“You really aren’t trying to take down the dome or to kill Victor? What about the people who work in the house? Have they ever been harmed?”
Ursa looked at Freya for a moment before she answered. “He said you were in danger?”
“Yes. He said the rebellion has killed workers in the State house before, just to try to cripple the State.”
Ursa gave a bitter laugh. “Well, fear is a great tool for control. That is all they do—make people afraid. They start by making you afraid of the State when you are young, and then make you more afraid of the rebellion when you are an adult. People who live in fear are easier to control. To answer your question, a member of the State house has never been a target. Yes, in the last assassination, one was killed trying to protect the head of State, but they were never the target.”
It was Freya’s turn to give a bitter laugh. “They couple all female workers with Security officers. He said it was for our protection. When Colin was gone, I was not allowed to leave the house. Victor said it wasn’t safe for me, that someone might try to kill me. I also wasn’t allowed in the house when there were extra workers—I had to go to the common rooms. Even Colin believed I was at risk.”
“Yes, well, if you need someone to believe a lie, you can’t just tell one person. You have to make sure that everyone around them believes it too. I am surprised Colin fell for it though, but I guess that’s what happens when they take your children from you so young—they got inside his head.” Ursa remained silent for a moment, and then began to speak again, very carefully. “Freya, I have told you of our plan to get everyone on the colony planet and then destroy the transport device, but I have not told you everything,” she said. “We need someone to be on the inside to be able to do it. We need you.”
Freya nearly jumped out of the bed. Her entire body went rigid. “What can I do! I am nobody. I don’t work in Security. I am not military. I have no power. How can I possibly help everyone gain access to the device to move them through?”
“We have over twenty years, Freya, and that is a long time. I have a list of names. There are people who are willing to lay down their lives for this.”
“What do you mean? What am I supposed to do with a list of people ready to die for the rebellion?”
“You will report them. You will hand them over to the State, and it will elevate you. You will climb to the top, and then you will hold a position of power. You will have the ability to get us to the other side. We need you to be our person on the inside, and we believe in you so strongly, I have a list of volunteers who will die to make sure you get to where we need you to be.”
Freya’s entire body tingled, and shivers ran down her spine. This wasn’t fear; she had dealt with fear before. It wasn’t excitement either. This emotion rolled over her and she didn’t know whether her body could physically handle it.
“I can’t do it. I won’t do it. I can’t send innocent people to be killed.” She stared blankly at the ceiling.
“You can, and you will,” Ursa said to her firmly. “We are at war, and these are not innocent lives—they are soldiers. We are all willing to die for our cause, Freya. I have told you this before. You are the person we have been waiting for. You are the person who could rise up in the State and have the influence we need. This is the best chance we have had for change in a very long time, and we will not sit idly by and miss our opportunity on the hopes that the State might have a change of heart when the colony planet opens up. We need to take action, and we need you to be able to do it.”
Chapter 16
The alarm sounded in the apartment in the morning. Ursa reached for her hand and held Freya back from getting up.
“You have to go home to Lewis tonight,” Ursa said. “You have to tell him that I think the State killed Rowen. It will give him the confidence that everything is going according to plan and you are still on their side.”
“No, I can’t tell him that. How can I protect you if I hand you over to him?” Freya replied, a sharp tone of desperation in her voice.
“Simple. Greed. They will not take me simply on that information alone. They would not have sent you just for the two of us. They want to see how deeply we are connected. If they didn’t, they would have taken us already. They killed him off because they wanted to get me to talk. We are information to them, not the target. You have to put his mind at ease or he will suspect you, and everything will be lost to us.”
“And what if you’re wrong?” Freya asked. “What if I go home and tell him this and I never see you again?” Her eyes filled with tears. She was more afraid of losing Ursa than she was of being discovered.
“They won’t—but if they did, I will die knowing that I did my part, which is more than most people can say,” Ursa said. “You are the only thing I have left, the only thing they haven’t taken from me, and it is only a matter of time before they take you too. I am ready to die, Freya. I just hope to do as much damage to the State as possible before I go.” Tears freely ran down Freya’s cheeks, but Ursa held strong. “I love you, Freya. You are my daughter. Now I need you to take on this fight, because I don’t have much time left. I need you to be brave, and you need to believe in yourself.” Ursa kissed her once again on her forehead, just like Colin used to. “Now go, clean yourself up and go to the greenhouse. We are all depending on you.”
“I love you too, but I will see you again. Let’s hope that you are right.” She got up from the bed and left Ursa there. Freya went into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face, hoping it would help to hide her tears. She was still wearing her uniform from the previous day, and she didn’t want to risk running into Lewis. So she simply fixed her hair and headed off to the greenhouse without a shower or change of clothes. She needed time to pull herself together, to clear her mind. If she was going to convince Lewis of anything, she had to find her centre first. He could not know how much she cared for Ursa. If he knew, he would not trust anything she said. Lewis had complete control over his emotions, and she needed him to believe that she did also.
The repetitive nature of her work was the perfect time to sort out her thoughts. It was so easy, so redundant, she could do it in her sleep. Freya could not begin to sort out Ursa’s plan for her to be a double agent for the rebellion—again, she was not ready to agree with her. All she could do now was to take this one day at a time, one minute at a time even. She needed to focus on just the task she had to perform today: to convince Lewis that Ursa was starting to open up, and that Freya was still focused on the mission. He could not know that her real aim was to protect Ursa; she was all that mattered to her.
She kept to herself, avoiding the watching eyes of her fellow greenhouse workers. They all wanted to talk about Ursa, all waiting to hear what had happened to her partner. It was difficult for Freya to navigate her day around them. Much to Freya’s disappointment, the day passed by quickly. Although she had calmed down a significant amount since the morning, she still did not feel ready to face Lewis. She tried to pretend to need to finish a few things at the end of the day, but Cady shooed everyone out of the greenhouse at their shift’s end. It was time to see what she was made of, to find out whether she could in fact be a double agent. Not that she was ready to take on that role—this wasn’t about the rebellion; it was about Ursa.
When she arrived at the apartment, she changed quickly into exercise clothing. Perhaps if she could convince Lewis they needed to go exercise, it could buy her more time. She went and sat on the sofa, best to be in view of the cameras when Lewis arrived. He greeted her warmly, with a gentle kiss, and then went into the bedroom to change. It was good to have a workout first; it always helped to clear her mind. They ran laps together, and then moved onto strength training.
He upheld his usual public display of affection toward her. He touched her whenever he could, smiled and laughed often. She had to focus all of her strength into not avoiding his touch; she had to reciprocate everything, or else she feared he would grow suspicious o
f her. He could read body language so well, it could already be too late for all she knew.
Once finished with their training, they headed back to the apartment. Lewis went right to the slot in the wall and grabbed their meals and headed for the bedroom.
This is it. She had no more excuses. There was no way she could stall this any longer. She just hoped she was ready.
“Sorry about last night. I just couldn’t leave her,” Freya said as she closed the bedroom door.
“It is alright, Freya. This is a critical time for our mission. Did you learn anything?”
Freya sighed. It is now or never.
“Almost. At least, I think so,” she said. “She was just so overrun with grief, she said something kind of crazy to me. I think it might mean something.” She shook her head. “She thinks the State killed Rowen. Crazy, right?” Lewis had no change in his face, no reaction to what she had said. “So I think maybe if she is saying stuff like that, it is only a matter of time before she says more.”
“Yes, that is great news. She has admitted to you she doesn’t trust the State. That will definitely lead to more information,” Lewis said.
There was something about his tone when he spoke: it sounded natural, but almost too natural to be sincere. His complete lack of emotion was what was truly unnerving. He never tried to deny the State killed Rowen. Freya never believed Ursa’s suspicions about his heart attack being a tactical move by the State, not until this moment. In this exact moment, Freya knew Ursa might be right. Was Lewis in on it? Did he himself cause it? She had to instantly force these thoughts from her mind. If she dwelled on it, her emotions would give her away.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. We are so close,” she said, trying to act as though she was excited, as it was the only emotion she could think of to hide the colour now flushing her face, the way her heart had started to race. “I really never believed I could do this, but it looks like it’s working.”
Lewis reached out for her and kissed her. He held her face cupped in his hands as he pulled back. “I am proud of you.” He looked into her eyes. “Let’s eat. I’m starving.” He grabbed a plate.
Freya picked up a plate and took small bites. She should be ravenous, but it was difficult for her to eat. Her stomach was twisted in knots; it was almost painful. The reality of the situation was starting to sink in. I’m here, casually eating with Rowen’s killer. Of course it was Lewis; who else could it be? He was in position. He worked alongside him every day. It would have only taken a sleight of hand to slip something into his food or drink. Whatever had happened to him, Lewis was involved.
If I do not convince the State of my loyalties, would I be next? Would I be taken in for questioning, or would I just be a situation that Lewis would handle? He could have poisoned my food tonight; he could do it at any time. She had to press on to finish her meal, even though thoughts of being poisoned floated through her mind.
“I missed you last night.” He touched her face gently. His touch felt like shards of ice scratching down her skin.
“I missed you, too.” She leaned over to kiss him. She knew exactly what she had to do, what would put his mind at ease if there was any doubt. She numbed her mind, and focused on kissing him. There was no sensation of pleasure or excitement, but she needed to press on. Her hands slid down to his stomach and she started to pull up his shirt. He laid back and she climbed on top of him, her legs tucking securely around his hips. There was no hesitation from him as his hands explored her body and undressed her. She knew that it would not be enough to simply seduce him; he had to believe she was enjoying herself. For the first time, Freya did something she thought she would never do: she closed her eyes and pretended in her mind that he was Colin.
***
Freya woke up to the alarm sounding, and Lewis was already awake. She showered and found Lewis waiting for her in the bedroom when she returned.
“We are so close, Freya.” He pulled her into a kiss. “You are doing so well. You just need to believe in yourself like I do.” He kissed her again.
“Yeah, I know. I just get nervous. I didn’t have all those years of training like you did.”
“We are right on track. You’re doing great. Now get dressed. We need to leave soon.”
She was going to go see Ursa when she completed her work at the greenhouse. The day passed as per usual; a few people asked about Ursa, and she didn’t know what to say. The woman had now lost everything. How does one move on from that? When she arrived at Ursa’s apartment, she was surprised to see her dressed and showered, even though she remained in the bedroom.
“You’re back.” Ursa smiled and grabbed for Freya’s hand. “I missed you last night.”
“I’m sorry. I thought since I slept here I needed to go see Lewis last night.”
“No need to apologize, dear. You need to keep up appearances with him. I know you can’t always be here.”
Freya nodded, but still felt guilty for not being around.
“I have some good news.”
“You do? Please tell me, I would love some good news,” said Freya.
“I had to go in and talk to a psychologist today, and she has arranged for you to still have access to my apartment.”
“Really? That is good news. I thought this was just going to be for your bereavement week.”
“Yes, it was supposed to be, but the psychologist agreed that I need you here with me.” Ursa smiled. “She said you could come and see me every other day after we finish at the greenhouse. A letter is being sent to Lewis, which of course he has to consent to, but I am sure he will.”
“Yeah, of course he will.” Freya sneered.
“How did last night go?”
Freya laid back on the bed and gave a heavy sigh. “He bought it. I am just tense because I don’t know how to do this without implicating you. How do we get a list of names without you taking the fall?”
“I am not worried about that. Like the others, I am ready to die for this if that is what it takes,” Ursa answered sternly.
“But there has to be another way,” Freya said. “We just haven’t thought of it yet. Maybe we could say you introduced me to someone, and they gave me the information. We have to think of a way to make it sound like you had minimal involvement.”
“I appreciate you wanting to keep me around, I do, but I don’t know if that is possible.” She looked in Freya’s eyes. “I will do what is necessary, and that is what you need to do also. If we can find a way to stay together, of course I will love that, but my life is not a priority.”
“But I am not prepared to do that. The rebellion may be your priority, but you are mine. There has to be a way to pull this off, and I will find it. I just need more time.”
“I will try to think of something, but I already have a plan in place. I am going to the common room tomorrow when you go home to Lewis, and I am sending a message that you are ready. I will have you meet with someone next week, and they will be the first name you give the State.”
“Next week?” Freya asked in shock. “Why so soon? I’m not ready.”
“Freya, the State is looking for results. If you don’t give that to them, they will suspect you. I fear they suspect you already. It is time to start giving them information. It is time to act.” Ursa shifted and wrapped her arms around Freya. “I know you are scared, but we have to do this. You want to protect me—well, I need to protect you also.”
“Why me? Why would these people be willing to die on the chance I might be in a position of power? That doesn’t make any sense. I don’t even agree with the drastic measures they want to take. I think you have the wrong girl.”
“It doesn’t matter if you don’t completely agree with us. You would be a better leader than any other. You have a morality that the State is lacking. You are compassionate. If there is ever someone who could change the direction of the State, it would be you. You are not thirsty for power, or control. If we truly want to move in a new direction, it will be you who
has to lead us,” she said. “If you were in power, maybe we wouldn’t need to take the colony planet by force. Maybe we really could live in peace.”
“Do you really believe that? Or is this your way of agreeing to disagree with me?”
“I do believe it. If anyone could create change, it is you. You could bridge the gap of both sides of the war. If peace is possible, you will bring it. If you could find a moderate path, I think you could convince the rebellion to live in peace.”
“How am I supposed to do that?”
“Convince them there is another way. Do what is necessary to get yourself in a place of power, and then lead the people differently. Show everyone that change is possible, and the rebellion is not necessary.”
The State Series Box Set Page 46