Eighteen
“Well, congratulations, Miss Parker,” Jones said. My head snapped up at the sound of his voice. He studied my face for a moment, trying to figure out which Parker sister I was, and when he realized that I was in fact Mandy, he nodded with a smile. “You’re famous. That little stunt of yours has gone national.”
I prayed he didn’t mean what I thought he meant. Because of the way Jones ignored the news, I knew that if he (of all people) had heard about what happened yesterday at the park, then there was nowhere for me to hide. The whole world would know.
“I’m sorry, what?” I asked, scooting off the porch swing and standing straight.
“There was a local news team at the park yesterday taping the ribbon cutting ceremony,” he said. “I don’t know how it happened so fast, but apparently that little clip of your speech has blown up.”
“How did you—?”
“Everyone’s talking about it,” he said. “I finally caved and checked it out for myself. It was… brutal, man. Brutal.”
Jones nodded back at the porch swing as if to ask if he could join me, and I took a few steps back to reclaim my seat. He sat next to me.
“How’re you doing?” he asked, patting my leg.
“I’m fine,” I lied. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well,” he said, tilting his head to meet my gaze. “Not only has your speech gone viral, but—”
“Gabe’s rejection, too,” I said, finishing the sentence that he didn’t want to finish. “It’s nothing, Jones, okay? I knew all along that liking him was a mistake. I was stupid, and…I listened to everyone around me when I should’ve only been listening to myself.”
Jones nodded.
“Dude, I’m sorry. I feel kinda responsible, and I wish there was something I could do to cheer you up,” he said, scooting back to get more comfortable. “Honestly, I feel terrible. I kinda told Bailey that she needed to push you, to make you go after the guy.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Because you’re special, Mandy,” he said, patting my leg again. “And you deserve someone in your life who’s going to notice and appreciate that about you. I thought Gabe did. I thought… I don’t know, that he was right for you somehow.” He took a deep breath and looked down. “I pitched an idea to Bailey a couple of days ago, and now I’m feeling like a huge jerk.”
“What do you mean?”
“I knew you wouldn’t listen to me,” he said. “You definitely wouldn’t listen to anyone else. You’d only listen to Bailey. So I told her that if she didn’t push you, if she didn’t force you to realize how much Gabe meant to you, that you were going to be a lonely stiff your whole life,” he said. “And you’re my friend. I don’t want that for you. Bailey said she’d take care of it, that she knew how she could get you two together so that you’d have one final opportunity to say a real goodbye. When things went wrong, I felt terrible, man. Terrible. It wasn’t supposed to go like that.”
I watched Jones from the corner of my eye, and his lips settled into an apologetic frown. I could see that he truly felt responsible for my pain, but there was nothing he could’ve done to cause it or prevent it. I’d fallen for Gabe, and that was no one’s fault but my own. If I was hurt—and I was, I truly was—then it wasn’t his fault or anyone else’s.
Things hadn’t gone as planned, but I could never blame Jones for that. Sad as he was, terrible as he felt, I was the one to blame. I couldn’t even put it on my sister’s shoulders, and she’d been the one who practically pushed me out the door. I should’ve seen it then, and it only became clear in retrospect, but Bailey’s dramatic breakdown had seemed too forced, too out of touch with her normal behavior. To lash out, to break down, to show her insecurities, that wasn’t my sister. It hadn’t occurred to me then, but it didn’t take long for it to click. She’d only put on that little production to get me to the park. She’d even busted her mirror—her prized possession!—just for effect, and that could only mean one thing: Bailey still cared, even if it didn’t always seem like it.
“For what it’s worth,” I said, turning to face Jones, “thank you. You didn’t have to—”
“I know,” he said, nodding. “But you’re like a little sister to me, Mandy. I just want to see you happy.” He took my hand and squeezed it.
Just then my father stuck his head out the front door, looked between me and Jones, and shook his head.
“You need to go home,” Dad said, nodding at my sister’s boyfriend. “Amanda, get inside. You and I need to have a talk.”
And then he disappeared into the house, slamming the door behind him. I jumped at the sound of the slam, and then Jones stood up and offered me a hand.
“I’ll have Bailey call you.”
I hadn’t spoken to my father once since leaving the park ceremony the day before. After I fled the park and returned home, I locked myself in my bedroom and refused to come out all night. I kept my headphones on, the volume turned up, and I focused on nothing but packing away my memories.
I skipped school again, leaving the day wide open for packing, arranging, organizing, and drowning in my own self-pity. Dad and Bailey both stayed home to pack, too. But much to my surprise, neither of them had bothered saying a word to me all day—good or bad—and I hadn’t been sure how to interpret it.
I pushed the door open and met my father with pause. He stood just inside the living room, his arms folded at his chest, and he tapped his foot as he waited for me to close the door.
He watched as Bailey turned out of her room and dragged her feet down the hallway, and then he dropped his head back and looked up at the ceiling.
“Now, Bailey,” he said, and she picked up the pace. Dad tilted his head down and watched my sister and me as we joined sides. He turned to me first. “What you did yesterday, Amanda, was rude, irresponsible, and incredibly ill-timed. You ruined one of the most significant ceremonies in this town in the last decade, and that kind of behavior should not be rewarded.”
“Did he say should not?”
“I think so,” I answered quickly.
“Did you say should not?” Bailey asked, this time looking at Dad.
The way he’d said it, the way he phrased that last sentence, my sister and I both knew he was about to say—
“However,” he continued, closing his eyes as if he couldn’t believe what he was about to say, “I can’t stand here right now and say that it didn’t move me to witness what I watched out there yesterday.”
He looked over at me and shook his head.
“I don’t know who you are, or what you’ve done with my Amanda,” he said. “But what I saw out there at the park… that wasn’t you.”
“That was me.”
“I stood there, and I watched my daughter come back to life,” he said “I’ve been waiting to see that face again since the moment we left LA. And for a while I tried to convince myself that the only reason you had the courage to stand down there and say those things was because you knew you were going back home; I wanted to believe you were happy that you’d finally learned to say goodbye. But we both know that’s not true. You weren’t smiling because of any of that. It was him. He brought you back to life, Mandy.”
“Dad,” Bailey said, and her voice cracked, “are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“I can’t pull you guys away from the things that make you the happiest,” he said. “So Mandy, if staying here in Sugar Creek will make you happy, if being here really means that much to you, then we’ll stay.”
I closed my eyes and felt my heart swell. I knew better than to believe him or to even let myself get carried away. Dad made a habit of making promises only to turn around and pull the rug right out from under us. There had to be an angle. He had to have something up his sleeve. He’d fought too hard to go back to California, and I had a hard time believing that my sudden change in attitude and demeanor had been the one thing that had changed his mind. A sinking feeling in the pit of m
y stomach told me to tread softly. Dad wasn’t being completely honest. There was something else he wasn’t saying.
“What’s the catch?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
“If you give up your dream so we can stay here,” I said, “what do we have to do for you? What do you want from us?”
“Nothing,” he said. “Just keep being yourselves. Keep being happy, Mandy.”
“Um, hullo?” Bailey said, waving a hand to break our gaze. “What about me? I’m here too, don’t you know? Don’t you want me to be happy?”
“Of course I do,” Dad said, trying to force a smile. “I know how much finishing school here means to you, and I’m not going to take that away from you girls. Not when you’re this close to being done.”
“Why are you changing your mind now?” I asked, still skeptical. There had to be more to it. “Two nights ago you wouldn’t have it any way but yours.”
“I want you to be happy.”
“I’m not falling for it,” I said. “I don’t believe you.”
“What about the job, Dad?” Bailey asked, interrupting me. “What about Deacon Fell?”
“What about him?”
“He’s your dream,” I said. “Remember?”
“Let’s just focus on being here for now,” he said, trying to brush past it. “How’s that sound?”
When I didn’t say anything, I sensed that Dad had picked up on my skepticism.
“Mandy,” he said, lowering his stare, “there’s no catch to this. I’m not lying to you, and I’m not going to change my mind. You’ve made it clear that your life is here. I can’t make you go back and face those demons, especially if you’re not ready.” I took a deep breath and felt a tear stream down my cheek. “If being here means something to you, then it means something to me. Sugar Creek is your home. And for now, and for the foreseeable future, it’s home for all of us. So go unpack your things. We’re not going anywhere.”
“Well, well, well,” Georgia said, looking up from the table as I slid into the empty seat next to her. “If it isn’t Sugar Creek’s very own celebrity.”
“Hush,” I said, looking down at the water bottle clutched in my hands.
It was Wednesday afternoon and my first day back to school since my breakdown at the park on Monday. Since Dad had changed his mind about going to California, I had no reason to sit at home and sulk for another second. I’d somehow gotten my way, and even though I was still questioning Dad’s motives, I’d just decided to accept it for the time being. Maybe he’d really changed his mind. If there was anything I learned about my time spent with Gabriel Raddick, it was the human capability to change. I’d done it. I’d become an entirely different person because of him. Maybe something I’d done or said had really sparked change in my father, and if it had, I wasn’t going to complain.
The rest of Georgia’s friends leaned forward and started hounding me with questions, wanting to know if there was more to the park story than what they’d seen online or on TV.
“Did he ever respond?” one of the girls across from me asked. “Did he ever say anything else?”
“Did he jump off the stage and kiss you?” another asked. “Please tell me he kissed you! I hate that the cameras didn’t catch the whole story!”
“Oh, I think you guys pretty much saw it all,” I said, peeling at the paper on the water bottle.
“Leave her alone, guys,” Georgia said, tilting her head with a sympathetic gaze. She nudged me with her shoulder, eliciting my stare. “How are you?”
“I’m okay,” I said, swallowing hard. “But I don’t really want to talk about it right now. I have news.”
“Front page worthy?” she asked, dipping into her bag for a notebook and pencil.
“No, no, no,” I said, reaching over to stop her. “Not that kind of news. Not for the paper.”
“Okay?”
“I’m not moving to California,” I said, feeling my smile stretch ear to ear. “My dad said he couldn’t pull us away this close to the end. He’s letting us stay.”
“Oh my goodness, that’s fantastic, Mandy!” Georgia squealed, and then she dropped the notebook and leaned over to give me a one-armed hug. The rest of her friends, all of the girls I’d yet to learn the names of, chorused a flood of congratulations and good for you cheers. “What changed his mind?”
I wanted to spend the remainder of our lunch period explaining what happened leading up to my speech at the park. I wanted to tell Georgia about how scared I’d been standing there, spilling my guts to Gabe. I wanted to tell her how much it had broken my heart to watch him turn away from me. And then try to explain Dad, and how he said that he’d been waiting to see that side of me again for so long, how he said that he couldn’t take something like this away from me.
I wanted to tell her, and I knew that I would. As soon as the time was right.
Managing to keep the conversation off of myself for the remainder of lunch, we cleared our table and dumped our trays twenty minutes later. As a group, we left the cafeteria and headed for our next classes. One at a time, each of Georgia’s friends turned into their next class or at their locker, and eventually it was just the two of us walking toward English class.
“I’m sorry if they made you uncomfortable,” she said, looking back to make sure none of her friends were within earshot. “They can be a little nosey.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said. “They’re not so bad.”
“So…” she said, pursing her lips together as if she had a nosey question of her own to ask. “What are you going to do?”
“Meaning?”
“Are you going to keep going with the RI program after what happened with Gabe?” she asked. “After the way he blew you off?”
“Of course I am,” I said. “I made a commitment.”
“But that was before—”
“Listen,” I said, taking her arm. She stopped walking, and we turned to one another. “My involvement in this program was never about him, okay? It was always about something else, something bigger. Yes, Gabe hurt me back there at the park, and sure, I’m still trying to get over it. But I’m not going to stop now just because of what happened with him. I don’t know why he did what he did, or why he said what he said, but I’m not going to cower away just because of a man. I’ve never been that girl, and I’m not going to start being that girl now. He made his decision, but he’s not making my decision for me.”
Her eyes trailed up as she looked over my shoulder, as though she caught someone else’s stare. I wasn’t even sure she heard half of what I said just then. She was distracted by someone behind me. She looked back to me with a small smile and nodded.
“I’ll let you two talk,” she said, squeezing my arm before she quickly ducked into the next classroom.
I turned to find Gabe coming down the hall, deep in conversation with Mr. Davies. They stopped in front of Mr. Davies’s door and talked, keeping their voices low, and I watched both men as they nodded, in agreement about something. When my teacher disappeared into his room, leaving Gabe alone in the hallway, I thought to follow Georgia into class. But then Gabe’s eyes snapped up and met mine, and there wasn’t enough willpower in the world to make me walk away.
We stood half of the hallway away from one another, both of us surrounded by dozens of students scurrying to make their next class before the bell, but neither of us seemed too fazed that we were standing in the way of traffic. I looked over my shoulder again, knowing that if I didn’t get to class soon, I’d be tardy. But if I walked away from Gabe, never saying my peace, then I’d never have the chance to get the last word.
I took a few steps forward, fighting the flow of traffic, and stopped only a few feet short of Gabe. He winced as I opened my mouth, and I simply held my hands up.
“I’m not going to yell at you,” I said, and his shoulders relaxed at my gentle tone. “I’m not coming over here to scream at you or push you away. I think I’ve
already done that enough for one lifetime. I just wanted to say that I’m not sorry.”
“You’re not sorry?”
“No, I’m not,” I said. “I said what I meant, and I meant what I said. I’m not sorry that I upset you, and I’m most certainly not going to apologize for making you uncomfortable. If I embarrassed you, then that’s your problem, I suppose. Yes, I think I misunderstood a lot of signs and read into a lot of mixed signals. I thought that you liked me, and for being stupid enough to think you’d ever admit it, then fine. For that I will apologize. I was stupid. But I will not stand here and say that I’m sorry for feeling the way I feel. That’s all.”
I turned on my heel to walk away, and Gabe’s hand landed on my arm. I turned back to him, and he dropped his grasp immediately.
“Mandy,” he said, lowering his voice to a near whisper, and his eyes swept across all of the students who turned to watch our conversation unfold. “It’s more complicated than you could understand.”
“Funny, I’ve been hearing that a lot from the men in my life lately,” I said under my breath. “I understand complications just fine, but please don’t think that I need your explanation. I don’t. I get it, Gabe.”
“Do you?” he asked, dipping down to steal my gaze before I turned away again. “Because I don’t think you do.”
“I have to get to class—”
“I was talking to your dad before the ceremony on Monday. He told me that he turned down the job in California. I know you’re not moving.”
His words stopped me dead in my tracks, and I turned back to him and lowered my brow.
“What do you mean he told you on Monday?” I asked, distinctly remembering that Dad said he changed his mind because of my speech. “He told you that before I showed up?”
“Before you showed up,” he said.
That couldn’t have been right. Dad said he hadn’t made up his mind to stay until after he’d seen the smile on my face, after he’d seen how much it meant to me to stay in Sugar Creek. If he told Gabe that he turned the job down before I’d ever showed up, then that meant that my father lied to me. And I’d known it. I sensed his lie as he was telling it, but I just didn’t know what he was covering up.
“I think that it’s incredible that you’re staying, Mandy,” he said, widening his stare. “And I’m glad you’re going to be here, but that doesn’t mean that you can act on any of your feelings.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re staying.”
“Right.”
“And do you have any intention of quitting the program?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “Of course not. You know I can’t do that.”
“Exactly,” he said. “And that’s why I have to walk away. That’s why we have to act like that little stunt you pulled at the park never happened. If I even entertain the idea of being with you, your team will have to forfeit. You and the other ten members of your district’s group can’t compete in the competition. If we’re together, and I let your group continue, it wouldn’t be fair to anyone involved, especially if you ended up winning the scholarship. It would look like favoritism, and it would be terrible exposure for everyone involved.”
“You’re worried about bad exposure? That’s all this is about?”
“We’re trying to expand the group, Mandy; I told you that,” he said. “We can’t start our in-school programs with scandal straight out of the gate. It wouldn’t look good for RI, it wouldn’t look good for you or the school, and it definitely wouldn’t look good for me.”
“So you’re walking away?” I asked, remembering how close Gabe and I had gotten in the past weeks.
We were so close; we were almost there. He held me, he comforted me, and I returned those sentiments. But then he pulled away so fast, and I should’ve known he was running scared. I’d watched my parents do the very same thing for years. When things got too hard, it was easier to run and hide from the problems than to face the complications head-on. But Gabe’s explanation had taken me by surprise just then. I never pegged him as the fleeing type. He’d just proven himself to be like every other coward I’d ever known, including myself.
“I know you feel something for me, Gabe,” I said breathlessly. “You can’t stand here and deny that.”
“Regardless,” he said, raising his shoulders again, “your speech ruined everything, Mandy. It raised a lot of suspicion, and now everyone’s watching and waiting for something to happen. If it looks like I’m playing favorites to Sugar Creek, and it will look that way if we’re seen together again, then that’s that. It’ll jeopardize everything.”
“So that’s it?” I asked. “I like you, and you like me, but we can’t be together?”
“That’s how it has to be; I’m sorry.”
“But that’s not fair.”
“Sometimes,” he said, closing his eyes, “sometimes it is about doing what’s right and not what’s fair.”
“Are you kidding me right now?” I yelled. “Now you’re going to listen to me?”
“I’m sorry, Mandy.”
“Wow,” I said, shaking my head. “Okay, sure. If that’s what you want, and that’s how you feel, fine.” I turned to walk away, but this time I made it all the way to my classroom before turning back. “But you need to know something first.”
“Okay?”
“You told me to keep fighting for what I want. You said that. So I stood up, and I fought, and you clobbered me. I should hate you for making me feel the way I feel, but I don’t, okay? I’m here, Gabe. I’m standing right in front of you, and I’m not going anywhere. So when you’re ready to finally stand up and fight for what you want…just know that I won’t clobber you.”
He closed his eyes again, and a slow breath passed between his half-parted lips. Long seconds passed without a response, so I simply nodded.
“I guess I’ll see you around.”
I turned into the classroom, leaving Gabe silent and stunned behind me.
It was crazy to believe that all along I’d thought that things were finally looking up, but between my father, my sister, and now Gabe, it suddenly seemed that I had a lot of work ahead of me if I ever wanted to get my life in order.
It was time for some serious change, and I knew just where I needed to start.
See, I’d already broken my number one rule. I’d fallen in love with Gabe, and if he was going to run away from me, I had to make sure he knew where I stood. I couldn’t keep resisting the urge that I’d been fighting since the day we met. I had to give into those feelings. Gabe had done so much for me, and he opened my eyes to all the wonderful things I’d been missing. I owed him the very same.
He could stand there and pretend that this was about protecting the life and foundation that he’d built. He could lie to me and say that it was all about doing what was right and what was fair. But I knew Gabe better than that. And while I knew that there were still so many things I needed to learn about him, I knew that the best thing for both of us would be time and patience.
He was running from something, but he couldn’t run forever, and I planned to be right there waiting when he stopped.
He’d see it in due time; I had faith. He’d see that there was something between us he couldn’t run away from.
So I’d wait as long as I had to because Gabe was one worth waiting for.
###
Breaking Walls (Breaking #2)
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Series by Tracie Puckett
Webster Grove
The New Girl
Under the Mistletoe
Secrets to Keep
Coming Out
All Good Things
Just a Little
Just a Little 1-4
Just a Little 5-8
Just
a Little Sequel
Breaking Rules Page 23