by M. J. O'Shea
“You’ll be fine. And I told you to call me Regina.”
He didn’t know why that made him uncomfortable. He had friends at the school who were just as old as Rory’s mom. But she was Rory’s mom. That had to be it. “Okay…. Regina.”
“You’ll get used to it, sweet pea.”
Did she just call me sweet pea? He decided that not only was it okay, he kind of liked that too. Fen gave her a wobbly smile. His fruit and coffee felt a little rumbly in his stomach, that weird, faint nausea that only an early wake-up call could give him.
“I’m sure I will.”
“Will it help to go over things again?”
He didn’t want to look like he was incompetent, but well. Yeah. Going over things again could only help. “I think just one more time, if you’re okay with that.”
“It’s perfectly okay. Remember, the biggest part of my job this time of year is weddings,” Regina said. “I’ll get at least a few calls a day. Some of the weddings are miles away. All you’ll have to do is book an appointment for a consultation, got that?”
Fen nodded. Book appointments. That’s easy enough.
“You’ve missed the formal dance and graduation business. You probably won’t have to deal with any of your students.” Regina grinned. Fen was grateful for that. It would be pretty awkward to sell flowers to some kid he gave detention to for messing with his calibrated instruments.
“Other than that, it’s just the usual. As long as the flower orders are spelled mostly correctly, I’ll be fine. Hand me the phone if there’s anyone who doesn’t know what they want. I won’t make you deal with that. I’ll probably have you do some deliveries as well. The van has a GPS and everything.”
“That’s not a problem.”
It all sounded pretty easy.
“Okay, let’s get to work.” Regina handed Fen a short list of chores. “Why don’t you get going on these? Just keep an ear open for the phone.”
THE MORNING went really well. Fen was pretty busy watering and cleaning, picking out wilting blooms, and organizing the displays. He did two delivery runs without breaking anything, and made it back to the shop for lunch; piece of cake. It left his mind free to think about Kevin, though. Not exactly a hardship. They’d had dinner a few times in the past week, other than the night Kevin had overnight duty at the firehouse… engine house? Fen wasn’t sure what it was supposed to be called. Something like that.
It was nice, really, when he wasn’t too busy getting caught up in whether or not Kevin was flirting with him, or if they were going to kiss, or all the other what-ifs of a new relationship. Fen had always liked getting to know new people, and once he decided to go with the flow of his awkward attraction, it had gotten a lot more fun to get to know Kevin.
He made it back to the shop for lunch and pulled his sandwich and juice out of the fridge.
“Is that all you brought, love?” Regina asked him.
“Yeah.” Fen smiled. “I have a pretty big dinner planned for tonight. Didn’t want to ruin it.”
Regina sat with a container of fried rice with vegetables. “How is everything so far?”
“Good. Easier than I thought.”
He’d nearly flubbed his first flower order but it all worked out in the end. So far, so good.
“I have a question, and it’s probably prying, but sometimes that’s the only way to get any answers.”
“Rory.” It was just a guess, but judging by Regina’s face, it was a good one.
“He’s so out of sorts lately. Do you know what it’s about? He’s usually so good at letting me know what’s going on in his life, but he’s been like a little black cloud and he won’t even talk to me about it. I just want to help.” She put her fork down and covered Fen’s hand with her own. Way to work the mom magic there.
He didn’t want to break Rory’s trust, or Ben’s, and to be honest, he didn’t know the details, so was it that bad to confide in Regina? He thought probably not.
“I just know that he and Ben were getting really close again and then something happened between them in the spring. Neither of them want to talk to me about it either, so I can’t give you anything more than that.”
“Ben left.” She didn’t look happy. “He broke Rory’s heart in high school. I was hoping he’d leave him alone this time, but it doesn’t look like that happened. Then he just up and left.”
Fen didn’t want her to get the wrong idea about things. “He didn’t just leave, you know. Ben’s in love with Rory. That much I’m sure of. And if I know Rory, I’d say he feels the same way. I just have to figure out a way to get them both to see it. I don’t know what the holdup is.”
“Rory’s probably afraid of getting hurt after last time.”
“And Ben is hurt after whatever happened this spring. I swear he really does want to be with Rory. They belong together. I… I probably shouldn’t say anything else.”
Regina shook her head. “What a mess.”
Fen nodded. He was just as frustrated by the whole thing as everyone else.
EVEN THOUGH the job was kind of a cakewalk, and sure as hell nothing compared to five classes of unruly teenagers with their fingers too close to sensitive expensive equipment, Fen was still dragging when he pulled up in front of his building. He checked the clock on his dash. He had about an hour and a half before Kevin wandered his way down for dinner. Time to start the sauce and grab a quick shower. Probably not time for a nap.
Still, as soon as he sat on his couch, promising he’d only close his eyes for just a minute, well… that minute passed. And so did quite a few more. Until he was waking to the sound of his doorbell and he hadn’t done a thing to get dinner started. Damn, damn, damn. He couldn’t believe he’d freaking fallen asleep. Fen wandered blearily to the door. Kevin was standing there showered and adorable with a hopeful smile on his face.
“You’re gonna kill me,” Fen said. He felt like groaning. “I kind of passed out after work. I only meant to sleep a few minutes, but I haven’t even started dinner.”
Kevin only chuckled like the good-natured sweetheart he was and reached out to ruffle Fen’s couch head. “Rough day with the flowers?”
Fen laughed and rolled his eyes to cover up a shiver. Sure, Kevin touched him all the time, but it still got to him every damn time he did it. He wanted to bury his face in Kevin’s soft T-shirt and just inhale for hours. “Yeah, the daisies are especially brutal. Really, I think my body just acclimated to getting up whenever. My alarm kind of hurt this morning.”
“I forgive you this once, but don’t do it again.” Kevin raised an eyebrow. Not so good at looking bitchy, though. He tried. “Can I attempt to help you put something together?”
Fen thought about what he had around that he could make quickly. There was still a ton of stuff from the other day when Kevin had bought two full bags of groceries. You’re a teacher, Fen, not a millionaire. Let me contribute, had ended that argument pretty quickly.
“Yeah I have some things we can whip up pretty quickly. I’m sure you can at least chop, right?”
“Don’t be so sure.” Kevin laughed. “I’ll try, though.”
FEN SET Kevin at the end of his kitchen island with a chopping board and a pile of vegetables while he got a pan out and started a simple butter sauce.
“Pasta primavera okay with you? I bet you’re starving and it’ll be quick.”
“Sounds great.”
Fen looked over to watch Kevin painstakingly slice his way through a red onion and two bell peppers. He was slow as hell, but it was so cute that Fen hated to correct his technique. Soon enough he had a board full of small mounds of very precise little vegetable squares, lined up in neat order by color.
“Just dump them in here.” Fen gestured to his butter sauce. He giggled a little when Kevin awkwardly pushed the vegetables into the pan and nearly spilled them onto the floor.
“Heyyyyy, don’t mock.” Kevin made the adorable pouting face that made Fen really, really want to kiss him. “Not a
ll of us have lots of cooking experience.”
“I bet you’re a master with cereal.” Oh God. Seriously? If you’re gonna flirt do you have to be this dumb?
“Toast too.”
Apparently two can play the dumb game. Kevin took that opportunity to wink at Fen. Wink. It wasn’t the first time he’d done it, but it was so dorky and exaggerated that Fen would’ve laughed at him for being cheesy if he wasn’t busy trying to control his pounding heartbeat.
“Hey, Fen?” Kevin said softly.
“Yeah?”
“I just wanna say something. I think we’ve both been circling around it for a few days….”
Ohgodohgodohgod….
“What is it?” Fen’s voice cracked on the last word like he was fifteen again. Good thing, since he sure as hell felt it.
Kevin reached out and turned the cooktop off. “Listen. I like you. More every day. I think you’ve been trying to figure that out, haven’t you?”
“Yeah,” Fen squeaked out. “I, uh, like you too.”
“So is it okay if I do this?”
Kevin reached out and cupped his hand around the back of Fen’s neck. He pulled him in, gently but firmly, nudged Fen’s face to the side with his nose. And then Kevin kissed him. Yeah, he kissed him. Warm lips, light and soft, and kind of perfect. It wasn’t a big deal at all, but it so was. Fen had worked it up so much in his head—could he? Would he? But when it came down to it, it wasn’t something foreign, it was kissing. Hot, amazingly good kissing, hot and close and sweet and so sexy. He flattened his palms against Kevin’s chest and slid them up to cup Kevin’s jaw. It was strong and masculine, and instead of feeling odd, it may have turned Fen on even more. He didn’t think he’d ever liked a kiss as much as he liked Kevin’s. At least that part of the buildup in his head had been right. All he wanted was more.
When they pulled apart, Fen wanted to keep going. Kevin only grinned. “I’ve been wanting to do that all week,” he said. “Since the day I met you, actually.”
“Yeah. Me too.” Fen didn’t mind admitting it. He was one of those people who, once he decided something, well, it was done. And he’d decided that he very, very much liked kissing Kevin.
Kevin chuckled. “I kinda figured.”
“Are you going to kiss me again?”
“Maybe I was waiting for you to make the first move this time.”
Fen didn’t have any problem with that either.
“FEN. DUDE…. Fen.”
“Yeah?”
Jeremy laughed at him and shook his head. “I’ve been trying to get your attention for like, two minutes. What the hell is up with you today? You’re off in space.” Jeremy cocked his head. “Are you on something?”
“No, you dork. And what do you mean?” Fen tried to act like everything was the same as it had been yesterday, or the week before, when Rory and Jeremy had been at the pool and Kevin hadn’t existed. Before they’d kissed. Before Fen’s whole body remembered what it felt like when Kevin’s lips brushed across his. He nearly sighed.
The kiss had been so perfect. So, so, so perfect. He’d thought it would feel weird the first time he kissed a guy. Sure, he’d imagined it before, there had been a few at the Sugarshack he probably wouldn’t have said no to if his friends weren’t right there ready to mock the hell out of him, but he’d thought it would feel different somehow. Wrong or odd or like alien or something.
It had felt like a kiss. But not just a kiss. Probably the best kiss Fen had ever had. Not too long, not too short, just…. Good. Strong. Warm.
“Fen!” Jeremy splashed him. “Seriously. Are you on drugs, man?”
“Why do keep asking that?”
“Ro, would you care to explain to him?”
Rory smiled too, but his smile was sad. Pensive. “Ben called me last night. I was asleep. He left a message.”
“Wait, what?” Jeremy’s teasing face disappeared.
That was enough to break Fen out of his Kevin-kiss-induced stupor. “And?” Rory shrugged. “You can’t be fucking serious. Did you call him back?”
“Not yet,” Rory said.
“What did the message say?” Jeremy asked. He’d lost interest in Fen’s mooning as well. They both wanted to fix Ben and Rory.
“Just that he missed me. He sounds… not good.”
Jeremy splashed Rory as well. “That’s because he is not good. He loves you. I’m sure he told you that by now.”
Rory nodded dejectedly.
“So what are you going to do? Cause in case you were wondering, you’re in love with him too.” Fen was tired of the bullshit. The bush was so beaten, it was practically leafless.
“I know.” It was like all the fight was gone. He’d never admitted it out loud before. Not to them, and as far as Fen knew, not to Ben either. “It just hurts. It hurt when he left the first time—”
“You were seventeen. People grow up. Ben’s not gonna do that to you again.”
“He just did.”
Fen was ready to strangle Rory. “For a job. A job he would’ve turned down if you’d told him you loved him back in May when he said it to you.”
“You knew about that?”
“Yeah!” Jeremy said. He looked a bit outraged. “How come I didn’t?”
“No, it was a good guess. I knew he was thinking of saying it. But what the hell, Ro? He didn’t want to go. He still doesn’t want to be gone. He wants to be with you.”
Rory sighed.
“Listen, it’s still not my business even though I love you both, but please deal with this somehow. Call him back or something.”
Rory nodded. “I will. When I know what to say.”
Jeremy shook his head. “Both of you. Assholes. Fen with his weird who-knows-what-the-hell, and you trying to pretend you don’t want to hop on the next flight to LA and sweep Ben off his feet. I’m going to go home and mow my lawn or pull some fucking weeds or something. Maybe by the time I see you both again, you’ll have wrenched your heads from the impenetrable depths of your butts.”
“Hey!” Fen didn’t think he’d been anything but pleasant. He was just… preoccupied. With kisses. Kevin’s kisses. Okay, maybe Jeremy had a point.
Jeremy pulled himself out of the pool and tossed a T-shirt on, wound a towel around his waist, and shoved a baseball cap over his wet hair. He turned from the pool’s gate. “I’ll call you two later. Please be normal by then.”
Rory flopped back on his lounger and closed his eyes. “Sorry for ruining today. I didn’t mean to.”
Fen didn’t get it. Their conversation confirmed why Ben and Rory were so out of whack, but he didn’t get why they wouldn’t fix it already. Or at least why Rory wouldn’t. Fen had to admit this one was on Rory. Ben had tried, and there was only so much humiliation one person could take before they stopped subjecting themselves to it.
“I don’t get it,” he said out loud. “You two are meant for each other. I don’t know how many times I can tell you that.”
“Can we just… not? I mean, I love you for caring and everything, I just don’t know how to feel or what to do.”
“Consider it dropped.”
Rory sat up. “So are you going to say why you’re acting weird or is that subject off limits too?”
Fen raised an eyebrow. Two could play that game. “Off limits.” And then he cracked. “Okay, there’s someone I like. It’s just, that’s all there is.” Fen blushed. All he had to do was say that and all of a sudden Kevin’s tanned face and his soft dark hair and big goofy grin and that kiss were right there, right in his head. He, swear to God, had to stop himself from sighing.
“You sound like one of our kids.” Rory snorted.
“I kinda feel like one of our kids.” Fen shook his head in annoyance. “I have a crush. A crush.”
He wasn’t supposed to have a crush. He was supposed to have a summer of hopefully hot experimentation with a hot guy who was going to disappear in a couple of months. Fen never did anything the right way, he supposed. It was hard not
to have a crush on Kevin. He was just so sweet and shy and charming when he wanted to be.
“Dude, you’re mooning.”
Fen waved him off. “Put your earphones in. Listen to some Enya or some shit and take a nap.”
Rory rolled his eyes. “What the hell are you talking about? I don’t have Enya.”
“You totally have Enya. Don’t lie.”
“Okay. Maybe a few songs. It’s relaxing.”
Fen laughed. “Told you. You probably have Celine Dion too.”
“Shut up.”
“HI.” FEN couldn’t help the grin that spread over his entire fucking face. Probably his body too. Might as well embrace the cheese.
“Hi.” Kevin said back. At least he had a mirroring smile, soft and tired and happy to see a friendly face. He had a duffel bag slung over his shoulder, dark jeans slung low on his hips, and one of those threadbare, hot-as-hell fire academy T-shirts that made Fen’s fingers ache to touch.
“C’mon in. Did you come here straight from work?”
Kevin looked a bit embarrassed. “Maybe. I just….”
He didn’t have to say it. I wanted you. “Yeah. Me too.”
The door shut behind Kevin. He dropped his duffel on the floor and slowly brought his hand up to cup the back of Fen’s head. His fingers felt like heaven threading through Fen’s hair, all gentle and warm and roughened from work. “Long day?” Fen asked. He didn’t know why he was talking. Nerves, maybe. What was there to be nervous about? They’d already kissed. But it felt new again, and Kevin was so gorgeous, and—
Yesssssss.
It was just as good as Fen remembered. Their lips fit, Kevin’s all full and lush and soft, Fen’s more thin and smirky, but they fit. The kiss was just a little damp, light and sweet and nothing more than a hello, but it made Fen want more. Always more with Kevin.
“Yeah. Long day. I thought about kissing you the entire time.”
“I… I thought about it all day too.” Fen laughed. “I was spacing out pretty bad.”
Kevin’s hand trailed down the back of his neck, down his arm, until their fingers twined lightly together. Holding hands. Fen gulped. That was new. He tried to control his body, which had decided, the day he’d met Kevin, that it was fourteen again. It was impossible. His heart sped up, and he felt all breathless and hot, and if his palms started sweating he was literally going to die and disintegrate into the bland beige carpet beneath his feet. Man, you have got to calm your ass down.