A generation ago, the house had been used as a boarding home for war widows and their children. These women had banded together to support each other emotionally and financially by planting gardens on the spacious grounds. They called themselves the Weeping Widows. Gustavia fancied she could still feel their energy here in these rooms: their sorrow, their fear, and eventually their hope.
They’d begun their search in the farthest areas of the house, even though those were the least likely to yield results, and now moved on to a set of rooms that had been used as storage to hold items cleared out to make space for the widow’s own belongings. If there was a missing portrait to find, this would probably be the place; even if it was also going to be the hardest to search. Full of cast-off and broken items, things Grams had planned on repairing and bits of machinery that Julius had cannibalized for his inventions, it was a total mess.
Julie opened the door and sighed. She already had a general idea of the contents since she and Tyler had made a pass through the room during their search last spring, but they hadn’t noticed those spaces in the closets last time.
There was a narrow path that got them halfway there before they had to start moving things away from the closet door. Half an hour of sweaty labor later, they managed to snake their way inside. The closet was full of vintage clothing, the kind that made Gustavia squeal in delight as she pawed through several items.
“Check out these dresses; authentic flapper wear. They’re incredible,” Gustavia exclaimed before ducking down and crawling toward the small space nestled into the eaves below.
No paintings, but she did find more old shoes and a whole box of hats to go with the dresses. Leaving the shoes alone and picking out a nice cloche hat, she passed the rest of the box back to Julie.
“Not much else in here. No—wait, there’s another box here in the corner.” She yanked and tugged. It was heavy but eventually she managed to pull it into the light where it promptly fell apart spilling its contents at Julie’s feet.
Old photo albums.
They’d been so focused on finding a painting; they hadn’t considered the portrait might be a photograph. Each wearing her vintage hat, they maneuvered their way back through the maze of castoffs carrying several albums.
Dumping their finds on the kitchen table, they washed up a bit then began to page through the books. Fifteen minutes later, they hit pay dirt. Toward the end of one of the albums they found a mounted vignette of a younger looking Julius with his parents, his wife and his new son.
Written in flowing script, the photo was labeled with the date and the words family portrait.
They’d found the key. They hoped.
Chapter 20
Kat laid out the cards, one at a time, in her favored Celtic spread.
First, for the question or significator card, she turned up the two of cups, which had been a central card in most of Gustavia’s readings over the past few months.
“New relationships or reconciliation. This card covers both meeting Valerie and your newfound peace with Zack. Your parents figure in here also.”
The annoyed tone of Gustavia’s sniff was unmistakable so Kat continued turning over the cards.
Second, the crossing card. Three of Swords. “Conflict but this card also implies a resolution to conflict. Clear away the past to start anew.”
The next card she laid down, the crowning card was the page of cups.
“New love, renewed ability to love. This is really the theme of what’s going on with you. Look what happened with Zack. That really fits here.” Kat thought about avoiding the mention of Finn since it was a sore subject, but went ahead anyway. “I mostly think it symbolizes Finn, though. His need to be open, your need for him to accept you.”
Gustavia rolled her eyes. Kat knew but said nothing.
Fourth card, the one that shows the base of the problem, turned up. Justice.
“A sense of balance is going to be very important in resolving each of the conflicts indicated by the three of swords.”
That got a sigh out of Gustavia. The emotional see-saw she was on with Finn had affected her equilibrium.
“These past few weeks, I’ve been struggling with a lot of hard choices. I feel like I’m making steps, breaking out of the past. The makeover was part of that.”
“And giving Finn a boot in the pants wasn’t part of it?” Kat asked.
“Probably a little, but so was the need to explore my self-image and then, just for the not-at-all-fun of it, to see if it made a difference with my parents. Of course, I didn’t think of that one until after I’d done it. The self-image thing is complicated.”
Kat murmured her sympathy.
“I changed my mind three times on the way to the salon; I made a mental list of the pros and cons, then wished I hadn’t. Half the pros could have been cons and vice versa. By the time I got there, my brain felt like a cat chasing its tail. I never used to freak out over these things. It was nothing unusual for me to change hairstyles and colors three or four times a year, on a whim. Then, at some point, what I look like got all tangled up with what I am like and then that got hooked into my rejection issues and next thing you know I’m in a rut. A deep, deep rut.”
“It’s similar to how I use all my little tricks so people aren’t uncomfortable around my blindness. I sew a square button on the inside of all my blue clothing, a round one for red and so on, so I’m color coordinated. I fold each denomination of money differently to save time at the checkout, and so I don’t get ripped off. My blindness is the elephant in most rooms; people don’t want to ask the questions that would make my life easier, mostly because they don’t understand that they should. I get that they don’t want to offend or cause me pain, but ignoring the situation just makes me feel marginalized. It’s different for me because I was once sighted. I’m still able to relate to things based on how they look, where someone blind from birth has no frame of reference.”
“Oh, Kat, I hope I never make you feel that way.” Gustavia’s heart swelled with empathy.
“No, you don’t. You always take the time to describe things with visual details. One of your greatest gifts is your ability to understand people and that you follow your instincts in the way you treat them. It comes from your own struggle for acceptance; I’m just sorry that this issue is coming back up for you.”
“It’s ridiculous how much effect something as simple as a haircut can have. Screw it. You know what’s really ticking me off? A bunch of people never even noticed.”
Kat had never heard her friend use that bitter tone before, but Gustavia recognized it in herself. She’d spent years of her childhood dealing with the same feelings she’d been having lately. This was a blast from the past that she could easily live without.
Kat’s mobile features took on a look of amusement, which did not contribute positively to Gustavia’s worsening mood.
“So, you figured out life’s biggest secret. Most of the time, other people are struggling with their own inner demons and not even thinking about yours. None of us are as important as we seem to think.”
With Gustavia’s silence, the amusement fell away. “You’re being too hard on yourself. What’s wrong with wanting acceptance from your own family? With wanting them to be proud of you and feeling devastated when they aren’t, or if they are, they can’t communicate it effectively. You’re stuck with your past, but you don’t have to be stuck in it.”
Kat chuckled in wry amusement. “Sage advice coming from me, I know. The hysterically blind leading the blind? Everything I’ve just said is something I have to work on, too. If I ever want to get my sight back.”
It was nothing more than simple truth; but, somehow, acknowledging it as truth sent Gustavia into a snit.
”After the other night, reconciling with my folks is off the table.” For one wild moment, seeing them on the other side of her door had sparked a flare of hope that things could be different. Sadly, the flare had died quickly enough under her father’s control
ling behavior. “It’s all I’ve heard lately,” she deepened her voice in a mockery of Julius’ tone. “Family is important.” Then, she pitched it higher to imitate Kat herself. “You need to deal with your family.”
She would have continued in that vein, but was brought up short by the sight of Estelle’s features settling over Kat’s. It didn’t matter how many times it happened, when Grams spoke through the psychic the shift unnerved her.
“Gustavia.” She recognized that tone, having heard it once or twice before when she’d stepped out of line. It had its usual effect and stopped the tirade.
“I’m surprised at your tone. Being deliberately cruel is unlike you. Are you in so much pain that lashing out at others makes you feel better? Kathleen is only trying to help; she certainly does not deserve to be treated with so little consideration. It’s truly shameful, the way you’ve spoken to her.”
“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t owe me an apology, but Kat certainly deserves one.”
“I know. Can she hear me?”
“She can.”
“Kat, I’m sorry. Truly.”
“You’re forgiven.”
“Both of you?” The anger was gone as quickly as it had come, leaving Gustavia feeling hollowed out from the force of it.
“Yes, dear girl. By both of us.”
“It won’t happen again.” Gustavia, ashamed of her outburst, thought about the karma she’d just created and vowed to make it right. “Grams, what do you think I should do?”
Kat/Estelle considered the question.
“Your parents reached out, did they not? Clumsily, I’ll admit, but they came to you with concern. I don’t blame you for thinking it might be too little and too late. Aren’t you curious to learn what prompted them to make the decision to send you to Vivian?”
“Oh, Grams. I’ve made a mess of things. I’m confused, and I’m angry at the oddest moments lately. First I thought Finn was judging me, then my parents showed up and I knew they were judging me; that’s a given. Now I’m not so sure. I’m afraid my vision may have been clouded in both cases. A lot has happened over the past few weeks—I’ve met my great aunt Valerie.”
Gustavia poured it all out quickly: Finn, her visit to the salon, then to the boutique and meeting her great aunt.
“Busy girl.” The exasperated tone was softening, but still there; the short sentence expressing a lack of sympathy. Gustavia squirmed a little. She knew the signs; Grams was about to lay down some wisdom.
“Has it occurred to you that Finn’s actions might have more to do with him than with you? That they might not be personal?”
“He said that but…”
“And is it possible, just maybe, that your father was upset and concerned considering you’d been in an accident and he handled it badly? That all these years he’s handled you, the situation, everything badly. After all, he was raised by the same cold and unforgiving woman that you lived with for several years.”
“Well…”
“And maybe he isn’t the only one? It takes two to have a conversation.” She softened her tone. “I’m not making excuses for his decisions. I suspect his upbringing was, in some ways, as difficult as yours and that might be a factor in his relationship with you. Do you think Vivian treated him any differently than she treated her own sister, than she treated you? It must have been horrible growing up under that woman’s thumb. Something you and your father have in common.”
Surprised at the insight, Gustavia had never thought about her father’s childhood before. She knew from experience that it must have been awful for him. Unexpected sympathy rose to take the place of impatience as she started to see him in a new way.
“Aunt Valerie told me about her life with my grandmother; it wasn’t pretty. I’ve never thought about what his childhood might have been like.” Gustavia sat down heavily in the dining room chair, eyes shining with unshed tears. “I’ve been so selfish.”
“Nonsense; shortsighted maybe, but never selfish. It’s a lot to take in, and it’s understandable that you might be struggling. I’m happy you’ve found your aunt.” Kat/Estelle stroked Gustavia’s hair. “Family is important.”
“I know, I know. I’ve heard.” A tremulous smile lit up Gustavia’s face.
“By the way, you’ve always been beautiful, inside and out. New hair and clothes are just trappings. That’s a matter of balance, too. How much does the way you look show your true self and how much does it distract people from seeing too deeply? It’s a question all women face at some point.” Estelle’s features slid away from Kat’s face like wax melting off a candle.
“It gets easier every time, though I have to wonder why she does it when she could just show herself to you. She doesn’t need me,” Kat murmured.
Estelle had her reasons. Speaking through Kat was the best way to tell if she was progressing toward regaining her vision.
“Want the rest of that reading?”
“No, I guess I’m done for today.” Gustavia had plenty to think about after her conversation with Estelle. Hugging Kat goodbye, she repeated her apology and went home to meditate for a while.
_,.-'~'-.,_
It seemed as if work on the roof would never stop. The hammering and pounding was exciting yet not exactly conducive to a peaceful work environment. How Tyler managed to research and write through the noise was a mystery. Currently, he was knee deep in a collaborative project with his grandfather and enjoying every minute of it. Julie found the noise distracting.
Putting the finishing touches on the last of the images Gustavia had posed for, she was thankful for a different type of distraction when her cell beeped out the text tone.
My baby is fixed, and I already turned in the loaner. Can you give me a ride to the shop? —Gustavia
On it. Be there in twenty.—Julie
On the ride to the repair shop, Gustavia filled Julie in on her conversation with Estelle then they talked about Finn. “There’s something there, for both of us, I think. I’m just not sure it’s worth the effort.”
“Okay, when did the world stop turning? You never give up on something you want. Why now? Why him?”
Gustavia had no answer, or no good answer anyway. But she’d always been honest with Julie so the lousy answer would have to do. “Reject him before he rejects me because he matters, already too much. Sam matters, too.”
“Coward.” Sometimes, Julie thought, you have to speak the hard truths. She’d do it for me.
“Come again?” Gustavia felt her heart sink. Of everyone in the world, Julie knew her best and those words from her were a blow.
“You heard me. I called you a coward. Reject him first. Stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say, and that includes the time you tried to tell Grams we weren’t drunk, we were seasick.”
The memory drew a quick grin from Gustavia before she remembered she was both pissed off and hurt.
“He’s running scared,” Julie continued, “and so are you. For the same reasons. You were both abandoned by the people you loved. Maybe the circumstances were different but the outcome is the same.”
“Okay, I guess I can see that.”
“He’s doing the same thing to you that you want to do to him; rejecting you in some crazy attempt to keep himself from falling all the way and then possibly losing you. You’d see it yourself, if you weren’t dealing with so many things at once.”
“Now she makes with the insights.”
“Maybe Kat rubbed off on me a little.”
“Listen to her; she’s making sense.” Neither woman had noticed Estelle when she flickered into the back seat. Now they both jumped and spoke at the same time.
“Warn a person.”
“Geez, Grams.”
“We really need to find a way to put a bell around her neck.” Gustavia thought her heart rate might return to normal sometime this decade.
“Well, she is making sense, but I believe we’ve already had this conversation.”
; Estelle was probably right; so was Julie, come to that. Not that she intended to admit it anytime soon. Besides, she wasn’t falling for him and he sure wasn’t falling for her so it was a moot point. Right?
“I just popped in to let you know that Julius got a glimmer from Logan earlier. He’s nearby. And I don’t know if this makes him more or less dangerous, but he’s very unsettled, scared.”
“Yes,” Julius chimed in making the two women jump again.
“I’m trying to drive, be easier if you two would quit scaring the life out of me every five minutes,” Julie complained.
“Sorry.” The two spoke from the back seat, neither sounding very sincere. Julius continued, “It was just a fleeting impression, but it felt as though a cloud had lifted from his mind and, for just a few moments, he had total clarity and it frightened him. Something has a firm grip on him. I thought it was just madness but, now, I’m not so sure.”
“You said you thought he might be dealing with a negative spirit, could it have let go of him for a minute?”
“That’s one explanation. Just wanted to let you know. Also wanted to tell you the photograph is not the key.”
“Thanks,” Gustavia said but they were already gone, leaving the women with several things to think about; not least of which was that if the photograph wasn’t the key, they were back at square one. Julie felt a headache coming on.
Chapter 21
Kicking her sneaker clad feet at the rungs of the dining room chair, Sam scrunched up her face.
It just wasn’t fair. Daddy had let her go on job sites plenty of times. He even paid her for finding lost nails on the ground after the tear-off process was over. She used this really cool magnet with wheels; and every time she heard the metallic thunk of another nail being picked up, it meant a nickel in her pocket. But this time, when he was doing the best job in the world and she might get a chance to see Miss Gustavia, he always made her stay with Mrs. Millen.
Bells On Her Toes (Psychic Seasons Page 14