Impractical Magic

by M. J. O'Shea

  “I’m going to try another one. This’ll stretch. Just relax into it.”

  Fen did what Kevin said, just relaxed into his touch. It stung a little, but Kevin hooked his fingers inside and—

  “Sweet Jesus fuck, that’s what that feels like?” Fen arched his back off the bed. Shoots of pleasure spread all over him.

  “Yeah, pretty nice, huh?”

  “Do it again. Again.”

  Kevin grinned and went for it again, rubbing his fingers in all the most perfect fucking places. Fen was caught between moaning and crying out, swearing and begging for kisses. Kevin slid down his body, fingers in place, and sucked his painfully hard cock down into the plush, wet heat of his mouth.

  “Oh my God, stop, stop. Kevin, I’m gonna—” And it was too late. Fen was exploding, bursting into the most intense body-shaking orgasm he’d ever felt. He blacked out for a second, colors exploding behind his eyelids, shudders running all over his body.

  It took a long minute or two before he even realized he still had his eyes closed. He opened them slowly and stared down at Kevin, who was breathing hard and shuddering himself.

  “Kev,” Fen muttered. His voice shook, he felt all weird and floaty and blissed out, and he wanted more of Kevin. More touching and tasting and Kevin’s body inside him. Just… more.

  “So that’s what it feels like. Almost. You like it so far?”

  Fen choked. “Oh my God.”

  “I think that might be a yes.”

  “Why doesn’t everyone do this? Like, all the time?”

  Kevin chuckled. “Well, we have jobs….”

  “You know what I mean.”

  He shrugged. “Some guys don’t like it. You, on the other hand….” He gave Fen a kiss and drew an appreciative palm down the center of his body. “You seem like you were made for it. Shower?”

  “But I want you still. And you didn’t come yet.”

  “You think?” Kevin grinned at him. “With all those sexy little noises you were making? Not a problem.”

  He came without being touched…. Fuck. Hot.

  Kevin slid out of bed and held his hand out to Fen. “C’mon. Let’s go shower.”

  Fen took his hand and let himself be pulled out of bed. His legs were still a little shaky. He felt stretched and well fucked and satisfied, and Kevin still hadn’t been inside him all the way.

  “Hey wait. We still haven’t….”

  Kevin leaned over and kissed his neck. “Don’t worry, gorgeous. I’m not done with you yet.”

  FEN FELT twitchy on the plane again, like he hadn’t felt in weeks. He sat there next to Rory, who looked a bit twitchy himself. He’d brought a book to read for the short flight but he didn’t open it. Mostly he thought of Kevin, of the day they’d had yesterday, hanging out in bed, touching, and oh God… fucking. When Kevin had finally slid in, Fen could barely keep from screaming. Yeah, it had been tight and stretchy and it hurt a little bit, but not really. Not when he compared it to how full he felt, how close and different and sexy it was to have Kevin’s body inside his.

  When they’d woken in the middle of the afternoon and Fen had practically begged for a second round, the look on Kevin’s face—awe and heat combined like he couldn’t believe it was happening—had nearly brought tears to Fen’s eyes. For real. Tears. He’d simply cupped his hands around Kevin’s face and kissed him, whispered over and over how good it felt and how much he wanted him all the time. He didn’t just want Kevin’s body, but also the way he looked at Fen, and the way his voice shook. How he was when they cuddled on the couch and watched their dorky cartoons. He wanted to watch Kevin nibble at his lip when he concentrated in the kitchen, learning to cut the right way and stir and whisk. Fen wanted it all. Always.

  He thought it might be time to admit to himself that his thing with Kevin wasn’t just physical. That they weren’t just friends who happened to have really hot sex with each other. He liked him. Really liked him. And if they’d had more than a few weeks until Kevin left for home, he might have had a chance to do more than just like him.

  Fen shook his head.

  “You okay, man? We’re almost there.” Rory glanced out the window. They only had about twenty minutes left until landing. He had to be excited to see Ben. Fen was excited to see him too. Just not as excited about spending a week away from… yeah. Not just friends.

  “Yeah. I’m good.”

  “It’s a drag Kev couldn’t get time off of work. Ben would’ve liked him.”

  “Yeah. He’ll probably never get to meet him. He’ll be long gone by the time Ben comes home for Thanksgiving.” Which sucked a lot more to say out loud than Fen had anticipated.

  “Hey. You guys are friends now. We’re all friends with him. Maybe he’ll come visit sometime, you know? Hang out for a weekend here or there? He has family in town too.”

  An uncle. And look how often Fen managed to see his own parents. “Yeah. Maybe.”

  Fen didn’t want to think about after—about when Kevin was back in San Diego and Fen was back at work for the school year and things went back to boring old normal. They hadn’t said anything about keeping in touch and it was easy to lose a phone number if you didn’t use it, wasn’t it? Kind of depressing, to be honest.

  The captain announced that they were beginning their descent into Los Angeles. Fen stretched and tried to push annoying, depressing thoughts from his mind. He just wanted to chill with Ben for the few days they had, visit some sights in LA, and have a good time. No more moping about the summer fling he wasn’t even supposed to be thinking about.

  IT WAS great to see Ben’s face when they stumbled out into the loading zone outside baggage claim. He looked a hell of a lot better than he had the last time Fen had seen him. He’d gained back the weight he lost in the spring and his skin seemed healthier, tanned where it had once been pale. He grinned when he saw them and ran from his idling car toward them. Ben dragged Rory into a long hello kiss and then hugged Jeremy and Fen for a long time too.

  “I’ve missed you, man,” Ben said. He dropped a kiss onto the top of Fen’s head and ruffled his hair. “It sucks being down here without you.”

  “Still sure you can’t quit?”

  Ben rolled his eyes. “I’ve thought about it, a lot, but I’d never forgive myself for leaving the kids who’ve already bonded with me. Plus, I’d look like a big douche, right?”

  “You are a big douche,” Fen said with a grin.

  “You’re a bigger one.”

  “Your mom’s a bigger one.”

  “Oh my God, can we please get in the car before you two start?” Rory was laughing, though, even as he scolded them. “And seriously. Mom jokes? That’s so five hundred years ago.”

  “You still love me,” Ben said.

  Rory melted visibly. “Of course I do.” He leaned over for a small kiss.

  Fen tossed Rory a bratty grin. “You love me too.” He puckered his lips and leaned forward for his kiss.

  “Don’t push it.”

  Ben shoved Fen toward the car but they hadn’t gone two steps before his arm was around Fen’s shoulders. Just like always.

  THE DRIVE into the city was hot and long. Ben’s car had never had the best AC, and early August in LA with a pathetic air conditioner and four grown men didn’t exactly make for comfort. But they were all happy, laughing and punching and joking like no time had passed since they’d last been together.

  “So, Fenny. Tell me more about your new squeeze.” Fen’s heart literally stopped for a second. How’d Ben guess? “I’m feeling seriously jealous, you know. It only took you like three weeks to find another husband after I left.”

  Oh. That. Fen forced out a relieved and slightly uncomfortable laugh. Why the hell do you even care if he meant it the other way? He wasn’t sure of that answer to be honest. He tried to sound like he hadn’t just had a minor DEFCON moment in his head.

  “He’s awesome. Best cuddles ever and he likes to watch cartoons with me. Consider yourself replaced.”
>
  Ben made an honest-to-God hurt face in the mirror. “Replaced?”

  Fen felt bad. “Dude. I was kidding. You know we’re platonic life partners till the end. Kevin’s just a great guy and he’s fun to hang out with, ’kay?”

  “Okay. I guess I don’t have to hate the dude.”

  “You’ll probably never even meet him. He’s moving home in less than a month.”

  “That sucks.” Ben looked a bit smug.

  Fen shrugged. “School’s starting soon after that. Not like I’ll have time for Pixar marathons anymore.”

  Ben looked out the window. Fen caught the sad face he made. “It’ll be weird to hear you guys talk about school. I should be there.”

  Rory reached across the gearshift and cupped Ben’s thigh with his hand. “You should be here. We’ll miss you, but this is important.”

  “What, you going to replace me with some other guy like Fen did?” Ben raised his eyebrow. “You did say he was kinda hot. He’s straight, right?”

  Fen cleared his throat. “Actually. No.”

  Ben’s jaw flexed. Rory laughed out loud. “You can’t be serious. I’ve hung out with him a total of three times, maybe, and just ’cause he’s gay means he’s gonna hit on me?” Rory leaned over and kissed Ben’s cheek. “I love you, but that’s just dumb.”

  “Still.”

  Fen felt a moment of seriously irrational white-hot jealousy before he told himself that he was being even dumber than Ben. Rory wasn’t into Kevin, Kevin wasn’t into Rory, Rory didn’t even know Fen was into Kevin. Well, maybe he did. Sometimes he felt like people in other countries, hell, astronauts in space, could tell how much he wanted to be near Kevin all the damn time. How much he wanted to kiss him, how much even at that moment he thought about how it sucked that he wasn’t going to see him for five days.

  Watching Rory cup his hand around Ben’s thigh didn’t suck at all either. Fuck.

  “HEY,” FEN’S face stretched into a huge smile. He couldn’t believe how happy he was to see Kevin’s name on his phone. It had only been two days. They’d already texted quite a bit, but Fen had needed to hear Kevin’s voice. It was a little sad just how much.

  “Hey yourself. Having fun with your friends?”

  Fen chuckled. “Yeah. Went to the beach today. I tried skim boarding and nearly broke my leg. Got burnt, of course.”

  “Please tell me you were wearing your sunblock.”

  “Like that matters. I can block it all I want. Still comes in.”

  Kevin chuckled. “It’s so quiet here without you. I had Taco Bell for dinner last night.”

  “I bought you all that stuff to make salad and told you how to do it.”

  “I got lazy.” Kevin sounded sheepish. Fen knew exactly what his face probably looked like at that exact moment. It would be cute as hell if he wasn’t so frustrating.

  “Eat your salad stuff tomorrow. I can’t believe you got Taco Bell. I only like that shit when I’m drunk. Then I feel guilty as hell the next day.”

  Ben must’ve psychically heard Fen say taco. He poked his head out onto the tiny balcony. “Dude, we’re leaving for dinner.”

  “’Kay. I’ll be there in a second.” He sighed. “I gotta go, babe.”

  He could’ve sworn he heard Kevin’s grin over the phone. “Babe?”

  “Sorry. It slipped out.”

  Kevin grinned. “It’s okay. Babe.” It sounded like he was testing it out. “I like it.”

  “You’re a dork.”

  “Like you can talk.”

  Fen liked when Kevin sassed him. Made him feel a little less like he was swimming in the deep end. “I miss you. I miss your kisses.”

  Kevin sighed. “Me too. I miss you a lot. Saturday night?”

  “Yeah. Saturday night. Just… just come over. I’ll be home by nine.”

  “Okay. I’ll come over. And come….”

  “Oh my God, and you call me a dork.” Fen rolled his eyes.

  Kevin just barked out a loud laugh. “Go eat dinner with your friends. I’ll just cry into my takeout.”

  “I’m hanging up now.”

  “I’m hanging up first.”

  “Not if I—” That’s when Fen noticed Jeremy standing there watching him, and blushed. ’Cause that wasn’t embarrassing as hell.

  “Dude. You going to get off the phone any time soon?”

  “Yeah. Now. Talk to you later, babe.”

  “Bye!”

  Kevin hung up before Fen had a chance to say anything else. Jeremy stood in the corner and mouthed the word “babe” while making dramatic gagging motions. Fen punched him on the way out the door.

  “Fuck off.”

  FEN WAS quiet in the car on the way to dinner. He didn’t know what to think or say. Part of him wanted to tell his friends about Kevin. A big part. Not his family. They considered themselves progressive and open-minded for not having problems with Fen having a gay best friend. He couldn’t imagine if he called them up and said, “Ha-ha, guess what, me too.” But his friends? Jesus. They’d not even care at all. Like, sure there would be some shit talking about how Fenny fell for a dude. He choked a bit at the word “fell” ’cause, yeah, he kinda had. But that would be it.

  That was the thing. In a month or so when Kevin left, that was it. He could tell Ben about him, but they weren’t going to meet. He couldn’t just say, “Hey dude, no worries about Kevin and your guy. He’s spent the last month in my bed to be honest. But he’s taking off soon so no big.” It wasn’t the kind of thing Fen knew how to say. What was he doing that he needed to tell his friends about? They’d get all involved and it would just be a mess.

  At the same time he wanted someone to talk to about it. He wanted to know if sex was supposed to feel that insanely good, was he supposed to be so deep into the relationship after only a few weeks, was he supposed to nearly explode when Kevin so much as touched him? What did it mean if he’d never felt like that with a woman? He had two guys right in front of him that he could talk to, and another next to him that might not get it, but sure as hell wouldn’t judge. Fen just didn’t know what to say.

  Ben pulled into a parking lot. “This place is really good,” he said. “Awesome burgers, good nachos—”

  “Not better than Beaver’s,” Fen said, almost automatically.

  Ben laughed. “Of course not. But passable. You okay with passable?”

  “I’ll take it.”

  DINNER FELT familiar, even in new territory. Fen was back with his boys, Ben and Rory all sugary sweet like they’d been most of the time Fen had known Rory, Jeremy wisecracking and Ben talking shit right back. The only thing that was off was him. He tried to participate, and it wasn’t like he sat there silently, but he kind of felt like he was watching his own life happen and he wasn’t really there.

  “What’s up with you, dude?” Ben asked when Rory and Jeremy went to the bar for another round.

  “Nothing. Just tired, I guess. Lot of sun today.”

  “You sure that’s it? I mean, you were kind of out of it at the beginning of summer. We both were. I thought things had gotten better.”

  “They have. Just have some stuff on my mind, I guess.”

  “You wanna talk about it?”

  “Maybe later.”

  He didn’t want to have the big gay freak-out at Ben in the middle of a pub. Didn’t want to have it at all. It was fine when he’d wanted to experiment with Kevin knowing he was leaving at the end of the summer. How was that so different from now?

  Fen knew that answer.

  It was different because it wasn’t an experiment anymore. It was different because he fucking cared. He cared more about Kevin in a few short weeks than anyone he’d ever dated and he missed him. And he didn’t want him to leave at the end of summer. There. That was it. He didn’t want Kevin to leave. If Fen had his way… well, he’d be with Kevin. And that right there was the freak-out. ’Cause if he was with Kevin then he had to do it all the way—family, friends, co-workers. Fen had never been v
ery good at keeping things hidden.

  He guessed it didn’t matter. The reality was, Kevin was leaving at the end of the summer, feelings or not. All this soul-searching was irrelevant. Maybe he was just a bit of fun for Kevin, not an experiment, but a way to burn off extra time. Maybe it was nothing to him and Fen was being really, really stupid.

  Yeah. Didn’t matter.

  “Hey, Fen. I’m here, okay? Whatever’s going on, I’m ready to deal with it when you want to tell me.”

  He looked up at the sound of Ben’s voice. “Yeah, I know, man. You always have been here.”

  “I have, but you’ve never needed it. I have a feeling this time you do.”

  “Nah. It’s nothing. I’ll be fine after another drink.”

  Ben raised his eyebrow and frowned a bit. “You’ve never needed a drink to feel fine.”

  Caught him on that one. “It’s cool, B. I swear.”

  Ben reached out to ruffle Fen’s hair. “I do love you. I’m here if you need it. When you need it.”

  Fen cursed Ben’s perceptiveness. He just nodded. If he opened his mouth one more time, the whole damn thing, all of his wants and needs and happiness and worries, would come spilling out like a flood… and where would that get him?

  Nowhere.

  Chapter 7

  FEN WAS exhausted when he opened his apartment door and dragged his bag in. He shut the door and slumped against the wall for a moment before he noticed that it smelled like… wait, is something on fire?

  “Hello?” He dropped his bag and jogged for the kitchen.

  “Hey.” Kevin glanced out around the corner sheepishly. “I was gonna try to make you a late dinner. It… almost worked out.”

  “Until you set it on fire?” He was tired as hell, but still he laughed. Kevin had an apron tied around his waist, a spatula in his hand, and a pan of smoking Lord-knows-what in the other hand. He looked so disappointed with himself, it was impossible to be even a little bit annoyed. “Here,” Fen laughed. “Set that out on the deck and shut the door.”