Just a man who never knew his plans included you
Just a man who never knew what wild love could do
Just a man with half a world until your smile crowded in
Just a man whose hand will always guide, protect, and hold you.
Parker’s giggles join the fray. I can’t hear them through the noise and IEMs, but his entire body laughs when he’s happy. The first time Holland and I heard that belly-laugh made it official: we were addicted.
Baby boy, your story’s just begun
Hold on for the ride, the road’s a tragic one
But, baby boy, your story will be legend
Because with the pain comes truth and all that’s worth protecting.
Collect the stars, the moon, they’re yours for the taking
Baby boy: my heart, my sun, the treasured one
Your time is now, stand tall and sure
There’s no mistaking
You’re a legend in the making.
Parker smashes away, oblivious to his place in my heart. I smile over, pulling absently at the strings while I enjoy the show. I’ve lived some epic moments, but spending time in here with this kid and his mother surpasses them all. Funny how with exceptional love comes exceptional fear. I’ve never cared about myself the way I worry for these two. The way I live and breathe for their happiness and embrace a selflessness that feels as effortless as breathing. Funny that: finding yourself by getting lost in someone else. Here we are, father and son, lost and found in a mini universe that didn’t exist until this kid entered our lives. Funny that: life, where so much beauty can come from the ugly, so much joy from the pain. Where we’re all legends in the making doing our best to write our stories. Mine is complete and just beginning at the same time. I see that now, how every event, every player has a role in the journey and it’s up to us to permit their impact.
I’ve chosen death, life, and everything in between. I don’t know what’s next, but I know what’s now. And what’s now is pretty damn good.
∞∞∞
I try to be a responsible father. Discipline and all that crap, but I’m a total pushover when it comes to studio time. Parker calls the shots inside this room, so by the time he finishes his imaginary set, our house is much fuller when we emerge from the basement.
“Uhhhhhhhhh!” Parker twists from my arms, frantic to reach the young man who looks just as excited to see him.
“Dude! Where you been?” Jesse says, kneeling down and opening his arms for his surrogate nephew. Parker waddles at full speed and wraps his arms around Jesse’s neck.
“Well, Uncle Jesse was late so we were killing time in the studio,” I say, quirking a smile.
He rolls his eyes. “I’m not late. Party doesn’t even start for another hour, right?”
“He needs you to finish the appetizers!” Holland calls from the kitchen.
Jesse laughs and lifts Parker with him. Balancing him on his hip, he makes his way toward the kitchen. “I thought I’d get to be on baby duty today,” he says. “We need some uncle time. Right, my man?” Jesse presents his fist which Parker acknowledges with a sloppy grin.
Mila smirks and pops one of the mini quiches in her mouth. Her face scrunches with disapproval of my culinary skills. “What’s this supposed to be again?” She doesn’t exactly spit it out, but she might as well at this point.
Jesse chuckles and joins her at the island. He pokes a finger from his free hand at one of my creations. “You’re lucky your mommy and daddy can afford to hire professionals,” he mutters to my son.
“Hey, I heard that,” Holland says.
Jesse shrugs. “Just telling it like it is. My nephew is not going to grow up eating”—he shudders—“whatever this is. Why didn’t you bring in a caterer?”
“Holland wants to keep it low-key.”
“Right,” he says with a smirk. “Well, you’ve accomplished that.”
“Please, Jess?” Holland even bats her big blue eyes at him. Damn, she’s desperate.
He shakes his head, tucks his hair behind his ear, and plops Parker on the counter. He leans down until they’re eye-level. “Okay, my man. Looks like your mommy and daddy need Uncle Jesse right now. But you better save time for me later, got it?”
“Uhhhhhhhhhhh!”
Jesse presses his fingertips into Parker’s tummy, eliciting a shriek that has us all laughing. He picks him up again and lowers him to the floor. “Later, dude.” He presents his fist once more—and gets the same sloppy grin as before. “One day we’ll get this down,” he says, grabbing Parker’s little fist and tapping it to his.
Jesse straightens as Parker takes off toward the living room.
“Leave it with me!” Mila says, following after him.
Holland and I turn back to Jesse who’s washing his hands at the sink.
“So what am I making?” he calls back.
∞∞∞
Holland’s family shows up next of course. Her parents, sisters, and even Shandor, Sylvie’s boyfriend and Holland’s lead guitar player all enter loud, enthusiastic, and bearing obscene amounts of gifts. We’re only missing Hannah who’s coming later with Wes. For the record, I had to talk Holland out of turning Parker’s first birthday party into an engagement party for her sister. I swear she was probably more excited than Hannah about their news.
Mila doesn’t stand a chance with the baby once Grandma and Pappy descend on the scene. Parker does his usual display of irresistible baby charm to manipulate all the adults into his personal entourage. You don’t know power until you’ve seen what idiocy a one-year-old can elicit from seasoned grownups.
Confident that the birthday boy is being properly smothered with supervision, I check on Jesse in the kitchen. He’s recruited help from Sylvie and one of Holland’s friends who’s very clearly developed a crush on our chef.
“How’s it going in here?” I ask.
“Fine,” Jesse says, spooning delicious-smelling sauce into a bowl. “You owe me some serious baby time for this. Like exclusive one-on-one Uncle Jesse studio time.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I lean over the bowl. Damn, that smells heavenly. I grab a spoon and yep. Oh my god.
“It’s a sweet chili sauce for the chicken skewers. Is it okay?”
“It’s amazing, man.”
Jesse nods. “Good. Hey, can I send Pappy Drake out to the grill?”
“You trust him with your food?”
“I had his steak at that cookout over the summer. He’s legit.”
I nod. “You got it. Let me know if you need anything else.”
Jesse’s already moving on to the next project, barking orders at his sous chefs like he’s paying them exorbitant salaries. In reality, he’s mostly showing them how to hold a knife and peel shit.
I give Holland’s father his assignment and answer the door for more guests. And by guests, I mean crowds. Geez, did Holland invite the entire city? Toronto is a big place. I’m surprised Callie and Casey aren’t here yet, until I remember they were flying in from Houston this morning. It’s been a month since I last saw Callie. Way too long, but our schedules have been a nightmare lately. I check my phone for an update from either of them, but nothing yet.
“You okay?” Holland asks, snaking her arms around my waist. I pull her against me and kiss her.
“Fine. Just worried about Cal and Case.”
“Still haven’t heard anything?”
I shake my head.
“What time was their flight supposed to get in?”
“Not sure.”
“That’s not like Callie.”
“I know. That’s why I’m concerned.”
“Well, I haven’t seen anything in the news about a fiery plane crash or alien abductions…”
We exchange a look. She’s trying to keep a straight face.
“That’s not funny,” I say, smiling anyway.
“I know.” She leans her head on my shoulder. “How’s the song coming?”
“Parker’s?”
/> I feel her nod.
“Good. Almost finished. Want to hear it?”
She squeezes harder, pressing straight through to my heart. “Yes. But not right now. Too many witnesses to see me become a blubbering mess.”
I smile and kiss her hair, unable to believe this is my life. An orphan enjoying a house packed with family? A second-chance survivor learning to live and nurture new life? Who would have thought a throwaway kid from South Africa would end up in a Kingdom of Promise? Who would have thought… my dad, probably. Callie. Casey. Holland. So many others who had no business believing in me when I’d given up on myself. Yes, maybe we’re all at risk of becoming blubbering messes when the time is right.
I clear my throat. Blink some moisture from my eyes. “Same, babe. Same.”
EPILOGUE FOUR: CALLIE
“Did you tell Luke we’ll be late?”
Casey slides his hand over and secures it on my bouncing knee.
“No. It’s better he gets nervous.”
“That’s mean.”
“That’s half the fun of pranks. You think I wasn’t scared every time those hotel workers knocked with another gift from Marty Heilman? Or when actual Roman dancers came waltzing in to our reception?”
A smile slips over my lips. My husband is the most easygoing man I know. The sight of him so riled the week of our wedding still haunts me. Marty Heilman became the symbol of the mess of that week, and that’s the only reason I’ve allowed revenge. Plus kittens. Kittens are freaking cute.
They’re mewing in the back of the rental car now, and I peek for another look.
“We’re not keeping one,” Casey warns.
“But they’re so adorable! Those widdle tiny faces.” I smoosh mine to match theirs as if we’ll connect on a deeper level. I swear it works. “Luke is going to kill you, you know,” I direct to the other human in the car.
Casey doesn’t seem remotely bothered by that. “He loves animals.”
“Right. Well, I still feel like this is disproportionate punishment. Once Parker sees these, they’re locked in.”
“That’s the plan.”
Gosh that smile. Still melts me into useless puddles. My man has been gaining lots of attention lately with the rise of Penchant for Red and NSB’s return to superstardom. So many fangirls turning their bedroom fantasies into action plans. On the road, online, you’d think he was a porn star, not a musician, the way they ogle him. Casey takes it in stride like everything else, but it still gets under my skin. One blog called him Sex-With-A-Stick, in what I’m guessing was their bid for the worst pun of the year. Casey thought it was funny. I thought we should sue for the cheese-factor alone. It’s even worse for Luke, but the guys mostly ignore it.
I glance over at him now and watch his fingers tap unconscious beats on the steering wheel. Even in silence, there’s music in his head. Always music. It’s my hand reaching across the seat this time and settling on his thigh. He looks over, surprised.
“Whoa. What’s this?”
I shrug. “Just thinking.”
“About how hot I am?” His favorite line. But today…
“Maybe.”
I get the grin I’d been hoping for, and maybe if not for Parker and the kittens I’d tell him to pull over right here right now. I swear I’ve been hornier since I found out. That can’t be normal, right? Then again other pregnant women aren’t married to Casey Barrett. I think the researchers probably don’t account for that variable in their studies.
I haven’t told him yet. They were on the road, and I wanted to do it in person, and then he just got back and we had to get on the plane and it was so chaotic, and the other passengers, and the running around, and now we’re here. My knee starts bouncing again. I want to tell him so badly, but I also don’t want to crash our car.
Besides, only three tests verified it. Maybe I should take a fourth just to be sure?
I study the profile of the future father of my child. Perhaps it’s hormones, but the pressure builds in my chest. If he’s half the father he is as a husband, our kid will be the luckiest squirt on the planet. And I know he’ll be more than I can imagine. That’s Casey. Strong, fearless, funny, and ridiculously talented. The world needs plenty more tiny versions of him running around. Maybe a few of me too.
“What’s so funny?” he asks.
My smile grows despite my attempts to clamp it down with my teeth. Who am I kidding? I can’t wait. “Can you pull over in that lot quick?”
“Uh sure. You need to pee?”
I shake my head, still trying not to smile.
“Um… okay.” Poor guy is crazy confused. He parks the car by a Tim Horton’s, and the pregnant part of my brain is already planning a trip inside for a bagel or donut. Maybe one of those wraps. When do they start serving lunch?
“What’s going on?” he asks, turning to me.
“Nothing, just. Before we go to the party I wanted to tell you something.”
He lifts a brow, clearly concerned. I’m still trying not to grin like an idiot.
“Which is?” he encourages when I still don’t speak.
I clear my throat, my pulse racing. “Well, I thought you should know before we see Luke’s baby that if all goes well, we’ll be having our own next year.”
My teeth press into my lip, fists clenched as I wait. Casey’s eyes, usually bright with humor, are freaking enormous with… all the things. My gosh. I feel a giggle bubbling in my stomach.
“Waaaait…” He blinks. Shakes his head. Blinks again. “Waaaait… No…”
I nod, tears pricking the corners of my eyes. “I found out two days ago when you were in Las Vegas, but I wanted to tell you in person.”
Still no words from my beloved. Lots of blinking and goofy grinning though. Then suddenly, “Yes! Yes, yes, yes!” He pumps his fist like he just won the mother of all Grammys, and before I know it, I’m being dragged across the console to the driver’s side of the car.
“You’re squishing me,” I laugh.
“Oh my god. I’m sorry!” He pushes me back, patting my head awkwardly. “Did I hurt the baby? Shit! I’m so sorry, I’m just…”
“Dork,” I say, climbing back over the console to straddle his lap.
His smile… I just can’t. I take his face in my hands and kiss him. Gently at first, then more and more and more because it’s not enough, and now I need to draw in love for two.
“You’re going to be a father, Casey Barrett,” I whisper. “You’re going to be an amazing father.”
Our gazes lock as I trace his smile with my finger.
“Damn. Doesn’t that scare the hell out of you?” he murmurs.
“Heck, yeah.” I brush my lips against his again. “But there’s no one I’d rather figure it out with than you.”
His smile returns. “I mean, Luke and Holland figured it out.”
“Exactly.”
The kittens seem just as excited about the news, and maybe I take another peek back.
“Wait…” Casey says, eyes narrowing. “The timing… This wasn’t some ploy to let you keep a kitten?”
It’s my turn to grin. I shrug and let the giggle out when he tickles my side.
“Seriously?” he asks once we’ve calmed back into each other’s arms. “We’re actually going to have a baby?”
“We’re having a baby.” It sounds so incredible. So terrifying. So perfect. Well, almost.
My attention flickers to the back of the car. “And a kitten.”
∞∞∞
We pull up to the house, small by Texas standards but huge for the Greater Toronto Area. Luke and Holland settled just a few blocks from her parents shortly before Parker was born. Good for the Drake family, terrible for us. Then again, we’re always traveling anyway. They keep a guestroom just for us, and I’m giddy with the thought that soon they’ll need to add a bassinet. Maybe we could just use Parker’s? I’m already picturing cousins growing up together, because let’s be honest, we’re as related at this point as anyone c
an be without technical definitions.
I glance at Casey, who still seems to be working on the task of breathing like a normal person.
“You know, you’re going to have to play it much cooler before we go in there,” I warn. “We can’t tell anyone yet. Not for a few weeks.”
He looks downright tortured by this.
“Maybe just Luke and Holland?” Is he begging? So cute.
“Hmm…”
“Come on, Cal. How can we not tell Luke?”
“I don’t know…”
Currency. I know what I want. How much is it worth to him?
A scowl spreads over his face. “Fine. You can keep a kitten.”
“Promise?” I ask, clasping my hands.
“Promise.”
“The little black one.”
“Sure.”
“And her name will be Frankie.”
“Whatever.”
I clap again, already picturing all the little beds and towers and toys she’ll have.
“She doesn’t sleep with us,” he adds.
I laugh at the absurd statement but let it go. I’ll set him straight later. For now, our focus is wrecking our best friend’s happy day.
“Three kittens is a lot,” Casey says, glancing back at our stash.
“Well, only two now. You having second thoughts?”
“Hell no.”
The trunk is packed with cat supplies (we’re not total jerks), but we thought it would be more effective to present Parker’s fluffy birthday presents unadorned. We’ll grab that stuff once the excitement and overwhelming gratitude for our generosity has run its course.
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