by Lucy Rains
Working hard to keep my tone nonchalant I asked, “How did you guys know about this place?”
Kyson was quiet for a moment, his feelings turned sour, dreading…His emotions gave me all the answers I needed.
“We had to come here once.”
Kyson unsnapped the halter around my neck and I took a step back to slip out of the dress. Turning towards a corner in the room, I slipped my bra back on quickly.
“With Katie?” I asked, my tone turning cold.
“Yes.”
“And Ariana?”
A pause. “Yes.” His tone tortured in his admission.
I nodded and turned back around but completely avoided his face, refusing to meet his eyes. The familiar icy feeling running through my veins was building with each word from him.
“Jade it was nothing with them. You know that.”
My stomach tightened, my lips thinned. “Did you kiss her?” I don’t know why I asked this, I already knew the answer. Why was I torturing myself?
“Yes, but it didn’t mean anything. Nothing. It was like kissing a wall.”
I held up the dress, shaking it out, straightening it, before finding a hanger. I could barely get the dress on the wooden arms with my shaking hands.
“Did you touch her?” I looked over my shoulder at him. His hands went to his hips, he remained silent. “And I don’t mean her hands.”
“Yes,” his tone turned cold, dark. I felt the angst building in his mind, it was a whirlwind of anger and regret.
I hung up the dress on a wall hook and turned to look at him. His eyes roamed my body, clad only in my bra and underwear. Desire brewed beneath is anxiety. I, on the other hand, felt nothing. My chest was beginning to throb in a way that made it hard to breathe. The ice running through my veins had made me numb. And furious.
“Did you see her naked?” I asked quietly, my tone daring him to deny.
Kyson held my gaze, his jaw clenching.
I turned and walked across the room to my clothes that were balled up on a chair. My stomach had tightened so fiercely I thought I would be sick. With trembling hands I picked up my shirt, but was unable to move.
“Not completely,” he finally admitted.
His words broke me. What little control I had disappeared and my pain shot through my head. I hunched over and pinched my eyes closed, my breathing became labored. Like a dam breaking, the pain in my chest was ripping me in half. I couldn’t stop the insane jealousy roaring through my body. The ice in my veins had been replaced with fire.
“Jade!” I heard him walk closer, “Please,” he pleaded. “It was for the assignment, all of it. Don’t-”
I groaned in anger, my hands gripping the top of the chair. I tried to clear my head, clear my heart, shake the rage that was building, but it was impossible. I took a step back and ran my hands through my hair.
“Tell me she didn’t arouse you. Tell me you didn’t respond to her touch and sight.” I said with a dead voice. I looked up at Kyson, saw him shaking his head.
“I felt nothing,” he whispered, his eyes full of anguish. “I swear it.”
I dropped to my knees, my physical being overtaken with emotion. A metallic tang filled my mouth and I pinched my eyes as I felt my canines lengthening, my next breath a gasp and growl mixed in one.
I leaned forward on my hands, my head dropped low.
I heard the door open, “What the hell!” Gavin stormed in, slamming the door closed. “What happened?!”
“She freaked out, brought up Katie and just lost it.”
Both guys kneeled on either side of me, trying to speak soothing words that would calm me down. My tongue ran over my sharp teeth as I panted. I growled in frustration at my rage and lack of control. Someone laid a hand on my back and I hissed at the touch.
“Jade, baby, breathe,” Kyson said softly, “Look at me.”
I shook my head stiffly, lost in the pain roaring through my chest. My whole body was beginning to shake. My fingers curled into my hands, my eyes pinched closed, and my lips curled back into a snarl.
Thick arms wrapped around me and I was being pulled backwards. My eyes flew open, and I gasped in surprise. My arms became pinned under Gavin’s arms and my back settled into his chest. Another hiss came from me and I squirmed against the touch.
Drowning, I was drowning in heated rage. I wanted to break something, rip someone apart with my teeth. Mine, mine, mine echoed through my head and all rational thought was lost.
Closing my eyes again, I tried to breath, my mouth gulping for oxygen. The sensation of cold air hit my razor sharp teeth and I was brought back to Kyson’s words. Getting lost in the truth he shared, and the rage firing alive all over again.
“What should we do?” Kyson asked him desperately..
“Touch her chest,” Gavin ordered.
Blinking my eyes open, I cringed to see Kyson lean towards me carefully. The sight of him bringing me to tears, knowing my pain had come from another woman touching him intimately. It hurt like a dagger in my lung, slicing through my flesh. My vision became tinged with red.
“Stop,” I warned.
He continued leaning forward, Gavin pulled my arms down harder to open a space on my chest for Kyson.
“Hold her tight,” Kyson said.
Gavin’s grip tightened, I kicked my legs out, trying to shield myself and keep Kyson away from me I felt like a stranger in my own body. My emotions unfamiliar, my physical actions happening without control. Something in the back of my mind screamed for me to stop. To go to Kyson. But the fury in my mind was still in control of my body. I tried to arch away from Gavin but was only pulled tighter. Sweat piled on my forehead, my back, my chest. A tear trailed down my cheek.
“Now Kyson,” Gavin snapped.
Kyson continued the last few inches to my chest and pushed his warm palm firmly between my breasts. Warmth flooded me and my jerking body relaxed. He sat there, watching me, waiting for the calm to wash over me. But it wasn’t enough. My muscles were still coiled tight, ready to strike. My canines still bit into my lips and I still yearned for blood. His touch wasn’t enough to pull me from the anguish in my mind.
Kyson looked over my face, searching my eyes. Looking over my body, he was breathing quickly, his panicked eyes darting around. When he looked at my curled fists, his face lit up in an instant. He grabbed one of my hands, pulling it out from Gavin’s arm, and quickly placed it on his own chest.
The reaction was instantaneous. It was like a bolt of lightning struck our bodies. We both jerked slightly at the heavy pulse that rocked through us and I watched Kyson’s eyes close. My legs went limp, dropping flat to the floor as the tension drained from my limbs. My gums tightened as my teeth return to normal, and the pain subsided from my chest. I gasped in relief, letting my head fall back onto Gavin’s chest. Slack with weakness, I laid against Gavin, my head rolling into his neck.
Kyson kept our palms in place, watching my face intently. My chest warmed happily and the vibrations resumed. Knowing I was alright, he pulled back from me and sat on his heels. He nodded once to Gavin, who relaxed his hold on me.
As soon as Gavin’s arms released me, I rolled out of his lap and scooted against a wall, away from Kyson as he reached for me. My arms wrapped around my legs as I pulled them into me, trying to hide my body. A slight tremor started in my shoulders. Shame and embarrassment had replaced my rage.
“Go pay for the stuff.” Kyson ordered to Gavin. “We’ll meet you at the car.”
Gavin didn’t say anything, watching me with a heavy gaze that I avoided.
“Now,” Kyson barked, “She’ll be okay.”
Gavin left the room quietly and reluctantly.
Kyson stared at me, I stared at my hands. He was still crouched low to the floor, and I could see from my peripheral vision that he was coming towards me. Damp hair clung to my cheeks and I pushed it away from my face. My mouth was bone dry and I desperately needed water.
“Please hand me my clothes,”
I whispered.
Kyson reached for me again and a whimper escaped my lips. I shook my head silently. This didn’t stop him from pulling me into his chest. Kneeling on the floor, he cradled my body firmly, kissing my forehead. As his hands held me firmly, I relaxed in the subtle vibrations that tickled my cheek.
Kyson pulled me closer into him and pulled my head back. His face was so close to mine, the urge to pull away still ran through me.
Hot shame burned in my cheeks. “Kyson,” I whispered. “I’m so sorry.”
Before I could say anything else his lips were on mine, full forceful passion. His lips molded to my lips, his mouth drinking me in. His arms loosened so that his hands could wander over my body. My arms, my thighs, my back, my face. My body responded with joy, loving his touch, soaking in his affection. It felt starved, dying of thirst after the ordeal it had just experienced. Kyson’s physical affection was like a soothing balm, repairing the damage my soul had endured.
We sat there on the floor, savoring the feel of each other. His tongue roamed my mouth and every sense of mine soaked him in. His smell, his taste, the feel of his body against mine, the sound of his heavy breathing, and the heavy pressure of desire and want that pushed inside my head.
Kysons hand went down to my hip and his fingers moved lightly under the hem of my underwear. My breath caught in my throat at his intention, and he groaned into my mouth. Warmth was spreading quickly through my body. From my chest to my arms, down my core, through my legs. His physical desire was apparent and I was becoming delirious in his want.
Before he could get any farther, there was a knock at the door and Sage yelled something outside.
Kyson cursed under his breath and hauled me to my feet. “We’ll be out in 2 minutes!”
I stood there, my chest rising, feeling bare and exposed. Kyson’s eyes were dark with hunger, his lips parted as he continued to stare at my partly clothed body. He leaned in and pressed a firm kiss to my mouth again, pushing my back so that I was tight against his body.
When he pulled away my body didn’t move, weak from my outburst, numb from the kiss. Kyson pulled my shirt over my head for me and held my jeans out for me to step into. I slipped my arms through the arm holes as he buttoned up my pants. When my shoes were on, I smoothed down my hair and grabbed my purse. Kyson gave parting words to Sage, and then led me gently out of the room, through the store doors and to the car.
Instead of putting me in the front seat, Gavin held the rear door open for both of us to climb into. Kyson sat down first and then pulled me into his lap. I didn’t protest. I needed his warmth, his physical touch to continue recovering.
“Where now?” Gavin asked, eyeing us from the rearview mirror.
“Just take us home,” Kyson replied, pulling my body closer to him.
My head rested against his neck and I inhaled deeply, pulling Kyson’s scent inside of me. His hands rubbed at my arms and I shivered.
“What happened to me?” I whispered. I reeled with fear at what had taken over my body. Like a disease spreading through that I couldn’t control. My fingers went to my mouth and felt my teeth.
Kyson responded with a kiss to the top of my head.
My mind replayed the dressing room incident as though it was another person. Jealousy was simply insecurity, and selfishness. I had no reason to be insecure. I knew the guys all cared for me, as much as I for them. I felt their strong desires, their commitment in their feelings. So, why did my body react of its own accord to Kyson’s admissions?
Reason’s aside, the reaction was the real cause for concern. Once again, I felt like a freak in my own skin, terrified at my uncontrollable response. I never wanted that to happen again.
When we arrived home Kyson set me down reluctantly, allowing me to walk inside. Alex and Pierce hoovered by the front door, like sentinels. Both were holding water bottles. I avoided their stares, grabbed the water bottles and immediately headed up to my room, where I locked the door. The guys let me be, yet I felt their lingering anxiety as I disappeared.
Though I had showered only hours earlier, I decided a bath would be good for my body and wash off the sweat that had poured from my skin during my outburst. It also gave me a chance to shave my legs in preparation for the evening.
I took my time bathing and then showering, shaving, plucking, and grooming all needed areas. A manicure and pedicure probably would have been appropriate but I had neither the desire nor energy to get them done.
Sitting on the toilet seat, with my hair and body wrapped in towels, I had no desire to do anything. Not the night’s assignment, not my mother’s house, not standing up to fight against whatever obstacle came up next. I leaned my face into my hands and heaved a heavy sigh. I was still lost in this new world and each passing day wasn’t allowing me to do anything but survive one moment to the next.
I knew I would only be left alone for so long. My senses picked up the male bodies entering my room and a growl rumbled in my throat at their intrusion. What the hell were locks for anyway?
When I peered around the bathroom door, Pierce was sitting on the chair in the corner, while Kyson leaned on the doorway. They had been talking quietly but stopped when I opened the bathroom door.
“Gentlemen,” I quipped.
They didn’t hold back looking over what skin I had showing, but desire only lifted their emotions for a second, until their eyes came back to me and they settled back into a somber mood.
“Pretty sure my door was locked,” I reminded them.
“We should probably talk,” Pierce said gently.
“You should probably knock!” I glared at him and huffed in exasperation. “I’m putting on clothes first.” I walked into my walk in closet and shut the door behind me. Not bothering with a bra, I threw on underwear and the first sweats and shirt I could find on the floor. I opened the closet door and grabbed my brush out of the bathroom to start working on my tangled hair.
“Are you ready to talk about what happened?” Pierce asked gently, like he was poking a lion.
I avoided his eyes, looking at the mirror that hung on my wall. It felt like a rock was dropped into the pit of my stomach. “Do we have to?”
“It might be best, just so that we can try to understand what happened.” Pierce’s voice was low, the deep sound pulling me towards him.
I dropped the brush and twisted my wet hair into a bun until I could decently dry it with the hair dryer.
I walked over and leaned against my bed. “I don’t even understand what happened,” I said defensively.
Kyson and Pierce looked at each other and then back to me. Kyson’s thick arms were folded in front of his chest, and he looked at me sadly.
Pierce leaned back and crossed an ankle over his knee, “It seems that jealousy provokes an intense response in you.”
“You could say that,” I agreed, my tone sarcastic.
“Has anything like that ever happened before?”
I looked up at the ceiling, and closed my eyes. “The day I went to class with Kyson. There was a girl in the bathroom at school. She brought up a past girl, I assume Katie,” I had to swallow hard and focused on holding onto the vibrations within my chest. “I could feel the start of these feelings then.”
“Your anger?” Kyson asked carefully.
I nodded. “Yes. I felt my teeth shift then. I can’t control it, my body just takes over in itself.” My hand went up to my neck and I moved into a corner of my room. “My chest burns so badly, the pain is like fire. And my anger turns to rage, and I can’t stop it.” My voice had turned soft, coming out almost strangled. Liquid pooled in my eyes. “I can feel my teeth grow.” My hand rests on my cheek. I look at the guys as they watch my words stumble out. “What is happening to me?” My voice was shaking, almost pleading.
Pierce’s eyes were gentle, but firm. Staring into me without apology. “I have no idea,” Pierce admits. Kyson shakes his head as well.
“Do I repulse you?” I ask.
Kyson tilt
ed his head to the side, “Did I seem repulsed?”
I thought back to our passionate encounter after my outburst. I shook my head, and looked away.
Pierce was puzzled, I looked over to him as his fingers rubbed his freshly shaven chin. “Our chest vibrations, our physical and mental connections,” he nodded towards me, “the fact that there is no jealousy amongst us guys. Along with your strong reaction about our past, I’m guessing it's all connected.”
“But how?” I whispered.
I looked at Pierce as I turned his words over in my head. I desperately wanted answers, a way to connect all the pieces so that they made sense. But I was left to sift through the wonderings and what ifs.
“I don’t want to feel like that ever again,” I said softly, but with conviction. “I could have hurt someone.”
Kyson scoffed, but I went on, “I wanted, to hurt someone.”
Kyson opened his mouth to argue but Pierce cut him off. “Of course we would never want you to suffer through something like that again. We will do everything we can to help prevent it.”
“Maybe we need to make our ties to you more…” he paused, thinking “concrete. Strengthen our bond.”
My eyebrows came together and my head tilted, “What do you…” When his meaning set in I sucked in a breath and straightened. Strengthen our bond. With sex. The rock in my stomach turned to a boulder and I resisted the urge to shake. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I whispered. “I can’t...I’m not…” I shook my head once and glanced between the two of them. Praying Kyson wasn’t serious about the idea.
A lazy grin tilted his mouth, “Whenever you’re ready, that is.”
I crossed my arms over my stomach and gripped onto my sweatshirt, fighting back the flashbacks that threatened to spill into my mind.
“Would you like some lunch?” Pierce asked.
I nodded. He stood up and left the room. I watched him go out my door and then looked at Kyson who still stood in the doorway.
My throat thickened and I swallowed back my emotions, “I’m sorry.”
He pushed off the door and walked over to me, wrapping his thick arms around my body. “You did nothing wrong. Make no apologies for showing what you feel. You are exquisite, my jewel.” His face buried into my wet hair. “We’re all learning in this new life we share together.”