We’re eating ice cream in a small ice cream parlor now, and I can’t stop staring at them both. Of course, I’m upset and hurt, but I refuse to let it be a barrier between us on the first day I get to see my daughter. I want Natasha’s memories of this day to be good. She won’t think back to her father throwing an angry fit when he found out about her. Rather, she’ll remember that we played basketball, had ice cream as a family, and watched a movie together. We may not live too far from each other, but I don’t want to allow Natasha out of my sight. I’ve only just discovered her, and there’s not enough time in the day to have my fill of family time.
Her cheeks flush as she sets her spoon down in her waffle cone sundae. She’s smiled all day and to see her anxious about something, has me sitting up straight. I’ll take on the world for her, whatever she needs. Sashy glances at Sunshine briefly before getting up the nerve to ask me, “Would you mind it if we took a selfie together?”
I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry. I’m a man, damn it. I have to be strong for her; this day is overwhelming enough for her, I’m sure.
“I’d be honored.” I grin and lean in as she pulls up the camera app on her phone.
She snaps a few photos. The first is with both of us beaming widely. The second photo is with us making silly faces. For the third picture, she turns and presses a sweet kiss to my cheek. My heart feels like it’s going to explode. I can’t believe I have a daughter, and she’s smart, kind, and beautiful. What could I expect, though, with Sunshine being her momma?
“Let me have your cell. I’ll program my number so you can send them to me, okay?”
“Oh yeah, here.” She hands the phone over.
“You can also call or text me at any time. I don’t care if it’s in the middle of the night. If you need anything or even if you just want to say hi, you call me. Okay?” I meet Natasha’s gaze.
Her irises are like looking in a mirror. It’s so freaking awesome; I can’t remember ever being this happy. Natasha nods and digs in to finish her sundae.
Sunshine shoots her a mom look that goes ignored. “You better be sleeping in the middle of the night,” she chastises, and our daughter giggles. It’s one of the best sounds I’ve ever heard. Knowing she’s mine, it fills me with an unbelievable amount of pride. I’ve done one thing right in my life, and I never knew it.
***
“A daughter?” Clyde gasps.
I nod, releasing a heavy breath.
“I can’t believe she did this to you,” he murmurs, and I nod again, completely agreeing with him. I can’t believe it either.
“I feel betrayed,” I disclose. My gut clenches all over again just admitting my discovery and how torn up I am.
“I can imagine, damn. You were crazy about her, loved her even.”
“I still do.”
He shakes his head, peering at me sympathetically. “I can’t believe, of all things, you have a teenager out in the world. And that Sunshine believed even for a second, it was remotely acceptable to keep her existence from you. I know how bad you were, more so than anyone else. I also realize it never would’ve gotten to those levels though, had you known about the baby back then.”
“Thirteen years wasted, and if I’d just pulled my head out of my ass long enough to hunt her down, I could’ve found out sooner.” I shake myself, ridden with my own sense of guilt for not trying harder. I should’ve tracked Sunshine’s ass down. I loved her enough; I was just too damn stupid to do it.
“This isn’t your fault.” He shakes his head, wearing a frown. “Don’t put that level of responsibility on your soul, Nathan. You should be pissed.”
He throws his hands up, clearly frustrated as well. His fingers go to his temples as he continues, “She never gave you a choice. I get it that you were only fifteen years old and that our parents had just died. However, you would’ve healed and been there for her every step of the way. What she did is not fair to you, or any of us, for that matter.”
“It’s not.”
I watch as he grabs a paper towel and then sits at the kitchen table. He grumbles. “I learned to move on with Shyla, but I don’t know if I could’ve done that if she’d hidden something so important from me.”
“I love her too damn much, Clyde. Hell, I love them both. I resent her, sure, but I also know I’ll never give her up. Now that I’ve discovered Natasha, I’m aware there’s a much bigger plan at work here. This has to be the reason why I was never able to fully move on from her. They’re supposed to be my family. Sunshine was always meant for me, and this proves it.”
“Does she know you feel this way?” he questions as I lean against the counter.
“To a small extent,” I confess with a shrug. “I told her I’d showed up for closure. That was my plan all along until Sashy answered the door, and I could no longer speak.” My hand rakes through my hair, recalling that moment and everything I’d felt from seeing her. I begin to pace. There’s so much emotion spiraling through me that I can’t hold still.
“Sashy?” He grumbles and drinks from his piping hot, black chicory coffee. Shyla comes into the kitchen, sharing a smile with her husband. She grabs a cup of coffee as well, before taking a seat.
“Natasha’s nickname,” I supply and move to sit across from them.
“Ah.” He nods.
I pull my phone from the clip and pass it over to him so he can see our photos. They’re from the ice cream shop. Natasha had texted them to me.
His brows jump, and he emits a low whistle. “Damn Nate, you weren’t kidding. Just like you, brother.” He passes the phone over to Shyla next, after he’s scrolled through the few pics Sashy managed to snap.
I meet Shyla’s curious glance and share, “I have a daughter.”
Her mouth drops open. She glances at Clyde before replying, “Well, good gracious.”
“I know. I found out yesterday. I’m still in shock.”
“Heavens, I can imagine. When do we get to meet the beauty? My goodness, Nate, she could be a model! I bet she’s such a sweetie.”
My cheeks warm. Pride blooms in my chest—with it, a wide smile graces my lips. “I know. Sunshine is gorgeous, but damn, my kid is pretty perfect. She’s polite and well-spoken too, just like her mom.”
Clyde chuckles and Shyla agrees. “Sounds like a proud daddy already.”
“I am definitely. The girl nearly beat my ass in basketball. If her looks weren’t a giveaway, that certainly was. Sunshine was saying that she plays whatever sports she has time for, just like I did back in the day. Her future goal is to be a lawyer, like her mom and grandfather.”
“She’s smart, too, then, huh?” Clyde asks, and I’m grateful he being's so calm about all of this. We Owenses tend to have a pretty quick, hot temper. It’s refreshing to have him to talk to about this.
“Sunshine swore to Natasha and me, that they’d come down next weekend to visit. Natasha’s excited to see the ranch and to meet y’all. She doesn’t have any other aunts or uncles, so she was ecstatic to hear about you both, as well as Tyler and Kadence.”
“I’m happy for you, Nate,” Clyde rumbles. He’s being sincere, and that means a lot.
“I appreciate it. I’m a bit lost with what I should be doing about all this.”
Shyla takes a sip of her coffee before saying, “And with good reason. I hate to be the one to bring this up, but what’s the big plan? Do you want her to move here? Do you think that’d even be a consideration on her part? What’s her mom say?”
“I don’t want to demand she uproot her life or anything. During my courses I took, it talked all about how adolescents struggle with their teenage years and can act out if removed from their normal routine. I don’t want to put her in that sort of position.”
Clyde’s brow scrunches, his hazel gaze so much like mine and Natasha’s. He argues, “Surely you want your family here on the ranch, though. Am I right?”
I agree, nodding. “Of course, I do, more than anything. I’m going to wait and see
how things go with their visit first. For all I know, my daughter could end up being miserable with ranch life. I want her happy, and if that means I have to commute each weekend to see her, then that’s what I’ll do.”
Shyla beams at me, pleased with my reply. “That’s a very mature and dad-like thing to say. I’m happy you’re willing to be so reasonable about everything. Many people in similar situations wouldn’t be as kind.”
Clyde nods. He presses a kiss to her forehead after he stands. “Damn straight. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, Nate, and a big heart. I pray that this all goes smoothly for you and your daughter.”
“Thank you both. Now, I don’t think the small cabin style house I was planning to build will work out so well anymore.”
“Oh? Why’s that?” Shyla asks.
“I need to add in a couple more bedrooms. I want things to work out with Sunshine if at all possible, but if they don’t, I want an extra bedroom so she’ll be comfortable. I also need a third bedroom, so my daughter will have her own room at my house.”
Nate dips his head in the fridge hollering, “If it all pans out like you want, then you’ll only need the two bedrooms. Maybe start there.”
“If that happens, I’ll need that third room—regardless—for another baby,” I reply without a stutter, and Clyde moves too quickly he hits his head.
“Shit!” He curses at the thump.
Shyla and I wince at the sound.
“You okay in there?”
He meets my stare, brows nearly to his hairline. “A baby? So soon?” He puts the basket of eggs on the counter, and Shyla jumps up.
“Babe, let me make those for you.” She swats him out of her way, moving to grab a pan.
“I can do it,” he mumbles.
“Yeah, but if you cook them, you make a big mess. Let me prepare the eggs, and you stick to grilling.” She flashes him a wink, and he grins. She has him eating out of her palm. It’s pretty entertaining to watch my stubborn, older brother fold so easily to the tiny woman.
“It’s not too soon for me.” I revert to his original question. “I’ve missed out on too many years with Sunshine. I want her to have an entire team of babies. Natasha would make a good big sister…I know it.”
They both laugh, confusing me.
“What?”
Clyde shakes his head. “She has no idea what she’s in for. It’s funny.” He shrugs.
Shyla laughs again and agrees. “Not only her, but you too. I can’t wait for the day Nathanial Owens has to change diapers.”
She says it like it’s a crazy thought, but it sounds all right to me. I just want my girls—my family. Changing a diaper doesn’t seem so bad if I get to be surrounded by the people I adore most.
Sunshine
“Momma, are we going to Dad’s house soon?”
“Sashy, you’ve asked me every day this week, and the answer remains the same.”
“I’m excited,” she sighs the words and offers a shy smile.
“I know, and I’m glad you are. How about you go shoot some hoops until it’s time to leave?”
“Yes, ma’am.” She grabs her basketball and is out the back door in the next blink.
At least it’s not softball season yet, or she’d be begging me to come outside and throw. The girl has one hell of a batting average when she’s focused. I’m beyond proud of her athletic ability, but I’m no pitcher; that’s for sure. I’ve always been the book smart type, whereas she’s been blessed with both.
We’re fortunate I have a good-paying job. It’s afforded us the luxury of living in a nice house with her personal basketball court. It’s small, just a slab of concrete with a basketball hoop but it does the job for practice. She’s marked it all off and has painted it to resemble a court.
“You’re seriously going through with this, Sunshine?” My mother asks, concern lacing her voice. She’s been seated on my kitchen barstool, drinking sweet tea while attempting to change my mind on visiting Nate. She’s anxious about me taking Natasha with me.
“Yes, Mom. Nothing has changed in the last thirty minutes since you asked before. I swear, between you and Natasha, y’all are gonna bring a headache on.”
“Don’t sass me. You may be a grown woman, but I’m still your momma!”
“Ma’am. I’m just saying, you should be happy that Nate wants to be in her life.”
“Of course I’m happy about it, but I can’t help and worry that it won’t last. That boy was straight trouble when you were teens. I can only imagine the suffering he’d have put you and my grandchild through, had we not moved.”
Tearing up, I shake my head. “He had a lot going on. Nate was never a bad guy—never. I’m the bad person in this; I hid his daughter from him.”
My mother scoffs. “Nonsense. You did what was necessary, given your situation. Don’t feel guilty about offering Natasha a good life.”
“I will always feel guilty. No matter how much I try and paint myself the martyr, that feeling won’t ever go away.”
She shakes her head to disagree, but I don’t want to hear it. I love my parents, I really do. They’ve helped me beyond what I ever deserved, but I also blame them for putting me in this position. I’ve had years of being an adult and being able to come clean to Nate. I own that much, but the first few years when I was too young and scared, I put on my parents for keeping Nate and me apart.
There was a chance, albeit a small one, we could’ve been a family together. My parents have always claimed it would never happen, and statistically speaking, they’re right. Yet, there’s still a piece of me that says they’re wrong about Nathanial—about all of it. I guess that’s something I’m going to have to live with for the rest of my life. I can’t keep up the “what ifs,” but I can try to make it up to Nate.
It all starts with today. I’m packing a weekend bag and taking our daughter to visit her father. Lord help me, that I don’t regret it or my heart gets broken all over again. It’s hard being around the man you love and not being able to have him.
“I know I can’t change your mind.” My mother stands and heads for the sink to rinse her cup. She places it in the dishwasher. “And that’s all right. I will say, I hope it works out how you want it to. I also hope for Natasha’s sake, that this isn’t opening the door to welcome in unnecessary problems. You be safe driving and try to enjoy your weekend. I’ll stop back by on Monday night with a casserole for dinner. We can catch up since Daddy will still be out of town on his business trip.”
“That sounds good. Thank you. When you hear from Daddy, please give him our love.”
“I will. I’m going out to kiss my grandbaby good-bye.”
“Yes, ma’am. I love you, Mom.”
“I love you, too, Sunshine.” She offers a small smile in return and hugs me on her way out the back door.
She’s a tough cookie. I know with time, she’ll see I’m right. At least, I hope she does. If I’m wrong...well, she won’t hesitate to point that detail out to me, either. That’s my momma though, always a hard-ass, though she’d have to be with my father’s strong personality.
I love them both, and I’m extremely grateful for everything they’ve offered me in life. I’m an adult now, so they’ll have to come to terms with my decisions where it concerns Natasha and her father. I’m not living under their roof, and I haven’t for many years. They need to respect that I know what’s best for my daughter. I’d never do something if I thought it’d endanger her or bring suffering. I wish they’d realize it.
With that thought, I head upstairs and grab the few things I need before we leave. In no time, it feels like we’ve made it to town and checked into the bed and breakfast I’d booked for the weekend. It’s the same place I usually stay when I’m in town for business or to visit with friends. It feels a bit weird having Natasha here, where I’ve spent a big portion of my life. I’m glad she finally gets to know this piece of me.
“Can we drive around town? I want to see all the things!”
“What’s downtown?”
“It’s the hardware store, grocery, and a few other places.”
“Okay, cool. Can we stop by and see my dad too?”
“He’s still at work. His team has practice in the mornings and afternoons.” Drawing up his work contract for the school, I had to list a general description on it, including the general practices. He could change them, but knowing Nate, he’ll stick to the twice a day they already have lined out.
“I know. I texted him before we left and he said we could stop by. He told me to let him know when we arrived, so I did when we passed the welcome sign.”
With a groan, my hand goes to my forehead. “I’m glad you’re excited, but I wasn’t expecting to see him until dinnertime.”
She shrugs, not the least bit perturbed. “You can just drop me off, I’ll be fine.”
“Not happening,” I reply. It may come off as a bit overprotective, but in reality, I’m just as excited to see him.
Checking myself over in the bathroom mirror, I spritz on a spray of my perfume. I dab on a bit of lip gloss as well. I’ve never been much for makeup or over-the-top hair. I’ve always preferred my caramel colored ringlet curls and light complexion.
I’m not as dark as my father, nor as pale as my mom. I’m right in the middle. I’ve caught discrimination from both races for being different. At times, I’ve felt like I don’t really fit in anywhere. The one person who has always accepted me completely is Nate. His family welcomed me with open arms as well. At least around here, I don’t have to worry about anyone giving my daughter grief. Her father’s family is loved in this town.
“You ready, Sashy?”
She pops her head in the bathroom, and I catch a glimpse of her basketball shorts, high tops, and T-shirt. My daughter is stunning, but she’s definitely a tomboy. “Yes, ma’am.”
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