by Jamie Begley
Seeking reassurance one final time, Viper nodded before heading toward the outbuilding.
Ginny watched as Viper headed inside as she hung another sheet. Ignoring the rest of the basket, she then walked over to the old fort. From there, she could hear what was said inside and remain out of sight from the building.
She and Leah had learned that sneaky tactic when the shop had been Freddy’s. They would listen and giggle every time their dad became angry and frustrated with a project he was working on and the litany of curses that he would never say around their young ears.
“How have you been?” Ginny heard Viper ask stiltedly.
“Better.” Gavin’s voice was just as constrained as Viper’s.
Ginny nervously twisted her hands at the silence.
“What are you doing?” Viper asked.
“Matthew has been teaching me how to work his forge. They went to Louisville to buy some brass. I’m making space for them to put it.”
“You look good,” Viper complimented.
“I feel good. Better than I felt in a long time. Working with Matthew and Isaac has me exhausted enough to sleep through the nights.”
“You like it here.”
“I do.”
“You don’t want to come back to the club, do you? Why are you so determined to cut us out of your life?”
Ginny felt tears building behind her eyes at the aching pain apparent in Viper’s voice.
“I don’t deserve to be in your lives.”
The raw emotions in Gavin’s had her wanting to go to him, yet she knew the brothers needed to hash out their problems, and they couldn’t do it in her presence.
“I keep screwing up,” Gavin added.
“The only thing you screwed up was how you planned to take your life. How were we supposed to go on without you?”
“I thought you and the others would have been better off without me, like you were when Slate had me. It’s only when I’m around that I fuck things up.”
“Gavin, that’s not true.”
“Isn’t it? Didn’t Knox tell you what I told him about Slate? Slate was a confidential informant. Crash taped Memphis being killed. You want to know the fucking hilarious part? Before he told me, I was determined to throw us both off that cliff. Afterward, I was so furious at what he told me that I was going to scare him, then drive him to town so he could recant what he told them. I would have done anything he wanted … He would have won. When Silas showed up, he jerked out of my hands and fell.”
“Silas said you almost went over with him, that one of Moses’ dogs saved you. That … the … one?”
Ginny had to wipe the tears from her cheeks as Viper struggled to get the words out.
“Yes. Her name is Suki. Moses gave her to me.”
“Knox told me. We’ll handle the FBI and the blowback together when it comes. I’ve prepared the brothers. We’re ready. The Last Riders would have never given Slate the opportunity to recant his testimony. We knew he was a confidential informant and had gone into witness protection before he slipped away from them. We were on marked time then, and none of us cared. The brothers were drawing straws as to who would be the lucky bastard to get him and then get to turn themselves into Knox.”
“Who won?”
“Razer. He said it was lighter sentence than staying home with the twins.”
Ginny had to put a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter.
“I tried to turn myself in, but Knox wouldn’t let me,” Gavin said. “He said wait and play it by ear until the FBI comes knocking on the doors with arrest warrants.” There was a pause before Gavin said, “I’m sorry, Viper.”
Ginny didn’t hear a response from Viper. It took a minute for her to realize that Viper was hugging Gavin. Ginny was tempted to sneak to the window but stayed still. The brothers deserved their privacy, as she much as she wanted to see what was taking place.
“I love you, Gavin. Please don’t put me through that hell again … I’m ….”
Ginny couldn’t hold the tears back any longer when Viper’s voice cracked.
“I can’t lose you twice in a lifetime. I like to think I’m a strong man, but losing you would break me.”
“I have my head on straight now … or I’m getting there. I’m not trying to cut you and the brothers out of my life. It’s just easier to talk to Silas—”
“And Greer? He said you and he have been hanging out on Friday nights.”
“They help me feel … normal. I was planning on coming tomorrow and apologizing to the brothers, tell them I’ve been a dumb shit to them.”
“Most of them are dumb shits, too, and have fucked up just as bad. Do you know what your biggest failing is, Reaper?”
Ginny bit her lip at Viper’s question, afraid Gavin would be hurt by whatever negative comment Viper was about to say.
“You always expect too much out of yourself. I never doubted your ability to get the jobs done, but each time I tried to take some of the load off, you piled more crap on. You were running yourself ragged, scouting out locations for the new factory, getting investors, keeping Taylor happy, dealing with the brothers … Fuck, that’s only half of the responsibilities you saddled yourself with. The more weight I tried to ease off you, the more you resented me. You had nothing to prove to me. It was you who you wanted to prove yourself to.”
“I was trying to live up to the man—”
Ginny had to hold back a sob as she listened to Gavin’s voice crack just like Viper’s.
“—I loved and respected more than any other, and I lost myself before Slate kidnapped me.”
The embarrassed laughter coming a few seconds later after the silence, Ginny took to mean they had hugged their differences out.
“You want me to come and give you a ride to the club tomorrow?”
“Yes. I won’t be staying, at least for a while. I asked Silas if it was cool if I stayed here until I get my head on straighter.”
“Having visits is better than not having you at all, even though you need to be prepared for them to shove your presents down your throat.”
Gavin’s laughter was music to her ears.
“I remember the last time I heard you laugh. You and Evie were joking around. Do you remember it?”
“No.”
“I do. I missed your laughter, Gavin. The only thing I’ve ever wanted for you was to be able to smile again. Brother, I would have given every dime and everything I possessed to see one from you.”
“Do you know when I realized I couldn’t kill myself?” Gavin’s voice was so muffled that Ginny could barely hear him, and she realized they were hugging again.
“When?”
“When a song come on the radio. Do you know what is was?”
“What?”
“Your favorite Guns N’ Roses song. ‘Knocking on Heaven’s Door.’”
Chapter Fifty-Six
Ginny had already placed the jams on Viper’s motorcycle seat and had just lifted another sheet to hang when Viper came walking toward her.
“I’m never going to be able to repay back what your family has done for us.”
“You don’t owe us anything, Viper.” Ginny fastened the clothespin to the sheet, then faced him squarely. “I love him too.”
“I know you do. I saw that when I took him back to the club. For what’s it worth, after he came back, Reaper couldn’t sleep. What little was left of him when he went to Nashville, I think he left here with you.”
“He has it back now, and more and more is coming back each day. Parts of him I’ve never seen before. I can understand how hard it must have been for you all when you thought he was gone forever.”
“He’s hard to forget.”
Ginny started to reach for another sheet, thinking Viper was finished talking, when she saw indecision on his face.
“Is there something else? I’m afraid all four jars of jelly is all I have.”
“No, that wasn’t …” Viper gave her a sympathetic glance. “T
aylor showed up at the clubhouse last night. She wants to talk to Reaper. I haven’t told him yet.”
Ginny managed to keep her questioning expression on her face. “Why didn’t you tell him?”
“Gives her time to decide if she wants to change her mind again. If she breaks his heart again, I might not be so nice about it. I’ll call him in the morning if she’s still there and ask him if he wants to see her before I come to pick him up.”
“Hopefully, she won’t change her mind.”
“You’re not upset about him seeing her again?”
“Gavin doesn’t love me, and it will give him a chance to see if his feeling for her are the same. If they are, then I want the same thing you and The Last Riders want, which is to make Gavin happy.”
“Gavin isn’t the only one who deserves to be happy.”
“I am happy.” Ginny’s hand went to her heart. “I don’t care if he never feels anything more than friendship for me. He’s alive. I made a promise to God that if Gavin lived, that would be all I would ask. I plan to keep that promise.”
“Mine was the same. I guess we can’t be picky.”
She gave Viper a smile, changing the subject before she broke into another round of tears. “Tell Winter and Aisha I said hi.”
“I will. I’ll see you tomorrow when I come to pick him up in the morning.”
After Viper left, Ginny did what she always did when her mind was in turmoil. She began to sing, feeling a familiar song that she hadn’t sung in so long come to her lips. Surprised the words came so easily, Ginny released the pain and heartache she was feeling into the beautiful song. Feeling as if Leah was surrounding her with her love, Ginny poured her love into the song. She might never be able to hold Leah again, and Gavin might never return her feelings, but using her voice, she showed them how much they meant to her. One note at a time … she sent her love sailing through the air ….
Reaper grabbed a tall glass out of the cupboard before he began filling it up at the old sink. Watching the liquid fill the glass made him thirstier, along with the noise of the rushing water. It wasn’t until it was about half full did something else grace his ears, causing the hairs on his arms to stand.
Slowly, he shut off the tap when the water rushed over the rim, making his fingertips wet. He thought he might’ve been dreaming, hearing the song from the voice that had kept him alive when he had been in hell. But with the rushing water silenced, he could hear the angel’s voice clearer, and it didn’t come from his head, but on the other side of the cracked open window where he was standing.
He still stared at the metal spout, too scared to look up and through the glass, but when he did, Reaper’s heart suddenly stopped as the glass that was in his hands fell.
It was like looking at a painting, and the white wooden pane was the frame. The sun made the green grass golden as the just-hung white sheets on the clothesline blew gracefully in the wind, matching the grace resonating from voice of the silhouette behind the white, billowing cloth. He felt a sudden peace, like all his pain, his demons, his fury had just vanished, and he returned to the man he once was. The man who had been strong, pure, and untouched. The man he had been when he had heard that voice for the very first time … Gavin.
Gavin walked to the door of the forge then out it, like jumping into the painting to follow the angel’s voice. Her voice had changed but only slightly, her tone that was once young and modest had become more mature over the years, now holding a slight rasp of longing.
Getting closer, he moved one of the sheets out of the way. The womanly silhouette was just on the other side of the sheet before him.
The angel had kept him alive in his darkest days. Hearing the song had given him hope to endure. He had thought it was a figment of his imagination, just a coping mechanism that had kept him alive, but she had been real … all this time.
It was a distant memory that sat in the deepest recesses of his mind, like a hidden jewel that his body had protected himself from remembering in order not to taint it with what he had become. The memory, however, had slowly crept back when Gavin saw the beckoning light from outside the window, a memory he switched to Taylor, because his mind hadn’t been able to accept the truth. A memory …
“She has a beautiful voice, doesn’t she?” Lucky said, taking his eyes off the window to turn back toward him.
Gavin couldn’t have answered if his life depended on it.
Standing up from the desk, he walked to the window. He braced his hand on the wall and looked out.
The girl was sitting on a picnic table with her back to the church. She was singing “In the Arms of an Angel” by Sarah McLachlan, and the way she sang held a wealth of pain, making him wonder if she was aware of it. It was hauntingly beautiful and spoke to his soul as if she were speaking directly to him.
“She was here last night, wasn’t she?”
“Yes, she’s the girl I’m tutoring.”
“Who was the woman with her?”
“You must be talking about her foster mother.”
“She’s a bitch.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.” Lucky’s rueful voice told of the dislike for the foster mother. “She’s a good kid.”
“She’d have to be in order to sing like that.” Letting his hand drop, he forced himself to take a step away from the window, ignoring the whispers of the light wind that was stirring the curtains, telling him to wait just one more sec—
Feeling ridiculous that he was imagining the wind talking to him and that he was watching a young girl, he strode away, refusing to look back. He had not an ounce of sexual interest in her. It was more like sensing … something … Like seeing someone in a grocery store and unable to place a name or face or why it mattered ….
A sudden gust of wind blew the sheet up, revealing the identity of his guardian angel. Her singing suddenly stopped.
“Gavin?”
It’s me, he wanted to tell her. Instead, he could only form her name. “Ginny ….”
Concern crossed her face, not recognizing the man standing in front of her. “Is everything all ri—”
“I didn’t see … I didn’t hear it before.”
“What?” she asked as the sheet fell back down between them.
“You were right,” he was finally able to admit it as Gavin stepped forward, moving the sheet out of the way with his tattooed hand so he could stare at her. At last, he was able to say the words that Reaper had denied himself to admit. “Soul mates do exist.”
Ginny’s eyes turned glossy. She lifted her hand but stopped right before she touched his face, knowing she didn’t want to bring him pain in this peaceful moment.
Closing his eyes, Gavin pressed his cheek into her hand. The second her soft skin touched his, there was a euphoric moment for a split-second in time. He felt … happiness. But then the pain came flooding back, just like it always did.
His brown eyes flew open as Reaper returned.
She was an angel, and he was filth.
“Gavin,” Ginny tried to stop him when he turned to walk away. “Gavin, please wait.”
He denied her pleas, marching on.
“Reaper …”
He turned at the name on her lips. “That’s the first time you used my nickname.”
“Souls don’t have a name.” Ginny walked between the rows of sheets. “Mine recognized yours the moment I saw you. Even if I lost my vision, I would still recognize you.” She reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. “You may have had sex hundreds of times, asked Taylor to marry you, planned to have children with her in this body … but your soul … that has always been mine.”
Reaper took a step closer to her to look down into her shining eyes. Groaning, he pressed his mouth to hers.
The sensations going through him weren’t ones of revulsion; they were of two souls reconnecting, as if they had been apart for too long. Cocooned between the billowing sheets, as if his soul was clean of the filth of the crimes that the others had
forced him to commit, Reaper felt cleansed. Each kiss they shared, every driving thrust of his tongue into her mouth, reclaimed the other half of their hearts that had been lost when their souls had been torn apart.
The hot-blooded kiss sent fire scorching through his bloodstream, replacing the ice that had been pumping through a heart without any real emotion. Ginny infused not only warmth but an emotional need to connect with her … to become whole again. To recover the missing part of him that he hadn’t even realized was missing. A soul that was the counterpart to his.
Engines could run with missing parts, but they didn’t run as efficiently or reach the speeds they were designed to match. However, if you found the missing parts, the engine could run the way it was designed.
He and Ginny had been designed to be together from whatever higher up that he had stopped believing in. She was meant to be his.
Tearing his lips away from hers, Reaper gasped in lungsful of air, feeling as if he could breathe freely without constriction. He tried to place when had been the last time he breathed so fucking easily … then he remembered…when he had given Viper his jacket back.
The Last Riders had been his anchor. Without them, he had failed, not because he hadn’t been strong enough but because he had hit a storm and, without an anchor, he had run aground. Even a mighty battleship could be destroyed without an anchor to hold them steady.
He had believed Taylor was that anchor, which was why he clung to the thought of her during his kidnapping and when he had been released. Finding out Taylor had married and was expecting a child sent him adrift in the dark storms. However, he could see now that Taylor would have never been strong enough to hold him steady in the turbulent waters that had smashed him against rocky shores. Only one woman had the strength of will, the determination, and was reckless enough to hold him steady, to slowly and unrelentingly move him back to calmer water.
“I like this shade of blue. It reminds me of the ocean.” Ginny ran her hand over the sheet that was to his left.
“Yes,” he answered hoarsely. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?” she asked innocently.