by Krista Wolf
“Obviously,” I laughed nervously.
There was an awkward silence, as everything they’d just told me sank in. Logistically it made sense. Emotionally…
“We’d both pay a fair share of the rent, plus we could split the utilities,” Cole went on. “And you could place an ad to rent out the basement. You’d have someone down there in a week.”
“Less than a week,” Jacob countered. “And you’d get a lot for it, too.”
I could’ve been doing the math in my head, or counting dollar signs. Life would be a hell of a lot easier. My money problems would be gone, virtually overnight.
All I could think about however, was this room.
“Of course, if you’d rather live alone we totally get it,” Cole said quickly. “You’re used to having your space. We’d never try to impose, or—”
“No,” I cut him off. “No, it’s not that.”
The two of them glanced back at me together, sizing me up. They couldn’t possibly know. I hadn’t really told them.
My eyes went glassy, and I could feel their hearts breaking.
“Serena,” Cole said, as they both took a quick step in my direction. “Hey, don’t be upset.”
“I’m not upset,” I lied.
“Whatever it is it’s okay,” said Jacob. “Forget the whole idea. We just thought—”
I broke out crying. I just couldn’t help it. One minute I was standing there in the center of the room, the next I was sobbing with both their arms around me. They held me for a while without talking, without saying a word. And then I sensed something else. Someone else.
“Hey!” cried Tate, standing in the doorway with his work clothes on. He rushed over, giving the others an accusatory look. “What the hell did you do to her?”
Forty
SERENA
“I’m sorry,” I said from my end of the kitchen table. “I really am. I’m just being stupid.”
Tate slid something red in front of me — one of the vodka and cranberry drinks they’d been making me lately. In the past they’d gotten me very drunk and very happy. Right now, it was only to take the edge off.
“Sorry for what?” Cole said from the chair to my left. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“I know, I just… well…”
Tate had already interrogated them, demanding to know what they did to upset me. Poor Jacob and Cole had no idea.
“Listen, when I was married that room was supposed to be a nursery,” I began. “I painted and prepped it for a baby, once Eric and I decided we were ready to have children.”
I took a long pull from my drink, both wincing and savoring the tartness at the same time. For once, the guys stayed silent.
“It was about two or three years into our marriage, and David was graduating.” I nodded toward them. “You were all graduating, actually.”
The hand not holding my drink rested on the table. Jacob slid his palm over it and squeezed gently. “Go on.”
“Anyway, we decided that it was now or never. If we were going to have children, it would have to be sooner rather than later. I was twenty-seven at the time, and more than ready.”
I thought back to it like it was yesterday: clearing out the room, painting it neutral green. I started looking at maternity clothes, baby furniture. I had all the catalogs…
“So we made the decision, and I was ecstatic,” I continued. “Or at least I thought we’d made the decision. As it turned out, Eric didn’t care either way.”
“Because he already had a son?” asked Tate.
“I guess David was a part of it,” I shrugged. “But thinking back? Eric never really enjoyed children. He was never a loving father, never encouraging. He rarely went to anything to with David, even his games and practices. I did all that for him.”
Jacob nodded. “I remember you in the stands,” he said vaguely. “I don’t remember him.”
I shook my head. “He was never there. He half-assed anything to do with his son, so I don’t know why it would be any different having a baby with me.” I frowned, bitterly. “But I was too blind to see it. Too wrapped up in what I wanted to think about anything to do with him.”
I paused, taking another sip of my drink. The tears were gone now. Part of me was mad at myself for ever shedding them.
“You can guess the rest,” I shrugged. “He half-assed getting me pregnant, too. He was working crazy hours by then and our love life was already shot. It never panned out, and the nursery stayed empty.”
Cole scooted his chair closer and slid one big arm around me. It was everything I could do to keep it together.
“A year later he started working overseas. He stayed there more and more, leaving David and I to fend for ourselves. Then one day a server showed up at the door, and handed me divorce papers. I actually laughed.”
“He met someone else, didn’t he?” asked Cole.
I nodded, and the guys groaned.
“What a shithead.”
“Yeah,” I chuckled into my glass. “He was definitely a shithead.”
I drained the rest of my drink in one big gulp. Before I even put it down, Tate was already sliding me another one.
“It’s probably for the best, right?” I asked, though I knew the answer. “If I’d had his child he would’ve still left. He wouldn’t have supported us, either. When David asked for money to go away to college, his father barely took the time to say no.”
A long moment of silence passed, punctuated only by the ticking of the kitchen’s cheap plastic clock. My half-finished Alfredo sauce was congealing on the stove.
“Consider yourself lucky,” said Tate. “You could’ve been forever tied to that asshole. And now you’re not.”
Squeezing my shoulder, Cole nodded. “Family’s important. It’s number one, actually. I sure as hell was raised that way. But as I grew up and took a look around, I realized something.”
“What?”
“Not everybody is like that.”
He lowered his face, causing me to look into his eyes. His expression was warm. But also serious.
“If that room is special to you, we understand. But also know that it can still be filled. It can still be a nursery one day. The failure between you and your ex…” Cole smiled and shook his head. “That means nothing.”
I smiled back at him through glassy eyes. I knew he was right, of course. But it was good to hear it.
“I want you to move in,” I said abruptly. Reaching out for Jacob, I took his hand too. “The both of you. All three of you if you want,” I said, looking across at Tate. “The truth is, I love you guys. I love having you here.”
“And we love being here,” Tate confirmed.
“You’ve changed my life for the better, all of you,” I went on. “I want you to stay as long as you like. Stay until you get bored, or until you peel away one by one,” I blushed, “to find real relationships, or—”
“Whoa. Stop.”
Tate’s eyebrows were knitted together. He looked back at me almost angrily.
“Who the hell said this isn’t a real relationship?”
Forty-One
SERENA
I sat at the kitchen table in complete silence, trying to swallow. For some reason I couldn’t.
“Serena?” he pressed.
I shrugged. “I— I don’t know. I just thought…”
“What?” asked Cole.
“I just figured this was us having fun. The three of us.”
“Is that what you want?” asked Jacob. “Fun?”
The question seemed almost absurd. At the same time… it didn’t.
“Yes,” I said hesitantly. “I mean no. I mean…” I cocked my head. “Shit, I don’t know what I mean.”
“You said you loved us a minute ago,” Tate pressed. “Did you mean that? Or were they just words?”
I took a deep, shuddering breath. The guys sat around me, arms folded, waiting on my answer.
“Want the truth?”
“The
truth would be nice,” said Jacob. “Yeah.”
“Fine.”
I exhaled slowly, letting it all go. The stress, the worry, the consideration for how they might see me. As the breath left my body, I let it all fall away. Every last piece of armor. Every last thing that was keeping my guard up, and preventing me from speaking my heart.
“I don’t just love you boys,” I said genuinely, looking them each in the eye. “I think I’m in love with you. I love you for how sweet and gentle you are,” I said, turning toward Jacob. “And I love you for your strength,” I said to Tate. “For always knowing what to do.”
Cole’s hand was still in mine. I closed my other palm over it.
“And I love you for your sacrifice, and your sense of family,” I told him. “You treat me like family, even though we’re not. And that means the world to me.”
Their expressions were softer now, and that warmed my heart. There was understanding in their eyes.
“Of course it doesn’t help that all three of you are hot as hell,” I laughed through my tears. “And that my attraction to you boys is off the fucking charts.”
“That street goes both ways,” Tate answered smoothly.
“But yeah,” I sighed, as I finished up. “All three of you are the man I always wanted. Strong. Caring. Sweet. Only you’re men, instead of a single man. I got involved with all three of you at once, together, and now I’m stuck loving you equally.”
I kicked back, glancing at each of them in turn. I’d given them everything and held nothing back. I was as vulnerable as I’d ever be, and if that ended up getting me hurt again so be it. But it felt amazing to get it all off my chest. To tell them what I’d been thinking, these past wonderful weeks.
It was Jacob who spoke first.
“You know you’re our girlfriend, right?”
The question didn’t feel rhetorical. I nodded in answer.
“I mean, I’m not looking to ‘peel off’ and date anyone else,” he went on. “I love you. You alone. And I’m pretty sure I can speak for the others, when I say—”
“You don’t have to,” said Tate, his emerald eyes locking on mine. “We can all say it for ourselves. We love you, Serena. We consider you ours.”
My heart was racing, a mile a minute. I turned to face Cole, who was already smiling.
“Just because there happen to be three of us, it doesn’t make this any less real,” he said. “Not for me. Not for them, either.”
The others shook their heads in agreement. And in that moment I knew: they’d had this conversation already.
“It doesn’t look like other relationships,” said Tate, “we’ll grant you that. It’s unique. It’s strange. But for what it’s worth, we love it even more this way. We’ve always been friends, but there’s a camaraderie between us that wasn’t there before you showed up in our lives. You gave us that. And we love it so much, we’re not willing to trade it for anything.”
I was stunned. Elated. A little bit frightened… all at the same time.
“If you’re into this as much as we are,” said Jacob, “then that nursery shouldn’t make you sad. Because one day we’ll fill it with a whole litter of babies. So many babies that—”
“Dude,” Cole scoffed. “Litter?”
“Yeah,” said Jacob, his voice going defensive. “Why?”
“Do you think she wants to hear the word litter?” laughed Tate.
Shrugging them off, Jacob slid a hand over my shoulder. “What I’m saying is, we all want children, Serena.”
“Lots of children,” Cole added.
Jacob nodded before continuing. “All three of us want big families. We’ve been talking about it our whole lives.”
A voice nagged at the back of my head, screaming to be heard. As much as I didn’t want to, I had to let it speak.
“But I’m ten years older than you.”
I watched their faces, searching for reactions. The only one came from Cole, who shrugged.
“So what?” he said.
“So that’s a big deal!” I cried. “I’m at a point in my life where children should be in the near future, and you guys…” I paused, choosing my words carefully so as not to offend them. “You guys are at a different place. An earlier place.”
“And who are you to decide where we are?” Tate demanded.
I blinked, staring back at him. “What?”
“Everyone moves at different speeds,” he went on. “I mean, just look at us,” he added, waving his arm. “Do we look like carefree, responsibility-less twenty-two year olds, who need to party through our twenties?”
I paused, then shook my head. “No.”
“Of course not,” Tate continued. “And that’s because we took more mature paths. In fact, all three of us are entrepreneurs, running our own businesses. As someone looking to do the same thing, you already know the time and dedication that requires.”
“O—Okay.”
“So there’s an age gap,” said Cole, with a shrug. “That’s not a big deal if we’re all on the same page. And quite honestly? I’d kick my own ass for not starting a family in my twenties. I grew up in that mindset. It’s what I’ve always wanted.”
I watched as he blew a kiss to the sky. Then, more sadly he added:
“It’s what my mother would’ve wanted for me too.”
My heart felt heavy, but only for a moment. And that’s because Cole was smiling. They were all smiling in some form or another, staring back at me expectantly.
“Still in love with us after all that?” Jacob quipped.
“Fuck yes,” I grinned back. Using my knuckles, I wiped the corners of my eyes. I was done crying.
“Good,” declared Tate. “Now let’s lay out some ground rules here, just so you know how serious we are.”
Forty-Two
SERENA
They moved into the house, Cole and Jacob. Or rather Cole moved upstairs into David’s old room, and Jacob took the former would-be nursery.
They also sat me down and went over the ‘ground rules’, all of which made my stomach fill with hot butterflies. First, I was to be their girlfriend, in every sense of the word. They would date me together, but also alone. I would have three separate boyfriends who would be fully loyal to me, but I was to have one-on-one relationships with all three of them as well.
“There’ll be times when we can’t all be together,” said Tate. “Nights away, but alone. Trips with just one or two of us. Keep in mind we all love you, but we also love each other and we’ve worked it out between us. For that reason there will never be jealousy, or envy, or any reason why you can’t be dating us one-on-one.”
His eyes flashed wickedly as he leaned into my ear and finished:
“But no matter who you’re with, there will never be a time when the rest of us aren’t invited between your legs,” he whispered sexily. “If we just so happen to be around.”
The whole idea of it made me weak at the knees, but also wetter than hell. It meant I had three lovers. Three ridiculously hot lovers, who could take me anywhere and in any way they wanted.
And of course, vice-versa.
It made for some very fun times around the house, especially sexually. For me, I had three gorgeous men at my beck and call. I could care for them, kiss them. Dote on them and jump them, anytime I wanted.
And for them, it was basically open season on my warm, willing body.
There was the time Cole and Tate double-dated me while Jacob was studying for finals, taking me away for an entire sex-soaked weekend in an old hotel. We explored the quaint little town wrapped around the place, holding hands and walking the streets where no one knew anything about who we were.
That part was the second-most fun for me, I think. Being able to kiss one lover and then turn around and kiss the other. To be able to let go and just do these things to each other. Without worrying about who might see or what anyone else thought of me, or us, or what we were doing.
And of course the first most fun part w
as them taking me back to the hotel as darkness fell and screwing my brains out.
I had fun with Jacob too, after I’d tutored him all the way to acing his finals. As a reward for finishing with good grades I promised him a whole night dressed up any way he wanted, and of course I should’ve known what he wanted was a naughty schoolgirl’s outfit. I took him dressed exactly like that, right there in his shared apartment the day we took the last of his things. With both his roommates still home I strode straight into his room wearing a green plaid skirt and thigh-high stockings, then let him bend me over his bed and fill me until I screamed.
Having the boys at home was the most fun for me, though. I looked forward to waking up each morning and coming home each night, knowing that good company always awaited me. I was more well-rested, too. On different nights I hopped from Cole’s bed to Jacob’s bed, taking turns sleeping naked against their warm, slumbering bodies. Or when Tate stayed over, I would always take him into my bed. Sometimes with one of the others when the mood struck us, but most times just alone.
Best of all I was getting more attention than I could’ve ever imagined, beyond the obvious. The guys were always cooking or picking up meals. Shopping for groceries, keeping the house in order, and generally taking care of all the things I used to do by myself.
And God, after all this time it felt so good just to have a partner again. Someone to talk to. Someone to count on. And three partners?
Well that was even better.
The basement was rented out quickly, to a sweet pair of college-age women who were in the middle of their residencies for medical school at a nearby hospital. As a result they were rarely home, and even when they were they were usually sleeping. They always paid their rent on time, though. And that was a game-changer.
Cole fixed the leaky roof. Hell, he fixed a lot of things. And to top it all off, I now had a car again. A sleek, beautiful, ‘carousel red’ chunk of American muscle, at least according to Tate. He loved the thing so much he ended up borrowing it from me as much as I drove it, which was fine by me. I enjoyed driving his truck in exchange, and not having to garner all the looks and attention the GTO invariably got during my simple drive to and from the restaurant.