by R. J. Lloyd
He pulled me back down, staying inside me. "Wait, wait. Let's talk about this more." He pulled me in and pressed his lips to mine.
I giggled, leaning back slightly, still trying to catch my breath. "We can't talk with your tongue in my mouth." My hands slid up and down his arms. "What do you want to talk about?" I flinched, pressing my hands to my abdomen for a moment, sure that the exertion from our morning activities before eating has been straining. But, I was fixated on him. “Hmmm? What?”
He watched me for a moment. “Nothing.”
Before I could respond, he lifted me up into his arms, cradling me as he carried me to the bed. He laid me down, pulled the covers up over me and crawled in by my side, his eyes roaming over me from my head to my feet and back up. I didn’t know if he was assessing me or appreciating me. But I know that if I’d asked him, he probably would have said the later. But there was something in the way he looked that said there was something analytical in his actions.
Still, I was curious. “Nothing? You don’t look like nothing is on your mind.”
He scoffed, humored. “There is plenty of time to talk about what I want to talk about. Right now, I want you to rest. I know you just woke, but you look tired. I may have worn you out already.”
I tugged at the blankets between us, hating the barrier. "Hmmm?" My eyes were already closing. "I am just so sleepy today. I don’t know why. Physically and mentally drained, you know?"
"You might be getting sick from something in my world. Our illnesses are foreign to your system. Granted, my blood should help with that, but if you are weakened, then you may not be recovering easily.” He lifted up the blanket and slid behind me, his body pressing into mine.
I sighed happily. "I don't feel sick." I pulled his arm around my waist. "I am sure I just need some more sleep." This time, my voice trailed off as I spoke.
He started running his hand up and down my side, gripping my hip and pulling me back to him. His lips grazed my ear. “Then sleep you shall have.” His voice got even softer. “Anything you want, little one. It is yours.”
~~~
I woke with a start, sitting straight up. “Kane!”
A light breeze blew over me as Kane appeared by my side. “I’m here. What’s wrong?” He looked me over, panic reaching his eyes.
I gripped him as if holding myself to his world, not wanting to return to where I’d just been. “Just stay. Please.” Tears welled up behind my closed eyelids. I buried my face in his chest, hoping he wouldn’t notice.
He sat up, pulling me into his lap. “What happened? I haven’t left the room. I was just sitting on the windowsill reading, so there wasn’t anyone in here. What did you see?”
A shiver ran through me. “It was just a nightmare. I’m sorry.” I tried to stand up, feeling completely foolish.
Not letting me leave his lap, he brushed my hair away from my shoulder. “What was it about?”
“Nothing. Really.”
“Auri…” He tried to be stern, but I could read the deep concern in his brow. “It was not nothing by how you called out for me when you woke.”
I didn’t want to tell him. It wasn’t just that I didn’t want to scare him, but I didn’t want to relive it. I wanted to escape it… to hide in his arms until I could breathe again. But by the tenseness of his hold on me, I knew he wouldn’t let it drop. “I dreamed I was taking a portal home by force, and you were gone. And I was scared."
“Go on.” He nodded. “Were you older? The same age? Were you alone? What were your surroundings?
“I can’t…” I fought my quickening heartrate.
He touched my cheek. “You need to, little one. We need to figure out what it was.”
“Like I said,” I leaned into his palm. “It was just a nightmare.”
“Humor me.” He pulled my hand to his lips and kissed my fingers.
I took a deep breath, breathing it out fully before going on. Closing my eyes, I let myself replay the events. “I was not older. At least not by years. You were not there, as I said. But I was with child. And it was someplace that looks like a desert. I couldn't tell you where of course."
“Were you alone? If not, who else was there?” he urged me to give more details.
I dropped my head, eyes still closed as I tried to pull details out of the fog that was engulfing my memories of what I’d dreamt. “Three people. Robes. One purple. One ivory. I cannot recall the other… maybe red? But I can’t see them clearly. I can’t even tell who was woman or who was a man. I can only see them holding their hands out to me, a force from them pushing me into the portal as they spoke, but I do not know the language. I held my stomach, crying, hoping to see you come, but one person leaned in and spoke.” My words cut off as I chocked on them.
“What did they say?” His nostrils flared.
I shook my head as if I couldn’t speak any more.
He pulled me in, wrapping his arms around me tight for a moment. Kissing the top of my head, he pulled back again. “What did they say?”
I started to cry, my words struggled to get around my sobs. “’He is not coming for you… any of you.’ Then, they touched my belly and I can remember such an evil grin as they told me that you were where you belonged, and I was to forget about you and allow my children their true destiny. Then, they shoved me through the portal. I thought I saw you just as I fell through, but I don’t know. I remember falling backward then waking, calling for you.”
His jaw was set. “Did it feel like a nightmare or something else? His tone still held more authority than softness.
“It felt like I was dying inside. I didn’t know where I was going, but I don’t feel like I was going home. It felt more like I was being taken somewhere. And I didn’t know if they were eluding to you being dead… or having abandoned me.”
“I would never abandon you. Especially if you were with child… my child.”
For a moment, I wondered if it was his. What if something were happening that he wasn’t abandoning me as much as I had abandoned him and, in that moment, realizing that I’d made a mistake?
“Is there something more you have not told me?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Not that I can think of.”
Letting that question sit on me for a moment, I weighed it against everything I’d felt, and it was wrong. It felt off, and I knew for sure that there’s no way that would be the case. But my stomach flopped nauseatingly at the thought that the alternative might have been correct.
He studied me, his eyes narrowing. “You say nightmare, but do you often dream in visions to come? You once had the vision of the past. Maybe I should contact Dorian.”
His reply wasn’t what I expected. It was regimented. Kane went to get out of the bed, but I gripped his arm. “Please. No.”
The focus that was on his face softened when he turned back to me. “Is one of your powers an ability to predict the future… awake or in your dreams? Have you been able to do that in the past?”
“Only a couple of times, and it was nothing of importance,” I explained.
He huffed. “But we know your powers are stronger here. And you seem to have more powers than even you know of. So, I ask again, do you feel this is a prediction?”
A part of me felt interrogated. Despite him questioning me verbally, his posture was protective, but it didn’t save me from the fear that rose in my throat. “Who is Dorian?”
“Auri…” he growled.
“Who is he?” I needed to know that it wasn’t someone about to dissect me if I do hold the ability to see the future in my dreams.
Almost as if reading my mind, Kane sat on the edge of the bed and took my hand in his. “He will not hurt you. He is the head of my armies. He leads the training of my men. And when we go to battle, he leads the battle in my absence.”
“Then why would you call him in here? What have I done? If this is a prediction, does that scare you so much that you need someone like him around to handle me?” I swallowed around the lump in my throat, slo
wly pulling my hand from his grip and sitting up.
He pulled back, flinching as if I’d hit him. Brows furrowed, he looked down, not reaching out for me again. “I would call on him to protect you, not harm you.”
My heart broke as I watched him stand and cross the room to the door.
“Do you want to see it?” I blurted out before he could exit the room.
He stopped, his hand on the door. “See what?”
“The nightmare. I can show you.” I didn’t know why, but something clicked in me, telling me that I could do more than transfer emotions. That since this scenario invoked so much emotion in me, I’d be able to send the images with it.
“I will. Yes. But right now, I must speak with Wulfgar and Dorian.” He walked out of the room without looking back.
The only comfort I had right then was that he hadn’t lashed out at me. But his sudden coldness sent chills through my very core. Instinctively, my hands went to my belly, and I curled up, pulling the covers back over me.
Chapter
Ten
Needing Answers
The door creaked, and heavy footfalls crossed the room. A spot next to me on the mattress compressed, and I felt a hand on my hip over the thick comforter. I knew that hand well. The pressure Kane used. The grip he held me with. I’d become familiar with it… and it hurt to feel it right then.
I didn’t know if he was alone. I didn’t know if he was sitting there to talk to me or to wake me before this Dorian took me away. But I did know that I wasn’t ready to leave his bed.
“Auri?” His voice was careful.
I didn’t come out from under the covers. “Are you sending me away?”
“Sending you away?” His hand moved off of my hip, but the rest of him did not move. “Is that what you think?”
“You’re angry,” I retorted.
He sighed. “I am fearful for you. But I am not angry with you.” He paused, and when I didn’t say anything, he continued, “I see now just how scared you are. And I am sorry if I added to that… again.”
I finally sat up, pushing the mess of hair that was wildly engulfing my face and shoulders back. “I don’t know if it was anything more than a nightmare, Kane. And if it is, there’s no way that the baby wouldn’t be yours, and I would never leave without you forcing me to.”
He reached out but pulled back when I flinched. “How long before you no longer fear me?” My flinch was minuscule to his reaction to it. His movements and tone were as if I’d stabbed him in the in the heart.
“I’m sorry.” My eyes pleaded with him.
“I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to not be so afraid of me.”
I shifted to face him better. It wasn’t that I feared him directly. I didn’t know what I feared. In all honesty, I had, more or less, thought I’d gotten past that. But something was making me jumpy.
My hand ran up and down my other arm as if I were cold. “There’s a saying on Earth… ’It’s not you. It’s me.’ Only, in this case, it’s true, and I’m not using it to break up with you. I just… I don’t know. I’m jumpy. Maybe everything is just catching up with me.”
In a blur, he scooped me up and pulled me into his lap. “I went to Dorian and Wulfgar. Dorian is gathering some men to stand guard around the castle. Wulfgar will stand guard near you, especially when I am not able to be. We will make sure that nobody… not those from your nightmare, not Mika, not anyone. Nobody will get to you… with or without child.”
“Is that necessary?” The idea of having guards to protect me was almost unfathomable.
Without hesitation, he replied, “Yes.”
“But you can protect me. Do we really need the help?”
“I will not be with you every moment, Auri. And you shouldn’t require that. You should feel like you can do as you please,” he explained, “And on days like today, when I have to go someplace, I want to know that you are safe.”
A different kind of panic shot through me. “You’re leaving? Why? Where? For how long? I can’t come with you? Is it because of me that you’re leaving?”
As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I wanted to shove them right back in. Why am I acting like a puppy dog? But something in me didn’t want to be far from him. It wasn’t a fear for my safety. After all, I wanted to refuse the security detail he was assigning. It was something else. But I didn’t know what. A part of me struggled, still questioning everything, even if so much of me knew what I wanted.
Kane’s hand caressed my shoulder as he laughed softly, amused. “You don’t want me to assign guards to you, yet you seem anxious at the thought of me being away from you. That contradicts your claim that you feel safe.”
Crap. I didn’t know how to explain my reaction to myself any more than to him.
But when his eyes went down to my hands, both on my stomach, his brow relaxed and tone was soothing. “Auri, I must go to The Hurthfeur. Khialreth to be exact. There, I can ask the Emalne that reside there if I can get some supplies that we will need if you are going to carry my child. They oversee herbs.”
“Supplies?” The image of me, pregnant, standing in front of the portal in my nightmare flashed through my mind. “You mean to give birth? Are pregnancies and deliveries that rare here?” I recalled, when I first arrived, not noticing children running around.
“Not in Everwinter. Considering that vampires are the alpha race here, there are very few births. Most humans that are brave enough to procreate usually leave and give birth in another place. Many do not return until the children are no longer children.” He leaned in and spoke lower, “Some vampires find children a delicacy.”
“Ewww…” My face wrinkled.
“Yes. I agree.” A shiver ran through me as he continued, “But the supplies we need are for your strength and comfort, not to make it happen and only some for a delivery. We cannot rely on my blood. I do not know what it would do to a child.”
His comment hit me hard. I hadn’t thought of that. What would his blood do a child? Would it change them? Kill them? Make them so strong that they’d kill me? Or nothing at all?
He must have seen me struggling with this new puzzle, because he reached out, placing his hands on my cheeks. “It is a precaution. Your pains, the fact that you’re becoming very defensively protective, the whispers of the prophecy and your nightmares all have me on guard. I want to be sure that we are prepared. That is all, little one.”
I put my hands over his. “But you don’t believe in things like prophecy.”
He smirked. “But you do. And sometimes that’s all it takes for something to happen. Not that there’s a destiny that brings it to fruition but rather at least one believer that does it on their own.” His thumb grazed over my lips.
What he said made sense. But what he said also dug a deeper hole of fear in me. What if that is all it would take… me believing it would happen and therefore setting the events into motion? If I wasn’t already pregnant, I could stop sleeping with him. Then there’s no way it could come true. But then again, could I really stay away from him?
I wanted to ask more about the prophecy. To dig deeper and find out the details of what was supposedly pre-ordained. But if I wanted to stop it, I’d have to leave. I’d have to put distance between Kane and myself so that I couldn’t get pregnant. There’s no way I could be close to him and not act on my desires.
I pulled his hands down to my chest, holding them over my heart. Looking at him, before I could speak, his eyes caught mine, and I knew I couldn’t leave him either. A dread blanketed me, and I found it hard to breath.
“Auri…” His voice was full of sadness.
I shook my head. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Let my men protect you while I go get what we need to keep you safe and healthy.” He squeezed my hands.
“No.”
“No?” He sounded astonished by my reply.
“No,” I repeated. “I’m coming with you. I can’t just stay here like a princess in a towe
r. Nor will I keep myself locked in here, scared of everyone that comes by me. Scared because you won’t be here in case someone tries something.”
He blinked. “I trust my men. And you have your own strength and powers. It is safer…”
I cut him off, releasing his hands. “I am safer with you. And I am coming. You will tell me more about this prophecy. And we will get answers about the portals while we are out.”
Something shot across his eyes.
“Kane?” I moved to be directly in his field of vision. “What? What about the portals?”
“I have no information,” he answers curtly.
I asked cautiously, “Because there’s no information to have?”
He set his jaw. “Because I have not wanted to know.”
“Excuse me?” I stood and took a step back, almost stumbling. “What are you saying?”
Inhaling slowly through his nostrils, he looked me up and down as if sizing up my anger before he replied. “I know that whatever information Saarzlairn might have for me will be there when I inquire of what he may have found out, but I have not urged him to scout thoroughly nor bring his findings back to me.”
“Why?” My response came out in a breath. I felt betrayed.
“Auri…” He reached out for me, but when I took another step back, his expression looked grim. “You said you wanted to stay. I want you to stay.”
“But…”
He nodded, his eyes hooded. “But I didn’t want to tempt you with a way home if one was possible.”
We stood in silence for a long moment. I don’t know if I was stunned into silence or being defiantly silent, but nothing came out of my mouth. But then again, Kane didn’t speak either.
That is, until he threw his hands in the air and roared, “Fine. You will come with me to Khialreth, and we will see if we can speak with Boutrol to see what we can find out about portals. If any dragon will know, it will be him. But we will have Wulfgar, Dorian and some of my soldiers with us. Are you satisfied?”
I was about to reply, but he started for the door. Still, I called out after him. “Who is Boutrol?”