‘You have to come back,’ I tell him.
‘Your parents’ friends are about to put out lunch. They’ve been making palm-nut soup and pounding fufu since dawn. I can’t just leave.’
‘Drew,’ I say quietly, carefully. It’s the first time I’ve said his name out loud in years. There’s never been any need. When I am talking to Jake, Drew has always been ‘him’ or ‘he’ and that has been enough.
I can hear Jake take a deep breath in, shocked that I’ve said his name. Surprised that I’ve said it so calmly. ‘What about him?’ Jake says with a frosty tone.
‘He’s here.’
Jake gives a short, humourless laugh. ‘Right,’ he says. ‘That’s not funny.’
‘I’m not joking. I’m not—’ I start to hyperventilate, as the truth hits me. He’s not dead. Drew’s not dead. He was never dead. I have mourned him for half my life, and he’s been alive all along. ‘Wedding,’ I manage. ‘Wedding. Here. For. Wedding.’
‘I’m on my way,’ I hear Jake say as I drop my phone, not caring that the screen cracks when it hits the ground.
Drew’s alive. Drew’s alive and he’s here, about to ruin my and my daughter’s lives all over again.
9
Now
On the other side of the set of buildings that makes up Bussu Bay Resort and Water Sports Centre, a little further along the beach, there is an area where the greenery and palm trees start to encroach on the sand. That’s because, behind it, there is a series of caves that you can only get to by a very rocky path. Some of the rocks on the path are so large that you have to step up on top of them to get over them.
When I was little we would come here from England to stay with my grandparents for the six-week summer holiday. My parents would bring me to play on this area of the beach, while they were making their plans to build Bussu Bay. Work started when I was ten, and finished when I was about seventeen. A year after that, my parents left England to come here, to open their resort and change the lives of everyone in the community.
Sometimes my cousins would be here too, but mostly I was on my own. I’d go off exploring, and would spend hours in these caves, drawing pictures on the sand floors, running my fingers along the cool, damp walls. I would bring toys and hold tea parties with bits and pieces I found on the beach. The older I got, the more time I would spend in the caves just reading.
I walk down to the caves now, hoping I can disappear for hours like I used to when I was a child. Hoping that I will be able to run my hands along the clammy walls and conjure up a time in my life before Drew, before the death that was not a death.
I have walked around this cave, one of my favourites, for a while now and feel calmer for it. I need to decide how to tell Nia and Marvin.
It took me a while to pull myself together after the panic attack outside the kitchen. By the time I was able to go back inside, Marvin told me his mum had gone to unpack and then have a nap, and Nia and Marvin were going to help make lunch before they went to the beach. Drew was nowhere to be seen, and Marvin had explained his dad had gone to explore the area.
I’d stared at Nia and Marvin, knowing I should tell them they were brother and sister, but the words would not come out of my mouth. This is why I have come to the caves – to gather strength and get my head together.
As I stand here, I know that with every hour that passes, the more I am colluding in what is going on with my daughter. I have to summon up my courage to tell her and Marvin. I close my eyes and stand very still. I don’t want to do this.
‘I thought I might find you here.’ Drew’s voice echoes on the stone around us. ‘I guessed this would still be your most favourite place in the whole of Ghana.’
I open my eyes but I do not know what to say to him. Well, I do. I have lots of things to say to him: What are you doing here? Did you fake your own death? Do you have any idea what you’ve done to the last twenty-four years of my life? How could you even bring yourself to come back here after the last time? Do you still love me? Did you ever love me? I have many, many things to say to him, but nothing will come out.
‘Aren’t you going to say anything?’ Drew asks me.
I can’t do this, I realise. I can’t stand in here, one of my special safe spaces, the place I shared with only him – not even Nia knows about this place, let alone Jake – and talk to him. I just can’t.
I start to leave and he stands in my way, stops me from exiting. Our bodies almost but don’t quite touch. He brings his face down towards mine, leans in close and lowers his voice.
‘I didn’t want to leave you,’ Drew says. ‘But I had no choice. Jake tried to kill me.’
25 years ago
I dried my eyes before I picked up the intercom. I’d tried to ignore the doorbell, but the person wouldn’t stop pressing it, so I guessed they knew I was in. I cleared my throat and said, ‘Hello?’ into the receiver.
‘It’s me,’ Jake said.
‘Ah, Jake, sorry, Drew’s not here.’
‘It was you I came to see.’
Short of being rude, I had to let him in. I looked a horror as I’d been crying most of the morning. I’d been crying so much and looked so dreadful, I’d had to take the day off work. ‘Come up,’ I said and buzzed him in.
‘Why aren’t you at work?’ he asked the second he saw me. ‘I called to see if you and Drew wanted to meet up tonight and they said you were off sick.’ He peered at me. ‘Are you really sick? Because you just look like you’ve been crying.’
‘I’m tired,’ I replied. Not sick, just tired. I was tired of where I was with Drew. For some reason, we just couldn’t get on right then. We had the wedding booked and he’d been talking about us having a baby. The problem was, I was enjoying my job in marketing – there was a real chance of promotion, and I wasn’t sure I wanted a baby at that time. Drew didn’t understand that. He just saw it as me not being as committed to him as he was to me.
‘Tired of what?’ Jake asked.
‘It’s complicated,’ I replied.
It was complicated. Because Drew wanted it all – right now. He wanted the big wedding, the baby, but also he wanted to open a bar – and he wanted me to ask my parents for the money to pay for it. He had this idea that, because they’d opened a hotel, they were rich and they should be helping us out more. Both his parents had died, so he felt my folks should be willing to finance our dreams. I’d never relied on my parents for anything and I had always paid for my own lifestyle, so there was no way I was going to start asking them for money now. This was what caused most of the arguments between Drew and me: I wouldn’t ask, and he took that as a sign that I didn’t want him to succeed in life.
That was why I was tired: we kept having the same arguments and it was wearing me down. But I loved him. He sometimes made me feel incredible and I knew this patch would eventually pass, but it was exhausting. And I couldn’t talk to anyone about it, because it would make Drew sound awful. And when we were through this awful period, when things were perfect again, the person I had told those things to wouldn’t forget; they’d continue to think badly of him.
‘If he’s being out of order, tell me and I’ll sort it with him,’ Jake said.
‘It’s not like that,’ I told Jake. We hadn’t moved from the corridor, which was probably a good thing, because I could tell Drew in all honesty that Jake had just popped by but hadn’t set even a foot inside.
‘I’ll kill him if he hurts you,’ Jake said. ‘I’ve told him that – if he hurts you, I’ll kill him.’
‘He wouldn’t hurt me,’ I replied. Those other times – like the time he took away my medicine, the time he grabbed my wrist and squeezed, the time he threw a mug and it smashed near my head – those weren’t anything serious. They didn’t count as hurting me. ‘And you mustn’t say things like that, Jake. Someone might overhear and take it the wrong way.’
‘There’s only one way to take that,’ he said. ‘He’s always treated his girlfriends badly – I thought he’d stopped
with you. But if he’s making you cry and miss work, then he needs sorting out. And he knows I’ll do it.’
‘It sounds like you’ve ignored how he treated his other girlfriends, and you’re only drawing a line with me,’ I said.
‘I am. I should have stopped him a long time ago, but, yes, I’ve told him if he hurts you, I’ll end him.’
‘Why me?’ I asked.
He put his head to one side, went to say something, then seemed to change his mind. ‘Because you’re my friend too.’
I wanted to hug Jake but didn’t – I couldn’t risk Drew catching me touching him, let alone holding him. ‘Thanks, Jake. It makes me feel safe to know you’re looking out for me, but there really is no need.’ I smiled at him.
He looked again like he was about to say something, but again changed his mind. ‘Take care of yourself, all right?’
‘I will,’ I replied. ‘I will.’
10
Now
I’m frozen as I remember that conversation I had with Jake all those years ago. Six months later and Drew was dead as far as I was concerned. Six months later and Jake could very well have done what he’d threatened to do.
‘It’s true,’ Drew says to my silence. ‘He’s always wanted you, and that day, out in the sea, he saw his chance to get rid of me for ever so he could have you, and he took it. And he almost did it – he almost killed me.’
I give my head a shake. ‘You are lying. Jake would never do that. No one I know would do that. I can’t believe you’re lying about him. He’s a good man and in all these years he’s never—’
‘Good man?’ Drew laughs nastily. ‘You really don’t know him at all, do you?’
‘I’m not listening to any more of this nonsense,’ I say. And it is nonsense. Despite that conversation Jake and I had six months before Drew disappeared. Despite what Jake said about feeling guilty about what happened to Drew the first time we made love, I know this is nonsense.
I move to leave and Drew takes me in his arms. Encircles me with his hold and keeps me still, stares down at me until I stare up at him. For a moment, I’m back in the past, in those moments where he made me feel so very loved, so very safe. He lowers his head, his lips aiming for mine, and for a second I almost melt. I almost relax enough for him to kiss me. Because, with Drew, kissing was always the best part of it all …
Instead of melting, though, I push him away. ‘Get your hands off me!’ I snarl at him. How dare he! How dare he show up here and even think about touching me, let alone holding me, moving to kiss me. I take a step back from him. Then another. ‘Don’t you dare touch me again!’
‘I know you don’t want to listen to what happened, but you’re going to have to,’ Drew says. ‘Then you can tell me if you think Jake is a good man or not. Then you’ll understand why I had to do what I did.’
I shake my head. ‘We’ve got bigger problems than this,’ I say to him. ‘And I don’t want to hear anything you’ve got to say.’
‘You have to,’ he replies.
‘I don’t. I don’t want to hear anything from you.’
‘Why? Scared of what you’ll find out about Mr Perfect?’ Drew sneers.
‘I know he didn’t do anything to you, let alone try to kill you, so no, I’m not worried about what you’ll say. I just want to get back to—’
‘If you’re not scared of what you’ll hear, then why won’t you listen?’
‘Because—’ I cover my face with my hands. This was what it was like arguing with him. Circular; round and round. Never enough to say no; always having to justify myself and my reasons or opinions. On and on until it was easier to just give in and let him get it over with. ‘All right, go on then.’
I fold my arms across my chest and stare at the cave wall to the right of his head and wait for him to speak.
When a couple of minutes pass and he hasn’t spoken, I turn to look at him. ‘I can’t believe how beautiful you still are,’ he says softly.
He hasn’t aged much at all. Yes, he has wrinkles around his eyes, but his skin is still that gorgeous chestnut brown. His large eyes still have that sparkle when he looks at me. And his lips, so full and—‘Start talking or I am leaving,’ I say.
‘All right, look, there was so much going on. The minister was about to start the wedding service when we heard the woman shouting that her child was in the sea, remember?’
I nod. Of course I remember. I remembered every single second of it.
‘And remember me and Jake and a couple of the busboys began to run to the water, because we had to save him? The busboys and Jake were much stronger swimmers than me, but for some reason I managed to get to him first. I don’t know if you could see that from the beach?’ We couldn’t – the horizon and the position of the sun seemed to obscure what was happening out there. We all knew there were people in the sea, but we couldn’t see what was going on.
‘The little boy was flailing about, but I managed to hook my arm around his waist to keep him upright, when I saw Jake coming towards me. I knew it’d be all right then, because by that point I was exhausted. I wasn’t sure I’d make it back to shore, especially while carrying the little boy. Jake swam up to me. “Thank God you’re here, bruv,” I shouted to him. And he looked about, checking, I realised later, to see if anyone was around – then he punched me in the face.
‘I wasn’t expecting that, and I let go of the boy. Jake took him, and I was all over the place, holding on to my nose and trying to keep afloat. And then I felt Jake’s hand on my head and he was pushing me under.’
‘I don’t believe that! Any of it. You’re lying.’
‘I’m not, Tessa, I’m not.’ He points to his face. ‘You can see where my nose doesn’t look the same – he broke it when he punched me. I couldn’t breathe. He was holding my head under and I was trying to breathe and my nose was agony.’
‘So he was doing all this while holding on to a distressed, half-drowned child, was he?’
‘Yes. Don’t you think I know how ridiculous it sounds? He did it. The busboys must have got closer to us, because he gave one last push under and then kicked me as he started to swim off. It was only a little kick, but after everything else he’d done, I couldn’t fight any more. I let go and allowed myself to sink. There was nothing else I could do.
‘I must have passed out because when I came round, I was on a beach way, way down the coastline. I didn’t remember what had happened first of all. And when I did, first thing I did was get up and try to work out where I was. My nose was agony and I was confused. I walked for a while but I was so weak. Bits of what happened kept coming to me in flashes. I eventually came to a hotel and there was hardly anyone around except Ellen. She told me that everyone had gone to search for someone who had gone missing in the sea. She was a model and they’d been on a shoot the day before, but now most of them had gone to help search. I knew it was me they were looking for. But after what had happened with Jake, I knew no one would believe me, and it’d be only a matter of time before he tried again.’
‘Can you hear yourself? “Tried again”? You’ve been watching too much television.’
‘I knew you wouldn’t believe me. Ellen did. But then, she saw the state of my broken nose; she hadn’t been charmed by Jake like you and everyone else had. She agreed to help me. She let me stay in her room while I worked out what I was going to do.’
‘Oh, I’ll bet she let you stay in her room. How long was it before you were in her bed?’ I say.
‘It wasn’t like that. How could I even think of being with another woman when I was meant to marry you? I rested in her room for a couple of days to let things settle down. I knew that if I could just talk to you alone, explain what had happened, you’d know that Jake was dangerous. We could start the wedding again. I snuck back to Bussu Bay to see you, and what did I find? You and Jake. He didn’t even wait a week before he was all over you.’
‘He was not all over me, he was comforting me,’ I reply. ‘I was devastated, he w
as devastated, he was looking after me.’
‘I knew he would never leave your side, and I wasn’t sure what he’d do if he knew his plan hadn’t worked. I was scared, really scared that he’d try to harm you as well. He was completely obsessed with you, I realised. I knew if I could get to England—’
‘How exactly did you get to England?’ I cut in. ‘Considering your passport and all your money were at Bussu Bay?’
‘Ellen suggested we stage a break-in – have a few things stolen, including my passport, and then I could go home.’
‘That was you?’ I am horrified.
‘No, no, not me. Ellen arranged it with a couple of the local lads – told them they could keep everything they stole except my passport. They must have gone too far. I’m so sorry.’
‘You’re sorry? They stole pretty much everything. Jewellery, money, the plane tickets home, my passport, my parents’ passports, Jake’s passport and plane tickets. All our British credit and debit cards. It was another nightmare added on to the one I was already living. We went through all of that so you could get your passport?’
‘They weren’t meant to do that. They were supposed to only take a few things and my passport. Oh God, I had no idea.’
‘It took weeks to sort everything out because Jake and I had no real ID. Weeks we were stuck here without any way of getting home to England, but you just went home without looking back.’
‘That’s not true! I was terrified – for me and you. I knew if I could get to England I’d be safe. I would contact you, and we could go to the police together.’
‘And tell them that ridiculous story? Yeah, right.’
‘Tessa, you don’t know him like I do. He becomes obsessed with someone, and then anyone who’s involved with them becomes a rival that he has to destroy.’
‘Do you really think anyone is going to believe this stuff?’
The Beach Wedding Page 4