This was the second inventory of her new circumstances she had made in the last half an hour. She danced over to the media screen and paused playback of the assigned playlist. Then she pranced to the door. Hope kakked at her. She could sense that Hope just wanted to remain where she was and rest. Faith smiled and sent her the message that it was fine for her to just relax. Then Faith stepped into sensor range and the door slid open. Her room was on the right side of the hall just a little further down than Goru’s.
Faith hummed the refrain of one of the songs and strode to the food processor for a beverage. Goru and Lyla were sitting in front of the media screen. Faith noticed their conversation stopped the moment she came down the hall. Empathically she sensed they were discussing her until she arrived. Faith immediately jumped to the conclusion Lyla had shared her secret with Goru. “You promised not to tell!” Faith poured every ounce of betrayal she felt into her words.
Lyla cleared her throat, “It was need to know. Goru needed to know. He was the one that sent me after you to check on you. I couldn’t not tell him.”
Goru rose and closed the distance between the media corner and the catering corner, “I have been concerned about you, Faith. You can’t keep us healthy if you aren’t healthy yourself. Right now it is a small problem, but the stress is only going to increase. We need to fix this now before something really bad happens. Even as a briaunti you can’t just expect your body to take that kind of punishment and stay okay forever.”
His concern seemed unselfish and genuine, “I don’t know how to stop!” There it was, the confession. She really couldn’t help herself. She had lied to Lyla when she said she would stop. Her intention had been to just hide it better.
“You may not be able to stop on your own,” Goru stated, “We have been discussing this with Maeve and she thinks you need to speak with your mentor. As a physical, mental and spiritual healer, Alissa would probably be the best to advise you. Together you should be able to fix this.”
Faith swallowed against a lump. She knew they cared, but they didn’t know that just the idea of confessing to what she was doing was making her want to do it even more. “I don’t know if I can.”
“We’ll go with you,” Lyla offered.
Faith had to admit that she couldn’t go on her own, but she wasn’t sure she could go and confess even with the whole team behind her and pushing. Goru rubbed his temples, “Okay, so maybe she could come here. The four of us could talk privately in your room, your territory.”
Faith hesitated.
“She is on her way,” Maeve stated through her speaker.
Faith’s anxiety went from a ten through the roof. This wasn’t a discussion or an intervention, this was an ambush. Faith felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest. Her lungs felt like they were going to explode. She rubbed at her forearms frantically and wanted to make a run for her room. She needed her knife, but Lyla had recycled it. What was she going to do? An elephant was sitting on her chest, and she couldn’t breathe.
Goru closed the last of the distance between them and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. He led her back to her bedroom. The door slid open on their approach and Hope came flying out kak-kak-kakking frantically. Faith knew if she didn’t calm the falcon, Hope would attack Lyla and Goru as threats to Faith. Worry over Hope erased all of Faith’s personal anxiety. All that mattered was calming Hope.
Faith shrugged off Goru’s arm and held her wrist out to Hope. Hope flew to her and gently grasped Faith’s forearm. Faith smoothed Hope’s feathers, cooing softly at her. Hope remained flustered and wary. The elevator door opened revealing the tall, pale, willowy woman who was Faith’s primary mentor. She spotted Faith and sighed, “Faith, let’s go somewhere private and talk.”
Faith flinched.
“Maeve didn’t tell me why you needed to see me, but I can tell from Hope that it is serious. Do you want to speak privately or would you prefer your friends are there?” Alissa asked.
Faith’s breath caught in her throat. All she could think was that she didn’t want to do this at all. “Can we all talk in my room?”
Alissa nodded. Faith entered the room which remained open following Hope’s release. Faith shrugged Hope off her arm and Hope flew to her perch. Goru was next to enter he leaned against Faith’s desk. Lyla entered and sat on the desk chair careful to cross her legs as she sat. Faith headed for the bed and waited while her mentor carried a chair in from the breakfast table. Faith sat cross-legged on the bed. Alissa sat in the center of the room.
“Where should we begin?” Alissa asked.
“With her mother…” Lyla stated, “Not to give away details, but Faith’s mother recently abandoned Faith, but before she left, she was having hellish nightmares. Faith experienced to thanks to her empathy. Faith chose a less than healthy coping mechanism.”
Alissa nodded, “Losing a parent can be very stressful, was it before or after your metamorphosis?”
“Just before.”
Alissa hissed, “So she wasn’t available to help you transition between childhood and adulthood?”
“No.”
“Was your father?” Alissa asked.
“He tried, but he was suffering too,” Faith admitted.
Alissa nodded, “It sounds like you were very alone. Did your friends try to help?”
“I didn’t have any, really. I grew out of them too fast,” Faith felt tears dripping down her cheeks.
“But now you do, and they really care. Maeve said you had something you need to tell me…” Alissa soothed.
Faith sobbed. She couldn’t bring herself to confess again. She rubbed her arms, “I… hurt myself.”
Alissa nodded without blinking, “Go on…”
Faith had expected shock and disappointment. Maybe it was just that Alissa didn’t care enough to react yet. Faith looked at Lyla and Goru, their eyes radiated accepting encouragement. They did care. “When I get anxious, or start thinking about… things, I cut my arms,” Faith stated with a struggle. She wanted to cut herself right then, even with them watching.
“How does that help the situation?”
Faith shrugged, “It covers the pain I feel inside.”
“Does it?” Alissa seemed really good at asking questions Faith didn’t want to answer.
“Not really. It makes it worse. I feel ashamed of myself, but when I am doing it I don’t remember that part,” Faith stumbled through.
“Okay, the next time you feel the need to cut, I want you to snap your wrist with this,” Alissa handed her an elastic band, “And do your best to remember the shame you feel.”
Faith nodded. She obediently pulled the elastic band over her wrist and began snapping it. Her thoughts were of the relief she would feel if she just gave in. She had to derail forcibly that train of thought and focus on the shame and self-loathing that would follow. She wasn’t used to taking a shortcut, no pun intended, around the “good part.”
“Keep breathing. It’s important that you keep breathing. It is hard to keep emotionally level without fresh oxygen getting to your brain,” Alissa stated.
Faith followed the instruction. She snapped. She breathed. She focused on the shame she would feel if she gave in. The impulse passed. Faith stopped snapping the band and opened her eyes. She didn’t even remember closing them. Lyla and Goru had quietly left. Alissa was the only one in the room other than Faith and Hope.
“You can get past this. You did really good just then. You can call me at any time. Or have Maeve get me. I will come immediately and talk you through it until you can get through it on your own,” Alissa stated, “Your records state you are only five years old. Does that make it difficult to relate to Goru and the others?”
Faith bit her lip, “I just am not used to relating to much of anyone.”
“I prescribe spending at least an hour with each of your dorm-mates every week. It will help you form strong relationships. Having the support of others will be key. They won’t let you talk down to your
self. They will help build you up. A strong support system is crucial. Now, do you feel better?” Alissa asked.
Faith nodded.
“Good, report to my office tomorrow morning and we will begin your lessons. Try to have your readings completed by then,” Alissa stood and left the room. Faith watched her go and began snapping at the elastic. It was almost as good as cutting. For her the pain lasted about the same amount of time, and she could do it in front of other people without shame. This just might work.
- - - - - - -
Stone downloaded her courses the minute they entered her inbox. She flipped through the files in her mind. They weren’t any different from what she expected after talking with Jinn. The majority of her classes were physically oriented, Self defense, rock climbing, archery, Basically physical skills she couldn’t just download. Surprisingly, there was a great deal of information on the history, and development of each of the forms. The file included the basics of technique and forms involved but it would basically require the time spent building in the muscle memory.
Stone focused on the files on tai chi and began attempting the forms and positions in the instructions and videos included. She knew she didn’t have things quite right. She needed to be able to see herself making the motions and the video and diagrams at the same time. “Maeve, is there any way I could get some practice mirrors in here? I can’t see myself to get this right,” Stone asked.
“I think I know what you want, please step outside.” The hall door opened before Stone began walking towards it. She exited, and the door closed behind her. The door reopened as quickly as it had closed. Stone stepped inside. The bathroom wall, including the two doors was covered in mirrors and another set of fan fold mirrored doors had been added to the bed wall so they could be closed over the wall giving her continuous mirror coverage.
Stone closed the mirrored doors over her bed and checked herself out. Then to her surprise the diagrams and video on the forms she had been attempting were displayed in the background of the mirrors. A broad smile cracked across her face.
“I take it that I did an adequate job?” Maeve chirped.
“More than… how did you think of the videos?” Stone asked.
“I just tried to calculate what I would need if I were to be in your position,” Maeve replied.
“Excellent calculation! May I ask what your lesson plans look like?” Stone asked.
“Head to the last door down the hall, the one with my name on it,” Maeve stated. Stone cocked her head to the side and tried to save herself the walk by hacking into the room’s camera view. Maeve blocked her easily. “Just come on down.”
Stone left her room again and headed down the hall to the last room on the end wall of the hallway. “Maeve Pointer,” was printed on it in flowing script. The door opened and Stone entered. Directly in front of the door was a privacy curtain. Stone pushed past the curtain and immediately saw the core of Maeve’s lesson plan. A five foot tall female android body with red hair and green eyes stood at the center of the room. It smelled just a bit like Tawny.
“Is it biochemically powered?” Stone asked.
“Yes, it is a newer version than the chassis Tawny has,” Maeve replied.
“It takes some pretty unique resources to produce androids like that. They are still very rare,” Stone pointed out. Maeve’s body would be reaching towards the biological in the same way Stone’s system reached towards the mechanical.
“I have almost mastered the movement subroutines, but I can’t permanently download until I master the digestive ones too,” Maeve stated excitedly.
“Cool, are those nanites?” Stone asked pointing to the web of technology representing itself as clothing.
“Yeah, and I believe you would call integrating them, ‘a headache,’” Maeve admitted, “How do you handle seams?”
Stone smiled and uploaded the subroutines she had developed to simulate the various seam styles common to most clothing. Maeve laughed, “That is way easier than what I had been trying.” The clothing on the android shimmered, and the result was much more realistic. Stone sent her some subroutines on simulating the various thicknesses and weights of fabric. “Oh, thank you!” Maeve cooed. through the lips of the android as the clothing shimmered yet again into a nearly completely realistic form.
“You don’t add shading to the fabric, it is cast by the lighting,” Stone stated analyzing the effects.
The clothing shimmered again and the artificial tones of shading disappeared. The effect was the perfect mimicry of the outfit Lyla had been wearing in the headmistress’s office. It was a pink t-shirt over blue jeans with pink lace embellishments. It was entirely too girly for Stone’s tastes, but the android body belonged to Maeve so Stone said nothing.
“I calculate the expression on your face means you dislike my outfit.” Maeve stated using the android’s lips.
“I wouldn’t wear it,” Stone stated honestly. “Unless my nanites revolted, and I had no one to borrow a proper outfit from,” Stone gestured to the copy of the outfit Goru loaned her which her nanites simulated.
“I would not wear that horrid outfit. There is no style to it! It is positively grungy,” Maeve mewed.
“You are free to be as girly as you please. I however identify myself as a masculine individual. For your information grunge is a valid stylistic choice,” Stone replied.
“So in your vast experience of just over a week, have you come to a decision on your preferred pronoun?” Maeve asked.
Stone paused in her thought, why hadn’t she considered it. Just because she had she parts didn’t mean she had to keep the “she” word. For that matter, there was no reason between her regenerative abilities and her nanites why she couldn’t correct her physical discrepancy.
Stone assigned system resources to adding the appropriate genitalia and removing her swelling breasts. While he was at it, Stone sped his physical development so his tentative relationship with Faith seemed more age appropriate. “I would appreciate the use of masculine pronouns. I will be rectifying my misbegotten primary and secondary sexual characteristics as rapidly as I can. Current calculations place the transition being complete within four days,” Stone replied, deepening his voice as he spoke. He left it within the tenor range.
“You will retain your name, won’t you?” Maeve asked.
Stone nodded.
“Pleased to become acquainted with the real you, sir,” Maeve managed a sloppy smile on her android face.
“Thank you for asking the right questions,” Stone smiled back.
“I should be fully downloaded around the same time,” Maeve stated, “Hey, maybe we could have a joint re-birthday?”
“I would be honored,” Stone bowed, “Perhaps you should leak the surprise to the others, perhaps they could plan a party?”
“Already consider it leaked,” Maeve stated.
Stone smiled and nodded. He figured he should go talk to Faith and see if his decision was a problem for their relationship. “See you later Maeve,” Stone said backing out of the room.
Faith was down the hall in the common area. She was seated on one of the couches. She seemed to be in distress and she was frantically snapping an elastic band around her wrist. Stone pulled one of the cushioned chairs around in front of Faith. He stilled her hands with his.
“What’s wrong?” Stone asked.
Faith cocked her head to the side and blinked at him, “Did you change your voice?”
Stone inhaled deeply, “Yes, and that isn’t all I am changing. I hope it won’t change how you feel about me, but I am altering my sex. I have felt male since the womb but was unfairly saddled with the body of a female. I have the capacity to change that, and I am.”
“You aren’t doing this just for me are you?” Faith asked near tears.
“No, what?”
“Because you know almost every briaunti in history has pairbonded to a person of the opposite sex, and mostly to other briaunti. You aren’t changing your sex so I
will bond to you are you?” Faith cried.
“This is one hundred percent about me. I don’t see it as changing my sex as much as it is about correcting a congenital deformity. Though if I had thought of your reasoning, I might have leaped to this sooner. If you bond to anyone I want it to be to me!” Stone answered.
“So, you really love me?” Faith’s tears slowed.
“Absolutely, do you love me? Even though…” Stone couldn’t finish.
Faith clasped Stone’s cheeks between her hands and planted her lips on his. She kissed him passionately, “I don’t care if you are male, female or anything in between or beyond. I have never felt this way before. Though to be honest I am only five years old.”
Stone laughed, “I fell in love with a much older woman. Who would have thunk I would date a veritable cougar.”
Faith frowned in confusion.
Stone smiled, “I am only a week plus a bit old. You are totally robbing the cradle.”
Faith blinked, “I really thought you were older!”
“Than I am, or than you?”
“Me, I am okay with this, but wow…” Faith smiled at him.
Stone was relieved Faith had taken both revelations well. It appeared they had a bright future ahead.
Chapter Twenty
Assignment
Lyla looked over the two decades of recent history she had to learn. Most of it was at least tangentially related to her mother. She knew so little about who her mother really was. There were transcripts of missions, and speeches. An entire textbook was devoted to the factor efforts during the end of the last omniverse. Her mother had set the priorities for all of it.
Focusing on her mother left Lyla desperate to talk to her mother. She didn’t have her mother’s direct com channel. All she could do was write her an email and hope it made it through the slush pile of emails sent to her mother every hour of every day. Lyla imagined gangs of AIs tasked with going through the emails before any of them even made it to her mother’s aids.
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