by S J Crabb
With my resolution firmly in place, I adjust my attitude and dust off any self-doubts that seep into the cracks of a person who feels like an imposter for most of the day. I can do this; I am this. Yes, Lily Rose Adams is the next powerful woman in training and I will not let the side down.
At 8.59 I pass Sybil and smile. “Ok to go in?”
“Oh, hi Lily.” She smiles sweetly and I note the frazzled edge that she wears well as she says brightly, “Happy birthday by the way.”
“Don’t remind me.” I grin and she laughs softly, turning her attention back to her screen as she reaches for what is probably her fourth cup of coffee of the morning.
Feeling my heart thumping erratically, I try to act normal as I push my way into certain humiliation.
Sable is facing the window with her back to me talking into her phone and I stand a little awkwardly as I wait for her to finish.
“I’m telling you Roger, it’s just not good enough. The builders should have been there two weeks ago and we are already behind schedule. Time costs money, Roger, and you don’t need me to remind you that you agreed a fixed price on this job with late penalties. Now, do your job and run your business like a grown up and get those builders doing what you are paying them to do. You have exactly one hour to report back and I had better like what I’m hearing.”
She cuts the call and without turning around says sharply, “Bloody project manager, I knew he was weak. Word of advice, Lily, get at least six quotes, four references and sift through the online reviews with a fine toothcomb before appointing any professional person. Smoke and mirrors is what that man excels at and I’m not having it.”
She spins around and I feel her sharp stare stripping me bare. I feel uncomfortable as she looks me up and down and assesses everything about me. She cocks her head to one side and I wish I had worn the new Karen Millen dress I bought in the sample sale I went to last week because the River Island one doesn’t appear to be passing the test.
It feels a little uncomfortable until she points to the swivel seat in front of her desk. “Sit, darling and listen.”
Like an obedient puppy, I do as she says, knowing that if I had a tail, it would be wagging right now because I would do anything to please this woman of greatness who is blessing me with a moment of her time.
She starts to pace around the small glass room and I dig my nails into the palm of my hand as I wait for the words of wisdom to spill from her Elizabeth Arden painted lips.
“Darling, you know I’m an ambitious woman.”
I nod, but words are not necessary to answer this particular question. She carries on. “I’ve been relentless in the pursuit of my dream and even though it hasn’t been easy, I have achieved success in a relatively short space of time.”
Spinning around, she stares at me long and hard, and I resist the urge to shift on my seat under her intense scrutiny. “You are like me, Lily – driven.”
Feeling rather pleased at any comparison to the great one, I smile happily. “Thank you.”
She holds up her hand and I fall silent as she carries on. “Yes, ever since you arrived, darling, I have been impressed by what I’ve seen. You work well, have vision and are not afraid of hard work. Any job I task you with is carried out as I would myself and I have come to rely on you greatly.”
Basking in the warm praise I don’t often receive, I smile. “Thank you. I have learned from the best.”
Nodding, she allows a small smile of agreement to grace her lips and then she perches on the edge of the desk, drumming her fingers on the glass beneath her professionally manicured nails.
“Today is your birthday and as it turns out, is one you will always remember.”
Thinking of Aunt Daisy, I have to agree with her and nod sadly. “Sadly yes.”
“What do you mean, sadly?”
Her tone is sharp and I say with a sigh. “My Aunt Daisy passed away yesterday. It was unexpected and I’m still trying to come to terms with the fact she’s gone.”
Shaking her head, Sable says quickly, “That’s very unfortunate. You have my condolences.”
Unfortunate is a strange choice of word but I brush it off and say softly, “Thank you.”
“Anyway.” She carries on and I know the subject is now closed. Business does and always will come first with Sable, so I resign myself to hearing my orders for the day.
“Times are changing, Lily. The high street is in decline and magazines are being cast aside for the virtual world. Sustainability is the new buzz word and paying cash for a fallen tree made into pretty pictures is no longer considered the right thing to do. Now our readers devour our wisdom on their phones, computers and tablets. We are evolving and in an increasingly rapidly changing landscape. We at Designer Homes - on a budget, embrace change. We lap up this new world as if we are starving and will never get enough. We are evolving, Lily, which is why the future is so exciting.”
I stare at Sable in astonishment as she stands looking so animated, I almost want to take a photo to pin on my inspiration mood board on Pinterest. Wow, Sable is possessed by the spirit of evolution and I hold my breath waiting for the pearls of wisdom to spill into my eager ears.
“I’m leaving, Lily, stepping down and moving on. Packing my bags and walking away.”
As she looks at me with a triumphant smile, I am speechless.
♥3
What?!
For a moment, I struggle to understand what she’s just said. Finally, my voice shakes as I say, “Leaving... but you can’t.”
She laughs and the look on her face tells me that wherever she’s going is epic because I have never seen her looking so excited.
“I know you’re surprised, darling, but I’ve been thinking of it for some time. Arthur and I decided that we need to embrace a new life and use our skills to benefit our future.”
Thinking about Sable’s new husband, I wonder how much more enrichment their life needs. They have a comfortable life already because he’s an architect and not short of money and they met through a feature she ran on one of his projects.
She carries on. “Yes, we have decided to up sticks and move away to a brave new world.”
“What - the country?” I stare at her in horror as I imagine Sable in a pair of Barbour wellies with a golden retriever by her tweed-covered side.
“No darling, not the country, a country. France to be exact.”
“France! But why?”
I am struggling to get my head around this information. Sable has London running through her veins. She belongs here in the sophisticated world she rules. Not France.
Gathering my wits together, I say “Paris, are you setting up a Paris office?”
To me this makes more sense and I feel myself relaxing. Yes, Paris, of course, chic and on trend. Definitely the place I imagine Sable moving to.
She laughs shrilly, “Not Paris, darling, Provence. Arthur and I have bought a crumbing Château set in fifty acres. We intend on renovating it and converting it to a place of business. You know the sort of thing, weddings, corporate events and an exclusive hotel. There will be gîtes and shooting and of course, there’s the vineyard to keep us going.”
I feel weak as I try to absorb the details of Sable’s brave new world.
She says excitedly. “We’ve been thinking of it for some time. It’s perfect in every way. Arthur will design the new venture and I will project manage it. I will use my skills to film a daily vlog on our experience and use my social skills to drum up interest and hopefully land a television series. Yes, we are going big on this, Lily, as I’m sure you would expect.”
She moves across and takes her seat behind her desk, leaning forward and saying earnestly, “Which brings me to you.”
“Me?”
My mind is spinning as I try to understand what she just said as she says loudly, “I want you to take my place, Lily. Step up as editor-in-chief of Designer Homes - on a budget.”
There is a roaring sound in my head as I struggle
to let her words sink in. Me - editor-in-chief! I can’t believe it. She laughs at my shocked expression. “Push away those doubts darling, you could do this standing on your head. It’s what you’ve been trained to do, and I have the full support of the suits upstairs. They agree you are the perfect replacement and we are to go straight from here to meet them for a glass of champagne and to sign your new contract.”
My head spins and I can’t form words. This is huge. Too much to take in and I can’t breathe. Me – editor-in-chief – I made it.
Sable laughs and carries on, glossing over any shock her words have delivered. “It all works out rather well. We will move into one of the gîtes while the Château is refurbished. Arthur will work from France and it’s just a quick train journey to bring him to London when required.”
Work from France! I thought working from home was a luxury but working from France, ooh la la.
As her words seep into my rational thought, I feel the excitement growing and forcing out any doubts I have. I can do this - I can. She’s right, I will be the best editor-in-chief this magazine has ever had, and if she could see me now, Aunt Daisy would be impressed. I’m just like her – a successful woman at the top of my game.
I want to punch the air and scream the place down. I want to run around the office jumping from desk to desk. I want to swivel around the office in my chair, waving my hands like a madwoman, and I want to announce it on social media with a picture of me looking so smug it will become my new profile picture. I can update my status as editor-in-chief and update my LinkedIn profile and prove that I was always one of them – the successful women who I followed religiously.
Maybe I’ll set up a club for successful women only, and we will share tips and news to help and encourage each other. I will attend forums and power dress. I will start drinking green tea and wearing my hair in chignons. I may even buy some glasses to make me look the part and I will glide rather than walk as only powerful woman do.
I have almost forgotten that Sable is in the room as I start redesigning her office. It will be streamlined and chic. I will have an open-door policy and will be the most loved boss in history. My staff will be my new family and cheer me as I deliver yet another record-breaking issue. This is it – I’ve arrived and I never knew it. Thirty is amazing because within one day of turning the big three o, I have achieved my life’s ambition.
Sable interrupts me planning my celebratory party and says quickly, “Right, first we’ll head upstairs to see Mr Mitchell and Mr Stevens. Then we will toast your new role with champagne and take some photographs for the next edition. After that we will work out a press release and inform the staff.”
My head is spinning as I struggle to keep up and then she says softly, “I know this is a lot to take in, darling. Once this is all over maybe you should start thinking of what needs doing before the big day.”
“What do you mean?” I look at her in confusion and she sighs. “This job will become your life. Every hour of your day will be taken up with it. It offers huge rewards but desires a huge sacrifice on your part. No more free time because every minute of your day will be spent thinking of what needs to be done. My advice to you is to take all your holidays within three months because that’s my notice period. Do all the things you always wanted to, take a holiday, learn a new skill, I don’t know, live a lifetime in a few short weeks because then the real work starts.”
“But I don’t need…” She holds up her hand and looks quite ferocious. “I know what you’re about to say but take it from one who knows. You think this is everything and it is. But use this time wisely and make some time for yourself before it’s taken away from you. You will understand what I mean when the hard work begins, so trust me now.”
I nod, not really believing her, and she says softly. “Congratulations, darling. You deserve every minute of your success.”
Just for a moment, we stare at each other. The mentor and the protegee shifting roles. The tears spring to my eyes as I realise what this means. She’s leaving. She’s actually leaving and I will no longer have anyone to hide behind. No more sounding board who tells me my ideas won’t work and the reasons why. No one to offer me encouragement and call me out on any bad decisions. No one to impress, hoping to draw an appreciative remark or smile from the lips of a goddess.
My voice breaks slightly as I say, “I’ll miss you, Sable.”
To my surprise, I see a tear in her eye as she nods. “I know.”
Then she stands and holds out her hand, and as I grasp it, she shakes it firmly. “Be the best, Lily, you owe it to yourself. Be everything you ever wanted to be and do it well. You are a strong woman and deserve every minute of your success. Take Designer Homes - on a budget and make it shine. You’ve got this, darling. I believe in you.”
Her words mean everything to me as does she and as we walk upstairs to the management suite, I make a silent promise to not let her down.
♥4
“Aargh, I can’t breathe, I can’t speak, I can’t believe it.”
Laughing, I grin at Heidi and take a moment to enjoy her reaction. Today is the start of my new life in charge and competent, and it feels good to have a friend to share it with.
Then I laugh for another reason as I look at the sight before me. To say that Heidi loves her job is an understatement. Today she is wearing a hand knitted stripy bobble hat and matching scarf. Bright pink leggings are tucked inside white furry ski boots, and her huge padded jacket is as white as the snow. Her eyes shine behind her tortoiseshell glasses and her bright pink lips are turned in a smile as she celebrates my news. Heidi was always eccentric which developed more as she grew older. Not caring what the world thinks, she goes about life with a don’t care attitude and positivity. Her shop is doing well and time is as precious to her as it is to me, which is why I relish our little meetings because increasingly she is the only friend I have.
Shaking her head, her smile is wide and infectious.
“Congratulations, Lily. You completely deserve this. I can’t believe how much happiness I will get when I name drop about my bestie who runs Designer Homes - on a budget. Way to go, I’m so proud of you.”
My smug look is firmly now a feature on my face as I bask in the glory of my appointment. Yes, life is good, for some of us anyway and as I think about Aunt Daisy, my face must fall a little because Heidi says with some concern, “What’s the matter, aren’t you happy?”
“Of course, I am but the timing’s a little off.”
“Why?”
“Because of Aunt Daisy. I wish she could have been here and heard my news. She would have been so proud; I suppose I feel a little short-changed because she will never know how far I’ve come.”
Reaching across the table, Heidi grips my hand tightly. “If you believe, as I certainly do, in the afterlife, you will know she is here with you now.”
Feeling slightly alarmed, I look around me and whisper, “Do you think?”
“Absolutely and if I know how these things work, she probably had a hand in it herself - you know, a parting gift to keep the family flag flying. Handing over the responsibility to immortalise the women in your family to greatness. Yes, Aunt Daisy knows, Lily and will be watching every step you take.”
Pulling away, she holds up the menu and squints. “I think I’ll go for the vegetarian option.”
“Since when?”
She grins. “I’m not a vege yet, but I’m thinking about it. You know, all this talk about Veganuary, it’s got me thinking.”
“But you don’t like vegetables, what will you eat?”
Shrugging, Heidi leans back and grins. “I like potatoes.”
“You can’t live on potatoes.”
“Then I will partake of that meat substitute they are raving about. Yes, it’s worth a shot at least.”
The waiter heads over and smiles. “Are you ready to order?”
Nodding, and with a determined glint in her eye, Heidi says loudly, “I would like the meat-free l
asagne please.”
I stifle a giggle as he says “Vegetable lasagne then. And for you…?”
He turns to me and I grin. “Sirloin steak please with fries and peppercorn sauce. Does that come with vegetables?”
He nods. “Au gratin.”
“Perfect, oh and a large glass of red wine please and the same for my friend, we’re celebrating.”
He looks interested. “Sounds good, is it your birthday?”
“Yes, but don’t even ask my age. Oh, and I’ve got a promotion, so it’s doubly good.”
Looking impressed, the waiter nods. “Then congratulations and enjoy your meal.”
As he heads off, Heidi sighs. “I wish men would look at me the way they do you.”
“Like what?” I’m surprised because in my mind he looked at me no differently than anyone else.
“Like he wanted you.”
I almost spit out my water. “Wanted me, you’re deluded.”
“No, I’m not.” She shakes her head and folds her arms, and I know that look – the one that means business. “Men look at you as if they want to own you. There’s a hunger in their eyes that has nothing to do with the food you order. They are attracted to you and don’t know how to deal with it. You know, if only one man looked at me in that way, I would unravel like a ball of wool. It’s just not fair, some women have it all.”
“Says the girl who has a new date every week.”
She grins and shakes her head. “That’s true, but none of them ever throw me that look. It’s why there’s a different one every week because I’m still looking.”
“What about the guy who played tennis?”
“What, the pro at the club in town?”
“Yes, if I remember rightly, he was the one. You know, Tom, Tom, he’s the one.”