The Way We Are

by Shelly Desjarlais

  “Looks like you’ve come around on horses, darlin.”

  “Yes, you’re right, horses are good. Happy that I was wrong?” Hazel lightheartedly asked.

  “I’m happy that you like him. We’re a pair, you see.”

  “I see. Like we’re a pair. We are, aren’t we?”

  Carolyn paused. The suspense ate at Hazel’s nerves. Then, Carolyn smiled. “Yeah.”

  “Yeah?” Hazel repeated.

  “Yeah,” Carolyn said again. “We should ride the horse soon. I can tell he’s getting twitchy.”

  “All right. Can I take the reins again?”

  “Yes. Did you want to stay the night again?” Carolyn wondered.

  “Are you joking? There’s nowhere I’d rather be, sweetheart.”

  Hazel pulled Carolyn into a loving embrace. It only ended because the horse interrupted them. Chuckling, they got ready to ride. Hazel took the reins, and they traveled their normal route. This ride went longer than the others since they knew that they had all the time in the world. Hazel was thrilled that she could stay.

  “Are you stuck on the idea of sleeping in a bed?” Carolyn asked Hazel when the ride was done.

  Hazel thought for a moment. “Where would you want to sleep?”

  “Under the stars,” Carolyn answered.

  “I’d like that.”

  As soon as their chores were through and dinner was finished, Carolyn went to her favorite place on the farm. She put down a few blankets and a pillow for them to lie on. Hazel wasn’t used to sleeping on a hard surface rather than a cushy bed, but she loved seeing stars instead of a ceiling.

  “I love the sky. It’s so free,” Carolyn whispered.

  “The stars make your eyes sparkle,” Hazel murmured.

  Carolyn glanced at Hazel’s face. “Your eyes always do.”

  “Can we pretend something?”

  “What do you want to pretend, darlin?”

  “That we’ll do this every night, and that we can because we’re both free.”

  “All right. We can pretend that,” Carolyn somberly agreed.

  “Will you say it?” Hazel vulnerably asked.

  “We’ll do this every night. Because we’re free,” Carolyn uttered.

  Hazel kissed Carolyn’s cheek while Carolyn’s arm snaked around her shoulders. For that night only, they made themselves believe that they’d never have to let go.

  Twenty-eight

  The following day, Hazel invited Carolyn to visit her house. She asked Carolyn to help her with her first garden. Also, the hole in the roof needed to be patched. But they had dozens of things to deal with on the farm first. Once that was squared away, Carolyn and Hazel went to Hazel’s farm. The hole took priority.

  Carolyn stood in the yard, studying the roof from a distance. “There it is. I can see it if I squint. It doesn’t look too big. I think we can handle it with that tarp you’ve got. Let me get my tools and such.”

  Carolyn retrieved everything that she needed from the back of her truck. She set her ladder against the side of the house and began. Patching the hole in Hazel’s roof was far easier than working on the barn in the storm, though that went without saying. It didn’t take her long at all. They could go to the garden next.

  Hazel wasn’t happy to hear that her garden was ruined by the heavy storm. Carolyn helped her restart her gardening project, but Hazel wasn’t sure if a city gal like her could pull it off. She was going to try it anyway. Finished for the day, they returned to Hazel’s house. They found that their hands and arms were coated in mud from their work. There was one solution.

  They found their way into Hazel’s bathroom. The water was warm, but they were warmer. They took their time, savoring every motion. It was pure bliss for them both.

  Exhausted, they climbed into Hazel’s bed, snuggling beneath a blanket. Hazel cuddled up to Carolyn’s side, and Carolyn purposely ran her fingers over Hazel’s ticklish spot. Laughing loudly, Hazel pushed Carolyn’s shoulder. Carolyn tumbled off the bed. Hazel immediately rolled off with her.

  “Are you all right?” Hazel worried.

  “It’s my fault for trying to bug you. It was wrong of me to do this to you…”

  Carolyn tickled her again. Hazel giggled. “Quit it, will you?”

  “Quit what? This?”

  Hazel’s laughter turned into heavy snorts. Carolyn started to laugh with her. However, the laughter was short-lived. A noisy car engine was heading towards the house. Carolyn and Hazel could hear it. Hazel scrambled to put on a dress while Carolyn tried to find her clothes. They’d just chucked them somewhere. Carolyn hadn’t been paying attention to where they went. Just getting them off.

  “Whoever it is will see my truck,” Carolyn said.

  “I know. Hurry up and get dressed. I have an idea.”

  The engine was practically on top of the house. Hazel pulled a chair under the hole in the roof. There was a light knock followed by two louder taps. Hazel attempted to regain her composure before opening the door. When she did, Mrs. Deanwood stood on the other side. She had a book in her hands and a smile on her face.

  “Good afternoon, Hazel. I hope that I haven’t caught you at a bad time.”

  “Me? Bad time? No, not at all,” Hazel anxiously responded. Mrs. Deanwood stared at her chest. Hazel had hastily buttoned her dress incorrectly. Uncomfortably, she motioned to her home. “Come into my humble abode.”

  While Mrs. Deanwood looked at the living room, Hazel corrected her buttons. Mrs. Deanwood was impressed by her surroundings. “What a lovely home. I thought I’d bring you a book. Jane Eyre. One of my favorites. Do you have it?”

  “No, actually. I don’t have that one. How thoughtful of you. I really appreciate it,” Hazel replied as she took the book.

  “Of course. We should discuss it sometime. I can go ahead and leave, if you’d like. I noticed that you have company. Or, did you get a truck?”

  “There’s somebody over,” Hazel said.

  Carolyn happened to walk in at that moment. She seemed just as frazzled as Hazel. “Oh, hello, Mrs. Deanwood.”

  “Yes, that’s Carolyn’s truck,” Hazel explained to Mrs. Deanwood. “She’s here helping me with a hole in my roof. She was just about to take a look at the roof from in here…”

  Carolyn saw the chair under the hole. She promptly went to the chair and stood on it. “Yeah, I have to check on the patch from this side before I go.”

  “Ah, I see,” Mrs. Deanwood said. She looked at Carolyn’s feet. She didn’t have her boots on. Mrs. Deanwood thought of a logical explanation. “Do you go around your house without shoes to keep the dirt out?”

  Hazel realized that neither of them had their shoes on. She went with Mrs. Deanwood’s interpretation. “Yes. That’s what most people do in Boston.”

  “That’s a good idea. Cuts down on sweeping, I bet,” Mrs. Deanwood said.

  “It certainly does,” Hazel nodded.

  Mrs. Deanwood glanced at Carolyn who was desperately trying to seem busy. “Mrs. Jennings, I must say that it’s nice to see you outside of church. Do you do a lot of repair work on houses?”

  “Some things here and there,” Carolyn answered.

  “She’s very handy. She fixed my car. That’s why I figured that she could look at my roof too,” Hazel attempted to cover.

  “You can call me if you have something you need looked at, Mrs. Deanwood,” Carolyn offered.

  “How kind of you. I’ll keep that in mind. Do you do any reading, Mrs. Jennings? Maybe we could all chat someday,” Mrs. Deanwood replied.

  “I read a little. I’m not bright like Hazel is.”

  “She sells herself short,” Hazel told Mrs. Deanwood.

  Mrs. Deanwood picked up on the way that the women looked at each other. It didn’t seem like a friendly glance. It was an intimate one. She told herself that she was imagining it. She didn’t want to believe that the rumors started by Mrs. Gable and Mrs. Bean were true. The whispers declared that Carolyn and Hazel were closer t
han “normal.”

  “I’d like to invite you to my house for tea or coffee tomorrow afternoon. Sometime after the sewing circle ends,” Mrs. Deanwood invited them both.

  “That’s a kind offer, ma’am. I’ll be busy on my farm, sorry to say,” Carolyn politely declined.

  “I’d be happy to visit with you,” Hazel accepted.

  “Great. I wish that you’d come back to the sewing circle, Hazel. It was much better when you were with us,” Mrs. Deanwood said.

  “That’s sweet of you to say. I’m too busy to hang around the church for too long. But, visiting with you would be a delight. I’ll have to thumb through the book you’ve brought me,” Hazel replied.

  “We can talk about it tomorrow,” Mrs. Deanwood decided.

  “Perfect,” Hazel said.

  No one spoke. Mrs. Deanwood sensed some tension in the room. It seemed that Hazel and Carolyn wanted her to leave, which she could rationalize. However, it was a bit odd that Carolyn was poking at the ceiling with her fingers rather than tools. For a moment, Mrs. Deanwood believed that perhaps Carolyn wasn’t trying to fix the roof. Yet, she couldn’t think of a different story.

  “Well, I should be on my way,” Mrs. Deanwood announced.

  “Oh, all right. It’s been wonderful to see you,” Hazel said while she discreetly led Mrs. Deanwood to the door.

  “Same. I look forward to tomorrow. I’ll see both of you in church. Good day,” Mrs. Deanwood waved.

  Hazel opened the door for her. “Yes, we’ll see you. Thanks once more for the book, Mrs. Deanwood.”

  “Of course. Good day, Hazel. And, good day, Mrs. Jennings.”

  “Thank you,” Carolyn returned. “Good day to you too, Mrs. Deanwood.”

  Hazel stood in the doorway while Mrs. Deanwood went to her car. Hazel held a friendly grin and waved at Mrs. Deanwood. With Mrs. Deanwood’s car gone, Hazel closed the door and fell against it. Carolyn leapt from the chair and cautiously went to the window just to be certain that the woman left. Although her shoulders loosened, Carolyn was still on edge.

  “I never get visitors. Then, I get one on my porch at the worst possible moment. Life is far too funny,” Hazel grumbled.

  “Do you think that she put anything together?” Carolyn fearfully asked.

  “Mrs. Deanwood? I doubt it. She’s as sweet and innocent as a woman can be. Even if she had a suspicion, I doubt that she’d spread it all over town.”

  “I hope not.”

  “Sweetheart, we have nothing to worry about. I’m sure of it.”

  Carolyn held her breath. She didn’t agree with Hazel. Hazel didn’t know about the fire that spread through Debarr many years earlier. Carolyn remembered watching crops burn and farmers plead with God to spare their homes. She could still hear the howls of the man and his mistress emanate from the house as it burned. Adultery. Sinners to be torched. The freak rainstorm was the only thing that saved their town. It was too late for the lovers.

  “Come on. Let’s go for a walk,” Hazel whispered.

  Carolyn took her hand. “To where no one can reach us.”

  Twenty-nine

  “There they are again, Mrs. Bean,” Mrs. Gable whispered.

  In the back of the church, Hazel sat beside Carolyn on the pew. Mrs. Bean shook her head at the sight. “They spend more time together than you spend with your husband, Mrs. Gable.”

  “You’re probably right, Mrs. Bean. Mrs. Jennings’ husband isn’t around much, you know,” Mrs. Gable commented.

  “Working all the time, Mrs. Gable. He doesn’t want anybody to know, but he put them in a real bind when he decided to take out that big loan. He’s just now getting things paid off. That’s what I heard the banker’s wife’s sister’s husband’s brother say,” Mrs. Bean muttered.

  “That could make Mrs. Jennings a lonely woman. With her fiancé in the war, Ms. Mayer must be terribly lonely too, Mrs. Bean. Maybe she just needs someone,” Mrs. Gable said.

  Ronnie was chatting with one of his friends nearby when Mrs. Gable spoke. “Maybe she just needs someone.” That line interested him greatly. He smoothly joined the women. They always melted around him. His handsome face was renowned far and wide.

  “Hello, ladies. Did I hear you mention Hazel Mayer?” he asked them.

  “You did, Mr. Richardson. She’s interesting,” Mrs. Gable responded.

  “What’s so interesting, do you think?” he inquired.

  Mrs. Bean gestured towards the back of the church. “Those two.”

  “Have you noticed anything, Mr. Richardson?” Mrs. Gable pushed.

  “Yeah. I’ve seen them together before,” Ronnie agreed.

  “Look, it’s Mrs. Deanwood. They’re friends. Aren’t they, Mrs. Gable?” Mrs. Bean asked.

  “I know that Mrs. Deanwood is more of a friend to her than we are,” Mrs. Gable muttered. She raised her arm. “Oh, Mrs. Deanwood! Mrs. Deanwood!”

  Mrs. Deanwood made her way through the crowd. She was surprised to see that Ronnie was with the women. “Hello, Mr. Richardson. It’s nice to see you.”

  “Thanks, Mrs. Deanwood. We were just chatting,” he said.

  “Yes, we were. We were chatting about Ms. Mayer and Mrs. Jennings. See them? They’re in the back row,” Mrs. Bean explained.

  Mrs. Deanwood nodded. “I see them. What’s this about it?”

  “That doesn’t seem unusual to you?” Mrs. Gable asked.

  “No. I see them together a lot. I saw them together just yesterday, actually. I went to Hazel’s house to drop off a book,” Mrs. Deanwood noted without realizing she was making matters worse.

  “Really? You saw them together at Hazel’s house?” Ronnie decided to interject.

  “Well, yes. Mrs. Jennings was there to fix the hole in Hazel’s roof,” Mrs. Deanwood answered.

  “At her house?” Ronnie repeated.

  “Yes. There was a hole in the roof, like I said,” Mrs. Deanwood responded.

  “What does Ms. Mayer’s house look like? I’ve always wondered what it looked like inside. It looks so bad on the outside,” Mrs. Gable commented.

  Mrs. Deanwood shook her head. “It’s lovely inside. She keeps it very well. Even takes her shoes off.”

  “Her what?” Mrs. Bean asked.

  “Shoes. To keep from tracking dirt inside,” Mrs. Deanwood told them.

  “She made you take your shoes off? That’s nonsense if I ever heard it,” Ronnie scoffed.

  “Oh, no. She was too polite to ask me to take them off. I only figured it out because I noticed that Mrs. Jennings didn’t have her shoes on,” Mrs. Deanwood mentioned.

  “I thought you said she was fixing a hole in the roof. Why would she be inside if she was fixing a hole?” Ronnie asked.

  “She was checking the patch from the inside. That’s what she told me, anyway. I don’t know anything about all that,” Mrs. Deanwood replied.

  Pastor Gable made his grand appearance. “Sorry for the delay everyone. Let’s all take our seats and open the Good Book. We’ve got a great sermon today. It’s worth the wait, I promise.”

  Ronnie took a lasting look at Hazel and Carolyn. He was interested in everything that Mrs. Deanwood had told them. The dots were not connected just yet, but he did know one thing. They were closer to each other than anybody else thought.

  *-*-*-*

  The church service was uneventful. Hazel’s afternoon with Mrs. Deanwood was rather pleasant, and Carolyn zipped through her chores. The next day, Hazel went to Carolyn’s farm after breakfast. They chased chickens, rode the horse, and tended the fields. Hazel was truly beginning to fall in love with Nebraska. She had already fallen for Carolyn.

  Carolyn and Hazel sat on the fence for their lunch break. A particularly stringy sliver of apple lodged itself in Hazel’s teeth. She picked at it with a piece of straw, which was something she saw Carolyn do often. Beside her, Carolyn lit a cigarette. Smoke poured from both of her nostrils.

  “I’ve got you picking your teeth with straw,” Carolyn mentioned. “
I’m a real bad influence on you, city gal.”

  “I have to fit in with Nebraska somehow. What else am I missing? I have my overalls with the plaid, picking my teeth…”

  “You’re missing the whiskey. Soon as I get me another bottle, I’ll teach you how to toss ‘em back. Then you’ll really be a country girl.”

  “Perfect. You know, if you asked me only a few months ago if I wanted to be a country girl, I would have recoiled with disgust. This was the last place that I wanted to be. I thought for sure that I belonged in the city. All the big buildings and busy streets…”

  Carolyn held a curious stare. “What about now?”

  “Now I think I belong here.”

  “Debarr has really charmed you, huh?”

  “No. Not Debarr.”

  Hazel fondly smiled. Carolyn’s heart flipped. She stepped forward and gingerly pressed a kiss to Hazel’s lips. When she pulled back, she whispered. “You’ve charmed me too, darlin.”

  “I hope so. I feel like an insane person. Always thinking about you and wanting to be with you. Are you as crazy as I am? Or do I need to find a doctor somewhere?”

  “I’m crazy too.”

  “Oh, that’s certainly a relief. I was worried I was the only one.”

  “You’re not.”

  “No?” Hazel asked.

  “No. I’ve been crazy,” Carolyn replied.

  “Me too. When did you know?”

  Carolyn paused. “Know what exactly?”

  “Know how you actually felt about me.”

  “About two seconds after I bumped into you at Elmer’s store,” Carolyn admitted. “You?”

  “About three seconds after you bumped into me at Elmer’s store,” Hazel returned.

  “Took us awhile to do something about it.”

  “Yeah. But, we’re here.”

  They kissed once more, yet Carolyn’s mouth pulled into a frown. “We only have tomorrow. He’s back after that.”

  “Don’t talk about him. Don’t talk about the town or Eugene or anything like that. Let’s just be here, just us, right now.”