by KT Belt
“Is that you talking or Kali?” Phaethon asked.
Carmen took another deep breath. “It’s me,” she said. Then she extended her hand to help him up. “Trust me.”
He looked at her and hesitated.
“Trust me,” Carmen said again. Phaethon looked at her hand and took it. She pulled him to his feet. “We have to get to the ship.”
“Do you know where it is?”
“No,” she responded.
Just then, a long line of yellow lights appeared before them.
“What’s that?” he asked.
Carmen smiled. It truly was nice to have a good partner. She could only assume Inertia was monitoring her progress from some sort of control room. She turned to Phaethon.
“Come on,” she said.
The pair moved off at a slow run. She really didn’t have the energy for much more than that. They opened a hatch to find a squad of sorten security waiting for them.
“Fire!” the squad leader said as soon as the Clairvoyants were in view.
Carmen extended an arm to prevent Phaethon from stumbling into the corridor, and the two of them were able to retreat back inside. She looked at her charge and could already see the first beginnings of a new blaze.
“No,” she said sharply. He gave her a confused look while the bullets ricocheted all around them. “Clean,” she said, holding up a finger to emphasize her point. “We’re not monsters.”
She closed her eyes, and Phaethon watched her. A few seconds later, the shooting stopped. He stole a quick peek into the corridor. The sorten squad lay dead on the ground, their necks broken. He turned back to his handler. She opened her eyes, looking woozy and weak.
“Come on,” Carmen said.
At this point, even managing a fast walk was a struggle. She could feel Phaethon’s concern, but he didn’t say anything. She could also feel more sorten security closing in on them. They were relentless. Their shouts of horror at their fallen comrades echoed through Solitary, even though they couldn’t yet be seen.
The yellow road of lights led to an elevator. She pressed the button to call for it and sighed when it became obvious the elevators were still shut off. Phaethon telekinetically ripped the doors open so she didn’t have to. She groaned loudly when she looked up and down the empty elevator shaft. They would have to fly, though it was only a minor inconvenience, all things considered.
“Up or down?” he asked.
“Up!” Carmen yelled just as the sortens came into view.
The lead security member took aim at them and fired just as they entered the elevator shaft. The bullets ripped into the wall, causing a deafening torrent of noise but otherwise leaving the Clairvoyants no worse for wear.
They flew up to the next floor, opened the door, and saw no yellow lights. Two more floors, and no more luck. On the next floor, their path was laid out before them. Carmen was so exhausted. The room spun and it was hard to even know where she was. Her arms and legs shook from the sheer exertion. And more sortens were coming.
“Come on. We have to be almost there,” she said, though it was Phaethon and not her who was ready to go.
He moved at a slow jog. Carmen followed a few steps behind. They went through a hatch and down a corridor for a long way, and then another corridor. Their passageway filtered into another, and she turned around and stopped for a moment. The corridor they just left had been one of three. She remembered the split. They were close. She ran with renewed vigor, and it was now Phaethon who was pressed to keep up. Then, at last, there was a door at the end of the passageway.
No grace and no modesty—she wanted out of this hell with all due haste. Carmen telekinetically ripped the door off its hinges and made straight for The Lady. As before, the ship sat alone quietly. Inertia was waiting for them. She ran toward him and collapsed in his arms. Phaethon watched the scene, his mouth agape.
“What happened? Is she all right?” Inertia barked at the teenaged boy.
“I, uh…uh…”
“I-I’m fine,” Carmen struggled to say. “Get us out of here,” she added, her voice weak and strained.
Inertia nodded sharply and picked her up. “Phaethon, find a place to strap in,” he said before carrying her into the ship and closing the hatch.
Phaethon nodded, and Inertia, still carrying her, made his way to the bridge. He took a moment to strap Carmen in her chair, and she noticed how gentle he was despite his haste. He then took his seat, and his hands flew over his console. The Lady hummed and whined to life. Carmen maintained the wherewithal to turn on the external cameras. They showed the hangar, and a part of her worried that some trick of fate would strand them here. But then, eventually, The Lady began her escape. Up and up she went. A brief thought flashed through Carmen’s mind that they would crash into the hangar door, but The Lady emerged from the confines of Solitary with no drama, only to accelerate farther and farther away.
Carmen watched the planetoid in her monitor as it receded. She noticed she was breathing in quick pants, and she swallowed hard. After a few seconds, she was able to calm herself. Inertia looked at her and nodded. She nodded back. They each let go a small sigh.
He tried to say something then, but she passed out as soon as he opened his mouth.
23
Atonement
Carmen stood outside Phaethon’s makeshift quarters on The Lady, unsure of what she was going to do. In the past few days since they’d escaped Solitary, she hadn’t been purposely trying to avoid her charge. It didn’t seem like Phaethon was avoiding her either, as far as she could tell. The Lady wasn’t a large ship by any means, and it was impossible to keep from encountering each other. Nevertheless, both Clairvoyants did their best to pretend that the necessary and inevitable could be put off till eternity.
She stared at the hatch, her mind blank, steeling herself to bridge the last few inches to her goal. Long had she dared to dream of this moment, but now that it was here, she was at a loss. By this time, Phaethon had to have sensed that she was outside his room. He didn’t open the hatch, though, so it seemed he couldn’t span the gap either. It was then that she noticed her reflection in the dull, brushed metal finish of the hatch. Her hand went to the ghostly image, and there was only coldness under her touch.
A thought came to her as her eyes fell. “Edge, it’s time,” she said softly to herself. Except for the first time in her life, she was finally ready to face what may come. She moved to open the hatch but stopped short. “Phaethon,” she called. “Phaethon, can I come in?”
There was no reply. She wasn’t completely surprised. She opened the hatch with no further hesitation and immediately saw Phaethon. He sat expectantly, though not exactly comfortably, on the bed in front of her. She took a seat opposite him. No words were said. Phaethon wasn’t even able to look her in the eye. His expression reminded her of a dog worried it was going to be scolded. She was able to determine quite quickly the reason for it when he cautiously glanced at the burns on her face and then looked away nervously when she noticed his attention.
With her good hand, she touched the burnt side of her face. “It doesn’t really hurt that much,” she remarked reflectively. Phaethon looked at her, and Carmen nodded slowly. “On balance, a fair trade I think.”
“A fair trade?” he asked in disbelief.
“Definitely.”
“But it was all my fault,” he said.
“Yes,” she agreed without pause, which made Phaethon shift uneasily. “But it was my fault for leaving you alone at the facility to get taken. The burns really don’t bother me too much. I’m just happy I was able to find you.”
They sat for a long while in silence. It wasn’t awkward, though; just a quiet moment of reflection.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. She waved the apology away and shrugged. “You aren’t going to make me play chess now, are you?” he asked sheepishly.
Carmen looked at him, nonplussed, for a moment. Then she laughed loudly when she realized he wasn’t being seri
ous. Her reaction made him smile—the first she could ever remember seeing.
“Unfortunately, I left the board back at Solitary.”
Phaethon’s face fell at her mention of that hell. The change was as sudden as flipping a light switch. Her laugh trailed off as the air grew heavy. He said nothing, and it seemed like nothing would be forthcoming.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
“Nothing…nothing. I don’t want to talk about it,” he muttered.
His face was neutral and his body rigid. Carmen noted both while she second-guessed her next question. She was loath to ask it. However, she was well aware that, if not now, it would be never.
“What did they do to you there?” she asked, not really wanting to know the answer. She didn’t ask for her sake, though.
Phaethon looked at her, and it seemed like he was trying to decide for himself whether he’d answer. “I wasn’t the only Clairvoyant they had,” he began. “There were about a half dozen of us in all. I was the oldest.”
Carmen nodded seriously. She remembered Rauon mentioning that they occasionally received children for study. “How did you know there was only a half dozen? I didn’t even know you were there until I fought you,” she asked.
Phaethon swallowed hard. “I don’t know where they kept you, but we were all in the same room.”
“Go on.”
“They’d take us out one at a time. I don’t know what they did to the others. No one talked about it. But they’d attach me to a machine that would make you see or hear things.”
“What kind of things?” Carmen asked.
“Horrible things. Indescribable things. And every time, it was like I existed apart from myself. Like I was watching myself going through whatever motions they wanted me to. I don’t know if anything that happened then actually happened. Sometimes I’d come back to the room covered in blood and I wouldn’t remember why.”
She was silent for a long moment as she considered everything he said. “Phaethon, what happened to the other kids? They’re not still back at Solitary, are they?” she asked. “We’ll go back right now if they are.”
He glanced at her for a second and then slowly shook his head. Dread filled his eyes as memories flashed before them.
“Phaethon?”
“They’re not at Solitary. Not anymore,” he said, his voice cracking slightly.
“What happened to them? Where are they?” she asked.
“I fought them.” He was quiet for a few seconds. “The sortens made me. One at a time, for their tests.” His eyes fell to the deck when he finished speaking.
“You were the oldest and most experienced,” Carmen remarked.
Her charge nodded solemnly. “I don’t know why we had to be roomed together,” he said, frustration and anger drenching every word. “I was the oldest. They all looked up to me and…wanted me to keep them safe. I used to hold them when they cried themselves to sleep. But they would take me and one of them, and only I would come back. None of them even knew what was going on. I had to make up stories.”
Carmen felt weak just hearing him talk. The boy was a quivering mass. She reached out to him. “Oh, Phaethon,” she said, not knowing what she could do but wanting to offer comfort all the same.
“Don’t touch me,” he said, batting her hand away. She held her place, but he couldn’t even look at her. She retreated slowly as he started speaking again. “There was a girl there. She was the youngest, maybe six or seven years old. Her name was Anna. She kind of looked like you,” he said, looking at her.
“What about Anna?” Carmen asked.
“I absolutely hated her. She just wouldn’t shut up about when we were going to be rescued. She was convinced her parents would open the door at any moment and take her home. She’d get the rest of them going too. Most of them had given up hope, but she just had to make them believe. I just wanted her to shut up. Just one night without her squealing about how we were going to be saved,” he said through clenched teeth. He took a deep breath.
“She was the last one. Maybe a day before I fought you, I fought her. She was the only one of them who didn’t cry. She just stood there and accepted what was going to happen.” He sounded like he didn’t believe the words that were coming out of his own mouth. “She was only six years old,” he remarked. “After it was done, I looked down at her body, and I was alone. And…and—”
“And what?” Carmen asked.
When Phaethon glanced at her, it seemed like he’d forgotten she was still there. “And I was happy she was dead!” He shook his head slowly as tears slid down his face. Carmen could only watch. She had braced herself for many things, but she never would have guessed this. “I just couldn’t help it. There were no more kids. I wouldn’t have to hear her again.” Then he looked at her with an odd smile that contained no joy. “The worst part of it is, if you would have been one day sooner, she would have been right.”
Carmen leaned back as she considered the possibility. She quaked at her conclusions. And to this point, she had thought she’d succeeded.
He looked at her, still trying to regain control of himself. He rocked back and forth as he spoke. “I wish you never found me. I don’t deserve it.”
“I had to,” she said.
Phaethon looked around the room, shock and confusion on his features. “Why?”
“I’ve never been through what you experienced. I can’t imagine it. I don’t even want to try. But I’ve done many things I regret,” she said, forcing a lighter tone for his benefit. “Things that I’ve realized over time still haunt me,” she added. “They’ll always haunt me. Just like this will always haunt you. It just is. I’m only just beginning to understanding that. We can’t run from it or forget it. We just have to accept what has happened.”
“What have you ever done?” he asked.
Carmen said nothing at first. “You don’t know why I worked at the facility, do you?” Phaethon shook his head. “I needed money. My boyfriend was very sick. I told myself I’d do anything to make him well. But the reality is that I never really cared about him. Not really. Maybe not even from the very beginning. I just wanted to forget everything. I wanted a normal life without all this,” she said, gesturing around herself. He nodded. “I was selfish. The only thing I did was keep him alive past any sense of dignity. I cheated him… I cheated you. I think we can both agree that I wasn’t a very good handler.”
“You weren’t that bad,” Phaethon said.
She slowly shook her head. “Thank you, but we both know the truth. Anyway, there are other things,” she continued, thinking of Mikayla, Eli, Theodore and the others from her apartment building, and even Anna, who she had been too late to save. “But it is all about one thing. I don’t think I ever really forgave myself.”
“For what you did to your boyfriend?”
“No,” she said quickly, shaking her head. “I…” She hesitated for a second. She’d never said it out loud before. “I don’t think I ever forgave myself for being what I am.”
Her charge looked away and closed his eyes for a long moment. “I think I understand,” he finally said mournfully. “What we are is terrible.”
“I don’t know,” Carmen answered after a short while of searching. “In the end, we’re just people.” She looked away as flashes of thoughts crossed her mind. “I’ve hurt people, killed people. People have been hurt and killed because of me. I guess it will have to be paid back in some way. In the end, though, I’m going to have to live with it and myself.”
Phaethon went quiet again. It was obvious that he didn’t like her answer, but she had nothing better to give. He looked at her. “Is that what you were trying to do? Pay it back in some way by coming after me?”
“A little bit yes, and a little bit no,” she said without having to think about her answer.
“I don’t understand,” he muttered.
Carmen stood and walked toward him. She placed her burnt hand on his shoulder, wincing for a second or so from the
interplay of their bioelectric fields.
“Phaethon,” she said. He looked her in the eye, and she saw her own reflection. “I guess, in a way, I am like Anna. I came for you because no one ever came for me.”
He looked away to consider that. The long silence between handler and charge was but one of many. Yet, after a time, Phaethon stood and hugged her. Carmen was so surprised that it took her a moment before she hugged him back.
“Thank you,” he said.
She smiled, though he couldn’t see it. This new silence had a different air, and they both took their fill before they let go.
“Will you be all right here? I have some things to take care of.”
Phaethon nodded slowly. “I’ll manage.”
She patted him on the shoulder. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I know. You’re my handler,” he said.
Carmen smiled, Phaethon smiled in turn, and with that, she left the room. Her mood stayed with her as she changed her focus to Inertia, who was in the bridge. After a short walk, she saw him sitting at his console. He turned to her and nodded when she entered. She sat next to him.
He glanced at her for a quick moment before returning his attention to his console. “How is he?” Inertia asked.
“He’ll be fine,” Carmen said. “It’s a lot to work through.”
He looked at her again. She glanced back. Inertia, unlike Phaethon, never gave any reaction to her burn scars. It was comforting. In any case, she saw him hesitate, which was rare for him.
“How are you?” he asked after noting her interest in what was on his mind.
“I’m…” she began but trailed off to allow her thoughts to come into full focus. She gave a pained smile. “I’m in a good place now. It’s been a very long time coming.”
Inertia gave a knowing smile at that and nodded slowly, which brought a weary but satisfied smile to her features. No words were said to ruin the moment. After a time, he activated The Lady’s communication systems. Gungnir’s face appeared on the center console between them.