She returned to the apartment and had dinner with Colin, as usual. What was not so usual about it was it was the first time since her arrival that he did not insist they hide in their bedroom to eat. She didn’t quite understand why, but for some reason, the incidents of the previous day seemed to have taken some of the pressure off him. He was much more relaxed that evening, even visibly so. A huge weight had also been lifted off Freya’s shoulders, albeit in a different way. Thanks to Victor, she would no longer be threatened by the State. As long as she was polite to Colin, they could not remove her from her civil duty. That still did not solve the problem in the long term, but at least she did not have to deal with any immediate threat.
Freya enjoyed being in the living area of the apartment. It was the first time they’d used it since she’d moved in. For a while, they sat on the sofa together, playing on their tablets. When it was finally time to head to bed, Colin gave her some privacy to change.
Freya climbed into bed and started to play on her tablet a little more. Colin walked in and, to her surprise, began undressing right there in front of her. She looked up from her tablet to confirm what her peripheral vision was communicating to her. Without saying a word, he stripped out of his uniform, down to his undershorts. She looked quickly back at her tablet as her cheeks flushed, worried he might see her looking. Then, without putting on any sleepwear, he climbed into bed.
Suddenly, all the tension that had melted away from Freya invaded her body again. She didn’t feel like he was doing anything wrong, since it was his home too, and he really had the right to sleep however he wanted to. However, it was certainly not how she preferred him to sleep next to her. His near nakedness was going to take more getting used to than the touching did. She remained quiet, pretending to work on the puzzle, even though she was not able to concentrate on it. She was afraid if she put the tablet down, he would try to sleep close to her again, if not something worse.
Colin looked over at her and the tablet and settled in, then closed his eyes without saying anything. Within a few minutes, his breathing slowed to a deeper rhythm, and he seemed to be drifting off to sleep.
Freya figured it was finally safe for her to put her tablet away. She placed it in the nightstand drawer, as quietly as she could, then settled into the bed and tried to relax.
Suddenly, Colin’s breathing changed, and he rolled over and looked right at her. He scooted over and draped his arm over her, just as before, and there was simply no escape. Freya could not push him away, for that was part of the new deal they had struck, and she did not want the State to see her sleeping on the sofa. Even though there was less of a threat, she didn’t want any unnecessary confrontations; as far as she was concerned, a questioning by Security would be far worse than an uninvited spooning with Colin. His touching and his partial nudity were simply things she was going to have to adjust to, the lesser of two evils, as she had told him before.
Things were normal when she woke up the next morning. As was typical, she got up first and hurried into the shower. Colin woke up with the second alarm and began to go through his morning routine. The part that was different was he insisted on doing it in nothing but his underwear. He never said a word to acknowledge she was uncomfortable, and she never commented about his new choice of clothing—or lack thereof—around the house. Colin didn’t seem to want to get dressed until right before they headed out the door. He again asked her to wait for him and again grabbed her hand the moment they stepped into the hallway. He walked her as far as he could, to the State House, then he kissed her forehead and left her there.
Freya went about her work and went for her physical activity after. A real routine was beginning to take shape. She wasn’t required to undertake physical activity every day, but she found she was really enjoying it. Her body was starting to change. She could see it and feel it. She was running comfortably, her stretches were deeper and longer, her breathing was more even, and her muscles were becoming defined.
When she returned to the apartment, Colin was already there, waiting for her so they could eat their evening meal. As they ate, they made small talk, catching one another up on the events of the day.
“Wow, you’re really taking that physical activity seriously. Look at you, finding new posters to advertise on.” Colin teased.
“And I suppose you aren’t going at all. How did you get selected for Security anyway?”
“Uh, do you think I’d be walking around with this fine body without working out? This kind of perfection takes dedication, Freya. Be grateful they didn’t couple you with someone soft and flabby. I’m also really smart, in spite of what you think. That’s why I’m in Security.”
“When do you exercise then?” she asked, refusing to let him off the hook.
“One of the perks of Security is we get to exercise during our breaks.”
“Really? Why do the rest of us have to do it on our free time then? That hardly seems fair.”
“First of all, my shift is a little longer than yours, so I don’t want to hear any complaints. Not everyone works the same amount of time, and there are varying amounts of free time. That’s not really the point I was getting at, but I thought you should know that also. Second, studies have shown we are more alert and perceptive when physical activity is done in the middle of the day. Third, we do more than just sit around watching videos all day. If anything happens, Security has to respond, and most of the time, that requires physical strength and agility. They need us to be able to run and overtake a person or persons if there is an incident with a noncompliant.”
“Really? You have to apprehend people? How many times have you done it? I thought you just sneaked up on them with guns or something,” she inquired, having moved on from challenging him to sheer curiosity.
“Freya, there is Security, and then there is the military. We are very different, and trust me when I tell ya, you don’t ever want to bump into the military. If someone is caught doing something on camera, and we warn them over the loudspeaker to stop but they refuse to comply…or maybe they run or things escalate, we have to apprehend them. Sometimes we have to hold them until the military takes over. If the military is after someone, they’ll be the ones to sneak up with guns. As for your other question, no, I’ve not ever had to personally apprehend anyone with force. I did chase down a kid who was causing trouble, but once I got to him, he came willingly.”
“Why are there both? I mean, if we have capable Security, why do we need military? It seems like a waste of resources to me.”
Colin let out a deep breath and looked down.
Freya could tell she had stumbled into something unpleasant, but her curiosity was piqued, and she refused to back down. She stared him down until he answered.
“Well, let’s just say I’m glad we’re different. I wouldn’t want to be in the military. Think of me more as the eyes and ears, while the military is the strong arm.” He then fell silent and looked down at the table. He sat there for a moment, then grabbed their plates and carried them over to the slot in the wall.
“So the military performs the executions and torture, and you help make the list?” she said, almost more to herself, as if sorting out her thoughts out loud. She looked up at Colin and noticed that his face had fallen, and he looked upset. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I didn’t mean to accuse you of…executions. I’m just trying to make sense of it. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Well, in a way, I guess it’s true.” He looked away.
Freya was concerned, as he’d never been so somber when talking about his work before. “You do so many good things, Colin, like helping people find their way. Security has helped me lots of times when I was lost, so there’s that too,” she said, trying to lighten his mood.
Colin gave a half-laugh and nodded. “Yep, there is that. This whole place would just dissolve into absolute pandemonium if we didn’t guide people to the right building. It’d be anarchy really, people walking around aimlessly, palming ev
ery scanner they find. We would definitely fall apart if that ever happened.”
“You’re right. It’d be utter madness. There would be power outages, mass panic, food shortages, and pillaging, at the very least,” Freya said, playing along.
“The entire glass dome would come crashing down!” Colin yelled, then made sound effects and gestures of explosions with his hands. “Yep, it’s a good thing I’m out there saving the world with those little red lights.”
“You’re my hero, Colin.”
“Here’s a fun fact,” he said. “Back when people lived above ground, there were these things called traffic lights and maps that did the job I do now.”
“Well, that just sounds crazy to me. It’s probably why society collapsed. Good thing the State has you.” She got up from the table, in pursuit of a glass of water.
Colin either mistook her intentions or purposely ignored them and decided to use it as an opportunity to reach out and pull her closer to him. Her body tensed a little, as she was not quite sure what to do within his impromptu embrace, so her arms just hung limply at her sides. He let go of her, and for a split second, she feared he was angry. Instead, he lowered his hands and took both of hers in his. Freya didn’t take back her hands, but she did shift her body a little farther from his.
“How does that make you feel, knowing if anyone gives you any trouble, your man could totally take him down?” Colin said, looking at her intently, trying to close the gap she had created between them. “Or, you know, give him directions. I could do either one.”
“Why would anyone give me trouble? And can you protect me from the military? I’d really be impressed by that, as I already pretty much know where I’m going.” She shifted again, trying to regain part of the gap.
“Do you seriously not like any part of this?”
“I, uh… I’m… I mean…” Her face flushed, and she stammered, not knowing what to say without being rude.
“I’m really asking, Freya. I wanna know. This does nothing for you? You don’t like being touched, being close to me?”
Words seemed to elude her; she still could not say anything.
“Freya, tell me, have you ever even wanted to kiss someone?”
“Honestly, I haven’t,” she managed after a few more stammers.
He dropped her hands abruptly and stepped away from her, then almost walked in a circle before facing her again.
“I’m sorry. It’s not you. I-I just haven’t ever felt that way. I enjoy your company more than I enjoy most people, but I… Well, I just don’t think about that,” she said, almost desperate for him to understand.
Colin kept his head down and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Freya could tell he was more frustrated than angry, but she didn’t want him to feel either. She didn’t know what to say, though, to make it any better.
“So you don’t like being touched? You’ve never thought of a guy that way before? You’ve really never wanted to kiss someone?”
She nodded and looked down at the floor, somewhat pained to see him that way.
“And you’re sure it’s not because you like females?”
Freya rolled her eyes. “No, Colin, I don’t like females.”
He ran his hand through his hair, still trying to process the information. He stared past her for a moment, almost lost in thought. “How can you possibly not want to kiss someone?” he practically yelled. “I’m sorry, but I just so don’t get you at all.”
The whole conversation was far outside Freya’s comfort zone, but she knew she had to at least try to communicate with him about it, to try to show him her point of view. “I don’t know. I don’t really even get why you would want to. Why do people rub their mouths together? It sounds so gross and pointless. I’ve even heard something about using your tongue. Why would anyone want to do that?”
“Because it’s fun!” he shouted, throwing his hands in the air. He leaned his hands high on the wall, then practically banged his head against it. “You chose this, Colin. Yes, you did. This was your choice…so here you are,” he muttered to himself.
Freya was a little concerned when she saw him hit his head, especially after yelling at her and while they were on camera. She didn’t quite know how to stop him, so she just walked closer to him.
Colin stopped and rolled his head around to look at her, and there was an expression of utter defeat on his face. He slid his hands down the wall and leaned over to face her. “This is just…a lot for me to take in.”
“Yep, I can see that.”
“I thought I could wear you down, but it never occurred to me that you could be asexual,” he said in a calmer voice. He shook his head and gave a little chuckle at a joke that was only funny to him. “Okay, so here’s the deal, I’m going to start touching you, and I wanna know if there comes a point when you actually want me to kiss you,” he said, as if it was the most clever thing he had ever thought of.
Freya squinted at him, not quite sure what to think of the new deal.
“Think of it as scientific research, an experiment. I just want to know if you are, in fact, asexual.”
Freya rolled her eyes at first, but then she realized it might be a good thing to know. She wasn’t sure if asexuality was a real thing, but if it was, she thought it might get her out of any sort of expectations from him or the State. She shrugged and looked squarely at him, waiting for him to proceed, knowing it couldn’t really hurt.
“So you’re going to let me do this?”
“If it’ll make you feel better. I hope it doesn’t backfire and make you feel worse though,” Freya said.
“I’m willing to take that chance, so let’s get started on this, uh… Hey, we need to give this project name. What do you think of, um… Project Wear Her Down?”
Freya laughed. “Well, I guess we have to wait and see how it turns out. We may have to adjust it to Project Biggest Failure Ever by Colin.”
“Oh, it’s on! The name will remain yet to be determined,” he said, rubbing his hands together.
Freya stared at him questioningly, hoping it would be over shortly. She had horrible thoughts of him grabbing her, fondling all parts of her body and expecting a miracle.
Colin hesitantly stepped close to her and put both his hands on the sides of her waist. “How about now?”
“Nope.”
He slid his hands slowly down to her hips and pulled her a little closer. “Now?”
“Nope.” She still did not want to kiss him, but there was something about the embrace she enjoyed.
He moved one hand so it wrapped around her completely, pulling her into him tightly. He placed his other hand on the side of her face and gently stroked her cheek with his thumb. “Now?”
“No,” she said, feeling a little breathless and starting to feel a bit anxious.
Colin then steered her body so she was pressed against the wall, and he held her face with both of his hands. He leaned in and softly kissed her on the head, not quite her forehead but almost between her eyebrows. “Now?”
“No,” she was barely able to say. Freya was glad that she did not have to look into his eyes. She still did not want to kiss him, but something was happening, changing somehow. She realized what she thought was anxiety was actually excitement, a rapid, fluttering feeling in her core. She was short of breath. Although she still did not want his lips pressed against hers, she didn’t want him to move away either.
Colin slid his lips down, lightly touching her skin while they traveled, then kissed her again. This time, it was not quite on her cheek and was closer to the side of her mouth. “Now?”
Freya was unable to speak. She closed her eyes and noticed, for the first time since she had moved in with him, she really loved the way he smelled. She inhaled deeply, enjoying the moment, excited for what might come next.
Colin dropped his hands back down to her waist and pulled his upper body away from her slightly.
Suddenly, Freya was jolted to her senses and opened her eyes,
only to see Colin standing there with the most arrogant, smug look she had ever seen on his face.
“Project Wear Her Down after all, huh? Good. I’m glad we got the name figured out,” he said confidently, then sauntered over to the sofa and sat down. He turned the monitor on and began to read the nightly news, tucking his hands behind his head.
Freya stood there for a moment, completely confused by what had just happened. “What are you doing?”
“Reading the news. You?” he asked without looking at her. “You can come read it with me if you want. There’s nothing terribly interesting though.”
The State Series Box Set Page 15