by Lynn Austin
“I think so. How about you?”
“I’d rather do this than sit in a bomb shelter.”
They assigned her and Audrey to the same site—a technical college on Durning Road in Liverpool. Eve quickly pored over her map, waiting for the medical orderlies to arrive—young men exempted from fighting as conscientious objectors.
“Remember the night we sailed from Folkestone to Dover?” Audrey asked as they hurried toward their assigned vehicles. “We had no idea that it was only the beginning of our war adventures, did we?”
Eve recognized a tremble of fear in Audrey’s voice. “You’ll do well, Audrey. You’ve become very courageous since that night.”
“I’ll see you there,” Audrey said.
Eve quickly scribbled her name, destination, and the time into the vehicle logbook, then started the engine. She set off toward Liverpool, aware that the city was the Nazis’ number one target after London. It was a port city, vital for deliveries of food and war supplies from across the Atlantic. The Nazis attacked nearly every second night. Now she and Audrey drove into the thick of that battle, the city already engulfed in smoke and flames.
Eve’s progress slowed as she neared the city, bumping over fire hoses, dodging piles of rubble in the streets, detouring around craters that devoured the road. At last she turned on to Durning Road. ARP wardens and AFS volunteers who’d cleared a path for the ambulances waved her forward. Eve’s heart stopped when she saw the enormous pile of rubble that once had been the technical college, recognizable only by a dangling sign on a fragment of wall. Swarms of workers frantically tunneled into the debris. Eve parked her vehicle as close as she dared and climbed out. Audrey pulled up behind her as a civil defense worker hurried forward.
“We think there are close to three hundred people trapped inside,” he said. “See those two trams?” He pointed to what was left of them, half-buried beneath the collapsed building. “When the alert sounded, they stopped here so the passengers could get to the public shelter in the basement.”
“Dear God . . . ,” Eve whispered. Buried alive. Her greatest fear.
The orderlies unloaded stretchers from the ambulances. “Where have they put the casualties?” one of them asked.
The worker shook his head. “We haven’t found any yet. Any living ones, that is. We’re still digging.”
“Got an extra shovel?” the orderly asked.
“Follow me.”
Eve grabbed her first aid kit, and she and Audrey waded into the melee. Above them, Nazi planes continued their attack, splitting the air with the screams of falling bombs, shaking the ground with the thunderous roar of explosions. Searchlights crisscrossed the skies along with the deafening reply of antiaircraft guns. Eve had experienced the horror of battle in London’s East End, but Audrey hadn’t. She startled and flinched with every blast, instinctively ducking and covering her ears, but she bravely continued forward to where rescuers had tunneled into the basement bomb shelter, and workers and civilian volunteers pulled bloodied, mangled bodies from the wreckage. Hundreds of bodies. Some mere children. Crushed beyond recognition. None of them alive.
The grisliness halted Eve in her tracks. Her first aid kit fell to the ground as it slipped from her grasp. She was going to be sick. She couldn’t do this. But then Audrey was beside her, leaning against her, trembling and weeping with her as they held each other up. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Audrey sobbed. “I didn’t want to fall apart. . . . I wanted to be strong . . .”
Eve hugged her tightly. “Go ahead and cry, Audrey. You’ve always had a heart as big as the ocean.”
“But Mother hated it when I blubbered. People in our class never do. One must control oneself, you see.”
“Do you really want to be like your mother?” Eve asked.
Audrey pulled back to stare at her for a moment, then fell into her arms again. “Oh no, Eve! This is how they suffered and died, isn’t it? Our mothers . . . like these poor people.”
A dam inside Eve burst and she began to sob, too, weeping for her mum, for these dying, suffering people, for all that her country had endured and would continue to endure. She wept for the never-ending nightmare that she and Audrey lived through and for the future she still couldn’t see or imagine. The din of battle raged around them, uncaring. Unceasing.
Suddenly a shout came from inside the wreckage. “This one’s alive! Bring a stretcher!”
Eve and Audrey parted, wiping their eyes. They had a job to do. What neither of them could do alone, they would do together.
16
USA, 1950
“Bobby and I are not going anywhere, Eve. We’re staying right here.” Audrey didn’t know how she had summoned the courage to say it, but she meant it. She could tell by Eve’s expression that she had surprised her. Yet Eve was the one who had taught Audrey to be courageous.
She turned away from Eve’s angry glare, rocking Bobby gently as she gazed through the wide living room window at the neighborhood where Eve lived. It was an alien world to Audrey, just coming to life on this warm summer morning. Dogs were barking; children were tossing balls and riding bicycles and scooters. The houses were painted different colors but were otherwise identical, built on tidy squares of green grass. The shutters on their windows didn’t seem to do much except serve as decoration. Audrey remembered the shuttered cottages on England’s seacoast where she and Alfie had sailed every summer, their breezy shabbiness and random sizes and shapes. Back home, London had still been rebuilding when Audrey left, even though the war ended five years ago. One didn’t have to venture far to see signs of destruction. There were still shortages of food and clothing in many places.
Eve’s American neighborhood seemed untouched by the war. But while everything looked neat and clean and orderly, it seemed barren. The sparse trees and bushes would take decades to grow. Audrey missed the stateliness of Wellingford Hall, the beauty of its spacious rooms and wooded grounds.
She turned to face Eve again. “Do you have any idea how difficult it was for me to leave England behind and come here? And to face Robert’s family after turning away from them four years ago? Especially after the way Robert died . . .” She paused to swallow the choking grief that still welled up whenever she thought of him. “You know how much Wellingford has always meant to me, and I thought I would always live there. The reason I came to America . . . the reason I’m here is because I had no other choice.”
Eve sighed and passed her hand over her face. “Listen, we can figure out a way for you to get a new start here. There are plenty of nice little towns where you can live. You can have all of the Barretts’ money—”
“I don’t want money! I’ve had money all my life and it never provided what I needed the most. Or what my son needs. We want a family, Eve. The one you’ve stolen from us.”
“You threw it away—!”
“Yes! Because I was grieving! But that still didn’t give you the right to take it!”
They’d reached an impasse. How long were they going to stare at this roadblock before one of them gave in and tore it down? It would have to be Eve. Audrey wasn’t going to budge.
Bobby stirred in her lap. “I don’t feel good, Mummy,” he murmured. He looked pale and listless, his eyes red-rimmed as if he had cried all night. She brushed his dark hair from his eyes. His forehead felt warm. Was it the summer’s heat or was he feverish? She wished Wellingford’s housekeeper were here to advise her.
“You need to eat something, darling.” He shook his head and buried his face against her shoulder. For some reason, Audrey thought of her brother. She often wished that her son had Alfie’s spark of humor, his mischievous streak. Instead, Bobby was quiet and reserved like his father had been, often gazing into space as if pondering deep mysteries. Did Eve miss Alfie as much as she did? Audrey knew she and Alfie had enjoyed an extravagant life when they were Bobby’s age, and they had taken it for granted. She closed her eyes, silently praying the way Rev. Hamlin had taught her, asking God to show her
the solution to this dilemma. His solution.
“Hey, you wanna play in my sandbox?” Eve’s son asked, tapping Bobby’s shoulder. Bobby moved away from him, squirming deeper into Audrey’s arms.
“He doesn’t feel well, I’m afraid.”
“What’s wrong?” Eve asked.
“I don’t know. He feels warm to me. Can you tell if he’s feverish?”
Eve stood and placed her hand on his forehead. “He does feel warm.”
Audrey’s fear spiked. Reports of infantile paralysis filled the newspapers back home and struck fear in every mother’s heart each time her child ran a fever.
“My tummy itches,” Bobby said with a moan. Audrey lifted his pajama top. He was covered with tiny pink spots.
“Is there a physician we can call?” she asked, her heart pounding.
“I’ll phone Mrs. Barrett. I’m sure she knows someone who will come out to the house.”
“You don’t think it’s polio, do you?”
Eve waved away the question as she walked toward the kitchen telephone. “I’m guessing it’s measles—which means Robbie will probably catch them, too. We’ll be stuck in this house for a week!”
Audrey listened as Eve dialed the telephone, then chatted with Mrs. Barrett with easy familiarity. “Hi, Mom, it’s me. Sorry I’ve been out of touch but my visitor from London is still here. . . . Yes . . . yes, we served in the Army together. . . . Listen, her son is running a bit of a fever and has a rash. . . . Mm, I thought it might be, too. Do you know of a doctor who—? . . . Thank you. That would be super. Thanks. . . . No, you’d better not visit us, Mom. Robbie is sure to catch them, too, and we’ll need to keep the boys quiet and in bed. . . . Yes . . . Yes, I’ll call and let you know what he says. . . . Bye for now.” Eve returned to the living room and heaved a sigh. “Mrs. Barrett promised to send a doctor. There are dozens of them at her country club.”
“You call her ‘Mom’?” Audrey asked.
“It’s what she asked me to call her.”
Audrey felt astonished and angry at the same time. And cheated, all over again. Eve had stolen her son’s family. Her family. Yet Audrey doubted if she would ever be able to call Robert’s mother Mom. That word held an entirely different meaning for her than it did for Eve. “Well. It seems we’re going to be your prisoners for a few more days,” she said, exasperated.
Eve sank down onto the chair across from her again. “Can’t you try to see this from my point of view?”
“I’m finding it very hard to do that. And I could ask you the same thing, Eve. When you left Wellingford four years ago, you fell off the face of the earth. I had no idea what happened to you. I’ve been worried about you all this time, hoping you were all right, wishing you would call or write. I prayed for you every single day. I didn’t come here to ruin your life. When Father sold Wellingford Hall and I left for America, I had no idea I would find you here.”
“Would you have come if you’d known?”
“I have no other place to go! Don’t you understand that yet? I know you don’t want us here, but where else can we go? Tell me, please!”
Eve stood. “I’d better make a path so the doctor can get through the door.” Audrey watched as she hauled the trunks and suitcases from the tiny entryway into the bedrooms. She knew Eve well enough to know that she was doing it to defuse her anger. And to avoid answering her question. “Robbie and I had breakfast out at the farm,” she said when she finished, “but I’ll fix you something if you tell me what you’d like.”
“Why did you change his name to Robbie? You named him Harry, after your father. I remember that very clearly.” Eve simply stared at her as if the answer were obvious. She supposed it was. “I’m sorry, but I still don’t understand how you could do this, Eve. Or why you did it. From anyone’s point of view, your deception is monstrous. Don’t you feel at all guilty for lying to Robert’s parents, deceiving them into thinking Harry is their grandson? Taking their money, this house?”
“I never intended to stay! My plan was to use the tickets you threw away to come to America. Harry and I would have a new start. I was going to leave town once I found a job and figured out how to make it on our own. But coming here was like stepping into a snare. I was trapped. The Barretts were devastated by Robert’s death, as you can well imagine. They made me feel like I was doing a wonderful thing by staying here and giving them a family again. You have no idea how happy they were to welcome Harry and me into their lives. How fully they embraced us. You were far away and out of touch and, I assumed, getting on with your life. I knew how much you loved Wellingford Hall. I never imagined you would change your mind and decide to take back what you so callously threw away.”
“I was unable to make any rational decisions when I threw those papers away.”
“If anyone has done something monstrous, it’s you—refusing to even visit the Barretts or let their grandson be part of their life.”
“I was certain they blamed me for Robert’s death. I didn’t want to upset their lives.”
“You’re upsetting their lives all over again by showing up now!”
“That’s unfair, Eve. I had no idea you were here, impersonating me. I didn’t come here to hurt you or them. Can’t we find a solution to this mess?”
Eve huffed again. “I’m going to make tea. Do you want some?”
“No thank you. I think I’ll put Bobby to bed.”
Audrey sat on the edge of the bed, rocking him in her lap until the doctor came an hour later. His diagnosis was roseola. “The rash usually lasts three to five days,” the doctor said. “He should feel normal in about a week.” Eve had been standing in the doorway, but Audrey saw her turn and walk away at his words. They would be trapped here together for a week. “Keep him quiet and in bed,” the doctor continued. “He should rest and avoid activity. Have him drink plenty of fluids. Give him half of an aspirin tablet for his fever.”
Audrey sat by Bobby’s bedside after the doctor left, waiting until he fell asleep. She was returning to the kitchen for the promised cup of tea when she overheard Eve’s son say, “Can we go swim in Nana’s pool now? I’m hot!”
“Not today. We have company.”
“Well, when are they going away?”
“I don’t know . . . The little boy is sick and has to stay in bed.”
“That makes me mad!” The back door slammed. When Audrey ventured into the kitchen, Eve was sitting at the kitchen table with her head in her hands. She looked up.
“You have to understand, Audrey, that when I was Harry’s age, I had all of this.” She gestured to the kitchen, the back garden. “Not the Barretts’ wealth, certainly, but a cozy home and a mum and granny who loved me. I lived in a village where everyone looked out for each other, and I was free to play and explore . . . and to just be a child! I wanted those things for my son. Does that make me a monster?”
“I never had any of this,” Audrey said. “Only the wealth. That’s why I couldn’t imagine this life when the Barretts offered it to me. Especially without Robert. I can barely imagine living here now, but I have no other choice. What I wanted for my son was the life that Alfie and I had at Wellingford Hall. But the war we fought to preserve that life ended up destroying it.” She sat down at the table across from Eve. “And it also made us sisters, Eve. Remember?”
“Yes. . . . Maybe I could tell everyone you’re my sister,” she said with a weak smile.
“And keep living a lie?”
“I don’t know what else to do! It’s like there’s a huge mountain in my path and I don’t know how to climb over it or go around it. I’m thirty-one years old and I’ve already climbed so many mountains that I don’t have the will or the strength to try.”
“You were the one who always kept me climbing, Eve. Even when I wanted to quit.”
“Well, maybe I’m tired of being the strong one.”
“Remember how hard that year was after our mothers died?” Audrey asked. “If anyone had asked us what we hoped
for once the war ended, we wouldn’t have known what to say.”
“I couldn’t imagine that it would ever end,” Eve said, running her fingers through her sandy hair. “One by one we watched our dreams being destroyed along with our country. There was no chance to ask ourselves who we were or what we wanted in life. We lived day to day, driving ambulances, picking up broken people, taking them to hospital down pitch-dark roads. Sometimes I lost hope that my life would ever be different.”
“I know. The years when most girls plan and dream of the future were stolen from us. All we knew was to get through each day, doing without all the things that gave us our identity and helped us know we were women.”
Eve gave a mirthless laugh. “Remember that shapeless ATS uniform? Those ridiculous undergarments? We looked like old crones.”
“We had no idea what life would be like when the war ended—when we either won or, God forbid, were forced to surrender. So why dream? Why plan?”
“And then the Americans came,” Eve said with a little smile. “Pearl Harbor was bombed just like England had been. Finally the Americans entered the war. There was a ray of hope at last. I remember feeling glad that the Japanese attacked them—and then hating myself for thinking it.”
“I remember thinking that it truly was a worldwide war now. I pictured that little globe Alfie and I had in our schoolroom and it chilled me to know that nearly every place on the planet felt the war’s effects. It was overwhelming! Like something from the last pages of the Bible.”
“And then the invasion came, remember? Not the Nazi one we’d long dreaded, but the American invasion. All those fresh-faced GIs. Nearly two million of them!”
“One of them was Robert,” Audrey murmured.
“Yes, and one was Louis. They made us remember who we were. They made us feel like women again.”
Audrey could only nod. Not only had Robert made her feel like a woman, but like the woman God created her to be. Where had that woman gone?