“Sounds like a perfectly good plan to me.”
“What it sounds like is lonely.”
Cary shrugged. “I’d rather be lonely than have to go through all that pain and heartache again.”
“You realize this is going to crush Aaron, don’t you?”
“I knew you’d take his side!”
Kelan might have been good to Cary, but when it came right down to it, Aaron was a part of his family.
Cary couldn’t compete with that.
“I’m not taking sides. I just want you to think very carefully about this because your decision doesn’t only affect you…it affects Aaron, too.”
Cary had spent his life worrying about other people. He had to put himself first.
“He’ll get over it.”
Kelan frowned. “Are you sure of that?”
Cary wasn’t sure of anything, but he hoped it was true. A more prudent question was would Cary get over it? Especially if what he suspected was true. He let out a long, calming breath, making the decision to broach the subject. There was probably no better person to talk to about this than Kelan.
“Do you mind if I ask you something? It’s kinda personal.”
“Of course, you can ask me anything. If it’s too personal, I’ll let you know.”
“What did it feel like when you met Jake?”
Kelan frowned for a moment as though he hadn’t been expecting that question. “Well, it’s a difficult thing to put into words. It felt incredible, of course, like I found the other half of my soul, and like I’d finally unearthed something
“I’d been searching for, even though I hadn’t known I was looking. Does that make sense?”
“Yes, it does actually. It makes a lot of sense.”
“What is it, Cary? What’s bothering you? I don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like for cats when they find their mates, but I’d assumed it would feel pretty much the same way that it does for wolves. Don’t you feel that way for Aaron? Can’t you feel the pull of the mating bond?”
“Yes, and that’s exactly my problem.”
“I’m not sure I understand.”
“I feel the pull of the bond with Aaron, and there’s no doubt in my mind that he’s my mate, even though I might wish it wasn’t true. But…I never felt like that with Gill. I didn’t feel the bond in this way at all.”
“But if you didn’t feel the bond, how could you have known Gill was your mate?”
Cary chewed on his lip.
How had he known?
He’d never thought to question their relationship but the new discovery about Aaron was making him question everything that had happened in his life so far, everything he’d believed to be true.
“Because Gill told me he was my mate,” Cary said at last.
Chapter Seven
It had been a very long night.
Before first light, when Aaron couldn’t stand another moment alone with his thoughts, he took a quick shower, dressed then went outside for a walk. He had hoped some fresh air would help clear his mind and lift his mood, but it had the opposite effect on him.
As soon as he left the ranch and the bunkhouse came into sight, all hope dissolved.
His mate was in there at that very moment.
Had Cary slept well?
Or had he been awake all night like Aaron—his mind and heart in turmoil?
Aaron rolled his eyes as he headed out past the corral towards the woods that led to the river. Why would Cary have had a sleepless night? He’d made his feelings about their mating perfectly clear.
He wanted nothing to do with Aaron.
Aaron only wished he knew the reason why.
It couldn’t simply be because Aaron had been dominant and had kissed Cary—had tried to take things further. Aaron hadn’t imagined the desire he’d seen in Cary’s eyes. It had fuelled the need in him—the desperate yearning. There had to be more to Cary’s resistance than Aaron’s behavior when they met.
He walked on until the morning sun started to peek through the treetops. He found a path that cut through the woods and followed it until he reached a clearing that led on to the river. Several times he thought about turning back, but there was no point. It was still early. Kelan wouldn’t even be awake yet, and he was supposed to be showing Aaron what his duties on the ranch were.
Aaron kept on walking until the river came into view.
When he neared the edge of the trees, Aaron stopped short. Surprise prevented him from moving another inch. His nostrils flared and his heart rate quickened. He had to stifle a groan when his dick began to harden in his jeans.
Cary was seated on a rock near the river, his horse tied to a nearby tree. He had his elbows rested on his knees and his head in his hands.
Aaron wanted to move closer.
If he could talk to Cary to find out what was holding him back, maybe they could work things out. But something stopped him from leaving his hiding place. Cary had seemed almost afraid of him yesterday. It probably wouldn’t be the best idea to confront him while they were alone in the woods.
Aaron might make things worse.
He wanted Cary to talk to him when he was ready to do so. He couldn’t force himself on the man. He’d done that once already and look how that had turned out. As hard as it was for him to accept, his whole future rested in Cary’s hands.
Aaron watched his mate for another few moments, desire and doubt at war inside his mind. With a heavy heart, he turned away then quietly made his way back to the ranch. For the duration of the walk, Aaron’s dick was harder than a damn rock.
He couldn’t believe the effect that Cary had on his body.
Still, he was more than used to using his own hand to get off…although it had never occurred to him he’d have to keep doing that once he’d found his mate.
Chapter Eight
Cary yawned loudly as he crossed the yard to the barn.
Misty was to be put out in the corral for the morning with the other horses—then, when he’d finished mucking out the stalls, he had to ride fence with Nate.
He usually enjoyed the time he spent with Nate—probably because the man seemed as messed up as he was. When Cary had first met him, he’d been intimidated by the large, gruff wolf. But in the six months he’d spent working alongside Nate, he’d come to respect the man…like him, even.
Cary was certain that Nate’s brusqueness was a defense mechanism to keep people at a distance. They were alike in so many ways. He recognized a certain sadness in Nate, not dissimilar to his own.
Was Nate grieving, too?
Nate wasn’t much of a talker, but that was fine with Cary.
He didn’t feel like talking much himself today…not after the night he’d had. Most of it he’d spent staring at the ceiling, his mind in complete chaos as images of Aaron came to him thick and fast.
Throughout it all, his dick had been painfully hard.
How was it possible to be in such despair and yet so aroused at the same time?
Jacking off hadn’t helped either. At first, he couldn’t come at all. It was only when he pictured himself on his knees while Aaron thrust roughly in and out of his mouth that Cary’s dick finally cooperated.
Aaron was stunning.
Even Cary couldn’t deny that.
He’d always had a thing for tall men and Aaron had to be at least six-two. Short and thick, his hair was midway between dark blond and light brown and he had the bluest of all blue eyes.
They were captivating.
When Cary had looked into Aaron’s eyes, he’d had to quickly turn away. It had felt as if he was looking into Aaron’s very soul and that wasn’t a good thing.
He was afraid of what he might see there.
Eventually, Cary had come, softly crying out Aaron’s name and painting his stomach and chest with his release.
It was the hardest he’d come in a long time, yet he didn’t feel sated.
Sleep still eluded him.
He gave up on the
prospect of getting any rest around four in the morning and took Firebolt out to the river. Normally a ride on one of the horses eased the loneliness and despair Cary felt inside him, but that morning it only made him feel worse.
While he sat alone by the water, all Cary could think about was Aaron.
The pain he’d witnessed in the wolf’s eyes had caused an ache in his chest that refused to go away.
And then there was the issue with Gill.
Was it possible that Gill had lied to him all along? Cary couldn’t get his head around the fact. Why would Gill have pretended to be Cary’s mate?
It didn’t make sense.
But it would sure explain why Cary hadn’t felt connected to Gill.
He’d been attracted to him, of course. Gill was older, more experienced and so, so handsome. Cary’s stomach had lurched when they’d met, unable to believe how beautiful Gill was, and he’d been amazed and excited when Gill had said they were mates.
He hadn’t been able to believe his luck.
From there, things had spiraled. Gill had treated him like a prince in the beginning and Cary had got so swept up in the relationship, he’d fallen in love with Gill. He hadn’t questioned that they weren’t mates after that. Why would he?
It seemed obvious to him now though that Gill had just said that as a way to control him. He’d been devious and must have planned it from the very beginning. He’d always been a control freak. Well, he’d certainly orchestrated the perfect way to control Cary. When he finally showed his true colors, bit by bit, Cary was all in.
He felt like such an idiot.
How could he not have known?
His only defense was that he’d been young, and he’d never spoken to anyone about what it felt like when you found your mate. He never in a million years thought that it could be something that someone would lie about.
He yawned again, stretching his arms behind his back.
He had always had trouble sleeping.
Well, maybe not always, but certainly since he’d met Gill. Even in the beginning, before Gill started hitting him, Cary would wake abruptly in the middle of the night, his body covered in a cold sweat. Bad dreams plagued his slumber, and although he didn’t always remember what they’d been about, he knew Gill featured heavily in them. He should have heeded the warning.
He should have known, but he’d been blind to everything.
There had been signs right at the start of their relationship that Gill wasn’t all that he seemed…that he had been hiding something. But Cary had been naive—he hadn’t thought it possible that anyone would hurt their mate.
He smiled bitterly.
Only Gill hadn’t been his mate, had he?
It was so obvious to him now, Cary felt like a fool for not realizing it sooner.
And then there was Aaron.
What if he was like Gill, too…nothing but a liar and a bully.
Could Kelan be right about him? It was intense when you met your mate. Cary knew that logically, but his past experience had made him loath to open his heart to the wolf, just in case. The most frustrating thing was that, apart from the fear of getting hurt again, Cary felt none of the unease about Aaron that he’d felt about Gill. Aside from the aggressiveness that Aaron had first displayed, the wolf had a gentleness about him, too.
He showed vulnerability in a way Gill never had.
Cary was about to enter the barn when he heard voices coming from the corral.
No, not just voices—Aaron’s voice.
A shiver ran the length of his body and he cursed under his breath when he felt his dick start to harden. He couldn’t believe that the wolf’s voice alone got him aroused.
He knew he should just ignore Aaron’s presence and go on with his daily routine, but he couldn’t get his feet to cooperate with his mind. And at that moment his mind didn’t seem too clear about what it wanted, either.
His cat was mewling for another glance at his mate…
Cary edged to the side of the barn and peered around the corner.
His stomach flipped and his cock twitched when he caught sight of his mate standing just inside the corral, petting Thunder. Aaron was gently stroking his hand down the horse’s neck and speaking softly to the beautiful creature. For one insane moment, Cary wished it was his body Aaron was running his hands over.
Before he had a chance to process what was happening, a low purr rumbled in his chest and he had to fight with his cat to keep from walking over to the wolf and rubbing up against him.
Shit.
Evidently, his cat had none of the inner turmoil Cary had.
His cat knew exactly what he wanted…he wanted his mate.
“Yes, you’re beautiful, aren’t you?” Aaron ran his fingers through the mane of hair on his horse’s neck.
The horse lowered his head and butted his nose against the pocket of his jeans. Aaron chuckled. “And here I thought it was me you wanted to spend time with, but you’re just looking for treats, aren’t you?”
Cary watched Aaron pull something out of his pocket and feed it to the horse.
“Yes, you like that, don’t you, boy?”
The horse took the treat from Aaron’s outstretched hand, whinnied and nodded his head. Cary fought with his emotions while Aaron continued to pet the horse.
“At least you want to spend time with me, whatever the reason.”
Cary’s heart ached when he heard Aaron’s softly spoken words. When Aaron sighed and his shoulders slumped, Cary gave up the fight between his heart and his head. He moved from his hiding position and crossed to the edge of the corral.
His steps faltered as he approached.
What the hell was he doing?
If he didn’t want any sort of relationship with Aaron then it would be best for both of them if he kept his distance.
But try telling that to his damn dick.
It grew harder the closer he got until Cary knew the bulge would be visible should Aaron choose to look down.
Cary knew the very moment that Aaron had sensed his presence when the wolf lifted his head, his nose twitching, scenting the air. Aaron spun around and gasped when he saw Cary standing just a short distance away from him.
Aaron’s eyes shifted to their wolf form and his canine teeth protruded from his gums. He growled and the sound made shivers course through Cary’s body, but instead of sending him running for the hills in fear, the sound only excited him.
Images of Aaron growling as he thrust into him had Cary almost coming in his pants.
But just as the sound excited Cary, it terrified Thunder.
The horse neighed loudly, his eyes wide with fear and panic. He rose up on his hind legs and when Aaron turned the horse kicked him full force in the chest. Aaron flew back and hit the fence behind him with a loud crack.
Aaron grunted and fell to the ground. His hands rose to protect his head when the horse lifted its front legs to kick him again. Panic engulfed Cary, and he didn’t think before he acted. He rushed forward, leaped over the fence and stood in a protective stance in front of his mate.
He clapped his hands and shouted at the horse in an effort to scare him away. It must have worked because Thunder put his front legs back on terra firma and snorted before turning and running to the other end of the corral.
“Oh my God, are you okay?” Cary knelt down beside Aaron and brushed the stray hair from his forehead.
Aaron’s face broke out into a wide smile that made his eyes sparkle and made Cary’s breath hitch.
“I am now.”
Shit.
What the hell was he doing touching Aaron?
Cary came to his senses at once.
He tore his hand away and let it fall to his side. Aaron sighed and the sparkle in his eyes dimmed slightly.
“You don’t have to be afraid of me, you know. I’d never hurt you.”
Cary snorted. “Right, I’ve heard that one before.”
Aaron frowned. “Not from your mate you haven’t.�
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Cary stared at Aaron in confusion.
Didn’t he know about Gill?
He assumed Stefan or Kelan would have told him what had happened.
“Actually, that’s exactly who I heard it from, or so I thought.”
“I don’t understand.” Aaron tried to sit up but the movement must have caused him pain because he gasped and his hand flew to his chest.
“Oh God, you’re hurt. Here, let me help you.”
He put his arm around Aaron’s shoulders and helped lift him into a seated position. He winced at the obvious pain and discomfort on his mate’s face. When Aaron was upright, he lifted his head and met Cary’s gaze.
“What did you mean before?”
“Forget it. I don’t want to talk about it.”
Cary didn’t want to go into what had happened to him, it wasn’t the right time.
But would there ever be a right time?
He should have ended things between them before it was even more difficult to do so, but he couldn’t seem to move. He couldn’t tear his eyes from Aaron’s, and he couldn’t shift the arm that was still draped around his mate’s shoulder, helping him to stay upright.
When hurt and confusion clouded Aaron’s eyes, all Cary wanted to do was wrap him in his arms and comfort him. His head was screaming for him to stop but he ignored the warning, leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to his mate’s.
Aaron groaned, pressing closer and snaking his tongue out to trace along the seam of Cary’s lips. The base of Cary’s spine tingled and his balls swelled and drew up close to his body when Aaron’s tongue entered his mouth to dance with his.
He shouldn’t be kissing Aaron but it felt so good.
Aaron slid his arm around Cary’s waist and tugged him closer until the top halves of their bodies were pressed together.
He grunted loudly.
Cary wasn’t sure if it was the effect of the kiss or because of the pain in Aaron’s chest. But Aaron didn’t complain and the kiss grew heated until it was a frenzy of lips, teeth, and tongues. Cary grabbed a handful of Aaron’s hair and used it to hold his head in place while he devoured Aaron’s mouth with a need he hadn’t known he possessed.
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