by Quinn, Taryn
Now I probably never would.
Three
When I got home, Dani was asleep on the couch.
“She got too wound up, I think,” Karen said apologetically, as if it was her fault my daughter had checked out.
I walked over to where Dani was sprawled on the sofa. She’d moved her left leg out from under the knitted throw our neighbor had made for her, and it was propped on a footstool that was slightly higher than the cushions. Her foot had some bruising beneath the Ace bandage, but her ankle didn’t appear hugely swollen or misshapen. I’d imagined all sorts of things on the drive back from The Haunt.
Only a third of them were about Macy and how quickly she’d forget this night had even occurred.
“How did she sprain her ankle riding her bike and not her wrist?”
Karen shrugged. “Freak thing. That kid Toby said she rolled it when she went to stand up after flying through the air.”
I shut my eyes for a few seconds before opening them again. I did not want to think about my daughter flying anywhere, thank you.
“What were those good drugs she was talking about? She’s a kid, for Pete’s sake.” I’d managed not to swear, although it had been a close thing.
“Ibuprofen. She thought it was a big deal, but yeah, that’s all they gave her and all they recommended for pain. And when she’s awake, icing for thirty minutes every four hours for three days, depending on how badly she’s swelling.” Karen pulled out a sheet from her purse. “Here’s some mild exercises she can do until the follow-up with the doctor. You’ll want to call yours tomorrow.” Nervously, she cleared her throat and fussed with her hair. “Sir.”
I set aside the sheet of exercises. I’d look at those when I wasn’t cross-eyed from fatigue. “What did I tell you about calling me sir?”
“Not to do it.” She let out a little giggle and ducked her head. “I can’t help it, sir.”
Karen was a college student at nearby Syracuse University. She was shy and sweet and had been Dani’s babysitter for over a year now. When I couldn’t be home with Dani, I trusted Karen implicitly. If I hadn’t, she wouldn’t have been anywhere near my daughter, especially alone.
“Well, cut it out already. Thanks for all your help this evening. I’m sorry my phone was off. I don’t know how it happened, but I’ll be more mindful next time.”
Except if I hadn’t accidentally turned it off, the moment with Macy probably never would have happened. I would’ve rushed off to be with Dani, and Macy wouldn’t know I had the audacity to be a father.
God forbid.
“No problem. I knew you were working. It was scary for both of us, but she barely cried. She’s a real trooper, si—John.” Karen flushed. “Anyway, I’ll be here by eight tomorrow so you can get to work.”
“Oh, I was going to go in later tomorrow, since you stayed later tonight than anticipated.” Which I should’ve realized when I was working at The Haunt. I’d only had a couple of free hours, but I’d gotten so wrapped up in that goddamn bat carving that I’d lost all track of time.
“You can do that?” Karen stared up at me, her eyes almost comically wide.
“Well, I’m the boss.” I didn’t intend to puff up my chest, but I’d had to work my way up to the head of my own very successful business, so hell yeah, I was proud. “I usually prefer to get a jump on the day and I’m an early bird by nature, but I’m sure you have homework or whatever—”
“Oh, no, I did that while I was waiting at the hospital. So, if you need me early, I’ll be here early. Whatever you need, sir—John.” She swallowed her giggle but I still caught the tail end of it.
Was she extra solicitous tonight or was I just imagining things? God knows I was exhausted and could be seeing just about anything at this point. “Well, if it won’t inconvenience you too much, then yes, earlier is better. The Haunt is taking up a lot of my time and the more hours I can devote to it, the better.”
Not that I was in a hurry to get back to Macy. The bright side was she typically only swung through a couple of times a day at most. I also picked up my morning coffee on the way to the restaurant, but there were other places to get coffee that came with fewer icy looks and thin smiles.
Like my own kitchen.
I wasn’t going to avoid her, exactly. But it was probably prudent for us to steer clear until the dust settled. Literally and metaphorically.
“Then I’ll be here at eight. My class tomorrow was cancelled anyway, so I can stay straight through to afternoon if you need me.”
“Didn’t classes just start?”
“Yeah, but the professor had a…thing.” Karen tucked her hair behind her ear and cut a glance at Dani. “She seems peaceful, so if you’re all set, I’ll just be going. Unless you need me for anything?”
“No, you were a huge help tonight. I really appreciate it, Karen. It takes a big load off me to know Dani is in good hands while I’m working.”
“Not a baby,” Dani mumbled, shifting restlessly.
“Of course you aren’t, squi—” I stopped, thinking of Macy, and frowned.
Maybe she was right. I needed a more particular nickname for Dani. Something that referred only to her. My eyes narrowed on her fine strawberry-blond hair, pale skin, and freckles, so like her mother. But her eyes were pure green, all me. Those eyes were frightfully direct. They never shied away from anything.
Unlike me. I’d turned my back on a lot just recently. Such as dealing with Macy every time things between us got a little too uncomfortable. Now that would be amplified by fifty.
“Of course you aren’t, Red.”
Dani’s eyes popped all the way open while Karen coughed discreetly into her fist.
“Red?” Dani asked. “Like a dog? Also, my hair is actually basically blond.”
“Your hair is not blond. Your mother’s hair is red, and so is yours.”
“Not anymore.” Dani stuck out her chin. “Her hair is platinum blond, just like Marilyn’s.”
“Marilyn who?”
Dani made an annoyed noise. “Night, Karen. I think you’re right, what you said.” They both looked at me then away. What the heck?
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe not. I say all kinds of things when I’m revved up.” Karen waved her hands. “Don’t mind me.”
Forget minding her, I was still trying to keep up.
“Thank you for staying with me, Kar.”
“You don’t have to thank me for that. We’ll have fun tomorrow. Get some sleep, G-wiggle.”
Dani grinned. “I will. Say hi to Professor Hottie.”
My frown grew. So, Red was out, but G-wiggle was in? What did that even mean? And Professor Hottie? Had my daughter turned eighteen when I wasn’t looking?
Blushing, Karen waved and headed across the living room.
I followed her outside at a much more measured pace. “What is this Professor Hottie stuff?”
“Oh, nothing. I just showed her a picture from my Soc class and told her some of the other girls had a name for the professor.”
“I’m not sure that’s appropriate for her.” Then again, as an eight-year-old in today’s society, Dani probably knew more about certain things than I did.
How truly horrifying.
“You’re probably right. I was just showing her stuff on my phone to distract her while she was in pain. It seemed like the best option at the time.” Karen hitched up her purse higher on her shoulder, and it suddenly occurred to me I hadn’t even paid her yet.
“Shit.” I dug out my wallet and grabbed three twenties, more than I usually paid her for a night. This one had been longer and more difficult than usual, so she deserved the hazard pay. “Here you go. Sorry. Completely forgot.”
“No problem. This is extra?”
“You earned it. Thank you so much for being so good to Dani. And to me.”
She blinked up at me then gave me a quick hug before hurrying down the stairs.
“What does G-wiggle mean?” died in my throat as her car started u
p in the driveway. I tucked away my wallet before giving her retreating vehicle a halfhearted wave.
Clearly, I would need to be more creative. I could do that.
I came back inside to find Dani snoring. Smiling, I adjusted the throw over her and grabbed another off the back of the sofa to bed down in the recliner nearby. Looked like I’d be sticking close tonight.
The idea of having a cold beer first was entirely too appealing, so I skipped it. There had been a time I’d appreciated the time after the workday ended more than the satisfaction of a job well done. Unwinding with a cold one at the local watering hole had stopped being a factor in my life once I’d wrapped my car around a tree—a small one, but it had hurt plenty—the same weekend Jessica told me she was expecting. After that, my world changed immeasurably.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had more than two beers after work, and I liked not knowing. That pit was far too easy to fall into, so I’d just keep an eye on it from the sidelines.
Another thing I’d keep my eye on was Dani. Which meant the idea of sleep was basically a joke.
She shook off my attempts to help her to the bathroom a few times, insisting she could manage just fine. Which she did, thank God. I didn’t think either of us needed to cross that bridge. She told me to go to my own bed, that she was big enough to take care of herself. My response was to pull the blanket over my head, both to make her laugh and to end the conversation.
She soon fell asleep after that, and amazingly, I did too.
The next time I opened my eyes, the room was gray with impending dawn. Dani was huddled on the couch, her throw wrapped around her nun-style so that just her face peeked out. She was typing furiously on her phone, her face illuminated from the screen. I hadn’t even wanted her to have one of them—well, other than for safety reasons—but her mother had given Dani her old phone earlier this summer.
That was how most of our parental arguments went. I expressed concern, and Jessica did whatever the hell she felt like.
I threw off the blanket I’d kicked off about sixteen times overnight and stood, making Dani jerk up guiltily and stare at me owl-eyed.
“What are you doing over there?”
“What? Me? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.” She tucked her phone under her hip and feigned a big yawn. “Boy, I feel so much better. How do you feel? That chair is lumpy, so probably your back’s out?”
I rubbed it experimentally. “It’s fine. I’m not eighty. My back doesn’t just go out from sitting in a chair.” Although now that she mentioned it, I could use a good stretch and a hot shower. “Sorry the movie night thing didn’t happen. We can do it tonight if you want.”
She was still darting glances at her phone, thinking she was being casual. I really wanted a look at it, but I wasn’t going to violate her privacy.
Even if I really wanted to.
I could trust her to have good judgment. I hoped. Plus, there were parental blocks on there, assuming she and her hacker friends hadn’t found ways around them. Maybe it was time to have another conversation about digital boundaries and safe spaces.
“We can rent The Borg?”
“Yeah. As long as there’s no, you know, nude stuff.”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s a horror movie. Of course there’s nude stuff, but it lasts like, a second. I know what boobs are, Dad.”
“That’s a relief,” I muttered.
There was a good chance I’d be the one hiding my eyes during said nude stuff, not Dani. We hadn’t even hit her teenage years yet. How exactly was I going to navigate all of these landmines?
It was probably different when you had a wife. A partner. Women somehow fundamentally understood how to deal with kids without scarring them before they reached adulthood.
“What does your mother do about movies?”
“Star in them.”
I blew out a breath. Then again, Dani’s family was not traditional by any means. “I mean, with you, squi—G-wiggle.”
Dani made a face. “You can’t call me that. It has special meaning.”
“What special meaning?”
She tossed aside her throw and reached for the crutch leaning against the arm of the couch. “I’m hungry. I’ll get breakfast.”
“I was going to get breakfast.”
“You should sit down. You look tired, Dad, and you’re not as young as you used to be.”
I sat, mostly from shock. Exactly how bad did I look after a night in that chair? “I need breakfast too.”
“I’ll make it. You need help around here. It would be different if you had a wife. Karen even said.”
My head was reeling. “Karen even said what? And why do I need a wife?”
“To make you breakfast,” she said as if it all made perfect sense. “And for you know, like companionship when you’re old.”
She was going to send me to the bathroom to check for wrinkles whether or not I wanted to. So, I was a little more salt than pepper at the temples lately. I certainly wasn’t at the point of worrying about having a partner in my declining years.
“What exactly did Karen say? Exactly,” I enunciated.
“She said how you work a lot, and it’s hard to be a single parent. Her dad was too, and she said he changed when he started dating again. Until then, he was really mean.”
“Mmm-hmm.” I wasn’t going to wonder if I was “really mean.” I wasn’t the world’s friendliest guy, but I was far from an ogre.
No matter what Dani and Karen thought. Although that rather stung. I’d believed Karen and I were friends. Well, as much as you could be with a girl almost young enough to be your daughter.
“Have you thought about it?”
“Breakfast?” I rose again, unwilling to be deterred. “Yeah, I’m starving. Let me handle that end of things.”
“Not that,” Dani said impatiently before she screwed up her mouth. “Maybe pancakes? The apple kind?”
“Sure. Why not? I just got some apples from Mrs. Turner. First of the season.”
“Mrs. Turner is married.”
“That she is. And why are you obsessed with married people and me dating all of a sudden?” I cocked my head. “Is your mother seeing someone?”
Cagily, Dani looked away and leaned down to fiddle with her wrapped ankle. Yep, I had my answer.
Jessica was dating, and poor old Dad was not. He was probably going to turn gray and end up alone. I wouldn’t have put it past my ex to even plant that in my daughter’s head. One of her sly little jokes that so was not one.
I sat beside her on the sofa. “Just because your mom is dating doesn’t mean it’s the right time for me. I want to make sure anyone I bring home is going to love you just as much as I do.”
“So, it’s my fault you’re alone,” she said in a small voice, and my heart squeezed until dots hovered at the edges of my vision. “If you didn’t have me, you’d be dating and happy.”
“I am happy. What makes you think otherwise? Besides, I kind of like you, you know.” I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and tugged her closer, making sure not to jar her leg. “I wouldn’t want to live my life without you in it.”
“Can we eat soon? I’m hungry.”
I had to laugh. A sweet father-daughter moment interrupted by Dani’s growling stomach.
“Sure. Go get ready, and I’ll put the pancakes on. You might have to handle them for a few minutes while I get changed. Karen will be here in not too long.”
Not that I’d glanced at the time on my phone yet, but I was pretty adept at guessing the time judging by the slant of the light. Already sunshine was creeping into the corners of the room.
Guess discussing my nonexistent love life took up more time than I’d realized.
“Okay.” Dani muscled her way off to her room with her crutch without my help.
Stubborn, prideful, kindhearted girl that she was.
I let out a long sigh and pushed myself to my feet. That hot shower I wanted would probably take place in approximately th
ree minutes between pancake flips while Dani manned the stove.
“See, if I had a wife, it would all be different,” I said as I assembled ingredients in the kitchen.
Yeah, right. I’d had one of those once, and I’d still done the bulk of the cooking and getting up with Danielle when she was a baby. I’d never fully forgiven myself for missing her birth due to a job that had kept me away from Jessica’s shoot, so I’d made sure to take care of everything else I possibly could. About the only thing Jessica had taken the point position on was nursing and that was because I lacked the right equipment. And thank Jesus for that.
Shuddering, I set to work chopping apples.
When Dani finally came out, the pancakes were nearly done. As were my chances of showering off the night before Karen showed up and giggled me into submission.
“Here you go.” I set down the spatula. “You can handle this from here, right?”
Dani nodded and took her position at the stove like an old pro. “Got it, Dad.”
I hauled off my T-shirt from behind my head, whatever I was about to say disappearing from my lips as I realized my daughter was taking a picture of me. What the hell?
“To show Mom,” she said quickly, sending it off with a whoosh that made my eyes narrow.
“Your mom has seen my torso and we’re divorced, in case you’ve forgotten.”
I surely hadn’t.
“Yeah, but she thinks you’re getting sloppy. That’s why you can’t get any dates.” Dani bit her lip and did something else on her phone before tucking it in the pocket of her sweats.
“Let me see your phone. I want to see that photo. Now.” I was going to delete it. Possibly set it on fire.
Getting sloppy? Like hell.
“Ow, ow, ow! Burn,” Dani said almost smugly, sticking out her hand for my inspection. The corner of her thumb was red. Not red enough for me not to drop her hand to grab her phone, only to be confronted by her lockscreen.
Sometimes I really disliked her mother, and she didn’t even have to be present for me to feel that way.