by Jamie Begley
“That’s why I think it’s fucking hilarious.”
Rising fast, she set the swing jostling behind her legs. “Enjoy your laugh.” Ginny started to move around the swing, needing to get away from Killyama before she snatched a handful of hair out of her head and jinxed her to hell and back.
“Sit your ass back down.”
Ginny started past her, only to find her arm taken in a firm grip.
“Sit. Down.”
Ginny sat.
Killyama was an expert on chasing fleeing felons; Ginny had no chance of outrunning her or taking her on physically. No, the best way to handle Trudy’s friend was to listen to what she had to say, then, when she least expected it, show Killy that she was no laughing matter. She might not be an expert on kicking ass, but she was at making people regret getting on her bad side.
“You can quit giving me the evil eye. You’re so hot for the dude that you don’t even see what’s in front of your face.”
“I’m not a child. He was held captive for almost ten years, his fiancée got married while he was gone. So, yeah, it makes sense he would have several issues stemming from what he went through.”
“You have no fucking clue.” All visage of Killyama’s humor deserted her, leaving her face a stark mask that had Ginny clutching the chains of the swing. “Your sister is afraid for you, and you should be, too, because Reaper is no Jason Voorhees. You can shoot Jason’s ass and have time to get away. With Reaper, he’ll just keep coming at you.”
“I’m not afraid.” Ginny looked away at the untruth. She had no fear he would hurt her physically, but she could see him shredding her soul to protect the space he wanted to keep away from the world.
“Then you’re an idiot. Little bitch, if you’re going after Reaper, you need to open your eyes wide. There’s a fucking reason that most of The Last Riders take the shit Reaper dishes out. They consider him a brother and would die for him in a fucking second. I was suckered into how much they cared about him and how bad I felt about what Reaper had gone through, and I missed seeing what was right in my fucking face.”
“Stop, Killy. You’re not going to scare me away from him.” Ginny was holding the swing’s chains so tightly, she felt the links imprinting into her skin. No matter what Killyama told her, though, it wasn’t going to change the way she felt about Gavin.
Killyama blazed past Ginny’s vain effort to stop what she was about to say. “Every single one of The Last Riders might love Reaper, but they are scared shitless of him too. I saw firsthand where Reaper was kept and how they drugged him senseless. Fuckers don’t go to that extreme unless they are afraid of what he could do.”
Ginny wanted to put her hands over her ears to stop the flow of words coming out of Killyama’s mouth. Instead, her lips firmed in a tight line of determination.
“There’s nothing you can say that’s going to put me off Gavin. He’s the one I’ve been waiting for when other girls were talking about their crushes and boyfriends. Do you know how many times I tried to tell myself he didn’t exist, and each time I did, I felt as if I were betraying him?”
“I’m not here to discourage you from Reaper.” Killyama leaned forward, placing her forearms on her thighs. “T.A. and Sex Piston think I am, but I’m not.”
“You aren’t? It sounds exactly like what Trudy would say.”
“You don’t like hearing the truth, then you better toughen those titties up, because Reaper is the last man on earth you should want. You’d have better luck landing Kaden’s expensive jet than landing Reaper.”
“How is this not discouraging me?”
“Little bitch, this isn’t discouragement; it’s preparation. You go with your eyes shut about what Reaper is capable of, you’re doomed for failure before any relationship you want with him can start. Put aside that liquid silver shit and you might stand a fucking chance. You really want to know why T.A. and the other bitches don’t want you to go after Reaper?”
Ginny had a feeling she wasn’t going to like Killyama’s answer, but she answered, “Yes,” anyway.
“None of them think you have enough courage to fight for what you want.”
“I know how to fight for what I want!”
“Do you really? I haven’t seen it, nor has any other bitch. You let your brothers shut you out of their lives, despite how much you care about them.”
“Don’t. You don’t know anything about my relationship with my brothers!”
“What relationship? When’s the last time you even talked to them?”
Ginny was starkly forced to admit the truth. “They don’t want anything to do with me.”
“Exactly. And you just take it. Like you taking every-fucking-thing unless it involves protecting someone else. You have no problem standing up to Lisa and Dalton West when you wanted to protect Willa and Lucky. The only reason you showed the talent you hid for fucking years was because you were protecting the friends you made in Queen City and here in Treepoint from your stalker. You think standing up to your eight brothers and your stalker is hard? It’s going to be nothing compared to what Reaper is going to throw at you.”
“You’re right...” Ginny had to agree with the view that Trudy and her friends had of her. She lived most of her life behind the barrier of having to keep the secret of her identity intact. At the age of three, she had been groomed not to make waves, to hide behind the well-meaning warnings of Trudy, Hammer, Will, and Freddy to blend in, keeping herself and, therefore, them safe. That any slipup would have deadly consequences had been drilled into her head until she had lost the little girl she was born to be.
The only way she was ever going to reach Gavin was to put aside the conditioning that had kept her alive and risk everything for him.
“You look scared shitless. Is it really that frightening to put yourself first?” Killyama asked.
“It is when I could get someone else hurt.”
“Little bitch, what’s it going to take for you to figure out that the only one you are protecting yourself from is yourself. You and Trudy aren’t helpless children any longer. You have people who can take your back if you just step back and give them a chance.”
“At what cost to them and their families? The Last Riders taking other people’s backs is how Winter almost lost her and Aisha’s life. If you hadn’t been there … There are some prices too high to pay.”
“Is there?” Killyama asked softly. “Look at me, Evangeline.”
Ginny turned, lifting her face to reveal the torment of the deeply held fear of her past catching up with her. She already had three deaths on her conscience, Ginny didn’t think she could handle any more.
Killyama lifted herself off the swing to stand beside her, placing a comforting arm around her shoulders. It was something Trudy would have done. From Killyama, it was strange yet somehow it infused the strong woman’s strength into her. “I don’t know the answer to that question. Only you do. You’re the one who’s going to have to decide if a future with Reaper is worth the price and be ready to live with the consequences, because I’m telling you straight-up: don’t keep any secrets from Gavin. If you truly feel like he’s your soul mate, tell him the truth from the get-go. He’s too smart not to figure out that there’s something off with you, and it’d be better if you tell him yourself. Go all in with him, or be prepared when he finds out and walks away. Reaper has no more second chances in him.”
If she did miraculously become involved with Gavin, she would bring danger right to him.
She remembered the brief glimpse of unbearable pain she had seen in Gavin’s eyes when he told her that he had learned waiting for something wasn’t worth it. He had been through so much; was it fair to want him in her life?
Killyama shook her head at her. “I can read your mind. You’re already trying to protect him.” Killy dropped her arm from around her shoulders to grab her biceps, giving her a hard shake. This was the Killyama that Ginny was more familiar with. “Reaper doesn’t need your protection; he needs s
omeone who will make him whole again. Someone who’s going to blow his fucking mind and put Taylor in the rearview mirror.”
Ginny gave a choked laughed. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to accomplish all that.”
“Bitch, I have faith in you. Don’t worry. I’m just a phone call away if you need my advice.”
She had grown up hearing Killy’s advice to the other bitches, and Ginny didn’t have high hopes today, either.
Offended at the look on Ginny’s face, Killyama straightened to her full height and poked a finger at her chest. “I’m the only one who bagged a Last Rider.”
Ginny couldn’t let her sister be one-upped. “Trudy nabbed a movie star who used to belong to Oceane Fournier.”
“Used to be, so he doesn’t count. Besides, I wouldn’t expect T.A. to be giving you advice anytime soon.”
“No, I don’t expect she will.”
“You’re better off. T.A. gives shit advice. I’m all you need to get the job done.”
Ginny held her hands up in surrender. “Fine. If I do feel the need for anymore advice, I’ll call you.”
“I’m not done.” Killyama grew serious again, using her hands on Ginny’s arms to move her backward until the swing bumped against the back of her thighs. “There’s a few things you need to know before you make another move on Reaper.”
Ginny sat at the tone of Killyama’s voice.
“I’m not going to sugarcoat what I’m going to tell you, and if you ever breathe a word that I told you, I’ll call you a damn liar.”
Ginny licked her suddenly dry lips. “I don’t need sugarcoated. I’ve learnt it doesn’t make it go down any easier. Do you know anyone better at keeping a secret than me?” Raising a questioning brow, Ginny didn’t think Killy did, because she began without preamble.
“Have you heard about the dark web?”
Her blood went ice-cold. “Yes, but I’ve never gone there.”
“Buckle up, this isn’t going to be a fun trip.”
Chapter Five
“Is that everything?” Keeping her face expressionless, Ginny prayed there wasn’t a tell showing.
“Yes, it’s likely Hammer and Jonas have more information, but good luck getting it out of them.” Killyama cast her a worried look. Ginny could see that she was having second thoughts about entrusting her with the confidences that she had shared about Gavin. “If any of The Last Riders or Hammer ever found out what I told you, they’d hate me. I jeopardized my marriage, little bitch. You better not make me regret it.”
“I won’t. Thank you, Killyama. I owe you one.” Shakily, Ginny got to her feet.
“I didn’t ask for anything in return, but since you offered, don’t think I won’t if I ever need to.”
Ginny nodded, well-aware that Killyama would if the need arose, which was why she hadn’t offered the repayment lightly.
“You should go. Someone will have noticed us talking so long. I’ll walk you to your car.”
When she lifted a foot to move, her knee buckled. Killyama grabbed her arm, pulling her into hug. Ginny managed to return it.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Didn’t want you to bite the dust in your nice outfit.”
“Not for that. For being there when Gavin needed you.” Ginny tightened her arms around Killy. “Anything, anytime. Without you, Gavin might still be in that hellhole. I won’t ever forget that you were willing to sacrifice your love for Train to help Gavin. You’re the best person I’ve ever met, and I’ve been blessed to have good people in my life.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m the best, but if you say it, I’ll take your word for it.”
Ginny managed a laugh as they pulled away and started walking.
As Killyama got in her car and closed the door, Ginny used her hand to stop the door from shutting.
“I owe you a debt that I’ll never be able to repay.”
“You know me well enough to know I’ll cash that promise in if I need to. You okay? You’re looking a little green around the gills.”
“I’m fine.” Ginny removed her hand from the car door.
“Before I leave, there is one other thing I meant to tell you.”
Ginny didn’t know if her queasy stomach could handle much more.
“Before I left the club, Reaper was on a rampage, trying to get Shade or Rider to change their minds about returning to Nashville with you.”
Ginny frowned. “Viper told me he was the one coming back with me, not Gavin.”
Killyama shrugged. “I don’t know why the change of plans, only that Reaper was freaking the hell out on them.”
“I’ll call Viper. I don’t want Gavin forced to do anything he doesn’t want to do.” Ginny began reaching into her pocket for her cell phone.
“Don’t be stupid. Nothing is going to happen with Reaper in Treepoint and you in Nashville. Reaper will ignore any attempt you make to contact him, and he sure as fuck won’t be calling you. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Don’t think I didn’t get some dirt under my nails when I wanted Train. Reaper is a mean fucker, and if you’re his soul mate like you think, you better be prepared to use every motherfucking advantage you’re given. I didn’t spill my guts to you about Reaper for you not to use it to your advantage. Look at it this way, you’re not forcing Reaper to do a damn thing; Viper is. See? Problem solved. You can keep a clean conscience and have Reaper with you in Nashville. Enjoy the plane ride.”
Ginny jumped back from the car as Killyama jerked the door closed. Jesus, and they call Crazy Bitch crazy. She and Killyama should switch names, Ginny thought to herself aloud, getting in her own car. There was no way she could go inside the church now with her stomach churning from the information Killyama had given her.
Merging into slow traffic on the main road, Ginny drove to a quiet spot where there wouldn’t be many around—the lookout, where Willa had almost fallen to her death trying to save Sissy. Parking in an empty space, she got out of the car, walked to the edge of the cliff, and looked out over the town. Seeing that she was alone, Ginny released the torrent of emotions that she had kept bottled-up in front of Killyama. Low sobs turned into louder, harder ones that had her falling to her knees and clutching her belly.
How had God allowed one of his precious souls to be treated that way?
When Trudy told her that Gavin had been found while she was living in Queen City, she’d told her that he’d been in bad shape. Trudy had given her a few details but hadn’t gone into the graphic ones that Killyama hadn’t held back. Imagining the pain Gavin had been forced to endure had her wanting to drive back to The Last Riders’ clubhouse just to assure herself that he was still there.
Minutes turned into an hour, as her anguished sobs transformed to painful hiccups. The mental and physical abuse he suffered was more than horrendous; it had been pure evil. Ginny was no stranger to true evil; however, what Gavin survived had taken a mental, emotional, and physical toll on him. Locking him in a basement, unless being used for someone’s amusement, would have driven any normal man insane. The isolation of being separated from The Last Riders would have made it much worse. Ginny had worked with them, she saw how close they were, so being left to himself must have been a torture in itself. Ginny knew how lonely she was when she’d been separated from the Colemans.
The feelings that must have gone through Gavin’s head during the years he was held captive had her snatching up a rock and throwing it as far as she could.
How many days, months, years had passed before realization inevitably struck that he wasn’t going to be rescued? Like Gavin had said, I learned that something you had to wait for wasn’t worth having. Was that why he felt that way?
Her fingers searched the dirt, found another rock, and then struck out at an invisible God high in the heavens, beyond her fury. Ginny raised her eyes heavenward. “How could You? I thought he was safe in Your arms!” she screamed. “Why? You could have saved him!”
Memories assailed her of what she had be
en doing while Gavin had been kidnapped. Every joy-filled moment or any spark of happiness was now tainted by what he must have endured.
“How many times did he call out for Your help, only for his pleas to go unheard? How often did I pray for him? Begged for You to love him until I could be by his side? Why? Oh God, why didn’t You save him? Or Leah? No more! You hear me?” Ginny screamed at the top of her lungs. Using her fingertips, she wiped her tears away, getting back to her feet and staring dismally up at the sky. “No more,” she stated in a cold voice. “Never again will I ever beg You for anything,” she vowed, leveling her gaze to stare blankly at the town below.
Gaining Gavin’s love wasn’t going to be possible until she earned his trust. To do that it would be necessary to be in close proximity to him. As much she hated Gavin being forced to go to Nashville with her, it was the only way she stood a chance of reaching that goal. Killyama had been right to let The Last Riders take the fall for that, as much as it hurt her to achieve it that way. Killyama was right about another thing, also. She might have to take a backseat where Gavin was concerned for now, but she darn sure could do something about eight stubborn males who didn’t live too far from here.
With sudden resolve Ginny went back to her car, leaving the overlook to drive farther away from town. The mountain roads became steeper as she passed the Last Riders’ clubhouse, then steeper still after passing the Porter’s.
Tightening her grip on the steering wheel of the rented car, Ginny turned into a rutted driveway, coming to a stop when she saw the two-story house that she grew up in. In her mind, she replayed images of that long-ago day when she watched Freddy give rides on the ATV that he had been proud of buying. That ill-fated day would live in her memory for the rest of her life.
Losing Leah and Freddy had left a hole in her heart that would never heal, which was compounded by being removed from her brothers’ house.