by Ciara Knight
There was a commotion in the background and I felt my opportunity slipping away.
“Could you hold on a sec?” Emma asked.
I stood straight and inhaled fresh mountain air and courage.
“Okay. I’m back, but I need to run.”
There was no more time for small talk, I needed to get to the point.
“Was that your husband you were with today?” I asked.
“Um. No. He’s a…friend.”
“Do you still talk to Brent?” I blurted.
“Sometimes, why?”
“You spent a lot of time with him back in high school. You went to the Sadie Hawken’s dance and Prom. I mean, you were always with him. You are red, he is green, you two were like the perfectly wrapped Christmas Mountain couple.”
“We were better friends than anything else. We were not compatible. You like him?”
I took a deep breath of fresh pine and courage. “I do. I always did.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me? He’s a great guy. I think you should go for it.”
My heart cartwheeled, backflipped, and did a jig with more enthusiasm than an elf on Christmas Eve. I spun to face the knitting store and spotted Brent peering out the front window at me. My mind mixed and mashed all the information together into one long searched out conclusion. “I’m going to.”
“Let me know how it goes.”
“I will.”
“Maybe we could get together sometime for coffee or dessert.”
“I’d like that.” Before I even hung up with Emma my feet began moving. “I’ll be in town for a while. Hopefully a long while.”
“Great. I’ll see you soon.”
“I look forward to it. By the way, Emma, good luck with your…friend.”
We both laughed.
“You, too.”
I slid the phone into my pocket, marched across the street and flung the door to the knitting store open. Every seat was taken for the Ash Makes a Fool Out of Herself show, but I didn’t care. Not anymore. “I’m not good with words.” I announced.
Brent walked around the circle of chairs and faced me.
“I sold my business. I’m staying in Christmas Mountain. I won’t run anymore.” I took a stuttered breath. “I want to be with you.”
Brent didn’t open his arms and hug me tight to him. Instead, he rubbed the back of his neck and that’s when I noticed the pain etched in lines by his perfect mouth. “I wish I could believe you. What happens when I say I’m ready to be with you?”
I stepped closer, but he moved away. “Then I’ll tell you how happy that makes me.”
“Tell me why you left Christmas Mountain the first time without saying goodbye.”
My throat tightened, I had prepared to confess how I felt, not face why I kept him at a distance for so long. “It’s complicated.”
“Ash, you walk in here and confess you’re staying that you want to be with me. I have a right to understand before I trust your words.”
“Because you hurt me.”
“What are you talking about? I never hurt you. You never gave me the chance.”
“In sixth grade, I went to ask you to the Sadie Hawken’s dance, but you went with Emma. I waited for you to ask me to Prom, but you went with Emma. You spent all your spare time with Emma and each time I thought I might get a shot, you were with Emma.”
“We were just friends.”
“It sounds stupid, but I never thought I was worthy of you because of your family. You and Emma were the ideal couple, everyone said so.”
Knitting needles lowered and a mix of ten silver, grey, and blue topped heads moved left and right watching the ping pong verbal exchange that was getting us nowhere.
I cleared my throat of the fear. “I’ve waited fourteen years to be able to say that to you and I can’t wait another moment.” Without another thought, another confusing whisper of gossip, another feeling of inadequacy, I lunged forward, pressed my hands to each side of his cheeks, stood on my toes and kissed him.
Seventeen
The aroma of Christmas blends of fresh roasted coffee and the sight of Brent’s smiling face all made Sleigh café the best place in Christmas Mountain. My mood was cheerier than the Christmas Carols playing over the speakers. “So, your father said he wouldn’t help you?”
Brent’s thumb did that rubbing thing back and forth that distracted me. “I didn’t give him the chance. When I told him that I wanted to help save the Christmas Mountain Community Center and revive Christmas Mountain he called me a sentimental fool that still hung onto lost causes.”
“Ouch.”
Brent clung to my hands and scooched closer to me. “I had hoped to repair my relationship with him the way you and your mother have.”
I ached for him, the way his eyes were soft and wounded, his jaw slack. “I’m so sorry. Maybe in time.” I lifted his hand to my lips, kissed his palm and then rested my cheek against it.
“I can’t believe you’re here with me. I’m still in shock. Of course, that kiss. Mrs. Cross said her pacemaker misfired just watching.”
I laughed and cuddled into his side eyeing the plans I had up on my laptop. “Why don’t you try again? Talk to your father and make him listen. Not about Christmas Mountain, but about your relationship with him.”
He sighed, a family drama sigh. “The only thing my father knows how to talk about is business. It won’t do any good. I think right now I want to concentrate on what I have dreamed of half my life. You, me, and independence.”
I scooted the laptop closer and sat up. “It’s doable with what I think Clint will give me for my half of the business.”
“Are you sure you want to sell? You’ll be happy in Christmas Mountain? Is this enough for you?” He waved a hand around the room, but I knew he meant more than Sleigh café. I’d hate to wake up one day and…and find you gone again.”
“I won’t. I promise. I’m done running away.”
His gaze analyzed an errant crumb on the tabletop. “My father did say one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“A real business person would never be happy in Christmas Mountain for long,” he said, his voice deep with warning.
I sat straight and faced Brent square on. “I’m not your father. I won’t run off and I won’t give up on a business even if it’s a sentimental one. And I was hoping you’d be a part of it. I’ll need you and my mother. She’ll be great at the reservations, and front desk work. You have the marketing experience and business knowledge, I have the adventure spirit and business experience. It’s a perfect combination.”
“It sounds too good to be true.” He stroked my hand.
I heard the doubt in his voice and it scared me. Doubt was poison to the soul. “If you want something bad enough you make it happen.”
He caressed my face and his gaze analyzed my intentions.
I squeezed his hand tight. “I want this bad enough.”
“Then let’s do it,” he said, not with a sound of determination, but of hope.
“There’s only one problem.”
“What’s that?” Brent asked, his voice lacing with concern.
I sighed, “If I reinvest all my money in this business, I won’t have enough to save the Christmas Mountain Community Center. This really could be the last extravaganza in Christmas Mountain.”
He nodded. “Even with what I have saved, it doesn’t look like it would be enough, you’re right.”
For hours, we snuggled in the coffee shop working out more details until I yawned and couldn’t keep my eyes open. It was as if the weight of unhappiness and fear had lifted and for the first time in years, I was truly relaxed. “Come on, Christmas Fairy, let’s get you home before you turn into a fruit cake.”
“Hey, I’m no fruit cake.”
He pulled on his coat and laughed. “Oh, you’ve always been a fruit cake, but that’s what attracted me to you. You were different than the other girls.”
He held my coat up and I s
lid my arms into the sleeves. “Really? My crazy isn’t too much for you?”
We walked hand in hand out the door and headed to my parents’ house. When we reached the front walk, he took me in his arms and rested his forehead to mine. “I feel like everything has changed in only a breath after a lifetime of waiting.”
I felt something in his words, but I couldn’t figure out what it was. That too familiar uncertainty wafted to the surface, but I beat it into submission with a giant toy mallet. It was probably his feelings about his father. “You know what?”
“What?”
“We’ll prove your father wrong together. We’ll have the biggest, most sought after recreation company in Montana.”
Brent smiled. “And with Blacktail only thirty minutes from here, we can advertise where tourists already exist. We don’t have to reinvent the wheel. We can ask Emma to help since she works at a Blacktail mountain resort. I mean, if you’re comfortable with that.”
“Yes, of course.” I looked up into his eyes and my breath caught. He was so handsome and strong and mine. “Do you want to go check out some hiking with me tomorrow? I want to scout some of the old trails.”
“Sure.” Brent said in a weak tone.
“Hey, I thought you were excited about this?”
“I am. It’s just that I know how much the Christmas Mountain Community Center means to you.” Brent said with renewed enthusiasm and then he kissed me. It was sweet, soft, shy. Not what I had expected, but no less heartwarming. Before I had a chance to enjoy his attention he backed away. “You better get inside before you catch cold.”
He escorted me to the door and opened it, but when I turned around, he waved and was gone. The way he bolted away from my house caused my heart to go from hopeful to heavy.
Eighteen
The morning air on the mountain invigorated me. Of course, the occasional touch of Brent’s hand to my shoulder or arm helped make it that much more exciting. I pointed to the rocky ledge. “This is where I used to climb and repel.”
He looked over the side and whistled. The high-pitched sound echoed across the ravine. “That’s where you used to climb in eighth grade?”
“Yes.” I chuckled. “I always wanted to ask you to join me, but I thought you’d judge me or worse, tell Emma and she’d tell my parents.”
“You really didn’t know me well, did you?” Brent shook his head. “Okay, maybe you did. I wasn’t the most adventurous at the time, but I am now. I think this is perfect. What about zip-lining?”
I smiled. “Now you’re talking. I know about the new outdoor amusement device permits, but I’ll have to check how that affects liability and research their new inspection standards. It’s relatively new, so I’ll check on that.”
“Adventurous and knowledgeable. An amazing combination.” Brent took a step toward the edge and studied the horizon. “Still, I want to save the Christmas Mountain Community Center as much as you do. It wasn’t just a place for you girls. We had sports programs, we met for scouts, and so much more there. Yet, I’ve abandoned it over the years. I think I felt sorry for myself returning to Christmas Mountain with no real prospects or dreams. I was lost, but now? Now I’m excited and torn at the same time. I feel partially responsible for the condition of the center. What if I could convince my father to turn the knitting store over to me so I could sell it? Then we could have enough to possibly save the center and start our business.”
“I can’t let you do that. Your father would go nuts and then you two would be even further apart. Besides, you loved your grandmother.”
“I’d just have to be careful who I sold to; that they’d want to keep it a knitting store. I knew her. Better than my father did, I think. I’m convinced she’d rather sacrifice the knitting store and save the Christmas Mountain Community Center than see a huge part of this town’s past disappear.” Brent faced me. “I’ll leave in the morning and go see him. I’m sure he’ll be relieved to give up on his promise to my grandmother. The man keeps his word, but sometimes twists how he does it. I have to at least try.”
“Do you want me to go?”
“No.” His voice sounded quick and troubled. “I mean, it’s complicated, but I think it would be best if I went alone.”
“Brent?” I took two steps closing the distance between us, but I still saw the divide in his tense expression. “Your father, he doesn’t like us together, does he?”
“Don’t be silly. Even if he had a problem with it, I don’t care.” Brent snagged my hand. “Come on, let’s go check out the river for a spot where we can put kayaks and rafts in.”
I slid my hand from his. “Brent Michael Donnelly, you tell me right now. Is your father upset about you helping save Christmas Mountain or that you care for me?”
“Both.” His one word pierced me through leaving behind a burning, aching hole in my heart.
“Why?”
Brent threw his hands up in the air. “Because he’s a snob and only cares about money. So, he thinks that’s all anyone else cares about.”
Realization flooded me. “He’s upset because you like a girl whose parents struggled to keep a roof over their head by working in a grocery store and farm. That’s funny.”
He spun around. “Why’s that funny? My father’s a jerk.”
“No, it’s funny because all those years I was worried that I wasn’t good enough for you, that my lack of a college degree and my childhood financial struggles made me less of a person than you and Emma.”
“I never felt that way.”
“I know. And I’m happy to say that I don’t care now what your father thinks. I’m proud of my family. My parents worked hard and did their best. Yes, I want more out of my life, but I respect their efforts.”
“Good, you shouldn’t care.” That’s when I saw it. The doubt. The hesitation. And my insides coiled tight. “But you do. You do care, don’t you?”
“What? I hope you know me better than that.”
“You care that your father cares.” I took a breath of courage. “You’re caught between living up to his expectations and following your heart.” I took a step back and headed for the trail.
“Wait, that’s not fair.” Brent cut me off, halting me in my tracks.
“I didn’t say it was fair. All I’m saying is that I kissed you and you’ve been keeping me at a distance ever since and now I know why. You say you want to go after this dream of owning a business in Christmas Mountain, and you mean every word, I know you do, but then you look at me and I see it.”
“See what? You’re being fruit cake crazy now.” He joked, but his voice was weak and unconvincing.
“Part of you believes your father’s words. You’re afraid we don’t belong together after all. I can tell you now that we do, and I’ll wait for you to figure it out.”
Nineteen
The fresh aroma of Mom’s apple muffins brought me downstairs before I even opened my laptop to check emails. I slid my laptop under my arm and raced down stairs to greet my parents, but of course, they were already gone for the day. There was something about fresh, homemade goodies that always made me feel all warm and gooey inside. The moment was fleeting, though. I sat down, opened my email and braced for a fight between friends, but when I opened Clint’s email, the bottom line was exactly what I was hoping for. I leaned back and bit off another piece of muffin, taking a moment to process how easy this was. Perhaps my life was turning around. My mother, returning home, Christmas Mountain and my friends all together for at least one day made me believe miracles were possible. I only hoped Brent would be part of the permanent equation.
After answering the email to Clint and devouring my muffin, I headed to the knitting store to catch Brent before I called the realtor again. Feeling light on my feet and ready to take on the world I arrived at the Nana’s Knitting, but Brent wasn’t there. The store was dark and there was a note stuck to the door. Sorry, we are closed today.
I checked my phone but there were no missed calls, texts,
or voicemails. A tickle of apprehension made me search the street as if to find answers. Perhaps he’d gone over to the storefront already. I crossed the street, but the space remained abandoned and dark. The tickle turned to an itch to find out what was going on, so I texted Brent. The three-dot icon to show he was responding did its little dance and then stopped, started again, then stopped. Finally, the words Had to leave, appeared.
I waited for the dancing dots to return but they didn’t. There was no further explanation, no mention of where he was or when he’d return. The itch turned into raised bumps of stinging fear.
For two nights, I fell into a routine with Mom and Dad in the evenings of eating dinner together and watching old movies. It was nice, but I had to admit the silence from Brent created a sinkhole in my chest.
Mom plopped some mashed potatoes on my plate and placed it in front of me. “We’re headed out to Shane Mitchell’s house after dinner. He’s co-hosting an event to raise funds for the Christmas Mountain Community Center. Joy will be there. It would give you two a chance to catch up.”
It would be nice to see her, but I wasn’t in the mood for celebrations. “I didn’t know they were working on saving the center. That sounds like a great idea. I hope they raise a lot. I don’t want to see it torn down.”
“But you don’t want to go.” Mother pierced a piece of skirt steak and slapped it onto my plate.
I eyed the food in front of me that looked delicious, but my stomach wasn’t in the mood. “Not really, but I should. I mean, I want to help with the Christmas Mountain Community Center, but not sure what I’d have to offer at his house. I hear the Christmas lights are amazing, though.”
“Yep, a little overboard for my taste, but cheerful.” Mom sat down by my side and picked up her fork. “Do you think Brent’s dad is playing games with him and that’s why he’s not here?”
That was my mother…direct. I shrugged and stuck my fork into my steak. “Don’t know.” I cut a piece of meat, but then dropped my fork to the side. “I have to admit I didn’t know how it felt to have someone run off until now. It doesn’t feel good.”