by Leslie North
She sipped the warm, sweet tea and sighed.
Noah glanced over at her and gave her a little wink that made her toes tingle. “Gracie down for the night?”
“Yeah, at least until the next diaper change,” Serena said.
“Man, I remember those days.” Levon grinned. “Sounds corny as hell, but enjoy them. They go by too fast and before you know it, the kid’s crawling around already.”
“And once they’re mobile, no one sleeps again,” Olive said, and they all laughed.
“When I was locked in that villa with her in St. Dourdane, all I wanted was a few hours to myself,” Serena said, shaking her head. “But now that we’re out, I’m afraid I’m going to miss something she’s doing. That’s weird, right?”
“Not at all,” Olive said. “Allie does new things every day. The surprises never stop.”
Noah was quiet. Serena frowned and nudged him with her shoulder. “Everything okay?”
He nodded, staring down at his hand on his thigh, his expression pensive. “It’s just hearing you guys talk about the babies makes me realize how much I’ve missed in Gracie’s life.”
“Aw.” She patted his hand, then kept hers there, just because it felt so good to touch him. “You’ll have plenty of time to catch up now.” If you want to…
She didn’t say the words, but they hung there just the same as their gazes locked.
Olive yawned, then checked her watch. “Well, I hate to cut this night short, but I’m beat. I’m sure you guys are too. I think I’m going to go to bed.”
“You guys all set for the night?” Levon asked, standing beside Olive. “If you need anything, just let us know. Otherwise, we’ll see you in the morning.”
“Sounds good, man. And thanks again.” Noah reached over to shake his friend’s hand while Serena gave Olive a hug.
“Thank you,” she said, tears prickling her eyes before she blinked them away. Must be the exhaustion. “Sleep tight. We’ll see you in the morning. Hopefully Gracie doesn’t wake you up.”
“Are you kidding?” Levon chuckled. “After Allie’s first few months, I can sleep through anything.”
Once they were alone, a bit of awkwardness crept in. This was really the first time they’d been on their own, without Gracie as a buffer between them, since the whole debacle at the casino. She had to admit Noah’s confession earlier, his clear sadness over how much he’d missed of his daughter’s short life so far, had given her hope that maybe he’d want to stick around once the mission was over. But she’d be lying if it didn’t bring out her anxieties too.
Not to mention the fact that the true puppet master behind everything was still out there, lurking. She shuddered at that thought and reached over to take his hand.
“I’ve got a plan, you know,” he said, rubbing the pad of his thumb over her knuckles. “Me and the guy at SSoF. Remember what I said before about thinking too far ahead. It’ll only get you in trouble.”
“I know.” She sighed and sat back, nestling into his side when he put his arm around her again. “It’s nice here.”
“Yeah.” He kissed her temple. “You should settle in here with Levon and Olive. Concentrate on taking care of you and Gracie for a while. Let me handle the rest.”
She wanted to. Really, she did, but it was hard. Serena frowned and placed her hand on his chest, the steady beat of his heart grounding her. “It’s just weird for me. I’ve always been a crusader. Learned that from my mom. I’m used to fighting for my wellbeing and that of others. And now, with this person still out there, trying to get me…” She took a deep breath. “The thought of leaving my daughter alone brings out all my momma bear instincts, I suppose. I feel like I need to know what’s going on.”
“I get it. I do.” He ran his fingers through her hair, lulling her to relax against him even more. “But think about Gracie. You can’t take care of her if you’re out crusading to save the world. I’ll still keep you informed of what’s going on with the investigation and you can share any information you have with me to take to the guys, but otherwise, you’re safer staying out of it.” She balked at that and started to sit up, but he held her fast.
“I’m not giving up my charities and causes, not forever anyway,” she said. “People need me, and my work is important.”
The moment stretched out taut between them until finally Noah said, “Did you ever think that maybe your work is what started this whole mess to begin with?”
Serena wanted to deny it, wanted to rail against his assertions, but dammit. Deep inside her something froze. Could he be right?
17
The next day was difficult, at best. Gracie was fussy and Serena was doing her best to adjust to this new life where Noah wasn’t around all the time and they weren’t on the run. At least Olive was there to keep her company.
After they’d put the kids down for a nap, Olive made them both tea and they sat at the table in the kitchen to rest and regroup before the next round of feedings and diaper changes and play times.
“Is it always this quiet around here?” Serena asked, listening to the birds tweeting outside.
“Yep.” Olive smiled. “Probably a big difference from what you’re used to.”
“It is.” She sat back and sipped her herbal tea. “Being locked in that villa was quiet too, but in a more sinister way. Like I never knew from what day to the next what would happen or if I’d even be alive.”
“That must’ve been horrible!”
“It was.” Serena shuddered. “Then after Gracie was born, it was nice to have the company, but also more worrying because I had to protect her as well as myself. Then Noah showed up.”
“Like a knight in shining armor,” Olive said, grinning. “Did he ride a horse too?”
Serena snorted. “No. And he crashed in there more like the Hulk than Sir Galahad, but yeah. I was glad to see him, no doubt. But then we were on the run and together twenty-four seven until we got back here from St. Dourdane. So it seems weird now, not having him here.”
“I understand. When Levon and I were trying to catch the drug dealers at the school where I used to work, we were together all the time too. Then afterward, it all stopped.” She shrugged. “For a while there, I thought we were done for good, regardless of whether we had Allie together or not.”
“So how did you get things untangled in the end?” Serena asked, cupping her hands around her mug on the table.
“It took some effort from both of us,” Olive said, then chuckled. “And a fair bit of groveling on his part at the end, but we found a way. It’s not perfect, but it works for us.”
“That’s awesome.” She couldn’t seem to shake her worries, though, about her and Noah. “You and Levon seem really happy.”
“We are.” Olive set her mug down and patted Serena’s hand. “You and Noah will get there too. Just give it some time.”
“I don’t know. It’s really hard,” she said, letting her head fall back and staring at the ceiling. “Our lives are so different. I’ve got causes that take me all over the world and his job is here. I didn’t even realize how much time he spends with the guys at SSoF until we came to Atlanta. I can’t complain, though. He loves his work and people need him.”
“True. All the guys love it. It’s their calling.” Olive sat back, watching Serena through narrowed eyes. “But I have to keep Levon in check too. The work can take over and we need him here too. And not just physically either. Mentally. It’s too easy for him sometimes to get so wrapped up in work that he forgets about spending quality time with me and Allie. He tells me that it’s to protect us from the emotional baggage he collects in the job, but part of being a couple is helping each other work through that.”
“See?” Serena sat forward. “That’s what I think too. I rely on Noah for so much and I want him to feel like I can do that for him too—that I can be someone he leans on. He’s always so strong, but I’m strong too.” She sighed and stared down into her tea. “We’re not there yet, like I said, b
ut maybe we can get there. You and Levon give me hope anyway.”
“Like I said, give it a chance. You’re both still new at this.” Olive gave her a small wink. “And being strong isn’t the only thing. Sometimes you have to be vulnerable too. You should be partners, fifty-fifty. Balance each other out.”
“Hmm. Yeah.” Serena exhaled slowly. The strength part she’d trained for her whole life. The vulnerability? Not so much. But maybe, for Noah, she could try.
Noah sat at his desk at SSoF and scrubbed a hand over his face, holding the phone away from his ear while his mom berated him through the connection for just now telling her about Gracie.
“I can’t believe that I’m a grandmother and this is how you spring it on me,” she said when he attempted to defend himself. “That’s just like something your father would have done.”
He winced. Being compared to his dad wasn’t exactly a compliment in his mom’s book. His parents had loved each other, at least for one night when he’d been conceived, but they’d soon learned that being compatible in bed and being compatible out of it were two different things. Unfortunately, by the time they realized that, they’d already had a kid, so they’d stayed together for his sake until he was thirteen. While most kids remembered birthday parties and holidays and fun family times, the thing he remember most growing up were the knock-down, drag-out fights between his parents. Never physical, thankfully, but always loud and angry. It was almost a blessing when his dad walked out on them, almost, because it meant finally some peace and quiet for a change.
“I’m sorry, Mom,” he said when she took a breather from letting him have it. “Like I said, I just found out myself, so yeah.”
“And when can I meet Gracie?”
“As soon as things settle down here,” he said, glancing over to where Levon and Clint were trying to act like they weren’t listening in on his conversation and failing miserably. Dammit. He needed to get back to work. “Look, Mom. I’ll call you later and maybe we can make some plans for a visit, okay? I need to go now.”
Noah ended the call before his mother could start arguing again, then sighed. Considering the nightmare that could have been, the call had gone mostly well. He stuffed his phone back in his pocket and checked his emails again. It was weird, being back here at the office. Funny, but he missed having Serena around. He’d gotten so used to her being by his side, with Gracie, that not having them there left a hole he hadn’t expected.
Except now wasn’t the time to get all up in his feelings, conflicted or not. He shoved them aside as best he could and opened the files the guys had collected for the mission again. His stubborn brain kept circling back to Serena and the baby, though. Was she doing okay today? How was Gracie faring? Was she feeling better? Maybe they should make her an appointment with a pediatrician just to be sure.
Ugh.
Frustrated, he ran his hands through his hair and scowled at his computer screen. He needed to find some way to separate his duties as soldier and father and keep them separate when he was working, because otherwise he’d be a useless mess.
“How’s it going, dude?” Levon said, coming up to his desk. “You look a little stressed.”
“It’s fine, I’m fine,” he grumbled, scrolling through documents without seeing them. “Why?”
“Just wondered, that’s all.” Levon shrugged and picked up a pen to toy with it. “You know, Olive’s always getting on me about being in the moment. Like when I’m at home, she says I shut her out when I get distracted by work—that I miss out on the love and comfort that gives me the strength to be good at my job.”
“Yeah? So?” Noah sat back and crossed his arms, more annoyed at himself than anything.
“So, just be careful you don’t do that too, dude,” Levon said, giving him a look. “That’s all I’m saying.”
“I’m not,” he snapped, then shook his head. “Sorry. I’m not trying to be an ass. It’s just hard, you know? I never thought I’d be in a relationship ever, let alone have a kid. Maybe I’m not cut out for it.”
“Dude, don’t be stupid. Of course you’re cut out for it.”
“No, I’m not so sure.” Noah took a deep breath. “I mean, this job is dangerous enough as it is without worrying about a wife and kid at home. I don’t want to make Serena and Gracie’s lives any harder than they already are.”
“Hey, man. Seriously, you—”
Whatever Levon had been about to say to him was cut off by Clint’s shout. “Guys, we got a lead!”
Both guys exchanged a look and rushed over to Clint’s desk.
“What is it?” Noah asked.
“We used surveillance footage from the casino to track your attacker and spotted him getting off a plane earlier this morning at Hartfield International. He’s on his way to a hotel near the airport now.”
“Shit.” Levon started back to his desk to grab his gun out of the drawer. “What are we waiting for?”
“Tomorrow morning,” Clint said. “I just got off the phone with the local cops and if we want this done right, we need to wait until the ambush is ready and everything’s lined up with Interpol. They want to go in early in the morning.”
“Right.” Noah released his pent-up breath. “Tomorrow. Okay. What’s the plan?”
18
By the time Noah walked in the door that night, Serena was beat. Gracie had been fussy all day and it just seemed to be one thing after another. Serena had hoped to have a nice relaxing night with him, maybe veg out on the sofa, play with the baby a bit, then go to bed early and cuddle. Unfortunately, based on the scowl darkening Noah’s face, that wasn’t going to happen.
“How was your day?” she asked, following him into the guest bedroom, just down from the nursery where Gracie was napping. “Anything I can help with?”
“No,” he said, stripping off his shirt and tossing it in the hamper against the wall. “Just a lot on my mind.”
“Is it to do with my case?”
“Some of it.” He walked into the attached bathroom, splashed water on his face and did a quick scrub down before grabbing a towel to dry off. “They tracked the guy who tried to attack you in the casino. He’s here—in Atlanta, in a hotel near the airport. Luckily, the authorities in South America are pretty eager to get him back, so all we have to do is grab him and turn him over. Me and the guys have planned a takedown for tomorrow morning.”
“Oh, can I come?” she asked, scooting to the edge of the bed, excitement zinging through her. “I’d love to see that guy get what’s coming to him.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Noah walked out, his words muffled by the towel pressed to his face. He tossed it aside and searched for a clean shirt among the stuff she’d unpacked and hung up in the closet for him. “It’ll be safer for you here. With the baby.”
Dammit. He was right and she was being unreasonable, but she was in too far to back down now. “I can take care of myself,” she said, clenching her teeth. “And Olive could watch her. With you and the other guys there, I would be taken care of anyway.”
“No.” He shook his head, then tugged a clean black T-shirt on. “You stay here.”
Serena bit back the argument clawing to get out and took a deep breath. This wasn’t going to help anything and letting her temper take over wasn’t productive. If she’d learned anything in her years working with charities and other causes, it was that compromise was best, even if it wasn’t always easy. “I just put Gracie down for a nap, but if you want to go in and see her, I think she’d like that.”
“Best not,” he said, raking his fingers through the damp hair at his temples. “I never was much good with her. Don’t want to upset her.”
Serena fisted the duvet in her hands to keep from punching something, namely him. Just when she’d thought they’d defeated his negative self-talk once and for all and proven he was a good caretaker for Gracie and a competent dad, insecurity reared its ugly head again. She seriously could not deal with this right now.
Spurred on by annoyance, mixed with anxiety about the takedown the next day, Serena pushed off the bed and walked over to him, determined not to let him off the hook so easily. She stepped in front of him when he tried to leave, blocking his path, and shut the door so they were trapped in there together. “I don’t think that’s the reason at all.”
He gave her a mulish look. “What are you talking about?”
“The baby. I don’t think you’re really scared of hurting her. I think you’re scared of opening up to her, letting her into your heart, getting too close. To her and to me.”
Noah tried to step around her to escape, but she wasn’t budging. “Don’t be ridiculous. Get out of the way.”
“So, now I’m ridiculous?” She dug in her heels, leaning back against the door to keep him from opening it. “And I’m not going anywhere. Not until we talk this out.”
“I’m tired of talking,” he growled, looming over her like an angry bear. “I just want to eat, then hit the sack. I’ve got a big day tomorrow.”
“Yeah? Well, I’ve got a big conversation planned tonight, so…” She stood toe to toe with him, not backing down an inch. “We’ve got a problem.”
They stared at each other across the span of a foot, the air between them crackling with anger and more than a little passion. In fact, she couldn’t seem to ignore the heat of him surrounding her, spurring her need higher, lighting up her bloodstream like a gasoline-fueled wildfire. His eyes flickered from her gaze to her mouth and back again, making her lips tingle and letting her know that his thoughts had veered in the same direction.
Except they really did need to talk. After her discussion with Olive earlier, she was determined to break through the walls Noah had constructed around his heart and get to the truth of what he was feeling for her, for Gracie, and about their future. If they even had a future together.