by Lucy Rains
Frustrated at my feelings I snatched up a basket and decided to walk the aisle. Determined to take my time.
Was I really that physically and emotionally attached to the guys that I couldn’t go to a store by myself without feeling empty in my heart and mind? I couldn’t deny that I longed for one of them, yearned for their nearness. I didn’t feel the need to be touched, or held, or their intimacy, but I desired their presence and to be close to them. In my haste to defy Pierce, I didn't stop to think about how being alone again would feel. I had been alone for 18 years. I had felt enough solitude to last me a lifetime.
I leaned against a shelf of plastic sand pails and rubbed a hand over my face. Why had my body been programmed to be connected to the guys? What purpose would that serve? I rubbed a hand over my chest and cursed my longings.
As I wiped stray drips from my cup my chest began to buzz like a bee was trapped inside. My breath caught and I was no longer seeing anything in front of me. As the warmth began to spread I took a deep breath and tried to bite down the pleasing desire that pulsed through me.
I threw away the napkins and felt the presence move behind me. I turned to see where Alex stood, holding a container of frosting. I paused, watching him, my body and mind pacified at the sight of him. His beautiful features looked enticing even in his rumpled t-shirt and worn jeans. He proceeded to pull off the lid and stuck a finger inside the tub of white mixture.
“Do people who pay for therapy know they can eat frosting right out of the container?” Alex then popped his finger into his mouth and sucked off the frosting. He examined the frosting while he swallowed, still not meeting my eyes. “I mean, it literally melts all your problems away.”
I rolled my eyes, pushing back my smile, and kept walking around the store, leaving him with white sugar smeared on his bottom lip.
I walked through the cereal aisle and searched for which cereal to get. I picked out a familiar one I had seen in the cupboard.
“You have to get a box of frosted mini wheats or Kyson will make you turn back around and come back for it.” Alex reached a hand over my shoulder to grab the orange and white box in front of me, his chest pushed up against my back. My body betrayed me by holding still and enjoying the moment, when I should have moved out of the way. He set the box in my blue basket.
“I can handle this, you know. Pierce didn’t need to send you to babysit me.” My tone was cold, not at all how I felt on the inside. But I was irritated just the same.
“I know. But I thought you might need help carrying home your bags.”
I scowled at the cereal in the basket. “Alex,” my voice lowered to a whisper, “we’re not going to be around much longer. You probably shouldn’t grab much food.”
Ignoring me, Alex continued setting things inside my basket.
I scowled at the basket that was starting to overflow with food. “I’m surprised you’re not as heavy as a house.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said smugly.
“Maybe you didn’t hear me right. You should be fat, and you eat too much food. I haven’t even seen you work out at all.”
Alex turned towards me and lifted up his white shirt, exposing a heavenly view of his southern ab muscles with a light touch of hair that led even farther south. “Do you think I’m getting fat?”
My mouth salivated and I licked my lower lip. His skin was calling for my fingertips and I was dying to answer it.
Alex cleared his throat and when I met his eyes I could feel the blush instantly light up my face.
I turned and left him with the basket of food. “Meet you up front.” I strode quickly away from him, but not quick enough to escape his pleased chuckle and feel his satisfaction.
After the groceries had all been paid for and loaded up into the back of Alex’s new used pick up truck we rode home quietly. My stomach stewed uncomfortably.
“Is he mad?”
Alex grunted in response.
“Well?”
Alex let out a long sigh. “Well, he wasn’t exactly happy.”
I nodded in understanding. When we pulled up to the house, Pierce was standing outside by the front door.
“Did you tell him we were on our way back?” I accused.
“Sorry Peach, I had orders.”
I huffed in frustration and hopped out of the car.
Alex grabbed the couple bags of food and went inside. Pierce maintained his folded arms, stiff posture by the door, eyeing me from across the driveway. His emotions were frustrated. I ignored him and began walking towards the front door, carrying a gallon of milk. But before I could cross the threshold, his voice rang through my head.
Stop.
When my feet froze in front of him, he unfolded his arms and took the milk jug from my hand. I dared to look up into his eyes, his hard gaze locking me in. He held onto my eyes as he waited for Alex to come back. He then handed Alex the milk jug before shutting the front door behind him.
My heart sank. I didn’t want to do this.
I folded my arms and leaned back against the wooden railing that lined the front patio. I looked away from Pierce’s penetrating eyes, avoiding more eye contact with him then necessary. His eyes alone were making me weak.
“You can’t do that, Jade,” Pierce stated firmly. “Leaving without saying anything? Walking out by yourself? You can’t do that.”
“I told you I needed space. When are you ever going to listen to me?”
Pierce shook his head and opened his mouth to speak again.
I kept my face turned away from him. “You are not my parent. Nor my babysitter, nor my master, you don’t control me.”
“Someone has to call the shots, and I’m not trying to control you! I’m trying to keep you safe.” Pierce said in exasperation.
“What do you think my mother was trying to do?”
His jaw dropped in surprise and then clenched closed in anger.
“I didn’t sign up for you to call the shots for me!” I seethed. “And it's not like I’m weak and defenseless.”
“How well did that train of thought work for you in New York?”
I clamped my own mouth shut and stared at the driveway full of vehicles. Of course he would use that against me.
“Look, Jade,” his tone softer, “I know you’re angry.”
“I’m not angry. I’ve just had enough of this.” I looked away from him, feeling braver if I wasn’t drowning in his eyes. “You cannot treat me like I am something you can control. I lived with that all of my life, and if it continues here, from you,” I motioned to the house, “from everyone, you will only push me away and I will build walls that you can not tear down.” My eyes traced over his face and I turned my head away before I got caught up in his alluring mouth that tempted me.
I chanced a glance up at him, his eyes still hard as ice. “You’re going to have to put up with this for a while longer.”
I threw my hands up and turned away from him again.
Pierce took a slow step forward and leaned his hands on the railing to the side of me. His head hung low, his body blocking my line of vision. His feelings turned intense, vulnerable.
“Jade,” his voice only a whisper. “We aren’t safe here. And I can’t handle having you anywhere on your own right now.” He looked back to me, his eyes pleading. The act of domination gone, the insecurity showing on his face. “I don’t know how to explain it, but you are the center of all of us. We all feel it. And we can’t have anything happen to you.”
I blinked hard against the burn in my eyes. His forceful statement caught me off guard, and my heart ached at his admission.
“Am I a burden?” I asked. Trying to see things from their eyes, rather than my own. “I make you all worry. Ever since you brought me in, it's all been a mess, hasn’t it?”
“There is nothing you can do or say to make me wish you weren’t here. I would choose you again, and again, over everything else. All of us would.”
I scoffed, trying to play o
ff his statement and what it meant to my heart. “Gavin-”
“Gavin most of all,” Pierce interrupted. “Why do you think he dropped Charles to the floor without hesitation?”
I looked at Pierce in confusion as his words swirled through my mind.
“Imagine what the scene must of have looked like to him. A man he doesn’t know with a gun posing as a threat to you.”
I shook my head, not wanting to believe what poked at my heart. Gavin caring for me as much as the other’s.
“He just shows his affections differently.” Pierce continued.
I nodded in understanding. They all showed their loyalty and affections in their own way. Pierce with his dominating authority, Alex with his humour, Gavin with his stubborn ways, and Kyson with his compassion.
Pierce reached out and laid a soft hand on my arm, without giving it a second thought I stepped into his embrace. His arms wrapped around me and held me close to him, his face resting on my head.
“I’m becoming scared of my own body,” I admitted. “I wish I could understand why I feel the way I do. Why my body reacts the way it does.” I pulled back from Pierce and leaned against the railing again. I sighed and folded my arms. “Since coming here and living with you guys, more and more questions form every day in my mind. What if more things start to change in us?” I wondered out loud. I looked up to meet Pierce’s eyes, “Don’t you want answers?”
Pierce leaned towards me, bringing his face close to mine. “The violence that we had endured our whole lives didn’t leave any room for questions,” he shrugged. “We just wanted to get by day to day. When you came into our lives I felt a source of peace, of pleasure I had never known before. The need for answers doesn’t press on us.”
“Okay,” I whispered. My shoulders slumped, my tiredness catching up to me.
Pierce reached out and traced the line of my jaw, bringing my chin up. He stared down at me and lightly rubbed his thumb over my lips. My chest responded instantly to his intimate touch and my blood grew warm in my veins. My body stilled, hoping for his lips to meet mine.
“I can’t promise you will ever find answers to your questions. But I can promise that I will always be by your side.”
“Always?” I whispered.
A corner of his mouth tilted up. “Always.”
“That's a pretty big thing to promise.”
“And you should know I don’t give out promises lightly.” His face leaned closer, his nose touching mine. “Or kisses.”
His lips closed the space and met mine softly, giving feather light kisses before pulling back to look at me. “I need to get back inside.”
I let out the breath that I had been holding and nodded my head. He stepped back from me with his mouth turning down and his emotions taking a turn towards irritation. “And don’t ever pull a stunt like that again or you will be handcuffed.”
I raised an eyebrow suggestively.
“To Gavin.”
My eyebrows crashed down and I frowned as he walked back inside.
CHAPTER 35
I followed Pierce inside and shut the front door behind us. He continued into the office and sat down in front of his computer like the rest of the guys. My stomach was already growling for a snack, so I went to the kitchen and made a bowl of cereal.
I wanted to see what was going on so I went back to the office and peered inside. Everyone ignored me, so intent on their work. I paced slowly around all of the guys in their chairs, eyes glued to screens. Peering over their shoulders, I squinted to see the monitor screens they were working on and tried to make sense of what I was seeing. Maps, numbers, bank accounts, number sequences I didn’t understand.
“Is the rear exit covered by the same thug?” Alex asked.
Gavin clicked through a few screens and pulled up a black and white image. A large man stood at attention by a closed door. “Yes, he’s still there.”
“Check the feed from every night for the last week. Make sure its the same guy or if they rotate out with someone else.”
Gavin typed quickly and started scrolling through black and white images of the same door from various angles.
“Is that the lab?” I asked curiously, leaning closer to Gavin’s screen for a better view.
“Yes,” he answered quickly, with no added information.
“You hacked into the security cameras in the lab?” I asked in disbelief. “Everywhere in the lab?”
“Pretty much,” Alex answered.
“So, you guys could spy on everything they do in the lab through their own security cameras?”
“If we wanted to. But we don’t.” Gavin said
“That’s not true,” Alex chimed in. “We do every now and then.”
I came closer to Gavin’s screen, looking over his shoulder. He sighed loudly. “Can you chew quieter?”
I slurped the milk from my spoon as I ate another bite. His shoulders cringed at the noise and I smiled in satisfaction.
“Show me around the lab,” I requested.
“Busy,” Gavin grumbled.
I glanced at Alex who was still typing away on his own computer and offered no help. I set my empty bowl down on the desk and scooted a stool up nice and close to Gavin. Leaning my chin on his shoulder, so that my mouth was inches from his ear, I gently slid my hand on to the middle of his thigh and pressed my fingers down firmly. His body stiffened under my touch, his breathing suddenly staggered.
“Please,” I whispered into his ear.
My own chest heated at my manipulation. Gavin’s breath came out slowly, yet strained and I could feel him grasping for control.
He cleared his throat, “Fine.” And quickly pushed my hand off of his leg.
Alex snorted, choking back a laugh as he worked.
Gavin tapped on a few keys and his monitor filled with 3 different camera angles of the same room. I knew from memory it was the front lobby area when you first walked into the building. The simple image stirred my stomach uneasily and a dark air settled around me.
A thin young man stood by a wall, close to the front door. I eyed the firearm tucked into his utility belt.
“I recognize this room,” I said, my voice low. “Show me something else.”
Gavin tapped on a few keys and brought up what looked like medical rooms you would find in a doctor’s office.
“These are examination rooms. The doctors do simple exams and blood work in here.”
“Are there only three doctors?” I asked.
“Correct.”
My eyes scanned the rooms carefully, trying to pick up any important details.
He tapped on the keys again and brought up another medical room, this one with monitors, and more equipment in it.
“Surgery room,” Gavin explained, resentment and anger beginning to fill his body.
Recognition struck me and my dreams flashed through my head. My heart skipped a beat and I blinked. The metal cuffs and leather straps along the bed didn’t escape my notice. As hard as this was for me, with what miniscule memories I had, this couldn’t be easy for Gavin.
“We can stop,” I offered quietly. “I don’t have to see anymore.”
“It’s fine,” Gavin said firmly. He clicked on the keys again, a small empty padded room filled the image boxes. “This is an experimental room, slash punishment room. Or, the Hell Hole, as we called it.”
The room was simple, nothing interesting about it. “Here they would do various testing. Gas, poisons, solitary confinement. All to see what we could handle, how much we could take, what our bodies were capable of and in all sorts of physical states.”
I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. Picturing any of the four guys in this room, suffering unspeakable things, made my throat swell and my eyes burn. Gavin’s emotions were surprisingly consistent, though still bitter, they hadn’t turned any darker like I would have expected.
“What about the surgery room,” I asked. “What would they use that for?”
“Sometimes to
sew us back up, fix damages from their experiments. Sometimes for more tests and research of our inner workings.”
I debated asking about what kind of tests but I didn’t want to know. Ignorance was going to keep my heart in tact.
Instead I asked about the other question that was on the tip of my tongue. “The other test subjects? Where are they?”
After a few clicks on the keyboard, Gavin’s monitor filled with five separate images. The boxes were small, but I could make out the shapes within. Each room had a bed, and dresser typical bedroom objects. The rooms were dark, the images were illuminated by night vision through the security camera. With the exception of one room, each bed had a sleeping figure in it. My eyes narrowed on what little I could see of the other subjects. Though the images were somewhat grainy, I could see the definition in their thick necks, and a few chests that peeked above the dark blankets. These guys were strong, powerful.
“Are their doors locked?” My voice was slightly unsteady.
“Yes.” Gavin answered.
“They’ll be locked when we go in?”
“Yes, their doors are locked at all times.”
“And we are planning to terminate each of them?” I swallowed. “How? How do we get in?”
“We will get the key cards to access their locks.”
“How?”
“From the doctor’s offices.”
“What about the files? Documents? Will everything be on a computer?”
“No,” Kyson answered from across the room. “Vera has a safe in her office.”
“And you guys know how to break into a safe, I assume?”
“Of course,” Alex piped up, typing furiously on his computer. “Nothing we haven’t done before.”
I nodded, running these ideas through my mind. “But the subjects,” I motioned towards the monitors, “I don’t think they’re going to sleep through us taking out each one of them. Can we leak a sleeping gas through their air system or something?”
“What’s the matter?” Gavin asked with a smirk, “Nervous?”
“These guys look dangerous counting sheep.”