking the vape pen back into her bra and rearranging her admittedly great breasts so it wasn’t obvious she was keeping it in there. “I’m quitting my job,” she said.

  “Better offer?”

  Mandi shook her head. “Had a little nervous breakdown at work. Might’ve slapped my boss. The company accepted it as stress related and a genuine medical condition and I think he kind of got off on it, but…”

  “If stress made you slap a guy, that’s too much stress,” I said. Mandi was a lot of things, but hot-tempered wasn’t one of them. She’d hold a position until everyone else gave up because they were too tired to argue with her, but she’d do it without raising her voice.

  She’d never lost an argument in her life, and I’d never seen her even think about hitting anyone.

  “Yep,” she said, looking down at her shoes in the snow. “So. That corporate career I’ve been building all this time… maybe it’s not for me. Maybe I’m not cut out for it.”

  This was what she’d wanted to talk about.

  “It’s just…” she continued, breath turning to fog as she sighed. “It’s the only thing I have in my life, and I’m gonna turn thirty in a little over a year, and what do I have to show? A Xanax prescription and a beautiful apartment I might struggle to sketch a floorplan of. I had you, for a little while, and it was nice to have someone to come home to and you cooked for me more often than my vibrator does. I can’t get a cat because it’d starve. I can’t even be a sad cat lady because I don’t have time to keep one alive, let alone bond with it.”

  “Does your vibrator ever cook for you?” I asked, trying to drag her back from the verge of tears. Not because I didn’t want her to cry if she needed to, but because I knew how much she hated crying, especially with makeup on, especially in public. “Because that’d be incredible.”

  Mandi sniffed, a broken laugh escaping her. “I forgot you were funny. I never appreciated you for what you were, and that’s kind of the point.
If another Carter comes along… I don’t wanna screw it up this time.”

  “You’re doing your best,” I said softly. “But you deserve to be happy. Fuck the career ladder, what do you wanna do?”

  “Travel,” Mandi said. “Fall in love. Fall out of love. Move to a small town somewhere and fall in love with a cattle rancher and get a cat.”

  “Kinda noticing that none of that sounded like work,” I said. “And I know you can afford it, at least for a little while. You don’t get the chance to be happy every day. You oughta grab it while you’ve got it.”

  “When did you get so smart?” Mandi asked.

  I shrugged. “I’m an idiot, I’m just paraphrasing my dad. Life isn’t forever. Might as well enjoy it while you’re here.”

  “You haven’t always been like this, huh?” Mandi turned to look at me.

  “No,” I said. “No, this is the new me.”

  I’d learned a lot this week, and I had Aiden to thank for it. Most of all, I’d learned about myself.

  I’d always be grateful to Aiden for everything he’d shared with me. I didn’t deserve it, but he’d been so kind anyway.

  “New Carter’s kinda sexy,” Mandi said, leaning in to kiss my cheek.

  … which was also the moment I spotted Aiden coming out of the barn.

  Dammit.

  We only had one more night together and I didn’t want things to go wrong at the last minute. I wanted…

  I wanted something to take away with me. A memory to keep, a reminder that someone had thought I was worth being kind to once.

  But I could see the look in Aiden’s eyes and I knew what this looked like and I wasn’t sure we’re just friends would cut it when we were talking about the ex-girlfriend I’d brought him here to avoid.

  “Aiden,” I called out, which was maybe stupid, because I probably should have let him walk away and cool off.

  Mandi backed off like she’d been burned, which was an understandable reaction, but probably not helping.

  “I was, uh…” Aiden looked between me and Mandi, hands shoved deep in his pockets. “Hallie and Damien are starting to drop hints about people leaving. But I can just… wait inside.”

  This isn’t what it looks like.

  Except if I said that, I’d sound guilty. Aiden wasn’t yelling. He didn’t even look upset.

  Maybe he wasn’t. He was the one who wanted to throw me back into the dating pool like a slightly undersized fish, after all.

  Maybe I was being stupid about all of this. How were we supposed to have a future, anyway? He wasn’t going to come with me to New York. He liked it in Slow Falls.

  “No, uh. I’m getting cold, actually,” I said. “And tired. I could go for getting out of here.”

  Aiden nodded. “I’ll grab coats and meet you by the car?”

  Right. To give me time to say whatever I needed to say to Mandi.

  Why did I ever think I could keep him?

  The bed was already cold when I woke.

  I couldn’t stop myself reaching out to Aiden’s side of it, stomach knotting up as I ran my fingers over the sheets. No kiss good morning today. He’d clearly been gone a while, and he’d gone out of his way not to wake me while he left.

  That was the thing. Even now, Aiden was being gentle with me. I didn’t deserve that gentleness, I hadn’t done anything to earn it, but that was the whole point. He’d never required me to earn it.

  He was just like this.

  Like Kieran said, he was way out of my league. I’d forgotten, for a little while, because he never acted like it. But it was true.

  Shoving the thought aside, I rolled out of the cold bed and checked the time.

  A little after eight. Plenty of time to shower before checkout, and to give Aiden time to do the same if he hadn’t already.

  And then the long drive home in what I was increasingly afraid would be the world’s most awkward silence.

  Normally a hot shower would have been comforting or at least clarifying, but my head felt as fuzzy when I stepped out of it as it had when I’d stepped in. Worse, maybe, since all I could think about was catching Aiden in the shower that first day.

  He’d been so easy to be around since the beginning, and the fact that we’d lost that was my fault.

  Not because Mandi kissed me on the cheek last night. That wasn’t the problem, not really.

  If I hadn’t been a coward about all of this from the beginning, Aiden would’ve known how I felt. That he was maybe the best thing that’d ever happened to me and I kind of hoped he was just going to… keep happening to me.

  But I’d known from the beginning that this was temporary. Honorary boyfriend. Not real boyfriend.

  And even if I sat Aiden down, explained to him about last night, and got him to forgive me and believe that yeah, okay, my feelings were a mess but they were real, and I knew for sure that I liked spending time with him, what then?

  Could I walk down the street in my own neighborhood holding his hand?

  I sure as hell couldn’t wear the pin he’d given me on the outside of my coat, and he could. Coming out to my family was one thing, coming out to the world was another.

  If my family had rejected me—and I knew my mom had—fine. They were a mess. I wanted Mom to stop hounding me to marry a nice girl she’d picked out.

  But could I handle it if someone at work lectured me in the elevator? Could I take the wrinkled noses if I got too close to Aiden in the street?

  Aiden could.

  He was a lot braver than me, though. Everything about him screamed courage and confidence.

  Me, I liked to blend into the background as seamlessly as possible.

  When we were alone, it felt like we were made for each other. But there was more to a relationship than being alone.

  Aiden was back by the time I got out of the shower, and I suddenly felt exposed in a towel. He’d seen me naked—he liked me naked—but I wasn’t sure where we stood now.

  I’d thought after the wedding that the two of us would snuggle up together and kiss and touch until the sun peeked over the horizon, taking our time, basking in the post-wedding arousal I’d heard so much about. Eager and excited and comfortable with each other now.

  Some part of me had imagined falling asleep curled up against him, and my stomach hurt when I thought it now. I’d already had that for the last time and I hadn’t even stopped to appreciate it.

  “Breakfast,” Aiden said, nodding to a bag from the bakery. “Saw your mom packing her car on the way back.”

  “She say anything to you?” I asked, already bristling. After everything, she didn’t get to say a word to Aiden.

  Aiden shook his head, tearing the bag open and taking a custard-filled donut for himself. For all that he was covered in tattoos and had a cock piercing, he sure did love vanilla and sugar. As tastes went, he had the palate of a ten-year-old, and that was adorable.

  I just wished it didn’t make me ache to go lick the sugar off his lips.

  Even now, he was still bringing me breakfast.

  I definitely wasn’t good enough for him.

  “No,” he said, licking the sugar off his own lips while I tried not to stare. “Think maybe she’s considering her life choices. Or just mad at everyone and positive she’s in the right and everyone else needs to change.”

  “The second,” I said, already dreading the eventual apology I’d have to make to her if I wanted her in my life ever again.

  I wasn’t sure on that yet. On the one hand, I didn’t have so much family that I could afford to throw any of it away.

  On the other hand, if my own mother couldn’t accept me for who I was…

  “What would you do?” I asked. “About, y’know…?”

  “I have a pinup merman tattooed on my arm,” Aiden said. “There’s no going back in the closet for me. I made my decision, but I also didn’t have to put up with the crap you have to. I can’t tell you what to do.”

  Right. That was the thing, wasn’t it? Aid
en’s family loved him unconditionally.

  “For what it’s worth, you do look good with Mandi,” Aiden said. “I’m happy for you, if that’s what you want.”

  “She took up smoking,” I said, fiddling with the edge of my towel. “Well, vaping. Same difference.”

  “Oh.” Aiden paused to lick more sugar off his lips. “Well. Maybe she’d quit for you.”

  No. No, she wouldn’t. Not in a million years.

  “Maybe.”

  “Eat your breakfast,” Aiden said, nudging the bag of donuts. “Long drive ahead of us.”

  Right. One last long drive, and then this was all over.

  26

  Aiden

  “You look like hell.”

  I glanced up from where I was mixing inks for my nine a.m. client, silently cursing myself for agreeing to an early appointment in the hopes that I could catch up on all the people I’d pushed back last week.

  Morgan filled the doorway, blocking the light from the front of the shop, holding a tray of two takeout coffees in his hand.

  I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came to mind. The truth was that I felt like hell, but Morgan didn’t need my bullshit this early in the morning. Even if he’d already been up for hours.

  “Figured something was up when you didn’t bring me coffee,” he said, setting the tray down at my elbow.

  “Stomach ache,” I said, which was true at least. My stomach had knotted up the moment I’d gotten into the car with Carter yesterday and hadn’t relaxed since. Especially not when he’d awkwardly kissed my cheek and whispered bye, Aiden like I was never going to see him again.

  Hell, maybe I wouldn’t. Maybe he’d avoid me for the rest of my life. If he was planning on going back to Mandi after all…

  “Mmhmm,” Morgan said, leaning back against the client chair. “Wouldn’t have anything to do with Carter, would it?”

  I looked up at him. “Wow, you read my mind.”

  “Don’t be sarcastic,” Morgan said. “That’s my job, I’m the sarcastic one.”