by Lynn Austin
Audrey pulled off the filthy tire, rolled it to the boot, and hoisted it inside, wishing she had on her ATS coveralls. Dirt now covered her hands and the front of her dress. After a few more minutes of work, Audrey had the spare tire in place, the lug nuts tightened, and the wheel back on the ground. Her sergeant major would give her high marks for speed and efficiency.
“Right, then. That should get you home,” she said as she stowed the jack and closed the boot.
The women hurried to get into the car as if eager to escape from this madwoman. Audrey bit her lip to hide a smile. Eve would have been rolling with laughter by now.
Eve’s friendship had meant so much to Audrey through the years as she’d shown what true courage was. Eve had saved her life. But perhaps Eve’s most courageous act had been leaving home at the age of twelve to become a scullery maid, without bitterness, without looking back.
“Tell Audrey we’ll call her later,” Phyllis said before driving off.
Audrey turned to find her son hopping with excitement. “You did it, Mummy! You fixed their car!”
“Yes . . . I surely did.”
“Your hands are very dirty, though.”
Audrey held them out, surprised to see that such filthy things belonged to her. They were the hands of the competent, capable woman she had been during the war. The woman she wanted to be again. “Yes. They’re quite lovely, aren’t they?” She laughed and waved them at Bobby as if threatening to rub dirt on him. He darted away, shrieking with delight at this new game. Robbie joined them, and the three of them ran around the yard in circles, laughing with glee.
Audrey knew what she needed to do. She would let Eve continue to be Mrs. Robert Barrett with her country-club friends and their tennis games and sailing lessons. Robert didn’t want this life for himself or his son, and neither did Audrey. In fact, Robert would be disappointed in her if she took the easy way out instead of moving forward on her own. She thought of Alfie and how their father’s wealth had poisoned him, becoming more important to him than lasting love. Audrey would find a way to support herself and Bobby and teach him to value the right things. She would teach him to give, not take.
A ripple of excitement coursed through Audrey. She would tell Eve what she had decided the moment she returned.
Eve sat in the woods with the lamb on her lap as Tom hurried toward her. “Audrey? What in the world . . . ?” She must have looked a mess with her tear-streaked face and rumpled clothes. But Eve couldn’t stop smiling.
“Are you looking for your lost lamb?” she asked, stroking its head.
“Yes, but . . . are you all right? What are you doing here? Where are your shoes?”
“It’s a long story,” she said, wiping her tears. “Do you have time to hear it? I need to ask your advice. I’m in a bit of a mess.”
“Sure.” He sank down on the ground facing her. “I could tell you were worried about something when you came over the other day. I hope your friend didn’t bring bad news from home.”
“To be honest, she dropped a bombshell into my life.” Eve drew a steadying breath. “You’ve been a good friend to Robbie and me . . . which may not be true when you hear what I have to tell you.”
“You can trust me, Audrey.”
“I’ve made a mess of things, and I don’t know what to do. Please promise you won’t hate me when I tell you.”
“I promise.”
“Cross your heart and hope to die?”
Tom smiled and drew an X over his heart. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“I’m trapped in a web of lies, Tom. I’m not really Audrey Barrett. I’m—”
“Eve Dawson.”
She went cold, as if a chilling wind had blown through the woods. “Did someone tell you?”
“No. I figured it out all by myself.”
“How . . . ? When . . . ?”
“I’ve been suspicious for some time, but I think I knew for sure on Robbie’s birthday when I watched you climb that tree down by the creek.”
She looked away, afraid to face him. And Tom was only the first of many people to learn the truth.
“There were a few other clues I picked up on,” he continued. “Like your freckles—Louis said Eve had beautiful freckles. But even if I’d guessed right, I figured you had your reasons for saying you were Audrey, and those reasons were none of my business.”
Eve felt relieved—and yet terrified. “I’m tired of all the lies, Tom, but I don’t know how to fix them. I never dreamed that Audrey would show up here in America. She’s the woman who was at my house the other day, in case you haven’t guessed. She came to visit the Barretts while I was using their pool—the long-lost daughter-in-law and grandson. Thankfully, Mrs. Barrett wasn’t home.”
“Audrey didn’t know you’d taken her place?”
“No. She decided to stay in England after Robert died. I didn’t steal her life, Tom; she threw it away. I fished the papers from the rubbish bin and took her identity because I had no family, no place to go, and no way to support my son. Now she’s here.”
He was quiet for a moment before saying, “May I ask you a question? And you don’t have to answer it if you don’t want to.”
Eve shrugged. “Sure, go ahead.” Her life and the lies she’d told were already laid bare before this kind, sweet man.
“Is Louis Dubois Robbie’s father?”
“I suppose that’s obvious, too?”
“Only because I know Louis so well.”
Eve lowered her head again, unable to face him. She was sorry for ever starting this conversation. Yet the truth was the only path to forgiveness.
“Louis and I had a long talk after the war ended,” Tom continued. “He said he needed to confess something, so he told me about you. How he’d fallen in love with you without ever intending to. How there was no hope of ever being with you because of Jean and the baby. He was riddled with guilt for betraying Jean, and he asked me if he should come clean and confess everything to her.”
“And you told him not to.”
“I told him he should confess to God but not to Jean. God would forgive him, but Jean might never get over his betrayal. I don’t think it’s right to unburden your own heart by laying the load on someone else’s. Some secrets are better left untold.”
Eve nodded. She’d given Louis the same advice. “You can’t imagine how hard it is to live with the guilt of something like this,” she said.
“Does Louis know he has a son?” Tom asked.
She shook her head. “The truth would ruin his life and destroy his family. I can’t do that to him. I’ve already ruined my own life—except it isn’t completely ruined because Robbie is the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“He’s a great kid. You’re a wonderful mother.”
“But I’m so ashamed,” she said, her tears starting again. “It’s bad enough that everyone will know that I lied about who I am, but even worse that you know I committed—” Adultery. She couldn’t say the word. She wiped her tears and lifted her head again. “Louis and I made a terrible mistake. We never meant for it to happen.”
“We’ve all done things we’re ashamed of, Eve. Every last one of us.”
“But my sins are piled a mile high! And now Audrey is here with Robert’s son, and my sins will all be exposed. The Barretts are going to hate me for lying to them. They love Robbie and they think he’s their grandson. And they’ve been so good to us. But it’s all been a lie! My house and my car belong to Audrey. The life insurance and trust fund are hers. I know the right thing to do is to leave town, but where can I go? How will Robbie and I live? I have no one! Nothing!”
“Hey . . . hey . . . don’t cry,” he said, pulling her into his arms. The lamb squirmed and bleated, pinned between them.
“I’m sorry, Tom. I’m so very, very sorry. Your mother is such a saint. She’ll be horrified to learn what kind of person I really am. And you’ve done so much for Robbie and me because you thought we were Robert’s wife and
son. I don’t know how you and your family and everyone else will ever forgive me. I wouldn’t blame any of you for walking away from me.”
“None of us is in a position to throw stones.”
“You haven’t done anything this bad, I’m sure!”
“I’ll tell you the same thing I told Louis. God will forgive you if you ask Him to. And once Jesus takes away your guilt, you can start all over again. Your past is forgiven and forgotten by God.” He released her and handed her his handkerchief. “You want my advice?” he asked.
“Yes,” she replied, sniffling. “Please.”
“I think you should tell everyone the truth, just like you told me. The people who know you and love you may be shocked and surprised, but they won’t stop loving you and Robbie. That includes me and my parents and the Barretts.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“Yeah. I am. Jesus said we have to forgive others if we want Him to forgive us. Besides, you’re part of our lives now. We know the funny, charming, wonderful woman you are, and it doesn’t matter what your real name is.”
Eve wasn’t convinced. People hated being deceived, hated liars. “I don’t know where Robbie and I will go. There’s nothing for me to return to in England.”
“Well, I’m selfish enough to hope you’ll stay here. But I suppose the answer depends on Audrey.”
Eve’s future, Robbie’s future, rested in Audrey’s hands.
“From what Bob and Louis told me, I always thought you and Audrey were as close as sisters. How did that change?”
“We were close when we were children. Then we drifted apart . . . Then the war drew us together again.” Eve paused, remembering the endless years of war and how they had shaped the two of them, binding them close. She remembered her terror when the V-1 rocket exploded and she thought Audrey would die. “The truth is, I don’t know what happened to us. We came to a fork in the road and we chose different directions. Our friendship has survived a lot, but I don’t think it will survive this.” She rested her hand on Tom’s arm as she looked up at him. “Please, Tom. Please don’t tell anyone else the truth until I decide what I’m going to do.”
“It’s your story, Audrey—or I should say Eve? It’s not mine to tell.” He stood and offered Eve a hand to help her up. “Let’s get both of you home,” he said. He lifted the lamb and put it over his shoulders, the way the Good Shepherd in Granny Maud’s picture did. The message was as vivid to Eve as if God had spoken it aloud. He had forgiven her. And now she needed to ask Audrey for forgiveness.
“How did you get here?” Tom asked. “Where’s your car? And your shoes?”
“I parked on the road, back through the woods . . . somewhere . . .” She glanced around, not sure which direction she had come. She hadn’t followed a path.
“It might be easier to walk back the way I came, and I’ll drive you to your car. Can you manage in bare feet? Or should I carry you instead of Cloudy?”
Eve laughed. “I can manage.”
They took their time, with Eve watching where she put her feet. She was limping, her feet scratched and sore, by the time they reached the farmyard.
“Give me a minute to lock Cloudy in the barn,” Tom said. “She’ll think I’m punishing her but it’s for her own good, to keep her safe.”
The lamb protested, bleating loudly. Might the Good Shepherd also be acting for Eve’s own good?
“Climb into my truck,” Tom said when he returned. “I’ll duck in the house and get the keys.” He was carrying a small basket of strawberries when he came out. “My mother picked these this morning. She wants you and Robbie to have them.” Eve gripped the basket in both hands, tears blurring the road as they drove. They found her car a short distance away.
“I know you have a lot to think about,” Tom said before she got out. “But I just want to say . . . I’m glad you’re not Audrey Barrett, lady aristocrat and the Barretts’ daughter-in-law. It means I might stand a chance with you.” He leaned close and kissed her cheek. Tom’s words rested gently on Eve’s bruised heart as she drove home.
She arrived to find Audrey chasing their sons around the front yard, her hands and the front of her dress black with filth. “Audrey? What’s going on?”
“Mummy changed the flat tire on a great big car!” Bobby announced.
“Mrs. West’s car,” Robbie added.
“She did what?”
Audrey laughed, panting to catch her breath. “You should see your face! You look so shocked.”
“I am shocked.”
Tears filled Audrey’s eyes. “We need to talk, Eve.”
“Yes, Audrey. We do.”
30
“Have you been changing tires, too?” Audrey asked. “You looked beautifully groomed when you left here this morning, and now . . .” Eve was disheveled, barefoot. She carried her nylons, red shoes, and crinoline in one hand, the string of pearls and a basket of strawberries in the other. Her pretty red-and-white polka-dot dress was rumpled and stained, her eyes red as if she’d been weeping.
“I guess I chose the wrong clothes for a walk in the woods,” she said with a half smile.
“So I see. Good thing your friends Phyllis and Doris didn’t see you this way. They paid a visit to talk you into joining their tennis league.”
“Oh no,” Eve groaned.
“When they were ready to leave, their front tire was flat—so I changed it. They were appalled. From the looks on their faces, I might have stripped naked and danced in the street.”
“You really changed a flat tire for them?”
“I did. And I’m quite proud of myself, too.”
Eve released a long sigh. “Listen, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, Audrey—”
“So have I,” she interrupted. “And before you say anything else, you need to know that I want you to keep my name.”
“What?”
“No one ever needs to know the truth. You can be Audrey Barrett and live in this house and keep your country-club membership and all the rest. I don’t want any of it.” Saying the words out loud brought Audrey enormous relief. And enormous fear. The summer sun felt hot in the shadeless yard.
“Are you serious?”
“Very serious.”
“Why would you do that?”
“For selfish reasons, really. Robert didn’t want this life and neither do I. The weight of people’s expectations is too heavy here. The war freed me from that burden and I don’t ever want to carry it again.”
“That’s very generous of you, Audrey, but as it happens, I don’t want to be you anymore. I’m going to tell everyone the truth.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s wrong to keep living a lie. I want to be myself and make my own decisions and run barefoot through the woods whenever I feel like it, and maybe . . . just maybe, fall in love again.”
“Then let’s both be ourselves,” Audrey said. “The women we became during the war. We were brave and unselfish and determined—and we were best friends. I don’t know what happened to those women, but we need to find them again.”
“You’re right. Listen, this is too big to talk about out here,” Eve said, linking arms with Audrey. “Let’s change our clothes and wash up. There’s someplace I need to take you before you make any more decisions.”
Audrey’s heart plummeted when Eve drove the car through the gates of a cemetery a short time later. Insects buzzed and droned in the summer heat. Sweat pasted Audrey’s skin to the car’s upholstery. She didn’t want to move.
“Mommy, can I go see the angel statues?” Robbie asked.
“Yes, you may,” Eve replied. She got out of the car and opened the rear door for the boys.
Robbie started across the grass, then turned to Bobby. “Wanna see them, too? Come on.” Audrey was surprised when Bobby followed him. She pried herself from the car.
“I’ve noticed your son has an American accent,” she told Eve.
“It’s dreadful, isn’t it?” Eve linked arms wi
th her again. “Are you ready for this?” Audrey could only nod, her tears already starting. Eve halted beside a dark granite marker with Robert’s name engraved on it. Audrey fell to her knees. Her tears flowed the moment her forehead touched the gravestone. The words of Robert’s favorite poem echoed through her heart:
I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
Eve sat on the grass beside her, rubbing her back as Audrey wept. When she finally lifted her head and wiped her eyes, she saw that Eve was crying, too. She handed a basket of strawberries to Audrey. “Here. I think we need these.”
Audrey managed a smile as she ate one. “Robert and I had so many plans for our life together.”
“And I’m guessing it wasn’t the life I’ve been living in your place.”
“No. He didn’t want our son to grow up the way he did, pressured into joining the country club and the family’s law firm.”
“What did Robert hope for you, Audrey?” she asked softly.
She exhaled. “That I would learn to be myself, not bowing to anyone’s pressure. . . . I wanted to become a nurse after the war. Robert said we could find a nursing school here where I could study. He encouraged me to . . .” She couldn’t finish.
“You can still pursue that plan. You have a house and a car and enough money to live on and go to nursing school. Dream big, Audrey.”
The boys came running back before she could reply. “What’s wrong, Mummy?” Bobby asked when he saw Audrey’s tears.
She pulled him close, holding him tightly for a moment. “Remember the picture of your father that I showed you? This is where he’s buried. I’m crying because I miss him. But only his body is here. Your father is in heaven with the Savior he loved.”
“Is he an angel?”
“No, but he’s with the angels.” She handed him a strawberry. “Here. These are the best medicine for tears.”