One Night Flame

by Beverly Evans

  She’s dressed in a tank top and shorts instead of a swimsuit, thankfully, but the way she’s bent over gives me a nice view of her cleavage. Once I get my sexual impulse to stare under control, I look up to her face. Stress is written all over it, from the tense position of her shoulders to the furrow in her brow.

  “Hey, what’s up?” Andy asks, sitting up.

  “Hey.” I stand in the middle of the porch. “Hey, Nadine.”

  “Hi.” She glances up at me for the briefest second before looking back at her computer.

  “She’s working,” Andy explains, the same mildly exasperated look his mom had on his face this time.

  “Ah.” I decide to sit near Andy since I know Nadine would probably rip my face off if I sat at the table with her. She has the same look of miserable concentration that college students who are going to bomb their midterms have in the library, hours before the test. “Isn’t she on vacation?”

  “I can hear you two, you know,” she says. “I’m right here.”

  “Aren’t you on vacation?” I ask her directly.

  “Yes,” she sighs and looks back at the screen.

  I look back to Andy, who shrugs.

  “You aren’t on call, are you?” Andy asks me, stretching.

  “Nah. There was a bad fire a few nights back, though.” I sip my wine. “I’ve just been chilling at home with Mabel today.”

  “You hang out with your dog more than you hang out with any human being,” Andy says with a snort.

  I know he's joking, but the truth hurts. I hardly go out anymore unless it's something like this.

  “She doesn’t give me shit besides asking for food or walks.” I laugh. “It’s easy to hang out with her.”

  “Angie and I were thinking about getting a dog,” Andy says.

  “Wow, didn’t realize you guys were that serious.” I don’t do a good job of not sounding shocked. Andy’s had a couple of girlfriends, but he mostly slept around before he met Angie.

  They’re good together, but the thought of Andy marrying anyone is strange. Sometimes I still think of him as the guy who slept with two separate chicks in one night and didn’t call either of them back. I used to be that guy too.

  “Yeah. I think it’s going that direction anyway.” He shrugs and looks over his shoulder. “Food’s coming.”

  “Need help?” I ask Babs as she pushes the door open with her hip, her hands filled with big bowls.

  “Nope, I’m good. Your dad’s behind me.” She places the food on the table where Nadine’s still working. “Nadine, c’mon.”

  “I just have one more email…” Nadine sighs yet again and looks to the wooden charcuterie board her mom put in front of her.

  “No, no, no,” Babs says, pulling the board away when she reaches for it. “No eating until the laptop’s gone. This is a family dinner, not a working lunch.”

  “Fine.” She slowly closes her laptop.

  “And no phones either.”

  Nadine puts her phone into her back pocket, then grabs a slice of meat. Her email might be away, but her mind’s still somewhere else.

  “More wine, anyone?” Dad asks, bringing up the rear with two bottles of wine, one in each hand.

  “Can you top me off, honey?” Babs asks before she slides around him and heads back into the kitchen.

  Dad does as she asked and takes a seat next to Andy. He’s tipsy, sure, but it’s been a long time since I’ve seen him look this happy. The moments in between conversations used to be when he slid into his own head, going into whatever sad place he used to go to, even after he recovered from the worst of his depression after my mom died.

  “Busy day at the virtual office, Nadine?” Dad asks, putting the bottle of wine down.

  “Yeah.” She shoves a piece of bread topped with cheese into her mouth. “My boss doesn’t seem to understand what a vacation is.”

  “But at least it seems like you’re indispensable,” he points out. “If she’s depending on you so much outside of the office.”

  “I guess that’s how you could look at it.” She tries to smile, but it comes out weak. Whatever her daily job entails, it’s sucking the life out of her. Or maybe that’s just part of the equation. It’s not like I’ve had the opportunity to get to know anything else about her life this whole time. Maybe she has a boyfriend or something who’s getting on her nerves.

  “Ok, hot bowl coming through,” Babs calls, coming around Dad’s shoulder. She puts down a massive bowl of paella with a serving spoon stuck in it.

  We serve ourselves the food and salad and start to eat. It’s incredible, as always, and all of us thank Babs. She beams as if this is the first time anyone’s complimented her food.

  There’s silence at the table while everyone gets to a comfortable level of not hungry. Dad gets there first and sits back in his chair, then Babs does too.

  “Thanks for helping out with that errand, you two,” Babs says, gesturing to me and Nadine. “It really saved us a lot of time.”

  I haven’t been able to stop thinking about that morning. Waves of embarrassment over the way I acted wash over me at random times, mixed with annoyance at the fact that it took so long for her to open up. If she would just talk to me honestly, and not just in anger, we could have gotten it sorted out. Maybe we could even get along.

  But that’s not going to happen easily. I wonder if I should even bother or why I’m even trying. She accepted my apology, which is a fine place to leave our relationship.

  I can’t just leave anything alone. Or maybe it’s just misplaced lust. That makes a little more sense. I’ve never been able to keep my head on straight when it comes to her, especially now. I wish I could get my shit together.

  “Yeah, no problem. It wasn’t that hard,” I shrug, stabbing some salad with my fork so hard that it squeaks across my plate.

  “Wow, you and Nadine cooperated and didn’t bite each other’s heads off?” Andy jokes, snorting behind his wine glass. “It’s a miracle.”

  “Who’s to say we didn’t bite each other’s heads off?” I ask, trying to keep it light even though I’m not lying.

  “We didn’t bite each other’s heads off,” Nadine says, glaring at me.

  “It feels like you only bit mine off, so I guess you’re right,” I shoot back before I can stop myself. “Your head’s mostly intact.”

  “Oh, f—,” Nadine stops herself from cussing me out at the table and stuffs more food into her mouth.

  “You two. Calm down,” Babs orders, all the bubbly happiness draining out of her. “Not okay at the table.”

  “Sorry,” we both mumble.

  An awkward silence falls over the table. I steal a look at Dad, who’s looking at Babs. They haven’t been together that long, but they already communicate in only looks. Both of them look worried, and I feel even worse.

  “Maybe we could all go to that new movie theater next weekend,” Dad suggests. He’s got that ’fake happy’ tone in his voice that he used to use with me when I was an asshole, surly teenager. It’s the voice that pretends that everything will be okay if we fake it. “There’s that new drama that’s already getting Oscar buzz. The one about those wild horses.”

  Dad’s the kind of guy who goes to see all of those award-bait movies. I humor him sometimes even though my taste in movies is lowbrow. If there are explosions, robots, or car chases, I’ll probably give it a watch. At least Babs goes with him to all those movies now, so he doesn’t feel compelled to drag me along every time.

  “Sounds fun,” Babs says, the same fake cheer in her voice.

  “Sure, why not?” Andy says, willfully oblivious to the tension at the table. “Ang’s into that kind of thing. Can she come?”

  “Of course.” Dad likes Andy a lot, and Angela too. He’s rooting for them almost as hard as Babs is. He hasn’t made it a secret that he wants grandkids (way too soon for my comfort), so now he has two more kids to put (loving) pressure on. I guess I can thank Nadine and Andy for that. Before, he always a
sked me why I’d broken up with past girlfriends who were ‘just so nice,’ as if every girlfriend of mine he met was ‘The One’. Nearly all of them weren't even real girlfriends. They usually met Dad by accident.

  “Maybe we can make an afternoon of it?” Babs says, looking between me and Nadine. “It’ll be fun.”

  Nadine squirms in discomfort at being put on the spot, but I only sigh a little. I sense a little desperation in her tone. When she and Dad got serious enough for Dad to start talking about marriage, he mentioned his desire to have a big happy family again. Not that just having me and up until recently, Jack, wasn’t enough. He just wanted a romantic partner again, and Babs is his perfect match. Of course, both of them want to push the whole togetherness thing — both of them had a space in their lives before they met each other, and now they have the chance to fill it.

  Nadine and I’s baggage shouldn’t get in the way of their happiness.

  I swallow the guilt and nod, smiling. “I can see when I’m not on call. It sounds like fun.”

  The table goes quiet again, minus some of the tension that was there before. Nadine refills her wine glass and glances up at me, catching my eye. She can be hard to read sometimes, so I don’t think anything of it. But at least I can tell she’s not furious with me. Now seems like a chance to extend an olive branch.

  “So, what’s your job again, Nadine? Paralegal? What kind of law firm?” I ask, not daring to look up at her. It’s like we’re two dogs. Making eye contact would only mean an act of aggression.

  “Yeah, I’m a paralegal,” Nadine says slowly, holding her hand in front of her mouth as she chews. “Um, it’s a big law firm. Lots of civil suits, stuff like that.”

  “Cool,” is all I can manage to say. She nods, avoiding eye contact with me. She always hated it when I dug into her life before, so this little conversation is progress, at least. It seems like even she can’t help but play nice when our parents are trying so damn hard to make this family work.

  Or maybe I’m just getting better at not being the nosy asshole she always accused me of being when we were younger. I think it’s both.

  Our parents are clearly pleased with our attempts because they relax back in their seats, nibbling on food and taking in the late evening. It’s a little too warm and sticky for my taste, but no one else seems to mind.

  “So, we were thinking. Instead of having an engagement party or something like that, we wanted to go on a trip somewhere,” Dad says, resting his hand on Babs’s knee. “All of us.”

  “Wait, not like a honeymoon, right?” Andy asks.

  “Kind of defeats the idea of a honeymoon if your kids come along, doesn’t it?” I say.

  “Right. We’re planning on a honeymoon too,” Babs nods. “But Joseph decided to move into this house with me instead of us buying something new together. We might get a vacation home on a lake further up state instead, so we might as well check the location we were thinking of buying in.”

  “Sounds good to me. I want a vacation,” Andy says, burping quietly.

  “I don’t know if I can get away again,” Nadine frowns. “My boss is already upset that I’m here for two weeks.”

  “If you have the vacation days, why not?” Andy asks.

  “You don’t know my boss,” Nadine mutters with a grimace.

  “Deenie, you should assert yourself. Tell her that you have a life,” Babs says as intensely as I’ve ever seen her. “You can’t let her work you to death.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” Nadine replies. She’s clearly heard this all before. “I just need to put in a little more time before I can leave for law school. It’s fine.”

  Babs seems annoyed, then resigned. “Well, we’d love it if you could come. It’ll be nice to get some swimming in, especially since it gets so hot in August.”

  Swimming would mean seeing Nadine in a swimsuit. Maybe even a bikini. I gulp down wine, trying to shove those feelings aside since we’re at the dinner table. The awkwardness of our family interactions is bad enough, without acknowledging the sexual tension that usually appears whenever we’re together. Throw in Nadine’s perky tits in a thin layer of fabric, and those lean legs bared to me, and I’m suddenly not looking forward to this trip.

  “We’ll let you guys know once we have more details.” Dad serves himself more paella. “Anyone else want seconds?”

  Andy and I go in for more food, but Nadine and Babs are already full. Eventually, the two women get up and go to the kitchen to get dessert, and I stand up to stretch. Andy goes off to the bathroom, a slight drunken wobble in his step from all the wine. I can tell he’ll be crashing here tonight. When we used to go out in college, he would be the first guy to pass out asleep after a night of drinking. Usually, there was more puking involved, but thankfully we’ve grown in both maturity and alcohol tolerance.

  “Thank you for making an effort with Nadine,” Dad says to me as he gathers the dirty dishes. “I know you two haven’t really gotten along in the past.”

  “Yeah, no big deal.” I help him with the plates.

  “I remember how often you would complain about her when you were in high school,” he says with a wistful smile. “How she would ruin you and Andy’s fun.”

  “I was a teenage boy obsessed with video games and violent cartoons. Of course, a girl like her would rub me the wrong way,” I say, feeling the back of my neck heat up. I never realized I bitched about Nadine that much. I’ve always thought I was the one poking at her, trying to get a rise out of her for fun and not the other way around.

  “Oh, I just figured you had a crush on her,” Dad shrugs. I freeze, his words hitting a little too close to home. “But that’s just an old stereotype, isn’t it? The guy picking on a girl because he likes her. I guess I was wrong.”

  “Yeah,” I manage to say, even though the realization made me cringe on the inside.

  Did I talk about her all the time because she genuinely annoyed me, or because I was just thinking about her? Did I like to get a rise out of her because that would mean we could see each other? I guess the changes in her body were like a slap in the face, making me realize that my feelings weren’t actually annoyance. Her sudden hotness only made me see what was there all along.

  Fuck. I wish I’d never realized this. I tamp down the feelings by offering to do the dishes if I can change the music to a podcast. I change it to a true crime podcast that Dad likes too, which distracts me enough while I do this mindless task. Focusing on cold case murders is a lot more pleasurable than thinking about how stupid I’ve been in the past.

  By the time I’m done, Babs has brought out the homemade ice cream and blueberry crumble. I take a bowl of it and wolf it down, still listening to the podcast and talking about it with Dad. Nadine, Andy, and Babs are on the other side of the massive kitchen, looking at photos their cousin sent of his new baby. The atmosphere is comfortable despite my own internal turmoil. Eventually, everyone gets back to drinking, this time with glasses of a boozy iced coffee drink Dad likes to make.

  Eventually, Babs and Dad are drunk enough to be full-on dancing, which is my signal to go back outside. I’m feeling nice and full and tipsy — the perfect combination. With the sun just barely peeping out from the horizon, the backyard is dark, aside from a few fireflies flickering in the distance and the tall citronella lamp keeping the mosquitos away.

  Nadine is sitting on the steps, looking up at the sky with her glass of iced coffee. She turns when she hears me coming but doesn’t say anything. I don’t know why I’m drawn to her, especially with my embarrassed realization still pinging through my head, but I am. It’s like my habit of talking and talking when I’m trying to run away from something in my own head.

  I sit down next to her without saying anything and wait. She sighs gently through her nose but doesn’t outright reject me.

  “You want to talk to me?” I ask, studying her. “Wow.”

  “I could say no, but I feel like you won’t let me.” She rests her elbow on her knee and her head o
n her hand. She’s definitely tipsy because she’s smiling at me. It makes me smile back.

  “You have to admit that we can’t keep going like this. Like enemies.”

  She nods in acknowledgment but doesn’t say anything. I can tell she’s thinking, so I don’t speak. I’m sorely tempted to tell her I’m already wearing her down, based on how she acted at dinner, but that would send me back forty paces.

  “I know.” She chews on a piece of melted down ice from her cup. I’m surprised she still does that since Andy’s always told her the habit’s bad for her teeth. “Mom and Joseph really want peace.”

  “Yeah.”

  I hear Dad burst out laughing through the open window, followed by Babs giggling. I glance over my shoulder to see them kiss while Dad pets Mimi the cat from her spot on a table, who seems confused at everything that’s happening. I think that’s just her face, or my pro-dog bias is coming through.

  “I’m sorry for being prickly,” Nadine mumbles.

  I resist the urge to give her a smug, victorious smile. “Thanks. And sorry for being a dick too. Truce?”

  “Truce.” She smiles at me again, ever so slightly, and it makes my heart flutter again. She gets dimples in her cheeks if she smiles in a certain way, and they’re fucking cute.

  “Yo, do you guys want to get your asses kicked in Uno?” Andy calls over, his voice way too loud. He’s a loud drunk. “I found some cards.”

  “Do you mean, do you want me to kick your ass in Uno?” Nadine replies, laughing. “You know I always win.”

  “Yeah, because I let you when we were kids.” Andy walks over to the table and slams the deck down. “Now? No mercy. I’m an Uno master.”