by J. M. Kearl
Jordane’s plate is nearly cleared when he stops and looks up, dabbing his mouth with a napkin. “I’ve hardly eaten in eight or nine years. Just enough to survive, as you can see. They fed me well in Lanloc but once I was transferred from there that ended.”
Daelyn takes a sip of her water. “What is Lanloc?”
Jordane doesn’t respond and begins shoveling food in his mouth again.
Boaden answers for him. “It’s a prison where the inmates fight each other to the death.”
Daelyn’s eyebrows lower. “To the death?” she whispers in disbelief.
Jordane doesn’t look up. Boaden can see that he doesn’t want to talk about what happened there. The weight of that, the fact they are being hunted, and the death of Madison is making it difficult to have anything to talk about at all. Well, there is plenty to talk about but all of it brings pain…
Boaden cuts his meat. “I think if we make it to the coast, we can take a ship home. It will take a while but it’s the safest plan.”
Solemn and disheartened, Daelyn and Jordane both nod but don’t offer any input. When the meals are finished, Daelyn’s eyes keep flicking to her father. Finally, she speaks, “It’s incredibly hard to get one parent back and then lose the other almost instantly. Father, I wish I could have saved her,” her voice breaks, “If I only used my magic sooner.”
Jordane shakes his head, tears welling in his eyes. “Do not blame yourself for your mother. She knew the risks of her chosen life, as all of us do.”
Tears spill down Daelyn’s cheeks. “I know but it still hurts.”
Jordane nods staring at the table. “And it will for a long time.” He pushes back from the table. “Excuse me, I need to get some rest.” He hurries to the hallway, where he loses his self-control and sobs, but quickly disappears from view.
“Maybe you should go to your father,” Boaden says.
Boaden can feel she is torn. On the one side she wants to go and hug and comfort him, on the other she knows he left so they wouldn’t see him cry. If the man has anything left it’s his pride.
“I will knock on his door but I won’t push him.”
Daelyn and Boaden leave the dining area and head back toward the rooms. Daelyn pauses in front of the entrance to Jordane’s room before she knocks. Boaden hangs back in the shadow of the doorway waiting to see if Jordane will answer. After several minutes, she turns away.
“Perhaps he fell asleep,” Boaden says walking inside.
“Perhaps,” Daelyn mumbles.
Boaden wants to comfort her but she’s angry at him for taking her away from Madison. But what choice did he have? She died, and with the Hesstian soldiers so close there was no time to make a stretcher and it’s not as if he could hold her corpse in front him on Hess until they had time to bury her. She would eventually go stiff, and stink as she began to decompose. “I would have gotten you your own room but we need to save our coin. Will it bother you?”
The candles flicker and Boaden watches Daelyn remove the cloak they’d gotten her in the small town just before they left Hesstia. She turns to him. “Will what bother me?”
Boaden’s eyes fall on the bed.
A smile slowly grows, the first smile he’s seen on her face in what seems like forever. “To sleep in the same bed as you? No.”
They hadn’t shared a kiss, or even so much as a hug since they were back at the castle in Hesstia. Boaden isn’t even sure where their relationship stands at this point. He wants to be with her, longs to hold her, and kiss away her tears, but she made it clear since the escape she isn’t ready for that. When Boaden had moved a hand toward her, she turned away. This is the first time they’ve been alone since Madison died.
“It will only be sleep. I promise I won’t attempt anything.” He swallows down the nervousness that has suddenly risen inside of him. Fluttering slowly creeps in his stomach as he watches her, waiting to see her response. For some reason he can’t get a clear read on her feelings, maybe she isn’t even sure how she feels.
Daelyn sits on the bed and pulls her boots off. “I’m not worried about that.” She stands and slowly saunters towards him. Her hand moves to his chest and rests there.
He closes his eyes when her touch brings a warm ache. The kind of ache that makes him want to take her in his arms and love her. Her touch is electrifying, making his heart beat faster. His eyes open to find her staring at him. “I’m sorry we had to leave her,” he says.
Daelyn’s gaze falls for a moment. “I’m not angry at you-- I was, yes. But I now understand that we didn’t have time-- I’m sad we couldn’t bury her.”
Boaden places his hand over hers. “As am I.”
Suddenly Daelyn’s palm grips the front of his shirt and she pulls him down to her lips. Her arms wrap around his neck with a hunger he hadn’t felt from her before. Fingers dig into his back and he presses harder into her. She tugs him, falling onto the bed. Her kisses grow in passion, as her hands wander under his shirt, gliding against his bare skin.
Boaden isn’t sure how far to take this but his body throbs to have her. Every place she touches his skin feels like it’s on fire. His lips trail down the hot skin of her neck, she lets out a moan and pulls at the tie on the front of her shirt, exposing her cleavage. Boaden kisses the top roundness of her breasts.
The cloak around his shoulders is heavy and in the way; he pulls the knot free and tosses it to the side. Daelyn tugs at the bottom of his shirt and pulls it up over his head. Her lips move from his chest to his stomach and then her fingers pull at his belt.
He growls to himself for what he’s about to do but out of respect, he must. His hands wrap around hers, stopping her. A heavy breath escapes from his lips. “Daelyn, are you sure you’re ready for this?”
He has a feeling she’s doing this to try to mask her pain, and he doesn’t want that to be the first time he makes love to her. Though, it’s physically hurting him to hold back-- to not tear her clothes off. He glances at her half exposed breasts and bites at the inside of his cheek.
Daelyn swallows hard and licks her lips. “I want you.”
Despite her words, Boaden can feel her apprehension. He steps back from the bed and grabs his shirt off the floor. As much as he wants her, as much as he’s thought about being with her and how amazing it will feel to be with a woman he loves so much, this doesn’t feel right.
Daelyn sits up on the bed, her feet dangling inches from the floor. “Why are you stopping? I said I want you. I want to do this.”
Damn it! Why am I like this? “You’re grieving and sad. This isn’t the right time. You’ve barely even looked at me since we left Hesstia.”
If those blue eyes of hers could shoot fire, he thinks they might. “Fine.” She climbs under the blanket and turns her back on him.
A sigh escapes him and he stares at her form under the blankets. What can I say? How can I make her know I want her but not when she’s grieving this way? He decides that saying anything might make her angrier so he slides in on the other side of the bed. When he moves his hand to her and touches her cheek, she rolls away again. He stares at the wood planks on the ceiling in his own personal hell, one that he created. She’s close enough that he can feel her body heat, but they aren’t touching. Everything in him wants to reach over and give her what she wishes, but he doesn’t. It seems like at least an hour passes of him gazing at nothing in particular.
Mind left to wander he thinks about Daelyn and her magic, and the fact that she hasn’t talked about it. She’d made no attempt to use it since that dreadful day in Hesstia. It’s clearly wildly strong and the one time he asked her about how it felt, she shrugged, but he sensed her anxiety around the topic. She’s afraid of what she did and what more she could do.
Slow rhythmic breathing is a sign she’s asleep; Boaden takes this chance to roll onto his side, and wrap his arms around her torso. She stirs for a moment, pushing back into him further. Taking comfort in their closeness, he dreams right along with her.
&n
bsp; ∞∞∞
The sun shines through the window at dawn. The light brings Boaden out of his slumber and his eyes flutter open, protesting the brightness in the room. Daelyn must sense his movement and rolls over to face him. They gaze into each other’s eyes for a few moments before either of them speaks.
“Thank you,” she says softly. “For being such a good man.”
Boaden cracks a smile. “I hope you know it’s not because I don’t want to. I do,” he groans, “trust me, I do.”
Daelyn lightly presses her lips to his, leaving his heart quickening when she pulls back. “I know. I apologize that I’ve been distant. I needed to grieve, and I tend to get quiet and keep to myself when I’m sad.”
Boaden remembers well the distance between them when all hell broke loose with the news of her father and her orders to marry then Prince Enden. The lonely silence from Hesstia to Delhoon was difficult for him. He had his own conflict waging inside but she kept to herself on that long ride. “I know you do. I hope one day you trust me enough to let me help you.”
Daelyn’s hand brushes against his chest. “I trust you, I was just angry and sad and overwhelmed by the magic that is coursing through my body. I worry if I feel anger or sorrow like I did that day. I might hurt someone.”
“What you did in Hesstia is unheard of. Do you know that?”
Daelyn nods. “I gathered as much by the way you and my father talked about the event the other night.”
“Which is why you are afraid.”
Daelyn’s brows furrow and she purses her lips. “The magic feels foreign and strange. It’s something I’ll have to get used to.”
“You will get used to it and then you’ll love it.” Boaden sits up in the bed and his feet hit the floorboards. “We should leave.”
Daelyn stands before the mirror and re-braids her hair. “I’ll get my father up.” When she gets to the door she pauses. “Boaden,” she says getting his attention. “About last night… Don’t reject me the next time.”
She doesn’t clarify but he knows exactly what she’s talking about, and he can hardly wait for that day. He smiles. “I won’t.”
3. Jordane
Most of Jordane’s night was spent on the chamber pot in a cold sweat. As if he didn’t suffer enough from the loss of his wife and his incarceration, he has to pay for overindulging for what his frail body can handle. The body aches from years of fighting and imprisonment flair up this morning when he sets his tender feet on the floor. He hobbles over to the mirror and looks at the poor reflection staring back at him. He barely even recognizes the man he’s become. It’s not just the fine lines or gaunt cheeks but the hollowness in his eyes.
The long held hope he had for getting his wife back is gone. To see her again and then hold her while she died… he doesn’t understand the cruelness of this world, of what he’s had to suffer. Daelyn is the only good thing he has left but she’s grown and will have her life apart from his sooner or later. He doesn’t understand the nature of her relationship with Boaden but there is something there. He supposes he should speak to them about that; he’s just been so lost in his own head that he hasn't been able to care.
A knock sounds at his door and he jumps. “Come in,” he says.
Daelyn pokes her head in. “Father? Are you dressed?”
“Yes,” he says, and she steps inside.
“How are you feeling this morning?” she asks.
He contemplates the question for a moment. The proper response is, “Well, good,” anything that doesn’t illicit pity from the other person, but those words would be lies. “I feel like shit, my body hurts, and I miss your mother.”
Perhaps she is surprised at his response because her eyes go wide. It’s true, he hasn’t opened up to her much since they escaped Hesstia. They’d shared some long embraces and tears around the campfire but not much in the way of conversation or feelings.
“What happened to you in the last ten years? Why would Midlan ever betray you?” Daelyn asks.
Jordane wants to turn away and shut down but she deserves some explanation. “It was years in the making, I suppose. Midlan loved your mother ever since we were kids. There had been instances leading up to that day… I suspected that deep down he hated me and I was foolish to ignore the signs.”
“So he turned you over to the Hesstian’s because he loved mother? What kind of person would do that?”
“Men are capable of wretched things, Daelyn, as you’ve no doubt seen. And it wasn’t even just that he loved your mother. He was envious of me in many ways.”
Daelyn is quiet for a few moments. “You know, I don’t even really know you or mother. I only found out we were Delhoon a few months ago. She said you met at the academy?”
Jordane is irritated that Madison never told Daelyn the truth. He doesn’t understand it and perhaps never will. It is not how he would have chosen to raise her. She should have had the privilege of going to the academy like her parents. “I remember the exact day that it clicked in my head that I wanted to marry your mother. She was a ruthless fighter, skilled with magic, witty, but many of the girls at the academy are like that. It was her confidence and boldness I loved most. She never thought anyone was better than her at anything, even if they were.” Jordane chuckles and so does Daelyn.
“She didn’t have any doubts about her skills, that’s for sure,” Daelyn says with a smile.
“She probably never told you but her parents were cruel to her. In ways that you can’t imagine a parent would be to a child. I know she was hard on you while I was there but it was nothing in comparison,” he pauses and searches her face. Hoping that Madison was never so harsh to Daelyn; she doesn’t give anything away. “Her parents only visited one time on graduation day. I didn’t see the exchange but she confided in me that she’d told them she didn’t want them apart of her life and she fell into my arms and cried. I’d never seen that side of her, and I knew if she could open up to me in that way, someone who is ordinarily so closed off, that she loved me, and I loved her.”
“I had no idea that her parents were so mean. She never spoke of them. I brought up my grandparents once and she said they were dead.”
“As far as I know they are alive but perhaps they were dead to her.” Jordane sits on the end of the bed and rubs his sensitive shin that once had been broken. “When we get back to Delhoon, we can carve a memorial stone for her.”
“That would be wonderful.”
“Your mother was a great warrior, you know. She is already in the history books for her battle prowess. She killed a Hesstian general, along with countless others.”
“I didn’t know that,” Daelyn says. “I mean, I knew she was a great fighter. I saw it myself against some Wargon Trolls… this is nice talking about her accomplishments instead of being so sad. We should talk about the good times with her more. She wouldn’t ever speak about you. I think it hurt too much.”
“I don’t imagine she would. She wasn’t very open about her feelings.” Jordane pulls his boots on. “We should probably get going. We aren’t safe until we get to Delhoon. Don’t let your guard down.”
“I won’t,’ she says. “I’ll meet you down stairs for breakfast.”
When the door closes behind Daelyn, Jordane makes his way to the wash tub and splashes his face with cool water. Bringing up the memories of Madison felt good but also reinforced in his mind that she is gone.
He throws his cloak on and heads to the dining room. He’s hesitant to eat as much this time but the food smells so good it’s almost intoxicating. He eats enough to be satisfied but doesn’t want to risk having to stop their journey because he can barely control his bowels.
“So, Boaden I’ve noticed you and my daughter are close,” Jordane says. “Have you proposed marriage? I only presume so since you stayed in the same room.”
Daelyn blushes, mouth half hanging open, and Boaden clears his throat. “I care a great deal for Daelyn. With everything that has happened since we met we haven’
t had much of a chance to discuss our future.”
“Yes, father, I was betrothed to marry Prince Enden not long ago. Not that I wanted to.”
“I’ve missed a lot, I know.” He eyes the large man. “I’m just trying to get an idea of what is going on between the two of you.”
Boaden sets his fork down and says, “Even though we stayed it the same room, nothing happened, sir. I’m running a little low on money and sharing a room was prudent.”
“Ah,” Jordane says and taps his fingers against his thigh. He’d watched them since they left Hesstia and Daelyn is or was clearly angry with him for making her leave Madison but he can tell by the way they look at each other something is there, whether they admit it or not. “Your mother and I waited until our wedding night to, you know.”
Daelyn’s face is still red but seems to go a deeper shade. Jordane isn’t usually the type to force his beliefs on others but where his daughter is concerned, the girl he still remembers as ten years old, he wants to make sure she is treated properly and with respect.
“That’s a great tradition, sir,” Boaden says with a smile.
Daelyn eats quietly and doesn’t make eye contact with either of them.
“I’ll get the horses brought from the stables,” Jordane says and stands. “No need to rush through your breakfast.” He hasn’t been able to be there for Daelyn and wants to make it up to her now. Hopefully this conversation is enough to make sure she doesn’t give herself away unless she knows this man truly loves her.
4. Madison
Sweat drips down her back from the blazing heat of the sun. She’s days into Nordia now and the landscape has changed from the woodlands of Hesstia, with fields and trees, to desert sand and scarce shrubbery. The canteen clanks against the old saddle she stole before she left Hesstia, reminding her that she is out of water. Her cracked lips and dry sticky tongue also attest to that fact.