Yes, they would. “Is it so bad? Your life?” Cassius asked. Guilt barreled into him at the question. “I did not mean that as it sounded. I just… Are you happy?” He suddenly realized he could not handle the thought of Merrick feeling sorrow…of him being alone, trapped in a world he despised.
“No, it’s not very bad. I want to do good things for my kingdom. I have my passions, such as the children. I can do good for my people. I believe that, and I yearn to do so, but there are, of course, things I will miss, such as love…attraction…freedom.”
There had been a time he thought Merrick spoiled. Cassius could not imagine such a thought now. He was kindhearted, responsible, loyal. He was all the things Cas wanted to be. He felt a pull toward Merrick as though there was an invisible force that drew them together. That made foreign feelings swim in Cassius’s chest and forced him to desire things he should not desire.
He had never known anyone like Merrick.
He would never know anyone like Merrick again.
“Tell me more of your family,” the prince asked.
The request made the feeling in his chest intensify, grow into this large swell within him. “As I said before, my sisters are Elizabeth and Emily—Em is fifteen, Elizabeth is eight.”
Merrick nodded, and he continued. “We were a close family. My father…he worked hard to care for us. He taught me to do the same. Mother got sick after Elizabeth was born. Her muscles are not right, and she is bound to a chair.”
Merrick’s dark eyes softened further.
“She is happy, though. Father loved her with his whole heart. His heart…that was what took him—he had a heart attack. It is hardest on Emily. They were very close. After our father, it is I she bonds to, and now she has lost both of us and is responsible for Mother while I am gone.”
He looked down toward the snow. He missed them. Loved them. Felt guilty for being away from them.
“Is there nothing that can be done? I can ask Father if—”
“No!” Cassius cut him off. “It is not your place. And how would you explain such a request?” Though it meant a great deal to him that Merrick wanted to.
“We helped Geoffrey.”
“It’s different and…” He sighed. “They are my responsibility. I already owe you too much.” Because it was Merrick’s family who allowed Cassius to provide for his own. Maybe it was prideful, but he couldn’t accept more.
Merrick nodded, knowledge in his intense stare. “The offer is there.”
“I…thank you, my prince,” Cassius replied. He didn’t have the words to express what that meant to him, what Merrick did.
“Cas…” Merrick whispered. Their hands were still clasped together. Merrick used his free one to cup Cassius’s cheek. “You cause me to desire things I should not desire, things I cannot have, but…” He brushed his thumb over Cassius’s bottom lip, making Cas gasp. “Your lips are soft. I want to taste them again.”
“We shouldn’t,” Cas replied, but his head leaned in slowly as he spoke.
“No, we should not,” Merrick replied as he leaned in as well. They did not stop until their foreheads pressed together.
“We can stop…” Cassius said.
“We can…”
He felt Merrick’s breath upon his mouth.
“I do not want to,” Cassius replied.
“I do not want to either.”
Then their mouths were lightly teasing one another. They pressed gentle kisses upon each other’s lips as though they were testing the waters again.
“I felt you all day…the evidence of you being inside me. Each time I sat or moved, my body recalled taking you deep.”
Cas shuddered. “I wish I could feel you inside me as well, so I would always know you there.”
They were kissing again then, more hungrily. Cassius had never tasted anything as sweet as the prince on his tongue. His prick hardened, ached. He wished to embed the mixture of brandy and Merrick into his taste buds. To feel the strength of Merrick deep within his ass. To burn Merrick into the memory of his fingertips so he could recall it over and over and over again.
“You wreck me, Cas,” Merrick said against his mouth. Their tongues moved together. Merrick’s hand cupped the back of his head, slid under his hat, and threaded his fingers there.
They kissed for what felt like five seconds or five hundred years. They did not stop until he felt Merrick tremble against him, so Cas pulled away. The tip of his nose was slightly red. “You are cold. Let me warm you.”
“We can warm each other,” Merrick replied.
Cassius turned and leaned against the side of the shelter. Merrick moved between his legs, with his back to Cassius’s chest. Cas wrapped his arms around him.
He knew he should pull away, put an end to this. Too much was at stake for them both. What if someone saw them? Still, he did no such thing. He held the prince as they continued to pretend.
“My family treasures your sketch of me. I gave it to them when I went home.”
“I’m glad,” Merrick replied. “I draw you…all the time, in every way. Now that I know what every inch of your skin looks like, I draw that too.”
Cas’s heart thudded. “I write about you too. What it is like inside you.” He took in a shaky breath and then asked, “Can I see them?”
Merrick nodded. He reached for his notebook before leaning back against Cas again. He thumbed through the pages, and Cassius saw his face, his smile, his eyes, his prick, and his buttocks.
“They are…they’re beautiful. I can hardly believe they’re me.”
“Why?” Merrick asked. “You are beautiful.”
He couldn’t believe it because they were drawn by Prince Merrick’s hand with such care…such affection, that it stole his breath. When Cas didn’t reply, Merrick continued, “What if we could do it together? I could draw illustrations and you could write the stories. We could spend eternity that way.”
“It is a nice dream,” he replied, because that was all it could be.
“Yes, it is. Will you tell me a story?” Merrick asked.
So Cassius did. He told a story of two men who were in love. How one courted the other, and their families shared dinners, and magic allowed them to fly. They laughed together, drew together, wrote together, and spent their days having snowball fights with children. They hung the moon together each night and helped the sun rise each morning.
And they lived happily ever after, in ways Merrick and Cassius could not.
21
Merrick
Now you are all set,” Cassius remarked, slipping the national Evergreen sash over Merrick’s neck and adjusting it over his shoulder.
Merrick was entertaining the Duke of Cairn this morning for brunch. The king would be joining them this afternoon for ice fishing on the property. Apparently, the royal family of Cairn were avid fishermen, and when the king mentioned it a few weeks back on his visit, Merrick’s father told them about Evergreen’s abundance of freshwater trout. Merrick did not exactly enjoy the sport, but Cairn was Evergreen’s closest ally, and it was important to entertain them properly while they discussed pressing matters, including Merrick’s royal visit to their lovely countryside in the coming months.
“At breakfast I overheard the cooks going on about how handsome the duke is,” Cassius mentioned casually as he smoothed down Merrick’s coat and then picked at some lint on the lapel.
The change in topic threw Merrick, and when he did not respond, Cassius glanced up curiously at him. Merrick smirked as he wrapped his hands around Cassius’s waist and pulled him closer. “You are jealous.”
“Of course not!” he declared as his neck turned beet red. “I was only relaying the gossip in the castle.”
“Hmmm, that’s very peculiar since you’ve never seemed to be affected by gossip before,” Merrick remarked, backing him against the wardrobe, the innocent look in Cassius’s eyes completely charming.
“What are you doing?” Cassius asked, his gaze flashing toward the c
losed chamber door.
“I don’t give a flying fig whether the duke is handsome or not. I have never paid him any mind.” Merrick kissed his cheek. “What I do know is that a stunning man is standing before me, driving me completely mad. And I long to take his prick into my mouth.”
Cassius gasped and swayed toward him. Merrick wondered if Cassius felt just as feverish after spending such a sweet and intense moment in the woods the other day. He only dreamed to know more of him before it was too late.
“It is all I thought about last evening after you left me in the parlor room with the conservation committee,” Merrick added with a groan as he gripped the waistband of Cassius’s trousers. “I want you in my bed every night. In my arms. But I know it is an empty wish.”
“We…shouldn’t,” Cassius replied in a gruff voice even as he sank against Merrick, his prick already hard as the steel jousting stick on display in the great hall. “You make it quite difficult to properly concentrate on my duties.”
Merrick drew back immediately, searching Cassius’s eyes. “I am sorry. I do not want you to feel any sort of regret.”
“Never.” Cassius grasped Merrick’s hand and placed it against the bulge beneath his zipper. “But now I shall go around all day with the front of my pants uncomfortably tight while you socialize with the handsome duke.”
Merrick hissed and then promptly dropped to his knees before the valet. He wasted no time tugging Cassius’s trousers down his thighs and prodding his nose into the downy hair at Cassius’s groin, attempting to memorize his unique scent. He played his tongue up and down the veiny length of his cock, his fingers working the foreskin down as his pink slit wept enough precome to make Merrick’s mouth water.
Cassius squirmed and moaned from his ministrations before lifting his hands and finally touching him. He buried his fingers in Merrick’s hair, forgetting himself momentarily, which was exactly what Merrick wanted. He’d have to straighten the mess Cassius was creating with his nails digging into his scalp, but not a care could be found in that moment. He only wanted to feel Cassius in his mouth and make him come undone with his tongue.
Merrick took Cassius’s length between his lips and tightened the pressure over the tip as Cassius attempted to stay as quiet as possible amidst the bustling household outside the door. Someone could walk in at any moment, and that made Merrick’s cock throb in his trousers. He felt wild and unhinged and almost dared somebody to see him in this raw, primal state—debauched, on his knees, with Cassius’s prick in his throat, sucking him in earnest.
This was the real him sharing an intimate moment with the man he wanted as his lover—no, his mate, he realized. Or at least be given the opportunity to make Cassius his and his alone.
As if to tempt fate, Merrick slowed down and hollowed his cheeks, increasing the pressure on Cassius’s swollen shaft. He wasn’t sure if he’d be allowed another chance to taste him like this, so he gave it his all, using his tongue and lips and even a brief flash of his teeth, making Cassius shudder. The press of the valet’s fingers in his hair smarted, spurring Merrick on.
When he glanced up at his valet, the sight was breathtaking. Cassius’s eyes were shut, his mouth open, a beautiful flush on his cheeks as he whimpered and thrust his groin toward his lips.
Merrick moved lower to lap at Cassius’s sac, tonguing each of his testicles as Cassius nearly called out before muffling the sound with his arm.
“Say my name,” Merrick pleaded. “I am desperate to hear it.”
A muffled noise burst from the valet’s mouth as he opened his eyes and their gazes clashed. Merrick took his shaft to the back of his throat as Cassius gritted his teeth as if to stave off his climax. “Merrick. My Merrick.”
Merrick’s eyes rolled in the back of his head as he hummed in bliss and sucked harder. Cassius cried out against his wrist as he spent in Merrick’s mouth, and Merrick gulped his seed down as Cassius sagged against the wardrobe, his chest heaving and legs shaking. Merrick gently removed his shaft and offered the tip one final lick.
When they heard a noise in the hallway, likely two servants walking by, Merrick stood abruptly and swiped at his lips with his forearm.
“Now I shall have the taste of you on my tongue all day.” He leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss to Cassius’s lips as he stood gasping, his pulse jumping at his throat. Merrick helped right his trousers before stepping into the bathroom and taking inventory of himself in the mirror. His hair was like a bird’s nest on top of his head, but his eyes told a different story. He was a man besotted, and there was no way around that truth.
He felt Cassius move closely behind him. “Let me help you,” he whispered, reaching for the brush. He swept his hair away from his forehead as Merrick watched his mesmerizing reflection. Cassius’s eyes appeared soft and sated, a contented smile lining his lips. He’d store that snapshot in his memory for his next drawing session in the woods.
“I should cut my hair short as I’ve seen some men do in the society pages,” Merrick remarked absently as Cassius helped tie his long strands back in place.
“Hmmm, it might very well suit you. But I like it worn this way as well,” Cassius replied distractedly. “We must go. I’ve been keeping you on schedule, so do not ruin my record.”
“Oh, by all means, if you are keeping score,” Merrick replied with a laugh as they strode cheerfully into the hallway and nearly collided with his mother around the next bend.
“What is so funny?” she asked, looking between them with amusement.
“Your Majesty.” Cassius sobered immediately before bending in a deep bow before her.
Merrick also lowered his head in greeting. “Cassius was only teasing me about my tardiness, Mother.”
She arched an eyebrow. “You haven’t been too terribly delayed as of late, have you?”
“That was why I was teasing him, Your Majesty,” Cassius replied animatedly. “I’ve had to crack the whip…erm, so to speak.”
Cassius’s cheeks along with the tips of his ears instantly grew ruddy, and Merrick could not contain the chuckle that burst from his mouth at Cassius’s use of a double entendre in front of the queen.
“You two are quite a pair, I see,” his mother observed, shaking her head. But she also could not contain her amusement at Cassius’s mortification. She always had a much better sense of humor than Merrick’s father. “Actually, I am glad I’ve run into you, Cassius.”
Cassius appeared to inhale a sharp breath. “Yes, Your Majesty?”
“I wanted to speak to you about the ball,” she replied, looking curiously at him.
Merrick stood straighter, the smile quickly disappearing from his face.
“Since we wear our traditional clothing for such events, you will need to send Merrick’s tailcoat and knickers to the cleaners, as well as make sure his boots are polished and cleaned,” she continued. “If you need more direction than that, you have Geoffrey’s permission to send him a telegram.”
That could only mean his mother was expecting the ball to be a more formal event, and it made Merrick squirm uncomfortably. He tried to remember the last time he wore his white waistcoat and ascot lined in gold leaf. She obviously wanted him to make an impression.
The only person he wanted to make an impression upon was already standing beside him.
“I will take care of it, Your Majesty,” Cassius replied and bowed again as Merrick’s mother swept by them, already seemingly lost in thought about something else on her checklist.
It felt as if a bucket of water had been thrown on them as they glumly walked down the grand staircase and went their separate ways. But it could not douse the flame that still flickered in Merrick’s chest. He was not certain anything ever would again.
22
Cassius
Cassius smiled as he looked down at the letter from Elizabeth. He enjoyed it greatly when he received mail from his family. Still, he had written Emily and had yet to get a reply. Even though it hadn’t been long since he�
�d seen them, she used to write frequently, and she always returned his mail. The thought made his heart sit heavy in his chest. She was hurt, felt abandoned, and Cassius understood that, but she chose to dish that same hurt and abandonment upon him when he did not have a choice in the matter.
Despite the short days since he had seen them, the letter was lengthy about Mother, Elizabeth, and Em. She spoke more than him and Emily combined, and she did a fine job of keeping him updated on the family during the stretches he was away from them.
Cas gently folded the paper and tucked it away just as there was a knock on his chamber door. He went to it, knowing exactly who it would be.
Valor stood there with his dark, tousled hair and a drunk smile.
“Someone has been with Isabella, no?” Cas asked as Valor came inside. It was not drink that had his friend intoxicated, but a woman.
“Yes, I have. She…she has me under quite a spell, Cas.” He sat down on the one old chair in Cassius’s space.
Cas understood that feeling as Merrick had absolutely entranced him as well. He made Cassius feel as though he lived in a story where anything could happen. It was as if the magic he’d spent his life reading about was true…but he could not say that to Valor. Not ever. He could not risk word getting out, even to his best friend. What would the king do to Merrick if he knew?
“I am happy for you, my friend,” he said before sitting on his bed.
“I am happy for me too. How are you?”
Cas shrugged when he felt anything but nonchalant. Just days before he’d had Prince Merrick on his knees—for him. He still could not make sense of it…of Prince Merrick wanting him so. Days before that, they’d spent a blissful afternoon in the woods, and they’d stolen numerous kisses, laughs, and looks in between that meant more than Cas could comprehend.
“And your position? How is that going?” Valor pried when Cassius still hadn’t answered. There was a difference in the tone of his voice, a softness that Cassius thought was an attempt to hide something.
Ever After (Forbidden Love #1) Page 14