My cheeks flamed red and I was happy he couldn’t see me.
“Because I’m embarrassed.”
“Embarrassed? What the fuck for?”
“I was afraid. I cried—no, I broke down and sobbed when he was beating—”
“Fuck, Cousin. I can still taste the helplessness. I couldn’t help myself. I couldn’t help my team, I was completely useless. And I’ll tell you a secret, the only other person who knows this is Trey.
“We were sitting in a cage. No lie, Liberty, it was a cage. In the distance, we could hear Drake taking a thrashing. It was so bad, we heard him crying out, something he hadn’t done in the three days we’d been held. And I lost it. Tears running down my face, I didn’t bother to try and hide them. I know Trey thought it was because I was scared—and yeah, part of it was that—but the real fear I felt was for everything I’d left unsaid. The way I was gonna leave this earth without Laney knowing, really, truly, know how much I loved her.
“Then we were rescued, and I couldn’t stop the flight, fright, or freeze response. My mind kept me in a constant loop of what-ifs, so I stayed disconnected and did it until Laney lost our baby. Losing our child was the only thing that woke me up. So you want to talk about guilt, if I hadn’t continued to push her away, she would’ve been living up in Virginia Beach with me, she wouldn’t have been caught up in that shit with Mercy and Jason’s case. She wouldn’t have been kidnapped, beaten, and had to endure the loss of her baby. I live with that. That’s what not dealing with my demons bought me.”
Sweet Jesus. My heart hurt so bad for Carter. And Laney, she was a wreck after she lost the baby, as anyone would be, but she’d kept it bottled up until she finally couldn’t anymore and exploded with grief and anger.
Is that what I’m doing?
And Carter almost lost the love of his life. His sweet, baby girl wouldn’t be here because he would’ve never admitted he loved Delaney and finally pulled his finger out and came home to marry her. All because fear was ruling his life.
Am I doing that, too? Letting fear rule me?
“I think I messed up with Drake,” I whispered, and Carter’s body started shaking.
“Yeah, Liberty, you did.” There was humor in his tone and after what he’d told me, I was happy to hear it.
“I think I need your help.”
“With Drake? No, you don’t. He’s sitting in a hotel room in misery. All you need to do is call him.”
“I can’t, not until you help me get some of this shit out of my head so I don’t behave like a psycho again.”
“A little crazy, yes. Psycho, no. And I have all the time in the world for you.”
“I know you do. I’m sorry I keep forgetting. Thank you for not giving up on me.”
“In this family, we never give up.”
“I kinda forgot that, too.”
And I had. I’d forgotten that together our family was strong. We could weather any storm if we stood together. I just hoped everyone had battened down the hatches because I had a feeling this storm was gonna be bad.
31
I knocked on the door when what I really wanted to do was pound on it. Or better yet, open it, walk right in unannounced, and snatch my woman up. The thought had crossed my mind, then I remembered who I was dealing with. Liberty would likely shoot an intruder and right now, that’s what she’d consider me—an unwanted guest.
That was about to change.
After what seemed like a millennia the door opened. My skin prickled with the now-familiar awareness I felt anytime I was around Liberty. So close, yet so far away. That’s how it felt. She was standing right in front of me wearing a tentative smile, looking nervous but no less beautiful. But, she might as well have been miles away.
“Hey,” she said and stepped to the side. “Would you like to come in?”
Her invitation was tempting but we had someplace to be.
“Actually, I need you to come with me.”
Real smooth, idiot.
That was not the intro I had planned, but seeing Liberty, wanting her so damn bad and not being able to touch her, had me sounding like a fool.
“Where?” she asked tensely and I couldn’t blame her. Our last meeting hadn’t gone well, and by my calculation this one wasn’t going to, either.
“Do you trust me?”
The silence stretched, and as each second ticked, my body tightened and my irritation swelled. Not that it was her fault she hesitated—no, that was all on me.
“I do,” she finally said. “But it’s eight o’clock in the morning. Can this wait until after I’ve had coffee?”
It couldn’t.
“I’ll get you some on the way.”
“Okay. Let me grab my purse.”
Still tentative, shy, unsure. I hated what that said but she’d agreed. That was a step in the right direction, or at least I hoped it was.
Moments later, she returned with a big, slouchy, black bag slung over her shoulder. Something new to learn about Liberty McCoy, she carried a purse large enough to pack two days’ worth of provisions and still have room for girly shit. There was a lot to learn about the woman I’d fallen in love with and a thread of excitement wound around my heart.
On that thought, I helped her into my truck and took a minute to appreciate the beauty that was her sitting her ass in my passenger seat—a place she belonged, a place I hoped she’d be a hundred-thousand more times. Then I started thinking about all the things I needed to tell her, some of which would likely piss her off. But I’d decided since she was already pissed, I was dumping the rest on her so we could talk about it and move past it all in one go.
But first I needed to get my woman coffee.
It wasn’t until we were sitting in traffic that Liberty finally broke the silence.
“I was gonna call you today,” she hesitantly admitted.
When she didn’t continue, I prompted, “Yeah.”
“Yeah. See, I um…had some time to think.”
I knew she had. Carter had called me last night after he’d dropped Liberty off at her parents’. He hadn’t gone into particulars, didn’t break her confidence. What he did was interrogate me. I understood why, since Liberty was his cousin, but more than that, he cared deeply for her. So it wasn’t unexpected but annoying nonetheless. Once he was done drilling me about my relationship with her, he offered his advice. That wasn’t annoying, it was appreciated. I valued his opinion and his support.
And finally, he welcomed me to the Triple Canopy family and extended his gratitude that I’d taken Levi up on his offer. Carter had plans for the company. Plans that included adding more members to the team. His first choices were the brothers he served with but he hadn’t thought that was an option. Now he had me and that was a start.
“Let’s get you coffee, baby, then you can tell me what you had time to think about.”
Liberty’s easy concession would’ve made me worry if I hadn’t known how much she liked her coffee. What I learned when she rattled off her order at the Java Shop drive-thru was that she liked her coffee complicated and sweet. Something I would never have guessed. Back in Golan Heights and in Beirut, she drank it black like I did. I found this new piece of information surprising and I filed it away for future use.
Once we were back on the road, with her warm takeaway cup nestled between her hands, she turned sideways in her seat and I braced.
“I didn’t handle yesterday well. And as much as I’d like to blame my behavior on the recent past events, I can’t. Not fully, anyway. I’ve never reacted well to surprises or being blindsided. I was taken off-guard and with all the clutter in my head, I didn’t know how to process it and I lost it. It was uncool and unwarranted. I’m sorry. I need you to know that. And I’d also like to talk about it further.”
Her unexpected apology felt like a fist wrapped around my lungs, crushing the organ until all I could do was rasp in enough oxygen to not suffocate.
“I should’ve had a mind to you and what you’r
e going through and found a better way to tell you. I fucked up,” I admitted.
“Not sure there’s a better way to tell me you gave up your life for me, Drake,” she whispered.
And there was the problem. She saw what I’d done as giving up my life. When it was the opposite—I left my job, and now I could start my life. The one I wanted with her.
“Something else you need to know,” I told her as I turned down the long stretch of road taking us to Triple Canopy. “Your dad came up to Virginia Beach to see me. And before you get pissed at him, his visit was a recon operation. He wanted to check me out before I showed up at his door looking for his daughter.”
“Why would he think you’d show up?”
“I suspect it’s because he knows his daughter, therefore he knows she’s not gonna fall in love with some chump. So he knew it was only a matter of time before I came knocking.”
“That’s crazy, Drake. I didn’t tell anyone about us. It hurt so much, I was doing everything humanly possible not to think about you.”
Yeah, baby, I know the feeling.
“Only thing I can say about that is, neither of us was hiding that shit as well as we thought we were. My team knew what was going on before we got on the rescue copter. Trey called me out about it before our first debrief. Your dad said your mom saw it, recognized it, and knew what you were going through was more than just your capture. Not sure if she sent your dad to find me or if he did that on his own. What I can tell you is, he showed up, told me you were having a rough go of it and before he was done explaining exactly why he was in my living room, I was packing a bag to get to you.
“And that leads me to something else you need to know. Your dad showed on the day my separation went through and he saw my discharge papers. He knows what I did, he knows why, and he’s offered me a job at Triple Canopy. I’ve accepted his offer.”
The longer Liberty didn’t respond, the harder my heart thudded in my chest. I didn’t know if it was a good thing she was taking her time thinking about what I’d said or if she was plotting homicide and I was going to bite it as soon as her plan was complete.
“I’m glad you accepted my dad’s offer.”
Not the response I’d imagined. Liberty was full of surprises this morning.
“You understand that also means I’m moving down here.”
She met that with another bout of silence.
“Good.”
The front gates of Triple Canopy came into view and I knew I only had a few more minutes alone with her.
“Something else we need to discuss. I heard what you said to your mom yesterday.” In my peripheral I caught Liberty fidgeting. The desire to reach over and touch her overwhelmed me, but I kept my hands on the wheel. I’d already made one grave error and I wouldn’t be making another.
“We touched on this yesterday, but it bears clarification. I didn’t sever our connection, and more than that, nothing can sever it. I told you what you mean to me, I heard what I mean to you, now I’m gonna set about proving it to you. Starting with my moving to Georgia, taking a job I’m looking forward to starting, and setting up a life that’s absolutely going to include you. So, heads up, baby—you can fight me on this journey, but I’m dragging you along until you believe I gave up nothing, because I’ve gained everything.”
Liberty sighed. “Yesterday, Carter told me I was disconnecting from my family because I was scared. At first I didn’t get it, but then I did and I admitted all the things I’m scared of. Just so you know, you were on that list.”
Fuck, that killed.
“You got no reason to be scared of me,” I told her.
“I’m not scared of you. I’m scared I won’t be good enough. I won’t be all you think I am and then you’ll realize you did indeed give up everything and you did it for nothing.”
“That, Liberty, is impossible. I know who you are. I might not have known how you liked your coffee or that you carry the biggest fuckin’ purse I’ve ever seen. I might not know the foods you hate, or the movies you like, or what books, if any, you like to read. But I know your strength, your determination, your loyalty. I admire your integrity, resolve, and independence. You’re gorgeous, you’ve got great legs, you’re the best kiss I’ve ever had. I know when I touch you, you go wild—even standing up in a dirty-assed shower stall. I love the way you are with my friends, the easy banter you have with them, even if I get jealous and make myself look like an ass. I love that they respect you, not only as a woman, but as a soldier, and they do because you earned that respect because you’re bad ass. You’re kind, empathetic, and strong. So damn strong. And I know that’s only the beginning of all the things I love about you. There’s more to discover and when I do, I’ll love you more than I do now.”
With that, I cut the ignition and turned to face her. What I saw took my breath. My Liberty was back. The one I’d held after nightmares who looked at me with her face relaxed, eyes soft. I don’t know how I missed it when we were in the field, but I couldn’t deny it now, that look wasn’t lust and need—it was love. I knew she felt the same way about me as I felt about her, but I wasn’t going to push for more now. We needed to find our way to those words and I was looking forward to taking us there.
“Before we go in, I want you to know I have your back,” I declared and watched her shoulders tense.
“What does that mean?”
“It means whatever it needs to mean. No matter what happens in there, I’m on your side.”
“Why are we here?”
“You want your control back. We’re here so you can take it. However you need to do it, I’m at your side.”
“Do they know I’m coming?”
“Nope.”
“Are they going to be pissed?”
I’d venture to say that was a strong possibility. It was my first official day on the job and Liberty was with me like it was bring your woman to work day.
“Maybe.”
“Maybe? This might not be a good idea.”
“You told me you felt like no one was listening to you. That your family was making decisions that affected you and you were not being included in those conversations. You told me you wanted to be in control of your life. Do you still feel that way?”
“Considering I told you those things yesterday, Drake, and they didn’t all suddenly change overnight, the answer is yes.”
“Then pissed or not, this is what you need, so you’re gonna get it.”
“You’re serious?”
“Absolutely.”
A beautiful, heart-stopping smile appeared, and for a moment, that blinding smile stirred up vivid memories of the first time she looked at me. She had not been smiling, she was bloody, bruised, and beaten to hell. Pride swelled. The woman was extraordinary and she couldn’t begin to understand all the ways she was. She could not see what I saw, what her family saw.
“Then let’s get in there.”
Moira Liberty McCoy had not broken. Roman Kushnir did his best and he’d failed. She was stronger than she’d ever been, and when she repaired the tiny cracks her capture had left, she’d be unstoppable.
32
My heart was slamming against my ribs for more reasons than one. I was almost grateful I was getting ready to face my dad, uncles, and Carter. Because the prospect of that was so frightening it took all of my energy. Therefore I didn’t have it in me to freak out over what Drake had said to me.
That didn’t mean I wasn’t rolling his words over in my head like a crazy person. Especially the part about discovering more and when he does, he’ll love me more than he does now. I wasn’t sure what to do with that. I mean I did, I wanted to jump up and down and do a dance that would have him running for the hills because I’d look like a freak. But it also scared the pants off me.
And the part about him dragging me with him as he led us where he wanted us to go—sweet Jesus. That scared me for different reasons. In my current state of mind, was I ready for a relationship? I was a basket case an
d that was putting it mildly. I was having angry outbursts that I couldn’t control.
“Baby?” Drake called.
“Huh?”
He jerked his chin and smiled toward the reception desk.
“Oh. Sorry. Hi, Lauren, sorry I spaced out for a second.”
“Babe, Lauren’s been talkin’ to you for like three minutes.”
My body froze and my back shot straight. “It wasn’t three minutes, Drake,” I snapped.
“Just joking with you,” he muttered and kissed my head.
Lord, that felt good, almost as good as when he put his arm around my shoulders and tucked me close, which he did next.
“Good to see you, Liberty. You can go back, your dad’s in the conference room.”
“Thanks.”
We started to walk out of the reception area when something dawned on me. “Have you been here before?”
“Nope.”
“Okay, so that’s obviously reception. Lauren’s been here a few years. She helped out with scheduling and stuff before Quinn started and took it over. Quinn’s kind of a jack of all trades. She handles all of the finances, schedules, and contracts go through her before she sends them through to the uncles—”
“The uncles?” Drake chuckled.
“Yeah, that’s what we all call them. Well, the cousins do. It’s easier than calling them each by their names. So that’s what Quinn does. She’s hoping Hadley will come aboard and take over contracts. Hadley Walker is her sister, one of the twins. But Hadley’s a librarian and is fighting the pull of Triple Canopy even though she makes jack shit at her current job and she has to deal with county politics, which she despises. Adalynn Walker, the other twin, is a physical therapist. She works with Triple Canopy when needed, but not exclusively. She has other clients.
“So, this hallway leads to the conference room, surveillance center, and gym. If we would’ve gone down the other hall to the right of Lauren’s desk, that would’ve taken us to the offices. But you can get there from the end of this hall, too. It’s like a big square with the surveillance room in the middle.”
Taking Liberty: The Next Generation Page 24