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We dedicate this book to both Pams and Bills (our parents) for being our first loves.
preface NOVEMBER 2020, ATLANTA
The day had finally arrived. The party was about to begin and we still couldn’t say whether we were more excited or nervous for what was going to unfold. The past couple weeks had been hectic. We’d been shooting almost nonstop for a “where are they now?” follow-up series to Love Is Blind. As part of the big finale, the producers asked if they could plan and film a two-year joint wedding anniversary party with Amber and Barnett. Of course, that meant production also taking over the planning and preparation of the celebration. Which is how we found ourselves looking out across downtown Atlanta from the glass elevator we were taking up to Ventanas—the rooftop venue where guests were already starting to gather.
We spent most of the day at home, appreciating some time just the two of us, getting ready, and reminiscing about our journey together. Had it really been two years since Love Is Blind had turned us from strangers into Mr. and Mrs. Cameron and Lauren Hamilton in the span of seven weeks? Time had flown by, but we had grown so much over the course of our short marriage, both as a couple and as individuals. We had over a year to ourselves to build our marriage and process the experience of Love Is Blind in private before being launched into the public eye with the Netflix premiere in February 2020. Since then, we have been figuring out how best to manage the newfound opportunities and attention, while also moving forward from the show.
It was both rewarding and taxing to be back in front of the cameras, as we once again opened ourselves up to being completely vulnerable. The difference this time around was that we’d been married for two years; there was no uncertainty about whether we would say “I do” at the altar. Though we’ve gotten used to sharing our relationship and our lives with the world, it will always be an energy exchange. It’s not easy to talk about subjects as intimate as how our relationship has been developing, what we’ve been working on, and the challenges we have yet to overcome. But we are happy to share our story because of all the people around the world who support us and send us their love. So many people have reached out to tell us that our story has inspired them not to give up hope on love. Those are the people we continue sharing our lives for. At the end of the day, we wouldn’t want to be doing anything else.
We reminded ourselves of all this as we made our way to the party. We also wondered what the night would hold. Nearly everyone from the original cast had been invited to the party. Would Mark show up, given that he was now engaged with a baby on the way? How were things with Gi and Damian? How would the rest of the cast respond to us, plus Amber and Barnett? Would people be happy for us or upset that the night was focused on our marriage? We came to the mutual agreement that we weren’t going to worry about anyone else but the two of us—this was our anniversary after all. Regardless of what was going on with the rest of the cast, we were going to make this night about celebrating the gift the last two years had been and appreciating each other for what we have brought into each other’s lives.
And hey, this was still our big night, right? So you know we had to make an entrance! Lauren dazzled in her two-piece purple dress with the serpentine train she nicknamed Veronica. And Cameron donned his peacock green custom-tailored suit by the designer Don Morphy. We wouldn’t want anyone to forget whose party this was, would we?
We were fairly certain that the night would have its fair share of drama. After all, this was the first time that the “pod squad,” as we used to call ourselves on set, would be together as a group since shooting the reunion episode. We knew the night could turn on a dime with all of us gathered together. The mood could be fun and relaxed one minute, then all hell could break loose the next.
We had done our best to steer clear of the drama on Love Is Blind, and that was our mindset going into the anniversary party too. It wasn’t that we were bothered by drama; we simply felt out of place in it. The reality is that Love Is Blind was an intense, life-changing experience that is not to be taken lightly. While the show’s many zany moments were amusing, it can be easy to lose sight of the fact that this experience was challenging for everyone and has left a lasting impact. While we may not always see eye-to-eye with other members of the cast, we will always feel a special bond with them, having been through the experiment together. And Love Is Blind will always be an important milestone in our lives.
So, did the night have fireworks as expected? You’ll have to watch the episode on Netflix to find out. All we can tell you is that it will not disappoint! In the end, though, the party for us was another reminder that we have our own story to tell—and that it’s still just beginning.
That takes us to Leap of Faith. This book is the story of how we came to find ourselves on Love Is Blind, the many parts that didn’t make it to the screen, and the journey we’ve been on together since saying our “I dos.” It’s also our chance to share the secrets behind how we were able to find love the way we did and how we have kept our marriage growing through many trials and tribulations. We realize that a couple years of happy marriage doesn’t make us authorities on the subject. But the unique circumstances of our union, especially the incredible leap of faith it required, have given us special insights that we think can help others find their own deep and lasting connection. If nothing else, we think it’s a one-of-a-kind love story. We’re so happy to share it with you.
Part I
chapter one A NOT-SO-MODEL LIFE
Lauren
I always figured that by the time I turned thirty I’d have it all figured out. The amazing career, the handsome hubby, the beautiful home, maybe a baby on my hip and another on the way. But my thirtieth birthday had come and gone and these things never felt farther away. By the summer of 2017, a year before Love Is Blind even crossed my radar, I was in a drought season praying for rain. Those were some humbling, character-building times in my life.
For as long as I could remember, I’d been the person people came to when they were down and out. Trouble in paradise? Talk to Lauren. Issues at work? Go tell Lauren. I was proud of the fact that people saw me as strong and dependable. That’s even more reason why 2017 was such a tough year for me. It was one of the toughest years of my life.
Besides being people’s go-to, I’ve always been a go-getter, a trait I share with my dad. He worked his tail off for decades as an editor, writer, and producer notably working with BET (Black Entertainment Television) among other publications, networks, and game changers in the industry. “You want to get ahead in this world,” he’d say to me and my older brother, Nick, “you gotta work hard and smart.” In high school, while most of my peers were still experimenting with hair and makeup, I was glamming it up in pageants and working as a model.
By the age of nineteen, I was working with industry agents and gaining valuable experience working with some of the best photographers in the business.
I started to push for more TV and radio opportunities; modeling was fun but my personality bubbled over like hot soup boiling on a stove. But I was still building my portfolio and had to clock in more time. Patience has never really been one of my virtues. However, I kept pushing, and eventually the TV and radio spots started pouring in as well.
My twenties
were more of the same, in terms of hard work and hustle. I graduated from Eastern Michigan University with a degree in film and media. I hit the ground running, spending a few years working and playing in Detroit before moving to Washington, DC, and eventually on to Atlanta, where I landed in 2015. I was doing a lot of creative jobs during this time, which was good for my mind and soul, but not so good for my bank account. Believe you me, the starving-artist routine gets old in a hurry after age twenty-five.
And so in my late twenties, I finally had to bite the bullet and take a corporate job in one of the anonymous office buildings in Atlanta, which really killed my spirit and was a blow to my creative ego. I was so out of my element. I remember retreating to the bathroom and crying on multiple occasions. Why am I here? I’d ask myself. I don’t belong here. But I had to pay the bills. This went on for longer than I like to admit, close to two years.
With my thirty-first birthday fast approaching, I decided enough was enough. I scraped together my savings, gave notice with the corporate bosses, and continued my goal of growing my own company, a boutique creative marketing agency called The Speed Brand. I titled the business with the family name because I envisioned it being a true family venture. Entertainment has always been the Speed family business. At our family’s encouragement, my brother and I used to film sketches as kids, using the clunky VHS camcorder that our aunt Shelia had given to him for his birthday back in the early nineties. Nick still works in music production, creating his own tracks, DJing, and promoting other artists.
One of my favorite projects with The Speed Brand to date was directing a music video for Nick, for a song called “Throw Sum” that he wrote and performed. It’s a moody hip-hop beat that captures the soul and passion of our family. We shot the entire video in Detroit, our hometown, using our favorite cityscapes as backdrops. It was everything I imagined for the business.
Other projects were more bread and butter, like the Valentine’s Day segment I produced for CBS Radio, going around the city asking people about their love lives. My talent was helping brands and businesses make creative statements with the right visuals and voice. I did it all—videography, content creation, storytelling, photography, you name it. I had always been involved in the arts in some shape or form, so I had built up the skills and creative confidence to take on any challenge.
Based on my early success, I expected the business to take off. I don’t think I was being overly confident. I believed in myself and I also felt that I brought a unique skill set and life experience. I knew I had a story to tell and I wanted to share that story with the world.
For about six months, well into 2017, life was good. I was happy to be back in the creative space, flexing muscles that had gone soft in corporate. Unfortunately, the good times didn’t last. As hard as I hustled, I was struggling to bring in enough new business to make ends meet.
I had some savings, but the money was running out fast. I was sinking. By the end of September 2017, I was more depressed than I’d ever been in my life. On most days, it took all my energy just to leave the house. The first of the month was coming—and rent was due. I’d been late the last few months. I was avoiding my landlord because I was so disappointed in myself, but finally I sent him an email explaining the situation.
“Listen, Lauren, we understand life happens,” he replied. “But if you’re not on time this month, we’re going to have to evict you.”
As hard as that conversation was, it was nothing compared to the phone calls to my mom and dad later that night. I was all out of options. I had to ask them for money. We had always been comfortable growing up—not the wealthiest family in the community, but never worried about there being enough food in the cupboard. But as an adult who considered myself pretty responsible and self-sufficient, it was more about my pride taking a hit. Fortunately, they’re extremely loving and supportive.
“We understand, Lauren,” my mom said. “We hate that you’re having to go through this.”
With the financial support from my parents, I was able to stay afloat for another few months. But I knew something had to give. I would be turning thirty-two in a couple months. Hitting thirty had been hard enough. The fact that almost two years had passed and I was treading water, at best, filled me with sadness.
I’d been turning more and more to prayer during this time. My bank account was almost down to zero, but I was still able to keep my phone on, so I’d watch sermons on the internet at night and then have these long talks with God. “I know there’s a reason you’re taking me through these trials,” I’d say. “You must have some kind of plan for me.”
I believed that in my heart. I just had no idea what the plan could be.
* * *
I can’t say my prayers were answered overnight. But after that humbling moment, things started to pick up. I managed to find some temp work that paid well, helping make ends meet. Then a few more clients rolled into The Speed Brand, thanks to a major push on social media. I’d always been into IG and Snapchat for my personal life, but I started leveraging the platforms more and more to help build my business. I’d post pics of myself BTS, working on the set of a shoot with the hashtags #videographerinatl and #creativeinatl. Brands really responded. I ended up getting more music video work, a cool sneaker documentary, and all kinds of creative beauty tutorials for glam makers and fashion bloggers.
I wasn’t rolling in dough all of a sudden, but I had room to breathe. I even had enough money in the bank to do some traveling. I had always wanted to get out there and see the world. And as I started to come out of this very dark episode of my life, it felt like the time was right to wander. This was what I like to call my Eat, Pray, Love phase, a period of deep introspection that I knew would be well served by exploring through travel and immersing myself in inspiration and new cultures. I was convinced that if I was going to get my life back on track and pointed in a positive direction, I would need to engage in some serious soul-searching. Traveling would give me the time and physical separation from my everyday life to allow this.
I spent a lot of time staring at a map of the world on my phone, trying to figure out which destination tugged at my soul the most. When I was growing up, my dad always loved Cuban singer Celia Cruz. He’d play her music while cooking dinner or driving my brother and me around in the car. She was the spitting image of his mom, my grandmother, whom I never got a chance to meet. “Look at these pictures,” my dad would say. “They look exactly alike!”
How about Havana? I thought to myself one night. From that point forward, the trip to Cuba became like a pilgrimage in my mind. This would be my first truly international trip (not counting Canada), and the fact that I was on my own made it all the more meaningful.
Walking through the streets of Havana, with its colorful buildings, loud music, and vintage cars, was a total awakening. One night, I was out and about when I stumbled onto a lively street party. The salsa music was blaring, and everyone was dancing up a storm. This Cuban guy grabbed me and pulled me into the dance circle, in a totally sweet and innocent way. I could literally feel the depression of the last year melting away. I felt myself exhale for the first time in ages. I was truly happy and joyful because I knew I was exactly where I needed to be.
Back home in Atlanta, I kept the whole Eat, Pray, Love vision quest vibe going. I had found a brand-new respect for myself in Cuba and I was excited to apply it to every aspect of my life. I was living in Buckhead, a trendy, upscale neighborhood that’s known as “The Beverly Hills of Atlanta.” I had this incredible apartment that became such a source of pride, especially since only a few months earlier I’d been on the verge of eviction. It was small, but it was the perfect size for me and my creative projects. I built a miniature studio in the living room and made the space exactly how I wanted it. I could roll out of bed and create whatever was on my mind.
Most of my girlfriends were single, including my homegirl Tiffany, or Tiff as I call her. We were the single girls club living our best lives like a
Sex and the City episode. Something inside me clicked. I decided if I was going to be thirty plus and single, I was going to enjoy myself, full-on Carrie Bradshaw–style. Taking life by the horns and living it to its fullest extent.
The trip to Cuba had kick-started my change in perspective, while also giving me a serious case of wanderlust. After a few months of Atlanta living, I felt the pull again. This time, I set my sights on Italy, another country steeped in culture that was high on my bucket list.
One morning there, I ventured out with my camera and came upon a street market brimming with life. Vendors were hawking all kinds of wares, from textiles to gelato. I started snapping photos. My Italian isn’t very good, but it wasn’t long before I heard the unmistakable sound of catcalls from the local Italian men. The signori were smitten! I’ll admit, I was a little surprised at how forward they were (you don’t need to be fluent to understand the language of desire!), especially since I was one of the few Black women I’d seen during my trip.
The art in Italy, meanwhile, stirred my creative spirit. Standing before the Sistine Chapel, the Roman Colosseum, or any number of Italian masterpieces, I was completely awed by the sense of history and permanence. The artwork itself was amazing, but I was equally intrigued by the artists themselves. What was on Michelangelo’s mind as he sculpted David from a single block of marble? What was Leonardo’s life like as he put his imaginings of the Last Supper to canvas? These musings made me think about my own creative efforts. Could I ever create something that would outlast my time on earth? Was there a masterpiece in me? Seeing how this great Italian art continues to inspire people lit a fire under me to want to inspire others in the same way.
Traveling the world was an intensely positive experience, but in the back of my mind I knew that it couldn’t last forever. After a bumpy liftoff, my thirties were now off to an amazing start. All the work I put into myself was paying off in a big way. Where was life headed next?
Leap of Faith Page 1