by S M Mala
Bea kissed his cheek before whispering, ‘I really hope you do love me. It would break my heart if you lied about that.’
‘Morning.’
Bea spent the last fifteen minutes watching him sleep. Mylo looked like a peaceful angel. Then his eyes opened slowly and he smiled.
She was a little pissed off in the cold light of day.
He hadn’t been as honest as she had hoped.
‘Hey,’ he said, his voice husky. ‘What time is it?’
‘After seven,’ she replied and moved closer, placing her head on his chest trying to keep an even temper.
‘Are you okay?’
‘Fine,’ she sighed, inhaling the scent of his skin. She listened to his heart beat. It was getting faster as if he knew she was going to say something. ‘Kayden is the biggest shock of all.’ Then she thought a little harder. ‘And you being with a man opens up many questions. I wonder if Erio suspected you might be homosexual.’
‘How many times do I have to tell you? I’m not gay.’
‘Then what are you?’
‘Mylo Kearney.’ He rolled her onto her back, moving up her body before looking down. ‘It’s hard. I understand. I went through it with family and friends at the time. But I cared for Cole. That was the simplicity of it.’
It was like an icy feeling across her chest.
She couldn’t pinpoint why she was reacting like this.
Bea had always thought she was tolerant on every level, only to find that right now, she was far from it.
‘I’m very angry with you,’ she said, glaring at him. ‘Every time I wanted to find out more, you blocked it.’
‘How?’
‘Sex. You use sex to distract me but you’re not going to do it now, as I won’t let you. Do you understand why I’m pissed off?’ There was a nod in response. ‘And that suddenly we have to build new bridges. What else aren’t you telling me?’
‘I’ve told you everything.’ Mylo swallowed hard.
‘And if I hadn’t had turned up that Monday, would you have told me?’
‘Yes.’ He buried his head in her neck. ‘Why don’t you believe me?’
‘Are you sure?’
She knew her body was trembling from annoyance.
After being distraught she was now fucked off with him.
Trying to push him away, he was like a dead weight.
‘I need to get up,’ she said with a huff.
‘I’m not quarrelling with you,’ Mylo replied, looking at her. ‘The last thing I want to do is have an argument.’
‘You could have called me after you told me to sling my hook so why didn’t you?’ she asked, knowing how harsh she sounded. ‘But I think you couldn’t be bothered.’
‘Oh God,’ he mumbled under his breath. ‘I knew you were building up to something.’
‘I don’t know what you want from me!’
Then he suddenly grabbed her hands, holding her down on the bed, as his eyes became quite maddened.
‘I love you and I know for a fact you’re in love with me.’
‘How are you so sure I love you right now?’
‘After Monday, I wanted to come and see you but every time I tried, I couldn’t. I was afraid of your reaction. Then I saw you and you looked how I felt. Heartbroken.’
Bea closed her eyes, as she knew she was going to cry. She felt the tears run down either side of her face.
‘I could see you from the window, staring out into space,’ he whispered. ‘Then you cried and it hurt me to know I did that to you. I never want to make you cry unhappy tears again.’
Opening her eyes, she looked at his sad face and didn’t know what to say.
‘I don’t want you to hurt me, Mylo. Please, please don’t hurt me.’
‘I want to make you happy. And I’ll try if you let me.’
Bea was unsure if it was possible, for him to make her happy once again.
‘That’s what daddy said.’
Bea was tidying up the living room a few hours later as Mylo got out the shower. She had seen his birthday card sticking out of the canvas bag so put it on the shelf. ‘I’m being honest.’
‘Why doesn’t he want to see me?’ Mylo was standing at the door, wearing his jeans and drying his hair with a towel. ‘Did you tell him about what happened?’
‘About you?’ She let out a little uncomfortable laugh. ‘I’m not going to tell him a thing about this new turn of events.’
‘Are you ashamed?’
‘It’s too much for him to deal with.’
They stared at each other before he shrugged his shoulders and went back into the bedroom.
‘He doesn’t think any man is good enough for you!’ Mylo shouted out. ‘Is that the problem?’
‘Daddy hasn’t agreed with my choices and thinks he’s right.’ She glanced out the window and thought hard. ‘If your child doesn’t like me, what do you do then? How will that change things between us? Not to mention what your ex thinks.’
‘Kayden will love you and it’s nothing to do with Cole.’
‘You don’t think?’
‘He’s a reasonable man.’
‘He has joint access to Kayden and if he doesn’t like the idea you’re moving on, with a woman, he might not be happy.’
‘Very much like your daddy, Cole doesn’t think anyone else is good enough.’ He smiled. ‘I want to spend the weekend with you.’
‘You cancelled dinner via text. I thought that was a new way to dump someone.’
‘Bea, can you stop it?’ he said tiredly. ‘I’ve told you everything. I have no other secrets other than…’ Mylo’s voice trailed off. ‘The reason Cole came over was to talk me into going back to Chicago and giving it another go.’
Turning on her heels she looked at Mylo, her mouth dropped open.
‘Another chance?’
‘Don’t look at me like that,’ he replied, shaking his head and putting on a t-shirt. ‘I didn’t instigate it and there’s no way it’s going to happen.’
‘This isn’t going to work, can’t you see?’ Bea slapped her forehead hard, making her skin sting. ‘He wants you back, and he’s going to try and get you.’ She flung herself on the sofa. ‘All you’re telling me is bullshit! You’re probably forcing yourself to be with me so as not to go back to him. I’m so fucking gullible, I’ve fallen for it!’
Not knowing why, she jumped to her feet and ran down the stairs. Putting on her sandals and grabbing her hand bag, Bea left at high speed.
Any more gems coming from Mylo’s mouth would certainly make her want to punch his pretty lips.
Not knowing where she was going, Bea thought it was best to just march to the furthest place she could think of.
Which was pretty impossible considering the amount of pain she was in.
It was more like a feeble hobble than a dynamic stomp.
‘Oh no, you don’t!’ she heard Mylo shout before pulling her arm, making Bea turn. ‘You’re not going to read things into it that aren’t true.’
‘True? Do you know what that word means?’ she barked back.
‘I didn’t lie.’
‘You didn’t say!’
‘I’m not going to repeat myself again. I’ve told you everything and stop finding fault.’ He let go of her arm. She realised he seemed tired and upset. ‘If you don’t want to be with me now, just say. That’s all I want to know.’
‘I’m a pawn in a game I don’t know how to play. This is you avoiding the inevitable.’
‘The inevitable what?’
‘Being with a man.’
‘I’m not going to say it again!’
This time he marched off down the road and she was trying her hardest to follow.
But it seemed that Mylo Kearney knew exactly what he was doing when he stopped outside a restaurant and sat at a table.
‘Breakfast,’ he surly muttered. ‘No hidden agenda here, just a menu.’
She limped up to him and stopped.
‘Mylo, I’m confused.’ He pul
led her down to sit next to him and kissed her hard on the lips making Bea’s heart beat faster. ‘I’ve never been good at tug of love situations.’
‘This is not a tug of love. This is me trying to tell you I am desperately sorry.’ Then he turned to the waiter. ‘Two large Bloody Marys, please.’
‘It’s not even ten o’clock!’
‘I want to get shit faced with you.’ Mylo wasn’t smiling, just looking at her. ‘You are beautiful, do you know that? Kayden said you were a very pretty girl.’
‘And Cole?’
‘He said something but I wasn’t listening.’
‘Why did they stay with you if he’s so loaded?’
‘So I can see my son.’ As he said it, she felt a little sick and jealous that he had this other life. ‘The reason I didn’t want to end on bad terms with Cole is that I love that little boy. It kills me being away from him. I had to think carefully when we split, about leaving Kayden. It broke my heart.’ Mylo’s look of devastation said it all. ‘I visit every two months and more, or they come here. That’s the agreement.’
‘How could you not tell me all this?’
‘I knew if I started it off, then I’d have to tell you the inevitable.’ He touched her face. ‘You do believe I love you, don’t you? I would never lie about that.’
She looked at his inquisitive eyes and could see for the first time he was unsure about her. Taking her fingers and stroking the top of his hand, Bea smiled.
‘You know I have many questions about the physical side of your time with a-.’
Then she heard it.
The sound of a beating drum and this time it was closer than usual.
A second later, the chanting began and she wasn’t in the mood to hear the cheerful singing of the Hari Krishna’s. Getting up very quickly, she glanced over her shoulder and knew it was only moments before they got closer.
‘Can you order me an eggs benedict? I have to go to the rest room.’
Hobbling quickly into the restaurant, she hid to the side and saw the troupe dance by, singing and dancing. Mylo was grinning.
Waiting a few moments, she went to the toilet, washed her hands and came back out.
It was the puzzled expression that threw her as she sat down and the drinks arrived. She watched the group disappear into the distance while removing her stem of celery.
‘What’s wrong?’ she asked, taking a sip and moving closer. ‘I was in the middle of telling you that I wanted to know-.’
‘There are lots of things I don’t know about you.’ Mylo touched her hair. ‘What is it about the Krishna’s that makes you run away? You always do it.’
‘They get on my nerves,’ she flatly replied.
‘But they want to spread love and harmony.’
‘Let them do that in their own homes.’
‘Bea, that’s not like you.’
‘And there are lots of things that aren’t like you but they happen.’ She looked at the people walking down the road and took a large gulp of her drink. ‘I think we should talk about you. That’s more interesting.’
‘I disagree. What were you going to say before your impromptu trip to the ladies?’
‘I doesn’t matter,’ she shrugged, feeling the strength of the vodka against her tongue.
‘I think it does.’ He took the glass out of her hand. ‘Tell me.’
‘I love you,’ she said, closing her eyes, knowing the admission was going to cause the biggest mayhem in her life. ‘And I’m not sure how others are going to feel about your kid and ex.’
‘Can you cope with the questions?’
‘Mylo, can you?’
‘I feel better about talking, unless you would prefer I didn’t?’
‘Talk away. I’d like to see pictures of you and Kayden, if you don’t mind?’
‘I’d love that.’ Then he smiled, that infectious one she adored. ‘I want you to be involved in my life.’
‘As long as you’re sure.’
But right then, Bea wasn’t sure if she was.
‘Wake up.’
Mylo was leaning over as she opened her eyes. ‘Bea.’
Recovering from exuberant pissed sex from the day before, her body ached and she smiled at him, sitting naked on the bed.
Bea knew he was making a point, showing that he was a good, heterosexual lover and all man. There was no doubt about that.
It was also evident that he wanted her to love him just as much; show him how much she cared.
Both Bea did.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘This.’ He had something in his hand.
‘Oh?’ Then she noticed he was holding the envelope with his birthday present in. ‘You said you wanted to go there but I could only afford three nights as it’s really expensive,’ she replied, half-awake but noticed he seemed upset. ‘Don’t you like it? I thought that hotel in Ibiza was where-.’
‘It’s what you’ve written.’ Mylo bit his lip. ‘On the covering note.’
‘I said you can take it anytime, even in peak season and-.’
‘No, that’s not all you wrote.’ He cleared his throat. ‘You said ‘Hope you have a lovely time and a guest is included in the package. Happy Birthday and take care.’ That’s what it says.’
‘And?’
‘You’d made up your mind to finish with me, hadn’t you?’ Then he started to get upset. ‘And you’re probably biding your time until you think it’s okay.’
‘I thought, when I left it at the clinic on Friday, we were finished. That’s why I wrote it.’ She flung her arms around him and buried her head in his neck. ‘We have a lot of sorting out to do about us.’ Bea looked up and noticed a tear was running down his cheek. ‘No tears, especially on your birthday.’
‘This hasn’t put you off me completely, has it?’
Dragging him down on the bed, she touched his stubble and smiled. He looked much better than he had on Friday. It seemed hanging out and making love had helped the pair bond.
‘We didn’t break up, we just had a little blip. It’s all fixed and now we can move on together,’ she whispered watching him nod. ‘Whatever you did before you met me is your life and I respect that. I’m not judging you. You have explained again and again, even to the point I know you were getting pissed off at the repetition of questions. I had to know. I had to ask. You’re thirty-seven years old today and I want you to have a very happy birthday.’
‘Then move in with me.’
‘What?’
Bea bolted upright and looked down at him before realising she was topless. Taking the sheet she covered her bare boobs.
‘Please?’ Mylo was propped up on his elbows. ‘I was going to ask you ages ago but was biding my time. If we’re to move forward I want us to be together. We have two homes, why not have one?’
‘Because you’re not thinking straight and I expect this is a panic reaction.’
‘I’m thinking straight. Or do you think I’m still a bender?’
‘That’s not fair. I was talking about my dad when I said that, certainly not you as I had no idea!’
‘And if I had asked for us to move in together last week, what would you have said?’
‘Now you’re being unfair.’
‘Tell me.’
‘I would still be in shock.’ She threw herself back on the bed before staring at the ceiling. ‘This better not be a lavender relationship.’
‘Lavender?
‘You know, in the forties and fifties gay stars would get hitched, Rock Hudson being one of them. They were called lavender marriages so people would pretend they were straight, mainly to cover up for their real cravings.’
‘Cravings?’ He started to laugh. ‘This is me covering up my true desire, I take it? God Bea, you are funny.’ Mylo then sat up and looked down at her. ‘And that’s why I love you.’
‘Daddy would never approve.’ Then she bit her lip. ‘When I told him about you, he actually forbade me to see you.’
‘He did what
?’
‘I ignored him. And he also forbade me to get engaged again.’
‘Why was he saying it?’
‘Being protective or being an arsehole. I’m still trying to figure it out. I don’t want to upset the weirdo. He’ll just get on his high horse about being both mother and father to me.’
‘A bit like me and Kayden so I know how he feels.’
‘You were the woman?’ Now she couldn’t help but grin at the comment, seeing Mylo shake his head in annoyance. ‘He was the woman?’
‘We are both men and behaved like men.’
‘But I thought-.’
‘Enough,’ he said, placing a finger to her lips. ‘Don’t ask questions that will make you look like a bigot.’
‘I am not a bigot!’ she said, slapping his finger away.
‘Not everything is about sex, you know.’ Mylo then flung himself back on the bed.
‘I’ll think about it.’
‘Asking me more personal questions?’
‘Moving in.’
He sat up again and looked down at her, this time with half a smile.
‘Are you sure?’ he asked, stroking her face. ‘I really want you to.’
‘This is fast.’ Looking at him, she reached out and touched the little gold sleeper in his ear. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Bea, if you’re going to think about it, that’s fine and I’m really sure. I can hire a removal company and move all this out in a couple of hours. There’s loads of space for your things and we practically live with each other anyway.’ Mylo let out a loud laugh. ‘When are you going to decide?’
‘You’ve just asked me,’ she replied, sitting up to wrap her arms around his shoulders. ‘There’s no rush.’
‘There is because I don’t want you to find reason to change your mind.’
‘I think two reasons happened last Monday but I’m digesting it slowly.’
And if she were honest, Bea was still chewing on it.
‘Fuck me!’
That was the first response from Anne-Marie as Erio sat there frowning. ‘A man.’
‘I can pick up on these things and how come I didn’t pick up on that?’ said Erio, looking pissed off. ‘I don’t believe it though I did notice he is highly flirtatious.’