I threw myself into my bed and tried not to think about how theirs were empty down the hall. I almost wished I hadn’t moved them out of my room. Maybe they wouldn’t feel so far away.
My phone chimed with a notification. Hoping it was my mom, I sat bolt upright and turned on my bedside light. My stomach sank when I realized it was only a notification from an app. I almost turned my phone back off until I realized which application it was. It was the app I used to track my cycle. The one that told me when my period was due.
I unlocked my phone to go to the app when I realized what it was saying. I double-checked the dates and then checked them again because it couldn’t be right. There was no way.
But it was there.
I was late.
It had to be stress. Or the IUD I got before Chris and I broke up. According to my doctor, my cycle could be wonky for a few months. That was all. Maybe I’d gotten lucky like a lot of women and wouldn’t have a period at all.
Knowing I wouldn’t get any sleep until I had more information, I went to the bathroom where I kept a lone pregnancy test from a scare when Chris and I had first started having sex and before I got on the IUD. The minutes I waited after taking the test were almost as excruciating as waiting for news from my mom.
The timer I set on my phone dinged, and I picked up the test, my chest full of apprehension.
The digital readout said positive.
My knees simply gave out, and I fell to my butt right there on the bathroom floor. When I could breathe again, I checked the screen once more, and the word positive was still there. It was the same on the two other tests I ran out to get. I had all the time in the world to watch my life go down the drain. If there was an upside, it was that my panic about the girls was obliterated—if only for a moment.
I was in too much shock to feel anything other than stunned disbelief.
No matter how much I didn’t want to believe it, there was no denying the results.
I was pregnant.
Fuck.
Chapter Twenty
Tripp
Ember didn’t answer her phone after I got out of practice, which didn’t concern me at first. We played when I came over by ear, so I didn’t really think anything of it. Much of our relationship—or lack thereof—consisted of ignoring how much of a relationship we actually had. I spent more time at her apartment than mine. We didn’t date or sleep with other people. When she wasn’t working, I was normally in her bed after the twins went to sleep.
Which made my apartment feel as quiet as a tomb in comparison. I knew she thought the girls were too much to handle, and they certainly were a handful, but that didn’t mean I didn’t enjoy them. They were two of the sweetest kids I’d ever known, and, having been in their lives since they were babies, I felt an incredible kinship toward them. Like a mixture between uncle and older brother. I couldn’t imagine a future without them in it.
These thoughts and more revolved around my thoughts as I heated up a frozen dinner instead of making myself a meal. I didn’t really see the point when there was no one else to enjoy it. My mother had instilled in me a love of cooking, and one of my favorite things was to cook meals for my own personal judgment panel, but it simply wasn’t the same without my girls.
That’s what the three of them were.
My girls.
And I wouldn’t be giving them up without a fight.
I finished my pitiful frozen dinner and daydreamed it was the filet mignon we’d grilled at my parents’ house during spring break. While the rest of my classmates headed down to the beach to exchange saliva and STDs, we’d taken the girls to a water park and ate too much pizza. The weekend before school was back in session, we’d packed up the girls and hauled them to my parents’ house for the weekend. Ember grilled steaks and made baked potatoes and a salad. My mom gave her tomatoes and cucumbers from their backyard garden. They’d talked for hours while the girls, my dad, and I had taken turns jumping through a beach ball with a built-in sprinkler.
My dad surprised us all with baseball gloves for the girls. Call me a fucking chick, but it made my chest hurt to see them throwing a ball around with him. Molly could only make it halfway to him, but she caught like a champ. Tillie, however, might have a little Wilder in her because she could throw the ball with a bit of heat behind it. My dad and I had shared a glance. Maybe I could talk Ember into signing her up for ball next season. The girls could use more extracurriculars, and they’d liked playing catch.
I fell asleep on the couch, daydreaming about teaching them how to play.
I still hadn’t heard from Ember.
It was lunchtime the next day when I finally gave up waiting on her to text me back or answer my calls. It wasn’t like her to ignore a message, which could only mean that something was wrong. I wasn’t the kind of guy who had to be involved in absolutely everything. I didn’t like to be smothered, either, but I also knew Ember, and this wasn’t like her.
I gave her until after I’d cleaned up the kitchen from the night before, eaten breakfast, and taken a shower before I grabbed the spare key she’d given me and used it to let myself into her apartment. It was dark as night, so I flicked on the lamp by the sofa.
“Ember?” I called. It was possible she’d passed out after her shift, but even then, she’d normally text me before bed to come over or to tell me good night.
No one answered.
The apartment was dead silent. The twins must have already gone to school. The kitchen and hall bath were empty. I poked my head in the girls’ room, but they weren’t there. Ember’s was the last on the right, and I pushed the door in to find it as dark as the living room. Using my phone as a guiding light, I picked my way to the bed.
The lump in my chest eased as the halo of light from my phone showed her bundled under the comforter on the bed. Setting the phone on the nightstand on what I considered my side of the bed, I slipped out of my shirt, toed off my shoes, and climbed into bed next to her. From her breathing, I could tell she wasn’t asleep, but I’d already barged into her apartment, so I wasn’t going to demand she tell me what was wrong, too.
Eventually, she relaxed against me. We dozed in and out for a while, with her as my little spoon. At some point, she must have grabbed my hand because I woke up with our fingers locked together. I liked it. More than I should. It didn’t terrify me to be linked to her. In fact, it wouldn’t bother me to be linked with her for the foreseeable future. But this wasn’t the time or place to renegotiate our rules.
“They’re gone.”
I almost couldn’t hear her because her voice was so low.
“Who’s gone?”
“The girls.”
I didn’t understand. “Are they at school?” I asked.
“Mom took them.” Her voice was dead. Like there was no emotion or even the energy to infuse it with life.
“The hell do you mean your mom took them?” I urged her to turn to face me, even though I could barely see her through the shadows. “Talk to me, angel. What happened? Where are they?”
She sighed so heavily I could almost feel the weight on her shoulders on my own. “She came over yesterday, expecting me to let her just take the girls on a playdate like nothing had ever happened. Like she didn’t just walk out on them like they didn’t matter. She had on fancy jeans that must have cost a hundred dollars or more and a designer handbag that could have fed the girls for weeks. I mean, I haven’t had new clothes in years. When everyone else was going apeshit over labels and having fun with their friends, I was buying diapers and formula. But do you think she gave a shit?”
Ember was trembling in my arms. Not with anguish, but with fury. I let her keep going because I wanted to keep my head where it was.
“She thought she could waltz back into their lives without repercussions for her actions. I told her there was no way in hell she’d see the girls. Not until she got her act together and started acting like their mother. I thought I’d done the right thing.”
“You don’t have to feel bad for that,” I said.
As though she didn’t hear me, Ember continued, “I went to go get the girls from the bus stop, but the driver said their mom had come and got them, despite the fact that no one but me was supposed to be able to pick them up.”
I tried to keep calm. It wouldn’t help anyone for me to get all worked up, even though I entertained some very vivid fantasies about lighting that woman on fire with her own cigarettes. “Have you heard from her since then?”
Thankfully, Ember let me gather her up in my arms and pull her close. I couldn’t fix everything, but I could do this for her. “I texted her old number, hoping it had been reactivated. She basically told me to go fuck myself.”
I refrained from calling her mother some choice names. She might be a piece of shit, but she was still Ember’s mother. “Did you call the police?”
“That was the first thing I did. They told me that because she was the girls’ mother, she was allowed to watch her own children. I’ve never wanted to murder anyone until that moment. If Mom had been anywhere near me, I’m afraid that I would have killed her.”
I had no doubt about it from the ferocity in her words. Except, she was wrong. That woman wasn’t their mother. No decent person would put their children through what she had. Ember had always been—and always would be—the twin’s real mother as far as I was concerned.
“Let’s go.” I sat up and tugged her along with me.
“What? Where are we going?” she asked groggily, still wrapped up in her fury.
I was already tugging my clothes back on, lacing up my shoes. I flicked on the lamp again so I could see where I had put my phone. My mind raced, trying to think of all the places she’d ever mentioned that her mother liked to visit. “We’re going to every place you can think of that your mother liked to visit. Friends. Bars. Hotels. We’ll find those girls, Ember. I promise you.”
She paused in pulling on a pair of my favorite yoga pants, and I frowned as her creamy legs disappeared behind the fabric. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Shut up.”
We were at the door, and I was making a list on my phone of places to track down, when Ember’s phone rang. Her face drained of all color when she saw the number on the screen. She practically collapsed to the couch. Her hands were visibly shaking as she brought the phone to her ear.
“Hello?” She bit her lip. “Yes, this is Ember Stevens.” I went to her side and took her free hand in mine. She clenched onto my fingers like they were a lifeline. “You do? Oh, my God. Yes, I’m home. That’s correct. Thank you, Officer. Thank you so much. I’ll be here.” She ended the call, and her hand fell to her lap. When she looked at me, a kaleidoscope of emotions raced across her face: anger, fear, relief. “They were found at a restaurant in the mall. They said Mom told them I was going to pick them up. What a fucking bitch.”
“They’re bringing them here?”
“Yes. I don’t want to cry. I’ve been crying so much lately.”
“Baby, you don’t have to be afraid to cry on me.” I pulled her onto my lap. “You don’t ever have to be afraid of that. At the center of everything, you’re my best friend, Em. I’ll always be here for you, whatever you need. Tears, orgasms, tacos. I’ve got you, babe.”
That made her laugh, and then I just held her. When the officer arrived to take Ember’s statement, I held the twins. After the officer left with a promise to send social services for a checkup, I held all three of them. Then they all curled up on the couch together while I made them canned chicken noodle soup and grilled cheese. We ate it while watching the first Harry Potter movie. The only thing that was missing was a big old fluffy puppy at our feet and a cranky cat on the back of the sofa.
Ember fell asleep first, and I told the girls how glad I was that they were okay. They cried some more, and then they snuggled up on either side of Ember and fell asleep holding hands. I was pinned to the couch by the three of them. I couldn’t have imagined a better place to be.
It wasn’t lost on me how different my last night had been, and even though today had been rough on us all, I couldn’t help but think these girls made it all worth it.
Chapter Twenty-One
Ember
“Mm hmm, look at all those big…bats,” Charlie said with a wicked grin. Her dirty-blonde hair whipped in the humid air. She was effortlessly beautiful in a dark t-shirt and skinny jeans kind of way. One black Chuck-covered foot was propped on her knee. She’d say she was a tomboy, but I always thought she was simply comfortable in her own skin.
She’d become even more so now that she and her best friend, Liam, had stopped dancing around each other and had started dating and living together. It was like he gave her the space to comfortably be herself. Truth be told, I envied them.
Layla giggled and smacked her on the arm, causing Charlie’s drink to wobble precariously in her hands. “You have a boyfriend!”
“So do you,” Charlie retorted. “Besides, it doesn’t hurt to look. Liam doesn’t care what I do as long as I bring it back to him at the end of the day.” She tilted her head, studying the away team as they swung their bats at the plate, readying for some practice hits. “Do you think if I got him a pair of baseball pants, he’d dress up for me?”
“Dash had a kilt from Halloween a couple of years ago. When I found it, he let me talk him into wearing it. I never knew a man in a skirt could be so sexy.”
Despite my preoccupation with what I needed to tell Tripp, my head jerked in Layla’s direction. Layla, the one who’d been a virgin up until the year before. Layla, the studious bookworm who never put a toe out of line. Dash must have changed her in more ways than one. Charlie and I shared a look. It was sweet of them to try and distract me from thinking about how much of a complete and utter piece of crap my mom was. They’d voted to put a hit out on her, but I’d convinced them putting a curse on her was enough.
“What?” Charlie shrieked. “Dash wore a kilt?! How did you not tell us about this?” Her voice took on a high-pitched tone. “When your boyfriend wears a kilt, you should be taking pictures. For…bribery purposes. And research. But mostly to share with your best friends!”
Layla’s smile turned mischievous. “I was too busy doing other things to take pictures.”
That stunned the indignation right out of Charlie’s expression. When she could speak, she said, “It’s like I don’t even know you. Who are you, and what did you do with our friend?” Charlie demanded.
Layla blushed prettily and sipped her beer with an elegance I never seemed to be able to imitate. “My lips are sealed,” she said.
“Ohh, no, you don’t. You can’t say something like that and then not give us the juicy details. Spill.”
Their banter faded into the background as our team swarmed the field, their garnet practice jerseys drawing my eye. I drank thirstily from my soda, suddenly parched. I wished it was a beer, then remembered I couldn’t have those, which only made my stomach churn more. I found Tripp almost immediately, his number three like a beacon. My heart sped up at the sight of his dirty blonde hair glinting in the bright afternoon sunlight. Charlie wasn’t wrong. The sight of him in baseball pants wasn’t one to be ignored.
Not that I’d been able to ignore him at all lately.
“—and then he did this sexy little dance, and I jumped him,” Layla was saying when I could focus back in on their conversation. I was being an awful friend, but I couldn’t seem to think of anything other than the positive pregnancy test I had hidden under the sink in my bathroom.
“You dirty bitch!” Charlie exclaimed with bright eyes. “You’ve been holding out on us. Em, can you believe it? Our little girl is growing up.”
Layla rolled her eyes, then glanced at me. “What’s up with you? You’ve been very quiet. Is everything okay?”
I was too hollow to cry and too tired to lie, so I settled for something sort of in between. “Nothing I can’t handle.”
Charlie sobered, her gaze sharpening
as she studied my face. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. I thought you and Tripp were great. ‘Having fun’ is what you said. Did he fuck something up? I’ll kick his ass.”
“No, he didn’t do anything.” He found me from his place on the pitcher’s mound and lifted his hand in a wave. For some reason, I felt the gesture deep inside my chest. I waved in return. “He’s been great. Much better than I deserve.”
“Oh, shut up. You deserve the best. And if he isn’t giving it to you, well, then we need to have a talk with him.”
“Yeah,” Charlie agreed. “Or we’ll kick his ass.”
“No need to kick his ass, he hasn’t done anything wrong at all.”
“It’s like pulling teeth,” Charlie said to Layla. “C’mon now, are we your best friends or what? Why do you look like your favorite pet was just run over? Is it your mom?”
“Not at the moment. Okay, there is something, but I need to talk to Tripp about it first. I promise as soon as I do, I’ll explain.”
“Cryptic,” Layla said.
“Agreed. But if you aren’t ready to talk about it, you know we’ll be here whenever you need us. It’s not anything else about your mom, right?”
“No, I haven’t heard from her since she took the twins. DCF came by to start a report and take a tour of the apartment. They said they’ll be in touch, though.”
They really were the best friends anyone could have, and I knew they’d be there for me if and when I was ready to talk about it all. Like they had been there for me when Chris and my parents left. And again when I had called them about what my mom had done.
“I’m sure it will turn out fine,” Layla offered.
“Damn right it will,” Charlie said.
“Thanks, guys. For now, I want to forget about it for a little while, if that’s okay.”
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