50 Sonnets

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50 Sonnets Page 2

by P.J. Lowry

I feel the energy to make it through the day

  days can be so tough, I return home scarred

  working so long that my spirit begins to fray.

  My bones ache as the body show its age

  everyday tasks are becoming more difficult

  my frustration begin to transform into rage

  as daily chores fail to get their desired result.

  Getting old wasn’t supposed to occur so fast

  as I slowly fade away into the forgotten past.

  Help me if you can, for I cannot stand

  I am weak an unable to fend for myself

  will we as a people be able to withstand

  or should we be stashed on high shelf?

  I grow frail and week as my heart breaks

  life as I hoped did not turn out so well

  like a diabetic in a room full of sweet cakes

  I am unable to enjoy what life has to sell.

  My pockets are about as empty as my heart

  as these coins means little with no one around

  to share the little things with, like fine art

  I refuse to wander their halls with this frown.

  She promised to stay with me, share all life’s joys

  all that’s left of our love are those two little boys.

  Long are the days, even longer is the night

  as I lie there alone in my enormous fluffy bed.

  Even lonelier are my days as I go out and fight

  when most people would rather see me dead.

  Long behind are the good days with my family

  as I gaze upon pictures that reflect a forgotten past

  I often feel like an aging fossil, like a giant oak tree

  weak and brittle but still able to live on and last.

  Cold is the summer, even colder is the winter

  when I have no one around to snuggle with

  I fill my shattered heart with shots of liqueur

  hoping my lonesome days will become a myth.

  I’m not sure if there is another out there for me

  but I hope she’ll come along and set my soul free.

  People suffer; it’s always going to happen

  but that’s hardly an excuse to stand idly by

  we need to make a stand every now and then

  only then will successful deeds start to apply.

  Charity is not weakness, but an act of love

  to show sincere kindness for those in need

  a gesture of respect that is rarely spoken of

  restoring dignity with the act of a simple deed.

  It’s a shame there wasn’t more that I could do

  sometimes I lack the resources to take action

  my lack of help occasionally makes me blue

  as the help I give doesn’t create any satisfaction.

  More can be done, that we’re all very aware

  to demonstrate how much we all really care.

  Life was spilt on this hallowed ground

  by young men who never got to grow old

  war took flesh from them by the pound

  those who lived were left out in the cold.

 

  They came home and were quickly forgotten

  swept aside as war was erased from sight

  how we treated them was cruel and rotten

  they were our champions, our white knight.

  While they volunteered for the gruesome job

  they deserve more thanks than what they got

  there should have been more, a small mob

  to celebrate their return, but there was not.

  To the person who is goes to do our dirty work

  soldiers deserve more than this thankless jerk

  Time is a gift that is often squandered

  as we fail to share it with those we love

  requests for attention often go unheard

  by rude people who believe they’re above.

  Children call for our love and attention

  but parents often work too hard to notice

  its their warmth makes our day brighten

  without kids, days are draped in darkness.

  Their soft voices, combined with big hug

  inform a parent how much they are adored

  as unconditional love is a very strong drug

  the kids will make anyone feel fully restored.

  Life changes forever when you become a parent

  it is the best feeling ever, it’s fucking brilliant!

  Never in my life had I adored someone

  with such a deep and burning feeling

  yet my heart feels trapped in a dungeon

  as not loving her is to deny breathing.

  It’s not meant to be with this perfect woman

  she has already found her own soul mate

  despite being one amazing person in a billion

  she will never be mine, denied forever by fate.

  Never was there such a perfect match to me

  and instead I watch her live her own dream

  with a bloke who isn’t worthy of her honey

  it’s her and I that would make a perfect team.

  If seems time and fate conspired against us both

  for never will that exquisite lady and I be betroth.

  Should we strive to be a good loser

  when the one we lose is our soul mate

  our love stolen away by some schemer

  a piece of filth that I will forever hate.

  It is to my benefit that I never met him

  that terrible person who ruined my life

  for I’d be tempted to remove his limbs

  and carve that bastard up with a knife.

  I would certainly try to have a little fun

  punishing this man for breaking marriage

  I’d enjoy shooting a few times with a gun

  before tossing that jerk off the highest bridge.

  Many say that to forgive him would be brave

  I say fuck it; let’s send him to an early grave.

  Everyday I sit at the same chair and wonder

  is there more to life than the simple things?

  As this terrible job ruins my life from under

  I feel trapped, chained like a puppet to strings.

  This wasn’t how things were supposed to go

  I was to travel the world, seek out adventure

  seek out new life and things for us to know

  yet I’m shackled to a desk, unable to venture.

  Boring is the life we lead, there is so much more

  within this world, beyond our invisible borders

  these days travel seems like a unenviable chore

  as we remain at our desk and follow orders.

  Working for a penance is not life, it’s a living death

  desert your domestic prison and enjoy free breath.

  True love is a curious and fascinating thing

  worlds turn upside down, people feel foolish

  such brightness and contentment it does bring

  but takes patience and care to help it flourish.

  I see her walk by and wonder what could be

  should she ever notice such a irrational louse

  to love a bloke so honest and ordinary as me

  and ever invite me over for dinner at her house.

  To look upon her is to relive a fantasy or dream

  for she’s out of my league, way above my pay grade

  such a shame because we’d make an amazing team

  if she were mine, it’s be as cheerful as a big parade.

  Things were not meant to be, that’s what I am told

  but still I long to fee her arms, tight within her hold.

  White is the ground like a bridal dress

  cold is the air as winter has finally arrived

  with lots to clear this causes much stress
<
br />   as I long for spring to return, to feel revived.

  But here I stand, clearing away tons of snow

  my arms ache as I shovel away a bit at a time

  when I think of all the treaties, such as Kyoto

  I wonder why warmer winters are such a crime.

  Nobody likes this stuff but skiers and stoners

  no one else likes it or wants to see their breath

  so you can keep your songs and cheery banters

  winter is a curse, it feels almost as bad as death.

  We all groan our displeasure when we see it fall

  fuck hockey, I want twelve months of baseball!

  When looking to the future, I begin to worry

  wishing this whole world was an easier place

  as my children grow up in a different country

  with a callous government that I can’t replace.

  I fear for their future, their ability to succeed

  whether they’ll fit into this ever growing world

  as people are still evaluated by skin and creed

  my hopes for their achievement are very curled.

  It’s normal for a father to suffer such paranoia

  they always want the very best for their offspring

  I wish there was something out there, a little extra

  push to do a bit more, even if it might be cheating.

  It’s good to worry because when we want to do more

  they’ll learn how to act for that someone they adore.

  Each time I lay eyes on her, my world stops turning

  I lose my breath, forgetting everything around me

  like a dying flower in the sun, my heart is blooming

  around her striking beauty, I don’t feel so lonely.

  It’s a shame she can’t be mine, as I start to assume

  that her husband might have a bit of a problem

  with her and I sharing the same very same room

  before finding my unwanted attention very tiresome.

  Despite my love, never would I wish for anything bad

  to ever happen to their happy and very sacred union

  if I were to cause their separation, she’d feel so sad

  divorce is not what I would wish for any man or woman.

  As much as I care and would love to be hers forever

  seeing them happy, even that makes things brighter.

  She caresses my brow, strokes my cheek

  never in my life am I so loved, so cared for

  when in her arms I feel mellow and weak

  for the sickness I have only she can cure.

  She comes to me at night, when I slumber

  deep within the dwelling of my subconscious

  to share my bed, lie with me in my chamber

  as every night she comes feels like Christmas.

  Her lips kiss my ear, her fingers comb my hair

  there isn’t a person I would rather be instead

  when in her loving arms, in her imaginary care

  wishing she could really be here in my bed.

  She’ll never really come to me, this much I know

  these dreams are all I have to combat this sorrow.

  Those who are uninformed often irritate me

  their voices like nails scratching a chalkboard

  their lack of sympathy seems to be the key

  to why their ignorance seems to strike a cord.

  The truth is out there, but one must be willing

  read a book, a newspaper or even the internet

  discover the real truth behind all this killing

  all made to safeguard the ever growing debt.

  Lives are destroyed and yet the fraud goes on

  families bankrupted, tossed out of their homes

  to those fat cats we’re all just collateral, a pawn

  fattening their pockets as they sit on their throne.

  Countless crooks walk free as they’re too big to fail

  never paying for their crimes, not a single day in jail.

  There are days when things get too quiet

  sitting alone, pondering what might have been

  I feel like someone forced to take a social diet

  helpless to meet people or be allowed to fit in.

  I’m banished from my own kin and social circles

  humbled by the loss of those I love and respect

  my soul is melting away like summer popsicles

  as everyone’s loyalty and honour is still suspect.

  When my love and I fell apart, lines were drawn

  people were forced to take sides, it was me or her

  I was stunned to see who stayed and who was gone

  a loss so tough, I badly needed a few shots of liquor.

  Friends will come and go, that’s just the plain truth

  but when they leave, it’s as painful as losing a tooth.

  My heart goes still whenever she enters the room

  I’m mesmerized by her slender legs, her soft cheek

  sweet music plays in my head as feelings bloom

  such a pity I only see her beauty once a week.

  She’s out of my league, which is completely true

  yet I can’t help but look, admire her from afar

  if I had the courage to tell her, if only she knew

  my feelings remain bottled, preserved within a jar.

  I long to feel her warm embrace, her loving arms

  as I dream about her each night as I sleep alone

  she’s so lovely, I always fall for her many charms

  it’s hard to wake up as another encounter is blown.

  My dreams are just that, they will never come true

  I’m left to wonder if my heart will remain forever blue.

  As I manage to see my kids every other week

  I’m reminded of what a failure I was as a husband

  it’s hard to talk to her, to turn the other cheek

  trying to be civil with her is like pissing in the wind.

  There are days when we can talk and be nice

  and others when I’m tempted to punch the wall

  then there are days we’re both as quiet as mice

  and others when words hit hard like a cannon ball.

  Divorce is more difficult when you have children

  you have to see her, whether you want to or not

  there are days when you are divided like a canyon

  when the other person always looks like a crackpot.

  It’s hard to move on when you see her all the time

  kids are worth the trouble; they’re our special lifeline.

  People work hard to barely make ends meet

  working hands to the bone for next nothing

  while the fat cats horde their cash in conceit

  unable to hear everyone weep while counting.

  It isn’t fair to treat all these people like slaves

  making a pathetic wage that’s never enough

  forcing our elders to work into their graves

  as today’s workers have never had it so rough.

  Things need to change, workers are getting mad

  very soon the people are going to rise and fight

  not for a long time have families been this sad

  one day they will unite and do what is right.

  Corporations are gutless as their values cheapen

  and soon they will witness the rebirth of the union.

  These days people are affronted far too easily

  leaving egos battered, leading to great conflict

  incidents occur when beliefs are followed blindly

  as people are hooked on God like a drug addict.

  Faith isn’t supposed to overrule free speech

  we should be free to speak or draw cartoons

  as priests, clerics and cartoonists should preach

  without having to deal with
homicidal loons.

  Religions are nothing without their freedom

  like the right of organization and expression

  as without them they would all hit rock bottom

  and become victims of a crushing oppression.

  Without free speech there’s no freedom for religions

  so respect those who do not follow your superstitions.

  Sometimes it feels like my suffering will never end

  video of my failures forever replay inside my head

  so insecure it seems impossible to find a girlfriend

  it’s so hard to move on when things are left unsaid.

  I beat myself up with hypotheticals and guesses

  wondering what I could have done to avoid my fate

  sitting at home alone, missing her hugs and kisses

  whether or not I’m a hopeless fool isn’t up for debate.

  Am I a fool for missing her despite the heartbreak

  and the all the pain her betrayal brought to me?

  whenever I see her, a part of me will always ache

  as a result, around her I’ll always feel like a turkey.

  Our love was so wonderful, like we made it to the top

  memories are all I have to share with each teardrop.

  Often the hate will gnaw away at my soul

  like a rabid dog chewing on a tasty bone

  for inside this heart is an unmistakable hole

  as I lay here on this king sized bed alone.

  Broken is the home that I raised my kids in

  like the scar that we left on their childhood

  something appalling that effects all our kin

  I honestly would take it all back if I could.

  The pain however is not mine to take back

  for I’m not the one who ran off to a hotel

  conducting a horrid betrayal in the sack

 

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