by Chelle Bliss
“Does that happen often?” His mouth gaped open.
I scrunched up my face when I climbed into the passenger seat. “More than you wish it did.”
He rubbed his forehead before pressing on his eyes. “Maybe I need to rethink this baby thing.”
“Did you talk to Georgia last night?” I had completely forgotten to message her and give her a heads-up.
He nodded slowly and started the engine. “Yeah. We had a long talk.”
Pulling down the visor, I checked my makeup. “And?”
“She said she’s ready to start trying.”
“Oh my God,” I squealed and clapped my hands like a crazy woman. “This makes me so happy.”
He gave me a sideways glance. “Why do women get happy about that shit?”
“Because it means our babies can play together. Maybe you’ll have boys and they can get married.”
Okay. Clearly, I’m getting way ahead of myself. But I always had a dream, a fairy tale of sorts, where my children would marry the children of my friends. Once kids got hitched, the parents were locked together for eternity too. The Gallos were perfect, but they got stuck with my parents. They are not a gift in anyone’s life.
“Um, yeah, maybe.” He shrugged. “Let us get pregnant first before we start planning a ceremony, okay?”
“Okay.” I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. When I’d pushed Frisco and Georgia toward each other, I knew they’d be perfect together. I knew it in my core, even though it took a lot of convincing and underhanded actions on my part. It was worth it because now they’re going to have a baby.
“City seemed a little preoccupied when he left this morning. Did he see something last night?”
“Um,” I mumbled and twisted my hands in my lap. “No.”
“Everything okay?” He looked over at me and frowned.
“We’re perfect.”
“Then why are you fidgeting all of a sudden?”
My hands stopped moving. “I didn’t notice I was. Sorry.”
He didn’t push again, and I stared out the window and thought about my husband. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. Men get it done all the time.
I looked over at him and pulled at my lip. “Let me ask you this, Frisco. ’Cause you’re a man.”
“Last time I checked, I was.” He laughed softly.
“Men,” I muttered under my breath. “What’s the big deal about vasectomies?”
His head jerked backward and his eyes met mine. “As in, a knife near my balls vasectomy?”
I nodded and shrugged at the same time and probably looked like a moron. “I think that’s the only kind.”
“I think I answered it.”
“How?” I asked, confused.
His hands tightened around the steering wheel, and he kept his eyes pinned to the road. “I just said it… It’s a knife near a man’s most private area.”
“You mean, favorite area.” I rolled my eyes. Was every man a pussy?
“Same thing.”
“So what? Women go through worse than that in childbirth. It takes five minutes to get the procedure done, and they use like two stitches to close the incision.”
He trembled. “The fact that you need a stitch says the cut is way too big.”
“Oh, for Jesus’s sake. When I had my episiotomy when Gigi was born, I don’t even know how many stitches they used to sew me shut.”
His eyebrows squished together, almost meeting the wrinkle in his nose. “What the fuck is that?”
“Sometimes, the baby doesn’t have enough room to come out. So they have to—”
“Stop!”
My head tipped to the side as I stared at him. “I didn’t get to the grossest part.”
“You said enough.”
“Well, it makes a vasectomy look like a splinter.”
“I’ve never had a splinter on my junk, so I wouldn’t know.”
“You’re all babies.”
“I can take a punch to the face, a knife to the gut, hell, even a gunshot…but don’t even think about cutting open my stuff.”
I rolled my eyes and exhaled. He was just like the rest of them. Even my manly husband would need some convincing. I’d always thought of him as a superhero, but every single one of them had a weakness. His wasn’t kryptonite. Nope, it was a knife near his “junk,” as Frisco said.
I’d just have to find a way to make it worth his while. If that didn’t work, I’d scare the heck out of him and make him run to the nearest doctor’s office. Either way…it was going to happen.
Seeing Red
Joe
“Are we good to go for the Fourth?” I asked Thomas over the phone on my way home from work.
Suzy wanted a party, and she started planning early, before I got the go-ahead from the security team. Sometimes she did that…got ahead of herself.
“Yeah. Everyone is coming—even Tank, Bear, and a few others. We should be covered. If someone tries something there, they’d be a fucking moron and dead to boot.”
“Good. She already bought an ass-load of decorations. I would have hated to tell her we had to cancel everything. Any leads yet?”
“I heard it was Rooster and Cowboy who were released on technicalities.”
“And they are?”
“Two people that I never wanted to see the light of day. Fuck.”
I grimaced as a knot formed in my stomach. “Text everyone their photos.”
“On it.”
“I’m pulling in. I’ll catch you later.”
“Did Suzy really ask you for a vasectomy, man?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. Information moved fast in the Gallo family. “Yeah,” I mumbled.
“Do it,” he replied sternly.
“What?”
“I did it last year. It’s no big deal. It’s like a paper cut.”
“On my balls.”
“Don’t be a pussy, Joe. It’ll make your woman happy.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Do you want more kids?” he asked.
My head lurched back at the thought of more children running around the house. “Fuck no. Three girls are enough for me. I’ll be in a grave early because of them as it is.”
“Then get it taken care of.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Fuck off.”
“Love you,” I told him as I disconnected the Bluetooth and ended our conversation.
* * *
“So did you think about it?” Suzy asked as she scrubbed my back with her shower scrunchie.
My head hung down and I stared at the bubbles washing down the drain. “I did.”
Her hand stilled between my shoulder blades. “Will you do it for me?”
“I’ll think about it, sugar.” I figured I could buy myself some time before I’d have to go under the knife. I’d do it for her. I’d do anything for her, but I needed time to process this decision.
“Do you want more babies?”
“Do you?”
“No. I don’t think I could go through another birth or another round of postpartum depression. I’m happy right now. We have three beautiful girls, and I couldn’t imagine another.”
“They are pretty amazing, aren’t they?”
“They are.” She sighed and started to move the strawberry-scented shower gel around my back.
“You know there’s no going back once I get it done.”
She ducked under my arm and stood in front of me. “I won’t change my mind. I don’t want another baby, Joe.”
Reaching up, I grabbed the sponge from her hand and kissed her lips. The water splashed over us. “I’ll give you an answer soon,” I whispered.
She wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing her tits against my chest. Her hand slid down my torso and she fisted my cock. “You like that, baby?” she asked in a sultry voice.
My eyes closed. “I do.”
“Then get a freakin’ vasectomy if you ever want to feel it inside my body again
My eyes snapped open, and she dropped my shaft like it was on fire and walked out of the shower. She left me standing there, hard and wet, with no relief in sight. “Suzy, come on,” I said, climbing out after her, leaving the water running.
She wrapped the towel around her body. “Nope. This body is no longer yours until you take care of our problem.” Her eyes dipped to my cock, which was waving at her or shaking from fear. “Then you’re allowed back inside your sweet pussy.” She said it in the same tone of voice I used when I was inside of her.
My mouth dropped open and I stood there frozen as I watched her walk out of the bathroom, dripping wet.
“Fuck me,” I muttered after I realized I hadn’t imagined her mimicking me.
I grumbled to myself while I dried off, but I didn’t dare argue. I was now officially being punished for wanting an extension.
“Ro’s up. She needs to be fed!” she yelled from the bedroom. “Probably needs a new diaper too.”
It was going to be a rough couple of weeks until I finally caved. It would happen. Suzy would make sure of it. I grabbed a pair of shorts off the floor and yanked them on in frustration. “You’re an idiot,” I told myself as I walked toward the babies’ room.
“Hey, Daddy’s girl,” I said, cradling her in my arms while the bottle warmed up. “Did you have a fun day today?”
She just gurgled and giggled, reaching up and grabbing my nose with her tiny fingers. She had on my favorite onesie—Kickin’ Ass and Takin’ Naps with a skull and baby rattles. Aunt Izzy had bought one for each of the girls. Suzy decided they could wear it in the house but could never be seen in public wearing profanity.
I shook the bottle and took a quick taste to check the temperature out of sheer laziness. I grimaced at the horrid flavor and regretted my decision not to use a patch of skin. Baby formula would never be confused with milk again. It tasted like chalk.
“Yum, right?” I asked as I stuck it in her mouth. Her big, blue eyes widened, and her mouth started to feverishly suck down the contents immediately.
Standing by the patio door, I stared into the backyard, surveying the woods for any movement. The full moon illuminated the tree line, and the wind made the shadows shift across the grass. A red glow about fifty yards away, deep into the woods, caught my eye.
“What is that?” I whispered like Ro would answer me. I squinted, trying to get a better look before the light vanished. I scratched my head with my free hand and wondered if I had imagined it. As I started to turn around, the glow was back and brighter than before. I watched, my eyes glued to the spot, as the light dimmed and brightened repeatedly before vanishing altogether.
When Rose drained her bottle and I placed her against me to burp, I dialed Thomas. “Hey.”
“What’s up?” he answered with a moan.
“It’s probably nothing,” I said, feeling uncomfortable because I could tell by the noises that the moan didn’t come from a television. “Fuck. Sorry I interrupted.”
“You got me now, so spill it.”
“I think someone was in the woods.”
“I’ll be right over,” he said before the call dropped, and Ro let out the loudest burp.
For a second, I forgot about the light outside. “That’s my girl. Keep burping like that and Daddy won’t have to murder any boys until you’re in your twenties.”
She laughed, grabbing my face with her hands and leaning forward to kiss me but completely missing my lips. Baby kisses were the best. Even though they were messy, they were the purest form of love.
I buried my face in her neck and tickled her with my whiskers. She squirmed, giggling just like her mother. Whoever was in the backyard would have to kill me before I let them hurt my four girls. Nothing else mattered more than them—not even myself.
“Were you talking to someone?” Suzy asked from behind me, causing me to jump.
“Fuck, you scared me.”
“What’s wrong?” She walked toward me slowly, pulling her robe tighter around her waist.
“Nothing, sugar. Thomas is coming over.”
“Why?” she asked, glancing at the clock. “It’s so late.”
“He has something he wants to give me.” I lied to stop her from panicking. “Why don’t you take Ro upstairs, and I’ll meet him outside so he doesn’t wake the girls.”
“Okay. Just be careful.” She lifted Ro from my arms and gave me a quick kiss. “I’ll meet you upstairs.” She smiled over her shoulder before she walked out.
“Oh, yeah? Naked?” I hoped because she’d left me hanging, and at this point, I probably had enough sperm inside me to give her triplets.
“Not on your life.” She smiled and turned so I couldn’t see her face. “Snip, then sex.”
“For the love of—”
“Don’t bring Him into it,” she yelled down the stairway before my hand could touch the doorknob.
I paced around the front yard and watched the perimeter of the house as I waited for Thomas. He pulled in just as I was about to start the sweep of the woods myself.
He turned his bike off at the street, letting it glide in whisper-quiet. “Hey. Sorry. Traffic was fucked from an accident.”
“It’s fine. I was just about to start myself.”
He climbed off his sweet new ride—a Night Rod Special. “I’m sure they saw you looking in their direction and took off, but let’s check the woods and see if we find something. Show me.”
“How’s the bike?” I asked as we walked toward the very spot where I’d seen the red dot.
“Fuckin’ beautiful, but Angel’s a little pissed.”
“Why?”
“’Cause she’s worried I’m going to wreck.”
“She realizes you’ve been riding all your life, right?”
“Some shit about being a dad and having responsibilities.”
“Women.”
“Yep.”
“How are the balls?”
“Still whole. Over there,” I said, pointing to the very spot, off in the distance, and changing the subject.
As we approached, we could see the ground littered with cigarette butts. “Fuck. This is what I was afraid of.”
“Someone’s watching us.” I bent down and picked one up. “Looks like they’ve been here a while too.” The butts were in various stages of decomposition. With the heat, humidity, and rain, it could’ve been only a few days. Either way, someone had been here and they were waiting for the right time to strike.
Scare Tactics
Suzy
“Joe.” I slid my arms around his neck as he sat on the couch. Leaning over him, I placed my mouth next to his ear and whispered, “What if I’m pregnant.”
He froze and his heart started to pound frantically under my palms. “How?”
“See, when we have sex, your sperm swims up my—”
He tipped his head back and stared up at me. “Woman, I thought you were on the pill.”
“I stopped taking it weeks ago.”
“Oh, God. Another baby?”
“I’m hoping for another girl,” I said, unable to wipe the smile off my face.
I wasn’t pregnant. My little talk didn’t get him moving on the vasectomy, so I figured radical action needed to be taken.
“I don’t think I can take another girl, and the babies are still bottle-feeding.”
“Don’t worry, baby. They’ll be walking by the time our next bundle of joy is born.”
He rubbed his forehead with his fingertips as his face drained of color. “I don’t know if I can handle this.”
“Then why didn’t you get snipped?”
He grimaced when his hand fell away. “You know I hate that word.”
I grinned, biting the inside of my mouth to stop myself from laughing. My poor husband looked like his worst nightmare just came true. “Sounds better than twins, doesn’t it? Now do you wish you had a vasectomy?”
He sighed and nodded slowly. “I do.” He swallowed, closing his eyes.<br />
“Good, because I’m not pregnant.”
His eyes cut to mine, wide and pissed off. “You’re not?”
“Nope.” I shook my head and grinned. “Go get it done before you knock me up again.”
“Jesus.” He gripped his chest and exhaled. “You scared the shit out of me, -->