— — —
The next few weeks are a blur of homework and training and helping Dad design the screened-in porch. He has this crazy idea that he and I can finally build the porch-that-never-was, as mom has always referred to the concrete pad on the back of the house.
My birthday happens, and Mom and Dad try to make a big deal of me turning seventeen. We celebrate with a cake, and Aunt Kate sends me movie passes. I take Dylan to see a horror movie, and we scream like girls and throw popcorn at the screen. It’s probably the best night I’ve had in months.
— — —
January 25 is the first meeting for track; my stomach is in knots all day. It’s not actual practice, just an organizational meeting. The coach will hand out paperwork, give us a preseason workout plan, and we’ll elect a captain. When I walk into the gym for the meeting, only a few students are hanging around on the bleachers. Coach Fines looks alarmed when he sees me and says, “Jess, can you come to my office for a minute?”
I follow him to his office, wondering if he will ask me to run for captain this year. He closes the door.
“Here’s the thing. There’s some concern about you representing the school this spring.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t agree, but the school board thinks until after the trial, it would be best if you weren’t on the team.”
“What?” I blink away shocked tears. “But I’ve been training.”
“If it was up to me, you know what I’d say. We need your speed. This just came to my attention today.”
I shake my head. This can’t be happening. I stare at him, holding back tears. I don’t want to cry in front of the coach, but if I can’t run for Jefferson, I don’t have a chance at a scholarship. I will be trapped here forever.
“Hopefully, next year it’ll work out.”
“But I need to compete this year. This is the year colleges look at for scholarships.”
Coach Fines sighs. “I will speak to the school board, but it doesn’t sound as if they’ll change their minds.”
“I have to run, Coach.” I feel the tears starting.
“Believe me, I want you to. But for now, you’ll have to sit it out. I’m sorry. I’ve got to get the meeting started.”
Coach Fines walks with me to the door of the gym. No one says anything, but I know everyone is watching me. I can’t look at any of them, so I don’t know if their looks are pity or condemnation.
“It’ll work out, Jess. I’m sure it will,” Coach Fines assures me.
The door closes behind me with a hollow thud. I slam both my hands against it so hard I yelp in pain. And then I run, sprinting away from the school. Tears streak into my ears. My backpack bounces against my back. My lungs burn. Finally, I slow to a walk. It is four miles to my house. I try to adjust the shoulder straps, cursing at the nylon as it twists in the buckles. Finally, I throw the whole damn backpack on the gravel at the side of the road and sit down on top of it.
“AGGGGHHHHH!” I yell as loud as I can. I cover my face with my hands and sob until I have nothing left. Cars pass, but I don’t care what it looks like.
“I’M TRAPPED HERE FOREVER!” I yell to the sky.
A small car pulls to the side of the road. I don’t acknowledge it. I don’t want anyone to help me.
“Jess?”
I look up and it’s Casey. I laugh out loud. My most humiliating moment and who should witness, but Casey Miller. Figures. I put my head down. I can’t look at him.
Casey sits down beside me. “I heard about the track team.”
I snort. “Great. I’m sure the entire school knows by now.”
“It’s not fair.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I mutter into my arms.
“Yes, it does! They can’t do this. I don’t even think it’s legal. You need a lawyer.”
“I have one.”
“Oh, yeah. Well, you should talk to him about this.”
“You really think it’ll matter?”
“You want to run, don’t you? It’s worth trying.”
I raise my head and look at Casey. “Thanks,” I say. Finally, a glimmer of light.
“You want a ride?” Casey stands and extends a hand. He pulls me to my feet and grabs my backpack.
43
LIZ
“I waited at the school for thirty minutes. Everyone had left!”
My relief at finding Jess at home gives way to fury. All the scenarios that flashed through my mind as I raced home, slink away to the far corners of my mind for another day. I should probably call Kevin and thank him. He was the one who told me to come home and see if she was here before calling the police.
“Oh crap, Mom, I’m sorry. I got a ride.”
“I saw Coach Fines, and he told me what happened. I was scared to death. I didn’t know where you had gone. You couldn’t have called me?”
Jess points at her phone on the counter. “It’s dead. I think it needs a new battery.”
“Next time borrow someone else’s!”
She nods sheepishly and turns back to the pasta sauce she is cooking. I go to my room to change out of my work clothes and call Kevin, but he doesn’t answer. I text him to tell him Jess is here. He texts me back, “K,” but doesn’t call.
Lately, he seems preoccupied. I wonder if he is having second thoughts about how he feels about me. To be fair, Kevin’s been caught up in a crazy civil trial between two of his former clients and they have been monopolizing his time, competing for his opinion. He has also been meeting with Jill about some legal matters. He is very vague about it, but clearly, it upsets him. When he hangs up after talking to her, he seems distant and distracted.
Sometimes he almost seems jealous of Jake. We were having a rare lunch together, and I told him about Jake finally getting wifi service at his garage and how some of the guys who hang out there thought that was ‘high faluttin.’
He laughed and said, “You and Jake seem to be getting along a lot better these days. He’s at the house a lot.”
“I don’t know why it took a disaster to bring us together, but I think it’s helping Jess.”
He nodded and didn’t say any more, but something hung in the air, an awkwardness that neither of us acknowledged. I didn’t want to accuse him of being jealous, because he had no reason to be, and he probably didn’t want to admit to being jealous, so we sipped our water and examined our menus. Eventually, the waitress turned up, and we moved on, but it still felt like Jake was there at the table with us for the entire lunch hour.
When I return to the kitchen, the table is set, and Jess dumps pasta in the strainer. We have been sharing the cooking duties since I started working at Kevin’s. It has been a nice change, even if on her nights we always have one variation or another of pasta.
“It’s horrible what they did. Coach Fines said he doesn’t think it’s fair. Apparently, it was a couple of members of the school board who say they’re looking out for Jefferson’s reputation. It never seems to end.” I know she is upset at not being allowed to run this season, but part of me is grateful she will not be such a public target.
Jess sets a plate of spaghetti in front of me and sits down with her own. I scan her face for the devastation I expect to see. She doesn’t look upset as much as determined. She adjusts her utensils, takes a gulp of water. “How are you doing?” I venture. Talking to her about the case is a landmine of late. I am never sure if she needs me to be a sounding board or a punching bag.
She stabs at her spaghetti. “Do you think Kevin can help me?”
“Of course, he can,” I say. Is she doubting
him?
She waves her fork. “Not with the case, with the school board.”
I frown. “Why would he get involved in that?”
“The school board has no right to kick me off the team. There is no rule about it. I checked the school handbook.”
I sigh and look at her, fork poised, spaghetti twirled, so hopeful. I don’t want to call Kevin. He has enough on his plate, and I am tired of asking him to save the day. “I can’t ask him for help right now. He’s overwhelmed at work and he’s done enough for us already.”
“You can at least ask him. Let him decide if he wants to help.”
“I can’t ask him to get involved with the school board. I’ll talk to the principal, see what I can do.”
“You can’t fix this! The school board will not listen to you! I need a lawyer, not a mom!”
“Did you not just hear me tell you I can’t ask him to get involved? I need you to drop this. I’m not dragging Kevin into our mess once again.”
“That’s what I am, right, a mess?” she shrieks before jumping up from the table and racing for her room.
I know I should follow her, comfort her, but I am all out. Racing home from her school, certain she had left again has emptied me of motherly compassion, so I call Kate.
“What should I do?”
“Well, the first thing I would do is call Kevin.”
“But I don’t want to drag him into this. He’s done enough.”
“Jess is right. She needs a lawyer, not a mom right now. If you look at it from her perspective, the entire world is out to get her. Don’t be another person out to get her. Just be ready to catch her if she falls.”
“How come even though you’ve never been a parent, you always know what I should do?”
She laughs. “Long-distance parenting is easy. And it helps that my only responsibilities are to my landlord and my kitty.”
After I hang up, I call Kevin, and he is furious.
“Why didn’t you call me sooner? It’s nearly nine. Okay, let me see if I can get something over there first thing in the morning.”
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“For what?”
“For once again asking you to help us.”
“Liz,” he says, softly. “I want to help you. When will you accept that? I’m not doing this out of obligation or because I expect anything. I am doing this because I like Jess. She’s a good kid. And this is wrong. Get some sleep. I’ll take care of this.”
“Kevin?”
“Yes?”
I don’t know how to ask this, but I need to know. “You’ve done so much for us, and you keep doing more and more and more.”
He says nothing, so I plow on. “I’m grateful, beyond grateful, and I know you say you’re doing this for your dad or Jess or me, but what do I do for you?”
“Liz,” he says, and I can hear a smile soften his voice.
“I’m serious. I take and take and take, but what am I giving? Secretarial help? I just feel like a needy jerk and I think soon you will get tired of me.”
“I won’t get tired of you.”
“Yes, you will. I get tired of me.”
He laughs softly. “You make me better.”
“You’ve said that before, but it makes no sense.”
“All my life I’ve been surrounded by people who have everything. Heck, I’ve had everything. And I never appreciated it. I just grabbed for more. I didn’t think about the people I walked over or the people who never had what I’ve had. They were suckers there for the plucking. And then you were so kind to my dad, and you weren’t impressed by my cases or suits or success. And now, you still aren’t. You ask me about my mother even though you’ve never met her and you miss my father with me. You remember the names of my clients. Heck, you don’t even have to re-read their files before they come in because you know the details. You know which woman is broken-hearted because she’s going to lose her dog in the divorce. You know who they are, not just what they need. And that is amazing. I watch you and I want to be better. I want to care. I want to be the kind of man you’ll fall in love with.”
I am crying as I listen and when he stops, I’m afraid to speak. I love this man. I do. If ever there was a time to tell him, it is this moment. And yet I don’t. I hold it back.
“Are you still there?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“Does that answer your question?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I’m going to hang up now, I’ve got to get a letter ready for the school board.”
“Thank you,” I tell him, but it comes out a whisper. I hang up and walk outside. I look up at the stars.
“I love you,” I tell the darkness.
— — —
In the morning, Jess pours herself a cup of coffee and sits down beside me. I have already talked to Kevin. I know the school board will be served this morning with papers Kevin has been up half the night preparing. I can’t wait to tell her, but before I can say a word, she speaks.
“I know,” she says.
“What do you know?” I pick up my coffee cup and lean forward.
“I know I can’t ask Kevin to get me out of this. He’s already helped me enough.” She picks at the Formica where it’s coming away from the corner of the table.
“That’s what you don’t know,” I say.
She stops picking and looks up.
“Kevin Sharp is such a good man that he’s already sent a letter to that stupid school board, threatening them with a lawsuit if they don’t allow you to be on the team.”
“Wow.”
“I know. Wow.”
She smiles and gets up to leave, but then she comes back and plants a kiss on the top of my head. “I love you,” she says.
“Not as much as I love you,” I tell her.
44
LIZ
The board members sit around a horseshoe table, matching laptops propped open and complimentary water bottles scattered in front of them. Ellen sits with Coach Fines at a table labeled Staff and Administration facing the horseshoe. We sit behind them–Jess, Jake, Kevin, and me. A smattering of parents, plus two student representatives, are also present.
I hold Kevin’s hand. He is coiled anger. I have never seen him like this.
“It’s just bullshit,” he has said again and again during the day when the subject came up.
I hold his elbow as if I can contain him. He seems like a tiger ready to pounce. On the drive over he recited all the ways the school board is violating Jess’ constitutional rights. It is a new side of him I have not seen. He is really pissed off, and I can’t help but be grateful.
Jess whispers in my ear, “I’m beginning to understand what you see in him. It’s kind of nice you have a shark-lawyer for a boyfriend.”
I scowl at her. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
“If you say so.”
Inside, I smile. I don’t know why it makes me so happy that Jess likes the idea. Kevin is my boyfriend. That is my boyfriend right there, the handsome lawyer who is about to explain the law to you idiots. Jake sees me smiling and gives me a questioning look. I shake my head, set my face back to neutral.
The meeting is gaveled to order, and the board president introduces the board members who each smile in acknowledgment. I have never seen any of them before. They are mostly older people—too old to have children in school. Then the president tells us the proceedings will be live on the district’s cable channel and they do not allow questions or comments unless they have been previously scheduled. H
e talks to us like we are three-year-olds. Then he turns back to the people sitting around the horseshoe.
“We’re meeting tonight to discuss the action we took last week at our monthly meeting. At that time we decided to bar a student facing felony charges from participating on our track team.”
When he says this, Kevin stands up quickly and raises his hand. The President glances at him but continues.
“The student has been informed of our decision and has retained legal counsel with the intention of suing the board and the district in the amount of ten million dollars if not allowed to participate on the track team.”
Kevin clears his throat loudly and continues standing, hand upraised, like a dutiful student.
Finally, the president sighs heavily and looks at Kevin. He speaks in a tight voice that makes it clear he is pissed.
“We do not permit the public to comment on these proceedings unless previously scheduled. You are here only as a courtesy.”
“I understand that, but I thought the board should remember that Jessica is innocent until proven guilty and barring her from the team would violate her constitutional rights.”
“Again, this isn’t in order. I must ask you to sit down.”
“I have made the press aware of the situation,” Kevin says nodding to a man seated behind us. I had no idea he had invited a reporter. He told me he didn’t want the press involved. He didn’t want to do anything that might stir up public reaction so close to our trial date.
“Please sit down sir, or I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
Kevin sits down. “Idiots,” he mutters.
“That’s bullshit,” says Jake, loud enough for everyone to hear him.
Another board member clicks on her microphone.
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