Even with the fucked-up memories racing through my mind, I turn the same song from moments ago—“Close”—back on. The delicious thoughts of how amazing it’d be to fuck Shine baby consumes me on my drive back home. I’d fuck her hard and dirty, make her weep for more of my thick cock when I’d finally had enough of her.
I remind myself that she’s just like all the other women. Sunshine Simmons isn’t special. She can’t be. I have to figure out how to forget her. The drive-thru Beer Barn comes up, and I turn off, hitting up the liquor store for some cheap tequila. It’ll drown it all out, it always does.
I give the lady a wad of cash and drive off without any change. Popping the cap off the fifth of silver Cuervo, I toss the top out my window. I didn’t even have to ask for it; she knows my order by now. Tequila’s my go-to when I’m wallowing in the past. It helps when I remember how foolish I was to be hung up on a girl to not pay my parents a proper good-bye before they crashed to their deaths.
I take a large swig and use the back of my hand to wipe away the rest of the liquor running down my chin. Clyde probably thinks I’m a goddamn drunk, but who cares. I drink my tequila on work nights; that and the dancing allow me escape and be whoever the fuck I want to be. I can tease and torment women. Hell, I could fuck half of them that come in if I wanted. Even the married ones would give it up if I crooked my finger in their direction. They always offer, and I turn them down. To know they desire me, though, unlike Sunshine did back then, is good for my ego.
Except for tonight. It didn’t quite work out as usual. My past decided to show up and fuck with me some more. I shoulda’ called in sick, I think and throw back another drink. Ugh, my mother would be torn to shreds if she saw me in this state. I’m such a fuck-up when it comes to the people I love.
It’s bad enough that Sunshine ignored me in the middle of town when I had my cousin, Dallas, with me. Alone would’ve been bad enough for my ego, but then throw in D and the shit from him about it for the remainder of the damn day. I’d never been so happy to finish patching up a fence in my life. Pounding away with the hammer was a great way to relieve my frustration.
The drive home doesn’t take long, and I pull onto our ranch property and park beside the house. Fuck getting out. I’m exhausted and need to forget everything. Plus, I don’t want to make too much noise and wake up Clyde’s woman. She doesn’t deserve my shit in the middle of the night. My brothers are used to it, but she’s not.
I roll the windows down in my truck and peel off my tank and lay across the bench seat on my back. I tuck one arm behind my head while slamming down mouthfuls of the potent liquor. The silver glides down smoothly as I finally begin to relax. It must work eventually because the next thing I remember is blackness.
***
Frigid water hits my skin, startling me out of my sleep. Head pounding something fierce from the night before, I’m confused and disoriented. All I know is the water is flipping freezing, and I want to sock whoever had the nuts big enough to toss it on me.
“The hell?” Grumbling, I jump out of the way and turn to find Clyde, staring at me through the open window, eyebrow cocked and all. He looks just like a younger version of my father. It’s kind of freaky, to be honest. “Really? Water? What the hell, bro?”
He shrugs, chewing his gum before replying. “You smell like a drunk. Go shower or I’ll soak the inside of your truck along with you. At least now I know why you always smell like some version of a drunken female when you get home.”
“Don’t touch my shit.” Glaring, I scoot to get out the passenger door. I’m not dumb enough to exit the driver’s side and find out how many pails of water he has over there waiting for me. I need some aspirin and Gatorade as soon as possible.
“A girl came looking for you,” he calls.
My steps on the path to the house come to a halt. I glance back at him and wait, puzzled.
“She saw you passed out, stinking up your truck and left.”
“Who was it?”
“She wasn’t here for me, so I didn’t pay any attention.”
Could it be? No. She wouldn’t come back here…But who?
I bet it was someone looking for Ty. Shithead used to always have chicks sneaking into his room in the middle of the night.
I finish my trek into the house without replying. I’m over thinking about anything else besides a hot shower, my bed, and pain relievers.
Sunshine had been my closest friend growing up, more so than Dallas was. D wasn’t lying about us practically being connected at the hip. We were pretty bad. She didn’t live too far from the ranch, so it made it easy on us.
While my parents tended to the land and enjoyed a slower paced life, her parents were the opposite. Her father was the most successful lawyer in town, and Sunshine was determined to be just like him. She worshipped him and his success. She was never one to rub it in or anything, but she had big goals, and I respected her and them. Her mother wasn’t too far off either, being a well-known Southern belle. They were a powerful family, so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when her father was offered a lucrative position in the city.
The foolish mistake I’d made was to believe that we’d always be close, no matter the distance. I was too young to realize that those fairy tales don’t often come true. She left, and I sat around like a damn idiot waiting for her to call me with her new number and address. It never happened.
She moved, taking my heart with her, and my parents died on the very same day. There was nothing positive in my life at that particular time, and I was lost in a dark place. I never really came out of it either. Sure, I’m not a tormented emo kid breaking the law anymore, but I am a bit jaded when it comes to my heart. I don’t trust or love easily, and I plan to keep it that way. I don’t ever want to hurt as bad as I did then.
I loved that girl with every breath I took. We shared everything and were with each other constantly when I wasn’t with my brothers or cousin. Dallas didn’t even bother her when he was around, and he annoyed damn near everyone. I didn’t realize—until it was almost too late—that I didn’t love her like a sister, but rather as a girlfriend.
I thought with us sharing our first time together that it would’ve cemented our future. I had it in my head, she’d call me, and we’d stay together. Maybe eventually head off to the same college together. Hell, I would’ve busted my ass to follow her to law school had she gone and wanted me by her side. It’s not what I wanted particularly, but that never mattered to me—only she did.
In the end, she never fucking called. Not even once and it broke me. Women became something to tease, to torment, and get what I needed. Females were nothing more but a hard, hot fuck to sate my ever-growing need. They never held a candle to my sweet, innocent Sunshine, even if I never allowed myself to admit it.
Sometimes I can still close my eyes, rubbing my fingers together and feel her silky, naked flesh. Her smooth skin had reminded me of a chocolate milk shake. She tasted just as sweet when I’d had my lips on her. Honey irises framed with long, ebony lashes and a head full of curly, caramel ringlets with natural highlights running throughout had me fantasizing about her nonstop.
Sunshine Simmons had every country boy wishing they’d had the guts to ask her out. She was blessed with both worlds, her father being a big African-American man and her mom a tiny, pale Southern belle. With me around all the time, the other guys were never brave enough to ask her out. I played it off as the protective big brother, but now I realize it was more like the jealous boyfriend. I’d have pounded those idiots into the next week if they’d ever gotten up the nerve to approach my girl.
“I need to have a word with you for a sec.” Clyde motions to the kitchen table. He manages to draw me out of my tormented thoughts of Sunshine. Her return has me tied up in knots.
Crossing my arms, I release a breath and take a seat, suddenly feeling like the younger brother. My body instantly tenses, as he’s always had a way of making me feel that way even if he isn’t much olde
r than I am. Whatever he has to say, I want him to get it over with. I’m exhausted and a tad hung over from last night. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s what this little chat is about in the first place.
He doesn’t like my drinking, but I’m a grown man, so it’s not his business what I do to pass my time. With Sunshine suddenly popping into town and my place of business, I needed that tequila last night more than usual. A memory is easier to push off to the side when the real deal isn’t standing right in front of you. Her presence shook me to my core; in fact, I may have to take up day drinking until she decides to go back to wherever in the hell she came from.
“All right?” I mumble, concentrating on keeping the room from spinning. I jerk my head in a small nod of thanks as he sets a steaming cup of black coffee in front of me. I should probably add some whiskey so it’ll do the trick even better than just some caffeine.
“I ran into the principal for the high school,” he says, and my brow hikes, watching as he takes a seat.
“Dallas hasn’t been on that field in years.” I automatically come to our cousin’s defense. Years back, he got piss-ass drunk and went streaking in the middle of the night. He was arrested on the football field. I thought it was hilarious; his parents, not so much.
Clyde sips from his own mug, shooting me a look full of annoyance. He tends to get embarrassed when our cousin does something of the sort. Dallas is known around town for being a dumbass. He keeps me entertained, though, and he’s always been loyal.
“That’s not what I was fixin’ to mention. We got to talking about Tyler. The school worships all of our football records still—mine and yours included. The principal was telling me that even years later, our photos and stats still line the walls of the entryway and the athletic hall.”
I snort, ‘cause it was high school. Who fucking cares if we made some touchdowns? The only person who got anywhere from it is our youngest brother. Props to him, but all that running and conditioning didn’t do shit for Clyde and me besides blessing us with a pair of tight asses.
Those kids will learn the hard way that barely anyone makes it to the pros. Most of us end up living in the same damn town, with the same shitty jobs. Like me, for example. I barely made it through high school to graduate. I was fighting and stirring up trouble left and right. I went nowhere; I live with my brother in our family’s home and strip at night for money. Which very few people are aware of—my extended family damn sure doesn’t have a clue about it.
With a sigh, I mention, “They should worship you because you bust your ass everyday keeping the ranch going.”
His gaze grows wide, shocked at my comment. I don’t pay him many compliments; hell, most of the time, I prefer to try and stick to myself. The more I stay out of his way, the better, as far as I’m concerned. Clyde’s already given up his life to take care of Tyler and me from when our parents died. I owe him everything since their horrific accident, yet I’ve only given him trouble.
“Speaking of work…” He stares at me with a hard glint for a few beats, and I choke down another hot drink of coffee. The last thing I want is to disappoint him more than I already have. “They’re looking for a football coach. The guy they brought in last year took a position with a college. He wasn’t very good anyhow; our school can do better.”
“You’re going to take it? I won’t be able to run the ranch as well as you do. I’ll try, but you are way better at all this.” I wave my hand toward the window. The curtains are spread apart so you can easily see the horses out grazing. Between him and Shyla, I feel like they’re really catching their stride around here. I’ll just screw something up.
“Of course I’m not leaving the ranch up to you. Shit, Nate, the animals wouldn’t eat till noon.” He scowls, and I mimic the look. It may be true, but he doesn’t have to make me feel even more like shit about my failures. He continues, “The principal asked if I thought you’d be interested in the position, not me.”
“Oh no,” I begin, and his gaze turns stormy. We all have that same look; we get it from our father. He was a brooder and passed down the trait to all three of his sons.
“The hell you’re not. You’ve been drinkin’ far too much for my liking and so help me, you’ve been out all hours of the night, several nights a week. You think we’re always sleeping when you coast in near the crack of dawn, but Gracie girl lets us know every damn time your truck makes it home. Mom and Dad never would’ve put up with this; you know it as well as I do.”
That damn coon dog of his. The Doberman is damn near as bad, always barking at every sound.
“A coach...Seriously? I haven’t played in God knows how long. The most I do is watch the games on Sundays, and that’s only because I’m hung over!”
“It’s time to grow up, Nate. You’ve been floating through life, and I’ve allowed it. If our parents were here, they’d expect more from you. Tyler called it when he was here, and he was right.”
My fingers absently rub against the fancy tablecloth Shyla’s put on. Glancing around, I attempt to think of something worth saying he’d listen to. I eventually meet his stare again. “They aren’t here, Clyde. They’re dead.”
He nods, pensive. Taking a drink, he sighs then lays down the law. “We want to start planning for a family, and we’ve begun to cut out some things to save money. It’s time you start figuring your life out.”
I swallow; my throat’s feeling a bit tight. I’m happy for him—damn happy. But for years it was just Ty and me that he called his family. Am I jealous? Of course, I am. Looking at him and Shyla, who wouldn’t be? I’d give everything to have what they do, so I get why he wants to have this with her.
“You want me to move out,” I state, attempting not to choke on the words. I’ve had it planned to eventually get a place with Dallas. Hell, I’m a grown man, yet I find my stomach twisting, and it’s not from the spoiled liquor I consumed the night before.
“Not exactly. I think we should start looking at an area on the ranch for you to build though.”
“So, in other words, not only am I moving out, but you want me to build my own house too.” I’m not going to admit it, but it’s not quite as bad as him giving me the boot. At least I’ll still be close. Ironic, me being the black sheep, the one always anxious to get away from my family suddenly can’t bear the thought of not being around them.
His lips turn up a touch on one side. “Yes, Nate, it’s time you get a career and build your future home.” He runs his hand over his face, stopping to scratch the scruff along his jaw. “Once you start to get it all figured out, I’ll help you build it. We’ll do it together. Someday, years from now when you have your own son, you’ll be able to tell him you built his home with your own two hands.”
Pulling the mug to my lips, I take a gulp, allowing the liquid to burn away some of the taste buds on my tongue. I’d love nothing more, but that sounds like a fantasy. One that’ll never come true for someone like me, no matter how much a person may dream. My father built this house, and now it’s Clyde’s. It’s only natural I should build my own, but that is a massive step for me.
“High schoolers,” I mumble, not fond of the idea. I’ll be surrounded by cocky punks nearly the same size as me that I can’t legally pop if they get mouthy. The school will just love me; they already thought I was a troublemaker back in the day. Okay, so maybe I did cause a bit of havoc, but what did anyone expect? My parents died, it ripped my entire world apart, and no one understood what I was dealing with or feeling except for Clyde and Ty. Now I’m supposed to be the mentor, someone to lead a group of teenagers. This is going to end badly; I can already feel it.
“I’m no Mr. Rogers,” I sigh, setting down my mug.
The other side of his mouth tilts, grinning at my obvious discomfort. My brother rarely smiles, but clearly, this is amusing enough to warrant the movement. “Nah, Nate, you’ll be Coach Owens. With Tyler going pro, and our stats lining that school, those kids will idolize every word you speak. It’s about t
ime you were responsible for someone other than yourself.”
He stands and continues, “It’s about time you realized your worth.” With those parting words, he makes his way to the sink, rinses his mug, and heads out to feed the horses.
Sometimes he’s my older, asshole brother...but, at other times, it’s like I’m speaking to my father. He somehow knows exactly what it is that I need to hear.
He’s going to make a damn good dad someday.
***
Of course, I notice her from the very start. Did she think I wouldn’t be able to pick her out of a crowd? She will always stand out from any other woman no matter how much I attempt to convince myself that she’s nothing to me. The moment I stepped onstage and the lights flickered, I saw her tucked away in the corner, waiting and watching. She probably believes I can’t see her, that when my gaze flicks in her direction, I’m met with darkness. My little mocha latte is mistaken; the highlights in her caramel ringlets pick up every change of the theatre-style lighting, telling on her. It’s all good; I’ll give her a show.
Pointing in Sunshine’s direction, I beckon the servers to bring her to me onstage. Def Leppard’s “Love Bites” begins and the lights flicker to red. Her mouth gapes as I pull her to me and sing the opening verse, asking “if he looks like me.” Whoever “he” is, that’s kept her away from me for this long.
Wrapping my arms around her, I rock my hips, getting her into the beat before I carefully trip her. Bracing her to my body, she lands softly to the floor, cocooned under my frame. I want her to remember how it feels to look at me, with my body overshadowing hers. I’ve always surrounded her, even if she was taller and curvier than most girls in school. I’ve always been bigger and stronger, making her feel feminine at my side, or in this case, under me.
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